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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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201
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello The_Cavity has wisdom teeth! ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 2.

This is an unusual and dramatic poem. I like how experimental this piece is and how you have played around with the structure. The poem is visually striking and is interesting to read. You followed the prompt well -- I really like your use of colour throughout. I particularly liked the 'washed out streets' description.

I had a little trouble following this poem in places, for example the first two lines of stanza three. This part just doesn't make sense to me and doesn't read easily.

Also, I think maybe the fourth stanza could use a little work. This part reads quite awkwardly to me:

'and left me with the vestiges of the way that you did
hold me.'

I really like this description but personally think something like this would read more smoothly:

'and left me with the vestiges of the way that you
held me.'

I just think it sounds a little more natural. Also in this section, I wasn't sure about the phrasing of this part: 'my memories make/my heart keep/Thudding'. Again, it sounds unnatural to me. Maybe something like this could work: 'my memories make/my heart/Thud. I think the 'when it BEATS' part is rather unnecessary because if the heart is thudding, then clearly it is beating.

But overall I think this is a great poem. It is rather obscure but I like that it has got me thinking. It flows wonderfully as well and I think your subtle use of rhyme really helps with that, and gives the poem a strong sound. Thank you very much for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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202
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello NickiD89 ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a fun, clever poem which made me smile. I think you did really well to write a poem about a vampire without using the word 'blood'! I really enjoyed the humour of this piece. I've read through so many dark and intense poems while judging this contest so it is rather refreshing to read something a little different.

The rhythm of this poem is mostly very good, in my opinion, and it is a fun piece to read out loud. However, I had trouble with the last two stanzas. The fourth stanza contains some lines which don't really read as proper sentences and this impacts on the flow. If it is read slowly then the rhythm is fine, but it becomes lost when the poem is read at a normal pace. Also, the last two lines of the poem read very awkwardly to me. The sentence is just a little clumsily worded and doesn't flow naturally off the tongue.

But overall I really enjoyed this poem. Thank you for the laugh! I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
203
203
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Mangadude ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a passionate and powerful poem about the struggles of black people through history and their fight for equality. This piece has a strong and inspiring message which I feel you have conveyed in an interesting and original way. I really like how you have taken a massive theme but added a personal touch to it, if that makes sense, making it easier for readers to connect to.

One thing I noticed in this poem is that some lines don't really read as complete or grammatically correct sentences, for example, the last two lines of the first stanza. I personally think this part might work better written like this:

'Opportunity lead you toward Success
like a mother leading her child down a path unknown.'

This line in the second stanza is also problematic in my opinion, for two reasons:

'They were wrapped in a skin and a color prevented them.'

Firstly, it doesn't read as a complete sentence, so maybe something like this would work better:

'They were wrapped in a skin and a color that prevented them.'

But this doesn't work so well either and leads to my second point -- prevented them from what exactly? I know what you mean but it isn't clear enough, in my opinion.

Overall I think this is a strong poem and I really enjoyed it. I particularly like the last two lines which I think are extremely creative and powerful. Thank you very much for a great read. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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204
Review of My Brother  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Sanguinary Smiles ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is an emotional and moving poem about a man attending his brother's funeral. The man is totally grief-stricken and seems almost to be in denial about his brother's death. He seems lost and filled with regret. I got a sense that maybe they didn't have the best of relationships, but this isn't spelled out.

The Petrarchan Sonnet is one of my favourite poetry forms and I think that mostly you have done a good job with a difficult form. The iambic metre wasn't quite there though, in my opinion. The stressed and unstressed beats fall in the wrong places in the second and third lines which disrupts the rhythm. Also, some lines seem to have nine syllables rather than the required ten.

I noticed a couple of other things too which could maybe use some work. Firstly, in the third line of the second stanza you use three words consecutively which mean the exact same thing and I don't really think this works very well. Also, in the following line, 'avoid' should be 'avoided' to keep the tense consistent. Obviously that will affect the rhythm and syllable count though so perhaps this line could use a little reworking?

Overall I think this is a good poem. I particularly enjoyed your description of the silence in the first stanza. I also really liked the emotion of this piece. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
205
205
Review of Sheba  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello percy goodfellow ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I really enjoyed this poem. The rhythm and rhyme scheme are fantastic which make it a joy to read out loud. You tell a great story too and I like the rather grand tone you have created which really adds to the mythical feel of the poem. It is effective and works well with the content. The imagery in this piece is nice and I particularly liked the 'train of splendor' description. I also really enjoyed the descriptions of the 'final blessing' in the last stanza.

I just noticed a few cosmetic things in this poem that could maybe use some work. Firstly, you have sometimes used commas in the middle of lines when they are not needed. I spotted unnecessary commas in the last line of the first stanza, lines two, four, seven and twelve of the third stanza and lines two, five and seven in the final stanza.

I also noticed a couple of other errors, for instance in the last stanza, 'stary' should be 'starry' and I think 'destiny's' should be 'destinies'.

But overall I think this is a great poem. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of ROADS OF WAR  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Destiny ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a passionate poem about peace and you have done a good job of highlighting the damage and pain wars cause. The emotions in this poem are very strong and it is clear this was written from the heart. The message is powerful.

I just have a few things to point out if you wish to work on this poem some more. Firstly, I feel the rhyme scheme in this poem is a little forced. As an example, the 'what a sight' part in the second stanza only seems to be there to fit the structure as it doesn't really make much sense or seem related to the rest of the line. I also feel the poem loses coherency towards the end and this might be because of the rhyme scheme too. What do you mean the war has come to our homes? Why and in what way have we sold our souls? This part of the poem lacks clarity, in my opinion.

I think the use of 'I', 'You' and 'We' in this poem doesn't really work so well. I'd suggest picking either 'I' or 'we' and then using it consistently. 'I' would work well to get across to the reader that this is your view. 'We' might work better to draw the reader in. I'd be careful using 'You' or 'Your' etc. It works in the second stanza as you are quoting a government slogan or line etc. In the last section though, you address the reader as 'you' but then you also refer to dying soldiers in the same way, so it is confusing. I'm not sure I have explained this very well, so please let me know if you need me to elaborate.

Another thing, I personally think exclamation points are overused in this poem. Your words are sincere and strong so I really don't think you need the exclamation points to add emphasis to them.

Overall I think this is a good poem which has a lot of potential. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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207
Review of October Skies  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jack Cassidy ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I really like this poem. I found it to be very atmospheric. I like the sort of bittersweet, nostalgic tone you have created. The imagery in this poem is very strong -- I particularly like your opening line. I also really liked the rhyming section near the beginning -- I felt like I was walking down those streets, feeling the sharp breath of winter on my face.

The flow of this poem is wonderful but I felt it was lost a little near the end. The second from last line is too long in my opinion. I think the 'purple sunsets' phrase could work really well as one line as it is such a striking description, and the 'misty rain' part would also work well as one line. Of course this is just my opinion.

I just have one other suggestion to make -- it might be a good idea to watch out for word repetitions.

But overall I think this is a great poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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208
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello PhillipV ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a very dark and intense poem. It is a pretty hard read because of the content but it is a brilliant piece of writing in my opinion. I like how you have kept it subtle -- the emotions and the sense of tragedy kind of crept up on me rather than being spelled out.

Usually I don't like word repetition in poetry but I think the repetition of 'dark' and 'darkness' works well here.

The poem has a beautiful flow and the rhyme scheme is good. Even the near-rhymes work well.

Overall I think this is a great poem and the ending is shocking and powerful. I have no suggestions to improve this. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
209
209
Review of Chuda  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello H2O ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is an interesting poem. I like the emotion and intensity of it. There are some striking language choices in this piece and I particularly enjoyed the third stanza. I like how you have put the word 'enraged' in a line by itself to really emphasise it.

The flow of this poem is quite nice but I really wasn't sure about the rhyme scheme at all. It feels a little forced to me and some words and lines only seem to be there to fit the structure.

But overall I think this is strong poem. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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210
Review of Emptiness  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sum1 ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this to be an emotional and intense poem about falling out of love with someone. There is not much in the way of imagery in this piece but the emotion is very strong, and that held my attention.

I think the rhyme scheme in this poem is mostly good, though occasionally it felt a little forced in my opinion. The rhythm is mostly fine but there are a couple of lines which felt awkward to me, for example the last line of stanza five.

Overall I think this is a strong poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
211
211
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello DRSmith ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

Wow! This is amazing. I bet you had so much fun writing it! Usually I'd pass a poem like this by as I have a very short attention span, but I'm glad I got an opportunity to read this. My attention was held all the way through and the changes in the rhythm and rhyme scheme ensured that I kept concentrating. I feel that is quite an achievement in such a long piece. I loved the playfulness and humour of this poem and there is a lot of clever wordplay too that made this a fun read.

To be really picky, maybe a few too many words (and names) have been shortened to fit the rhythm when I didn't think this was always necessary, but I'm still rating 5 stars because I can appreciate what you have achieved here.

Thank you for an interesting and fun read. I really enjoyed this.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
212
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Review of Ode to the Busker  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Robbie ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I really enjoyed this poem about a busker. I could picture him standing on the street with his violin, lost in the music. The violin is one of my favourite musical instruments and I love the way you have described the way it sounds in the second line of the second stanza. I also really like your description of how the music can overpower the sounds of the city.

I feel the flow of this poem could use a little work, especially the first and last stanzas. I'm not sure the full stops in the middle of three consecutive lines works very well in the first stanza -- it makes the flow a little choppy. I don't think you need the full stop after the word 'pause' in the second line as the sentence continues. I think removing the full stop after 'listen' and using the word 'to' instead would improve the flow of the last line of this stanza.

The third line of the last stanza seems to be a little too long to me. I'd suggest changing this part to something like this:

'In this moment you are the Beethoven, the Beatles,
The Elvis...'

It just tightens the writing a bit. Also, I think a comma is needed after 'Beatles'.

Overall I think this is a great piece of writing. I love the idea of it and the last line is brilliant. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Sunset Dreams  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I think this is a nicely written poem with a beautiful, soft and almost dream-like tone to it. I like the personification of the flowers and the idea of them having dreams. The imagery in this piece is wonderful. I particularly like the description of the night sky in the first stanza and also the description of the enfolded petals.

The flow is mostly fine but I struggled with the second stanza a bit. The first line of stanza two seems to have one beat too many. If you agree, perhaps the word 'intones' could be replaced with a one syllable word? The third line of this stanza is a bit of a mouthful to say out loud. I think this might be because of all the 'S' sounds at the end of words.

The rhyme scheme is great but I wasn't so sure about the within/twin rhyme. This is the only part of the poem that felt forced to me.

Overall I think this is a lovely piece of writing and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
214
214
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Redtowrite ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I really like the idea of this poem -- it is creative and quite powerful. I could feel the emotion in your words and that made this a poignant read. It is a very emotive subject and you have found an unusual, yet sensitive way to approach it. I enjoyed the use of colour in this poem -- your descriptions in the first stanza are wonderful.

I had trouble following some of this poem as a few of the lines are a little obscure. I didn't really understand 'the holy kind' part. Why is the protection of 'the holy kind'? I also had trouble with the last two lines of stanza four. While this part sounds great, when I examined it more closely I couldn't really get my thoughts around your meaning.

If you wanted to work on this poem some more I'd suggest working on clarifying it a little. Also, I like how the third and fourth stanzas have a fast pace and seem to be a jumble of thoughts as this brilliantly reflects the subject matter. However, they do not flow so well at the moment and I think maybe the punctuation could use a little work. Maybe try viewing punctuation as a tool to guide the reader through the piece to increase the chance of them reading it exactly how you meant it to be read.

Overall I think this is a very strong, original, heartfelt poem. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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215
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Brenpoet ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a lovely poem about the fleeting nature of beauty. I really like the simplicity of this piece and the extended metaphor is very effective -- I love the comparison of the aging process of a person to the life stages of a rose through the seasons. The themes of beauty and aging are common ones but you have found a way to approach them in an interesting and original way.

The flow of this poem is mostly very good but I struggled a little with the last stanza. To me it just doesn't have the same natural flow and soft tone of the other stanzas. The rhyme scheme isn't perfect but still works well and doesn't have a negative impact on the flow -- I like how you have rhymed the last lines of the stanzas. The language choices are very strong and the imagery is wonderful. I particularly liked the "velvet hue" description and also the "pollen clouds" part.

Overall I think this is a beautifully written, poignant poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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216
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello amarante ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I really enjoyed this poem. It is so true! I'm sure a lot of people will be able to relate to it -- I know I can!

I like the repetition in this piece -- it is very effective and the last line is great. The rhythm is good and the rhyme scheme is strong. The only part I had difficulty with is the last line of stanza one. It is a bit of a mouthful and quite hard to say when reading aloud.

Overall I think this is a very well-written, creative poem. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Elisa the Bunny Stik ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I think this is a very intense and powerful poem. The imagery is exceptional -- I felt I was walking with you in the heat, taking in all the sights, sounds and smells. The ending is shocking and has such an impact. The flow is wonderful -- I read the poem straight through without stumbling once. Sorry this review is so short -- I wish I had something helpful to say but I can't see any way to improve this. Thank you for a great read.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of "NOBODY"  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Creator-of-Worlds ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a nicely written, inspiring poem that urges people to remember their good qualities and uniqueness when they are feeling down. The message is very strong and conveyed in an interesting and creative way. There are some nice images and ideas in this piece. I particularly liked the sixth line. The last line is also fantastic -- what a great ending!

I feel maybe the structure of this poem could use a little work. The rhythm wasn't there for me, particularly in the eighth couplet. I think the flow is good where you have stuck to eight syllables per line. Perhaps using this syllable count consistently could help to improve the rhythm. The rhyme scheme is mostly fine but this is lost at the seventh and eighth couplets and it is a little jarring. This might be something to focus on if you chose to work on this poem some more.

Overall I think this is a great piece. I enjoyed the originality of it. Thank you for sharing your work

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Sara ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is an emotional love poem about the narrator's relationship with a soldier. I think you have done a great job of describing their romance. I like the tenderness in the tone of this piece.

For me, this piece reads more like prose than poetry. It doesn't really have a distinct rhythm. I think maybe focusing on your line breaks and/or cutting down some of the longer lines could help with that.

I really love the part about your hand fitting perfectly in his and I feel more specific, creative lines like this could really help to make the poem stand out. At the moment there are a few clichés and general, abstract words which don't really give the reader anything new.

The ending of this poem left me a little frustrated. I was curious to know what the soldier had rescued you from so I think there is room for expansion. It could add an interesting dimension to the writing.

But overall I think this poem has potential and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello XxX[WalkingZombie]XxX ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a very dramatic and emotionally intense poem about a mother who has abused drink and drugs and the impact this has had on her child. It is a moving read and I can relate to some of it. The poem has a fast pace, which is very effective. It reads as if all the emotions jumbled out in a rush. You have made great use of assonance to help with the rhythm and to give the poem a strong sound.

I would suggest watching out for clichés in your writing. Although the emotion and flow of this poem is very strong, you don't really offer anything new on the subject which will grab readers' attention.

I also noticed a few errors so I think this piece could benefit from a careful edit. I think your use of lowercase 'i' is probably intentional but I personally think you should capitalise them, especially as you do at the beginning of lines. I just think you should keep this consistent.

Overall I think this is a poignant poem. Thank you for sharing it. I hope this review has been helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Remember  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello T ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this to be a heartfelt poem and tribute to the brave men and women who serve in the armed forces. The poem is full of emotion and the short, sharp lines effectively convey this to the reader.

I just have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, you use the word 'dark' (or 'darker') three times at the beginning of this poem and it is a little jarring. I'd suggest changing the third usage to something else.

Mostly I think the flow of this poem is pretty good but this line felt a little awkward to me:

'His assailant is deceased'

The line has one beat too many and that disrupts the rhythm. Something like this could work:

'His assailant? Deceased?' or 'His assailant: deceased.'

I just think a syllable needs to be cut out. This line also felt quite awkward to me:

'The soldier he calls'

I think you can lose the 'he' without it having a huge impact on the rhythm. I think it sounds unnatural at the moment.

One last thing, the word 'And' gets used a lot at the start of lines. I'd suggest trying to cut out as many as possible as I don't believe they are necessary.

Of course my suggestions are based on my personal opinions.

Overall I think this is a good poem and I felt moved by it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Oh the Cost  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello BIG BAD WOLF is hopping ,

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this to be a heartfelt and emotional tribute to the brave men and women who serve in the armed forces. This piece was clearly written from the heart and that makes it a poignant read.

I have to say, I am not a fan of repetition in poetry. I can cope with small amounts of it, which I feel can be effective, but I find it hard to stay engaged when there is a lot of it. There's nothing wrong with using repetition, of course, I'm just expressing my personal taste. Your rhyme scheme, for the most part, does work well along with the repetition and makes it more subtle in a way. I felt there were a few weak rhymes though, for instance the dying/bleeding part. The rhyme scheme sort of trails off towards the end as well. You use the word 'safe' twice and the words 'closed' and 'dead' don't rhyme. I personally think this weakens the end of the poem. I like how the last line is kind of a stand-alone line but I really think the rhyme should be kept consistent in the rest of the poem.

Overall I think this is a strong piece of writing and I could really connect to the subject matter on an emotional level. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Flight Home  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello fyn ,

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a beautiful, emotional poem which contains some wonderful imagery. I particularly like the 'Ice encrusted water' description in the first stanza. I also liked the description of the clouds in the fifth stanza a lot. I have never written a sestina myself but you seem to have done a great job with a very complex form.

The one thing I wasn't so sure about in this poem is the use of enjambment. I think maybe there is a bit too much. The third stanza in particular has a lot and the flow is quite choppy here. That is something I struggle with in my own writing so I'm not sure what to suggest.

There is a danger of a poem like this reading like prose, rather then poetry, but I think you have made good use of alliteration and assonance to try and avoid that.

Overall I think this is a great piece of writing. I love the emotion of it and the symbolism. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ShiShad ,

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

This poem is so beautiful and so incredibly moving. I felt tears in my eyes! Emotion shines from every line. You have created something amazing from an extremely tragic experience and that makes this a poignant and powerful read.

I haven't been brave enough to attempt a Sestina yet! It seems so challenging but you have made it appear easy. You have picked some strong end-line words and they are very effective. The last line of this poem is just wow. It really has an impact.

I think this poem is going to stay with me for a while yet. Thank you for sharing it.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello flamingcherry ,

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

I really enjoyed this beautifully written, subtle poem which hints at a dramatic event. I love that this isn't spelled out to the reader but is left open. Do the thrown petals represent heartbreak? A failed romance? An argument? Something else entirely? The reader doesn't find out but I love that this poem has got me thinking. I like the simplicity of this poem and how deeper meanings are hinted at. The imagery is wonderful too -- I particularly like the "sherbet snow" description.

The only part I struggled with in this poem is towards the end -- I didn't quite get the eighth and ninth lines. Is a dash needed after the word 'petals' as well? I think that would help this part to make more sense but I'm still not entirely sure what you mean here.

That's such a minor thing though and overall I think this is an incredible piece of writing. Thanks for a great read. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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