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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Fairport ,

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a dark and atmospheric poem about a cathedral. I'm not entirely sure what this poem is truly about but it appears people meet gruesome deaths within the walls of the cathedral, though I don't know how or why. It seems to be an evil place. I like how the building itself seems to be alive in this poem. Old churches and cathedrals often seem to have an aura about them that makes them seem as if they are alive and watchful -- I think you have captured that here. But this building is a dark and foreboding place. Maybe it is haunted too. I think you have done a good job of building up the atmosphere and suspense to create a tension-filled poem.

However, this piece is just a little bit to obscure and abstract for my taste. I'm not entirely sure what is going on here and that is frustrating for me. I found the second stanza particularly hard to decipher, so if you receive similar feedback from other readers, I'd suggest focusing on making this part more accessible so that your message is conveyed more easily.

I'd also suggest adding in some physical descriptions of the cathedral. I think you have nicely captured the menacing spirit of it but I have no picture of it in my mind. Is it Gothic? Made of stone? Are the gates heavy? Are there statues? I think allowing the reader to picture the setting could really add an interesting dynamic to this poem. At the moment there are very few concrete images for the reader to engage with and this left me feeling a bit disconnected. The cathedral doesn't feel real to me because I can't picture it.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Therefore I am rating this poem 3.5 stars because I think although it could use a bit more detail in places, it is still a dramatic and effective piece of writing, which has a lot of potential. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review of The Baker  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Steve ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


My reaction after reading this poem: that was one evil baker! *Laugh* It can be an awful lot of fun writing in the style of another poet and I bet you had a great time writing this tale of greed and gluttony in the structure of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven". It is a fun piece and an extremely silly one that's obviously not supposed to be taken seriously. I must admit reading it made me very hungry!

I think for the most part you have captured Poe's style well, though I think the rhythm slips in a few places. I don't think it is a major problem but this might be something to focus on if you chose to work on this piece some more and wanted to give it a bit of a polish. It might help to identify the places where the flow snags by reading the poem aloud. Or an even better method is to ask someone to read it back to you.

I think this piece could be greatly enhanced by a careful edit as I noticed many unnecessary commas. In fact, almost every line contains a rogue comma. Take this part, for example:

'Sweet puff pastries, filled with jelly; should I stuff, my empty belly?'

You don't need the comma after the word "pastries" or the one after the word "stuff". I'm trying to figure out what has lead to this overuse of commas and I think perhaps you have used one whenever there is a natural pause in the rhythm caused by the use of an unstressed syllable after a stressed one. What do you think? Perhaps realising this will help you identify where those pesky commas have sneaked in!

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a funny, light-hearted piece of writing that has quite a dark, yet satisfying ending. I'm rating it 3.5 stars for those reasons and because I feel the punctuation needs some major work. But I think this poem has a lot of potential. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review of The Shadow  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello James Mordecai ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an intense and interesting poem that seems to examine the relationship between light and dark. I feel that this is quite a philosophical piece and I'm not entirely sure that I have fully grasped what you're trying to convey with it, but I like that it has left me thinking. I interpreted this piece to be about a man's struggle against the metaphorical darkness in his soul and perhaps his fear and unwillingness to examine this part of himself. If so, I think this is an interesting idea as we all have the potential for darkness and some people can acknowledge that about themselves, whereas others can't. I'm sorry if I have got this completely wrong!

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I feel that there are some major problems with the rhythm of this poem. At the moment it reads like chopped up prose, so I would suggest taking another look at the flow here and seeing if there are any areas were you can tighten up the writing. It feels very wordy to me as it as the moment and some of the lines are quite cumbersome, which really hinders the pace. I think one of the best ways to improve the rhythm of our poetry is to read as much as we can, and all different kinds, such as formal, metered pieces and free verse, and exploring what makes them flow. Also, it sometimes helps to read a poem aloud to really get a sense of which bits sound good and which bits stick out and need more work.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think you have chosen an interesting topic and that this piece has a lot of potential, but perhaps needs some work. Therefore I am rating it 3 stars. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review of The Fairy Kiss  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Riss Ryker ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

I'll admit I balked when I first saw the length of this poem as I have a very short attention span, but I'm glad you entered this in my contest otherwise I might never have read it! This is such a fun, spirited piece and you tell a great story here, in poetical form. It is so captivating and creative that it held even my sparse attention throughout! I really love rhythmic, rhyming fantasy poetry like this, that take the reader on a journey. And what a journey you take the reader on here! I think this piece will be enjoyed by both children and adults who are still children at heart!

The story you tell is wonderful and I felt caught up in the magical world you have created, where a crime appears to have been committed. I think you set the scene wonderfully, with all the different mystical woodland creatures gathered at a meeting, as the Elder of the Wood attempts to get to the bottom of what has happened and find the culprit. I really like the character Athelwine and I enjoyed her thought processes. And the goblin boy is so sweet -- I really felt for him as he stepped forward to confess. I'm so glad Athelwine comes to his rescue and everything ends happily!

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I just noticed a few things in this poem that I feel could maybe use a little work. The rhythm is so brilliant in this poem apart from one line where it seems to slip:

'for I have come to a conclusion so we can save the flightless Fae.'

This line just feels a bit bumpy and I wonder if doing something like this could work:

'for I have come to a conclusion how to save the flightless Fae.'

Or something to that effect. I just feel the line doesn't scan as well as the other lines of the poem.

My main suggestion for this piece would be to give it a good edit. I noticed a lot of errors and there are some problems with the punctuation and grammar. For example, though I love the opening stanza of this poem, the first two lines read as a fragment. I feel like you need to somehow connect the third line to this part to make sure it reads properly.

I also noticed an error in this line:

'The unicorns, were also there, for they had heard it too.'

You do not need the first comma here. And there is a spelling mistake here:

'Twas I who caused all this distress, twas I received the kiss."'

"Twas" should be "T'was" as it is a contraction of "it was".

Therefore I really think this piece could be enhanced by a careful edit.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a wonderfully imaginative piece of writing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and for that reason, and because I feel a few areas need work, especially the punctuation, I am rating this piece 4.5 stars Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review of Ancestor  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello jappo ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an interesting, if fairly obscure, poem about the setting of the sun, though your brief description hints at a deeper emotional meaning beneath the surface. It's a very descriptive piece and there is some nice imagery here. Though without this explanation, I'm not sure I would have felt the full emotional impact or understood why you chose that title.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I'm afraid your first line confused me. At first I couldn't figure out this image but now I think you are describing the moon. However, this description doesn't feel right to me because sapphires are blue and the moon is not. So I'm wondering if a different word could work better here, perhaps something like "opalescent" or "pearlescent". However, I do really like the idea of the moon being an eye, staring out as the sky darkens. Your second line also confused me. I do not understand what is engulfing the brain and I don't know what you mean by the phrase "dragging brain". This might just be me missing the point but if you receive similar feedback from other readers then this may be an area to focus on if you decided to work on this piece some more. I feel like perhaps you are trying to say the darkness is engulfing the narrator's thoughts, but I'm not sure about this and it doesn't read like this -- it reads as if the eye is engulfing something and that is a very confusing image.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I like your third and fourth lines. The description of the darkness as an "opening yaw" is evocative. I also really like the image in the next part of the blue and crimson tinged clouds melting away. I can picture this quite clearly. However, I again felt confused at the eighth line. The phrasing feels awkward here and a little forced, if I'm honest. It isn't clear what you are trying to convey here and this part feels as if it's there only to rhyme the word "grey" with "away". I would suggest taking another look at this part and finding a way to get the image across in a more comprehensible and natural way. As I don't know exactly what you intended to say, I don't feel as if I can make any specific suggestions.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


The second half of the poem doesn't seem to have as many striking images as the first half, but I got a greater sense of the emotion of the piece here and I like the personification of the sun. I would, however, suggest watching out for repetition, which can feel jarring, especially in short poetry. Here you use the phrase "slips away" twice, fairly close together. Also, you use several phrases that seem to be indicating the same thing -- "slips away", "sinks", "descends", "sets" -- perhaps the writing could be tightened up here so you are not presenting the reader with the same image, just written in different ways?

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a nice poem that could maybe use a little work. I feel it has a lot of potential and for that reason, and because I have pointed out a few things I felt were either a bit too ambiguous or needed a little attention, I am rating this piece 3.5 stars. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review of Allegiance  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a strongly written and emotional poem about the American flag and what it means to its people. I'm not an American myself, so I can't say I personally engaged with the message of this piece, but I can appreciate how it would inspire and move others and cause them to feel pride in their country. Patriotism can be a little cloying sometimes, in my opinion, but I think you kept this on the right side of sentimental, and I felt it was written from the heart, which makes it a powerful read.

I'm afraid your very first line lost me, and I had to google "taps" (*Blush*), but I liked the scene you have set here (once I'd grasped what was going on!) I can hear the beat of drums and can see the flag being lowered. I felt the third line of this stanza wasn't quite as smooth as the others but think this can easily be fixed by removing the word "the". But apart from that, I think you have maintained a strong rhythm throughout the rest of the poem and your rhyme scheme is absolutely flawless. I'm so impressed with how natural your chosen rhymes sound!

I learned a few things from this poem (and from your explanatory notes after the poem!) My favourite stanza is the seventh one -- I can feel the emotion here and the image is extremely powerful. I also really like how you (almost) echo the first stanza at the end of the poem. I like this technique because I think it helps to give the poem a rounded feel, which is often very satisfying. I feel like I was taken on a round trip of your emotions! I also like how you quoted the "Pledge of Allegiance" at the end of the poem -- a very nice ending.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a great. I'm rating it 4.5 stars because although I made one small suggestion, and because I didn't exactly personally engage with the subject matter as much as people from America probably would, I still think this is a strong poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Whitemorn ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a lovely, light-hearted poem about a day trip to the countryside being interrupted by an unexpected escapee! There is a liveliness to this poem that I very much enjoyed and it is a fun piece. I imagine children and adults would both like it, enjoying the spirited tale and the strong rhythm and rhyme. Sierra obviously has a lot of character! I volunteer once a week at a riding stables and this poem made me think of some of the mischievous horses there who are always trying to get away with various misdeeds!

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


You clearly have quite a talent for rhyme and rhythm. Both are almost perfect, though I did notice a couple or so areas that were not up to the standard of the rest of the poem. Firstly, this line feels, to me, as if it has one beat too many:

'to venture toward places unknown.'

I know some of the lines have eight syllables and some have nine, but to me this nine syllable line has a cumbersome feel to it which I think can easily be fixed by shortening "toward" to "to". But of course this is just my opinion.

I felt the rhyme of the fourth stanza was a bit jarring as "in" and "pen" don't strictly rhyme. Though perhaps in certain accents this isn't so perceptible. Unfortunately it is in mine! The fifth stanza didn't feel as strong to me as the rest of the poem as "kin" and "pen" also do not rhyme so well and I wasn't sure about the repetition of "pen". Also, the third line of this stanza feels a bit forced to me, and I wonder if changing it to something like this could work:

"I approached her with handfuls of clover"

Or something to that effect! This is just a quick suggestion off the top of my head.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Apart from the two areas I have pointed out, however, I loved your rhyme scheme. Some of it is quite creative! I also really liked the playful tone of the poem and especially enjoyed the gentle humour in the first stanza. I could picture the bored (and petulant!) "sweetie", with perhaps her arms folded and a frown to go along with the pout!

So overall I think this is a great poem that could perhaps use some very minor work in a couple of areas, and for those reasons I am rating it 4.5 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review of Anguish  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello rjsimonson ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an incredibly intense and deeply emotional poem about what it is like to feel anguish. As a long-time sufferer of depression, I felt I could really connect with a lot of what is written here and I found that quite a powerful experience. There is an awful lot of poetry of this nature, many of it very generic and overdone, but I felt for the most part you managed to avoid the trap of clichés that are so easy to fall into when writing about emotion and I have read very few pieces that have managed to achieve the level of intensity you have reached here.

Having said that, there are a few clichés in this piece, so I would suggest watching out for those -- "screams in silent agony" and "never-ending nightmares" are a little overdone in this kind of poetry and are not as interesting as the more concrete images and descriptions, such as the body moving in "robotic fashion" and "meandering dreams". I feel the writing is strong in these two parts I have mentioned and that with a little work you could bring other lines up to this standard.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I really like the opening line -- it is emotional and forceful. Although the comma after the word "anguish" isn't really necessary, I actually quite like it because it forces the reader to pause and reflect on this one, strong word. I like the way it slows the pace -- I feel this poem sounds better aloud when read slowly and your use of commas helps with this. (Though I think you are missing a comma after the word "fashion" in the third line).

I can relate to the idea of life holding no meaning and feeling like a robot, just going through the motions, and also of days feeling as if they last forever. I think this is common for people suffering this level of anguish, as it takes up so much energy and so much space and time in the mind. I think you have done a good job depicting this. I also like how you describe sleep as being a kind of release, and yet it brings its own problems too, with unsettling, aimless dreams. I really feel for the person in this poem -- I want to take their pain away.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I can't say I enjoyed this piece exactly, as it is a very depressing poem, but I felt I could really engage it with it and it "spoke" to me. So for those reasons, and also because I think a couple of areas could use a little work, I'm rating this piece 4.5 stars. Thank you so much for sharing it. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello ShiShad ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br*


I remember that picture prompt! I too took part in that challenge and I remember reading your entry back in 2010. I found this to be a nicely written, emotional poem written in what appears to be a modified Villanelle form.

The Villanelle is such a tough form to write in, in my opinion, because two of the lines are repeated throughout the poem and therefore it is important to come up with strong, meaningful lines that will work separately and together. I think you have achieved that here and I love your opening. The use of the word "dandeline" instead of "dandelion" gives this part a childish innocence that works so well and sets the tone of the poem. It also adds a personal touch for the reader to really connect with -- this word clearly means something to the narrator and it feels individualistic, allowing the reader a glimpse of her childhood. I like that you continue to use this word even in the stanzas where the narrator is an adult because it helps to keep that special moment from her childhood in the reader's mind. Your second repeated line isn't quite as striking but it is still effective and I like the emotion behind it. I think you wrote two strong and captivating lines to repeat throughout.

*Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br*


I really like your first three stanzas and your descriptions of the narrator's special childhood friendship and the experience of her first kiss. The tone is wistful and sweetly nostalgic. The fourth stanza is touching and romantic and I liked that the childhood sweethearts continued their relationship into adulthood. I like the alliteration of "dance" and "dine" here.

I love the twist in the fifth stanza and the emotion of this part, but it comes a little too late for me. We get four very sweetly written and tenderly romantic verses, followed by the angry and almost bitter fifth stanza, which then shifts in tone again for the wonderful conclusion and this all feels a bit unbalanced. So I personally feel that the twist should feature centrally in the poem but then this might mean losing one of the earlier stanzas, which I feel would be a shame! So I'm not sure really -- this is just something to think about. But I also feel that we need more detail about who this "she" is. She suddenly appears but you write she was "there all the time". I wanted to know more about the relationship breakdown

I love your final stanza -- the heart/flower simile is sadly beautiful and striking. And I love the emotion of the ending. It's so touching and romantic.

*Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br*


I'm rating this poem 4.5 stars because although I have pointed out an area that didn't work so well for me, I think overall the poem is strong, beautiful and original. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you very much for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.
60
60
Review of Emergence  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Isola Bertolucci ,

Thank you very much for sending me a review request for this poem. *Smile*

I'm going to be totally honest here and admit that this poem made me cry. And I mean actual proper crying, not just tears in my eyes or a lump in my throat! This is because I have suffered with severe depression for thirteen years, which has been constant, and I can't imagine ever getting to a point where I could write a poem like this. I see you chose "experience" as a genre and I feel so happy for you that you have managed to or have at least started to break free and recover from this terrible illness. And it truly is a terrible illness that grips hold of people and refuses to let go. I imagine it took an enormous amount of courage and strength to fight through it and I admire you for that.

~*Vignette6*~


I like your opening line a lot and I like your decision to repeat this line at the beginning of every stanza -- this is an effective technique that gives the poem a cohesive feel. It's a simple line but it effectively gets across that recovery from depression is a slow, arduous process. I like that even though the narrator is moving slowly, they are moving forward. There is hope in this line. Perhaps the idea in the second line is a bit of a cliché but I like it anyway and it fits in nicely. I like the "For now" in the third line. This suggests that the narrator is being realistic and knows that there will probably be blips on this new journey and they probably will look back at some point.

This is expanded on in the second stanza, which I think is my favourite part of the poem. I like the realism here. Depression is an illness that keeps attacking, that keeps fighting to bring the person down and it doesn't give up that fight easily! I feel glad that the narrator realises this and can prepare somewhat for any setbacks. The one minor thing that stuck out to me in this stanza is the use of the word "back" twice so close together. Also, using it after the word "Retreating" feels a little redundant. I know removing it will impact on the rhythm but I think something needs to be done here. Perhaps the line could be rephrased to something like this:

"Captured again by sadnesses' spell"

But that's just a very quick suggestion off the top of my head and I'm sure you can come up with something better if you agree with my point and choose to rework this part.

~*Vignette6*~


I like the idea in the third stanza of the feeling of being empowered with each step. This made me reflect on how each step forward in overcoming depression, however small, is a huge achievement. However, though I like the emotion of this stanza, I'm not sure about the rhyme and the rhythm of the fourth line feels a bit forced. But this is tricky -- not much rhymes with "step" so I'm struggling to come up with a suggestion. But if you wanted to work on this section there might be a way to rephrase things so you can use an easier rhyming word.

I really like the positivity of the fourth and fifth stanzas. Support from others is so important when someone is recovering from any serious illness and I think you have captured that well. I feel glad the narrator has people she can depend on to offer her encouragement. I'm not sure about the rhythm of the last two lines of stanza five. It doesn't read smoothly to me, so I would suggest taking another looking at this part.

I love your last stanza. Again, the message is realistic. Depression doesn't go away easily and I imagine for many people it will always be a part of them, something they have to learn to manage rather than truly overcome. Your last line is incredible -- I love the strength, courage and hope in this line. This was the perfect way to end the poem.

~*Vignette6*~


I'm rating this poem 4 stars because although I have pointed out a few areas that didn't work so well for me, I really connected with the writing here and found this to be such an inspiring and powerful piece. I imagine many people will draw hope from your experience and your words. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of The Red Eminence  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This is an interesting story that takes place during the reign of King Louis XIII, told from his mother's point of view. I'm not overly familiar with this period of history, so am unsure how true to reality you decided to stay, but I liked the story and how you used the quote prompt. I think this is a nice example of historical fiction though feel a few more details about the setting could have helped to evoke the time period even more -- perhaps a description of some of the views from the carriage window? I did, however, like your description of the carriage's interior.

I think you have done a good job with the characters. Marie, in particular, seems like quite a complex person. She seems to be a proud woman who lusts for revenge over the man she feels has slighted her. I get the impression she is quite haughty and self-important! Her longing for revenge even ends up overshadowing her relationships with her sons.

I felt there was quite a lot of telling in this story and that some scenes could have perhaps been a bit more engaging if they were shown, instead. I know you were working to a word count though. I feel like the concluding scenes are a little abrupt and wonder if you could have perhaps handled them a little differently -- how does Marie come to learn about Gaston's actions? Perhaps she could receive a letter or someone could come to speak to her -- I felt there was scope for this part of the story to be more dynamic.

I just noticed a couple of errors. Firstly, here:

'I was certainly not prepared to rule an entire country after the Henry’s assassination.'

I don't think you need the word "the" before "Henry's". Also, this part:

"He wasn’t was nearly as ready to admit defeat as we had assumed."

The unneccessary word "was" seems to have sneaked in here.

I'm rating this story 4 stars because although I feel it could use a bit of work in some areas, I still think it is a good piece of writing, which is nicely paced and has strong characters. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Louis and Jacqui  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This is a nice story about the young King Louis XIII and how his tough childhood was eased through meeting a friend, who helped him to feel like a normal boy with no cares about future responsibilities. I like how you chose to write about the child Louis and I also liked your interpretation of the quote prompt. I think you have used the historical genre quite well though felt perhaps you could have added a few more details to evoke the time period you chose to wrote in. I didn't get a great sense of this and felt even some details of their clothing or the setting might have helped. However, the formal style of the writing did help with the atmosphere to some extent and I think you have done a good job with this.

I like how you have portrayed the relationship between Louis and his mother. She is tough on him and seems to sometimes forget that he is a child, as well as a future king. I like the scene where Louis urges his mother to let him go off and play on his birthday -- this part of the story felt very realistic to me and I could picture the mother's expression and the way the boy bounds away at her smile of acquiescence.

I also like how you have handled the relationship between Louis and Jacqui, and how you kept them as friends rather than childhood sweethearts. Their friendship allowed them to be children together but I wished for a scene or two to show this, rather than the paragraph that just tells us about it. It's an important part of the story so I feel it deserves more attention.

I just have a couple of other minor suggestions. I noticed a small error here:

"Everything done to and for Louis was to prepare him the lead the largest Catholic populated country in the world."

I think that should be "to lead" rather than "the lead". Also, I would suggest watching out for overusing character names. It can be quite tricky but I felt the name Louis, in particular, was used too often and that there might be a few areas where you could cut down on this.

I'm going to rate this story 4 stars because although I feel some areas need work, I think it is a sweetly written story that has a lot of potential. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Tavern  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Graham Muad'dib ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed this story a lot. I don't know much at all about this period of French history, so can't really gauge how successful you were in bringing it back to life, but I learned a few things from this piece!

I think this is a well-paced story, with some interesting characters. You have done a great job with Anton's character development, in my opinion. He comes across as a hot-headed, perhaps rather blinkered man, yet he isn't entirely unlikeable. I get the feeling he sees the world in rather simple terms and is perhaps a little lost and baffled by all the fighting and rebellions going on around him when he is just trying to earn a decent living from his tavern.

Seeing as the story is called "The Tavern", I personally would have liked a little more description of it. Apart from the "already blackened rafters" (which is a lovely detail) I found it hard to picture the setting. So I would suggest adding a few more details like the description of the rafters. I also noticed just one sentence that didn't flow so well, this part:

"As the man sat, Anton took in the man’s appearance."

The repetition of the word "man" is a little jarring here so I would suggest finding an alternative way to get this part across.

It isn't overly clear to me how you have used the quote prompt but I suppose Anton loses his "comforter and support" twice -- first when Marie leaves him and then when he briefly drives Luc out. Luc in particular seems to be a big source of support. I would have liked more detail about Marie, however. We don't learn an awful lot about her so it's hard to understand the impact her leaving has had on Anton.

But overall I think this is a great story and it held my attention until the very end. I like the conclusion, which is very sweet -- Anton may be a flawed character but I'm glad he ends up happy. I'm rating this piece 4.5 stars because although I have pointed out a few areas I feel could use some attention or expansion, I realise you were working to a strict word count and I think you have done an excellent job with it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of What I hath lost.  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Scifiwizard Retired ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I think you have made a good story start here and that you have used the prompt well, but I feel that you could and should expand on this. At the moment there isn't really a whole lot here for readers to engage with and there is no room for character development. I wanted to learn more about Maria Lefèvre and her life as the King's head housekeeper and I wanted more detail about her family. It's obviously sad that they have been lost in the storm but I did feel a little indifferent about this because I don't know anything about these characters and therefore have no reason to care about them. I feel that if you'd given us more detail about them I would care more about their plight and share in Maria's anxiety.

Having said that, I do like how you wrote this story in letter form. I wonder if you could continue with this and have a series of increasingly desperate letters from Maria to the king. You could perhaps include more personal details about her husband and son so that we can learn more about them. Perhaps you could let the reader know just why Maria considers them her comforters and support.

I just noticed one small error in this piece -- "Louie" should actually be "Louis".

Overall I think this story has a lot of potential and lots of scope for expansion, therefore I am rating it 3 stars. I hope you have found this review helpful and that you decide to develop this story. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Stand My Ground  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Jordi ,

I found this to be a nicely paced, intense and emotional story about a young woman trying to find the courage to overcome a traumatic experience.

I like the opening of this story. The reader instantly knows that Kate is in for a tough day, however, not knowing why pulled me into the story and made me want to read on to find out. I also felt an immediate connection with Kate in this opening paragraph -- there have been so many times I've wanted to pull the covers over my head rather than get up and face the morning!

I like how you build up tension by hinting that something has happened to Kate, something that has had a huge impact on her life, and I also like how you describe the grey, rainy weather as matching her mood. I think the small details in the scene where Kate goes into the kitchen are really effective -- her mother's "hesitant smile", the sparse dialogue -- these things all help to add to the anxiety-fuelled atmosphere and though I still didn't know what was in store for Kate, I felt nervous for her and shared in her worry. There was just one thing in this section of the story that I found a little jarring and that's this part:

"Her father was waiting for her in the car when she had finished her breakfast."

I just found it a little odd that her father hadn't been around for breakfast and the way this is written makes it seem as if he was in the car the whole time Kate was eating, which seems weird. But I don't think this was your intention! So I'd suggest just taking a look at this part and maybe letting us know where the father was when Kate and her mother were in the kitchen.

There was another thing towards the end of the story that I also found jarring. I think this part could use some work:

"Her eyes glanced around the room, stopping as they met his eyes"

I'm not sure the repetition of the word "eyes" works so I would suggest rephrasing this part. Perhaps something like this could work:

"She glanced around the room until she met his eyes" or something like that.

I think you have done a great job with all the characters in this piece. Kate is likeable and sympathetic and feels realistic. Her parents are anxious and concerned, as any parents would be. I think you have done a great job of showing the reader their worry and confusion and how they want to be there for their daughter, but are not entirely sure how to react around her. This felt very real to me.

I really like your ending. I think there is a danger that here that readers could be left feeling frustrated and cheated as we never find out what exactly happened to Kate, but I personally like that this isn't spelled out and I feel there is just enough detail to give an idea of what happened anyway. And I feel that the story isn't so much about what happened, but the effect it has had on the character and her loved ones, and the courage that she has to find and show to overcome it. I like the shift in tone of the writing and how Kate goes from anxious and timid, to strong and determined. She takes the phrase "stand your ground" and draws strength from it and is able to share her story. I also like how this is an emotional release for her. The story ends on a positive note and I get the feeling that the character is going to be okay.

Overall I think this is a strong and inspiring story. I'm rating 4.5 stars because although I have pointed out a couple of details I feel need some attention, I still think this is a good story and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of I hurt  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Marci Missing Everyone ,

This is review 1/3 for your Spin the Bottle package. *Smile*

I found this to be an effective and moving poem that goes some way to explaining what it is like to have fibromyalgia, and associated conditions chronic fatigue and depression. I've had experience of depression and chronic fatigue myself, which is tough enough, and can hardly begin to imagine how difficult life must be sometimes with the pain of fibromyalgia too, on top of everything else. I think this is an often misunderstood condition and I think it's good that people like you are willing to share your experience of it. That takes courage, in my opinion, as it's such a personal thing.

I really like the first sentence of your opening line and how it echoes the title. It's simplistic but effective and I imagine it said in an almost weary tone, almost like the narrator is resigned to it. I get the feeling that it doesn't happen every day, but it happens a lot. I'm not so sure about the second sentence here -- "I am in a flare". This feels quite cumbersome to me and I'm wondering if contracting "I am" could work -- "I'm in a flare". Although this shortens the first line considerably when compared with the second line, I actually think this improves the flow. I love the second line of this couplet -- it's actually quite heartbreaking. When someone you love is hurting, you want to reach out to them, you want to hug them. But the narrator's partner or friend or whoever, can't do this and that must be so hard for both people. I think this is a good way of showing how the illness doesn't just affect the sufferer, but their loved ones too.

The next two couplets are also effective, helping to describe to the reader the nature of the pain -- it isn't located to just one area of the body, it's everywhere. The "even my nose" part is almost sadly comical in a way. We don't often experience pain here, but fibromyalgia doesn't discriminate! Any part is fair game! I don't know why but I just imagined the narrator saying this part with a small, sad smile. Couplets four and five really help to show the reader the impact of experiencing this pain. It must be so frustrating want to sleep it off, but being unable to do this. And I imagine it is devastating being unable to play with your children or walk the dog -- things other people probably take for granted. I'm wondering if a couplet describing the emotional impact of this could work here, though I don't think it is strictly necessary as the reader can easily imagine and emphasise with this anyway.

I'm not too sure about the good/mood rhyme or pass/ask -- these parts don't sound quite as strong as the other rhymes, which, though a bit simplistic, are "clean" and definite. Also, I'd personally like to know what crying does do, rather than just feeling "good". Is it a bit of a release? It obviously can't take the pain away but maybe it helps somewhat to just have a little moment of feeling sorry for yourself and then that helps you to feel strong again? I don't know! I felt more was needed here.

I'm also not too sure about this line: "I’m sinking fast, but I refuse to fall." There seems to be a bit of a disconnect between the two parts of this sentence and I'm not sure "sinking" and "fall" work together. To me they suggest two different kinds of movement so I'd suggest modifying something here. Perhaps this could work: "Pain's pulling me down but I refuse to fall". But that's just off the top of my head and maybe feels a little wordy. I'm sure you can come up with something better if you agree with my point! I also noticed that you used the words "plague" and "plagues" and would suggest changing one for a bit more variety.

I really like your ending. I'm not a spiritual person myself but I can appreciate the emotion here and admire you for ending on a more positive note.

Thank you very much for sharing this poem. I'm rating 4 stars because although I pointed out a few things I felt could maybe use some work, I think it is a strong and emotional piece of writing. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Brenpoet ,

Sometimes it can be hard to review such personal pieces through fear of offending the writer if errors need to be pointed out or suggestions made etc but reviewing this poem is easy because I see no problems here.

I found this to be a beautifully written, emotionally powerful tribute to your daughter, Lucy. I can hardly begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child but here you have courageously shared with us your experience and your grief. I hope writing this piece has served as an outlet for some of the complex emotions I imagine you are feeling.

The first line is like a blow to the heart. Anyone who has had to watch a loved one struggle will understand this feeling. You immediately draw the reader in with this line, allowing us to stand right beside you. You are watching your daughter's pain and we understand the pain this is causing you too. You have to do it because you love her. The word "stand" is a good one, making me think that you want to hide away under the bed covers or something, but you know you have to stand and be strong for your daughter.

The second line tells us a lot about Lucy. She was struggling through a terrible ordeal but she didn't complain. This makes me think that she was a proud, selfless lady who wanted to stay strong for her family. Then the last two lines of this stanza are so intensely emotional they took my breath away. I love the alliteration of the last line and how it trips so beautifully off the tongue, but it is all this part conveys here that is so stunning. This intensity of emotion is carried over into the rest of the poem and I especially loved the fourth line of the second stanza. I'm glad you got the opportunity to do this.

There is a rawness of emotion in the whole poem, and yet it still has a polished feel to it. The rhythm and rhyme scheme are both virtually flawless. The imagery is simple, yet beautiful. Every word was clearly written from the heart.

And then the message of your last stanza is so powerful and so true. You learned something positive from this tragic experience and I admire you for that. Thank you so much for sharing this piece. It really moved me and I'm sure it will stay with me for a while yet.

Take care,
Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Happy April 2024! ,

Oh this is too sad! I found this to be a very tightly written, emotional story. It may be short but it certainly has an impact.

I admire how you have managed to create a sympathetic character with Marjorie in so few words and I felt for her from the very first paragraph. She obviously has a lot to deal with. It seems that maybe her own health isn't too good, but also, her daughter appears to be gravely ill, undergoing chemotherapy which she isn't responding well to. Poor Marjorie has been experiencing panic attacks because of all the stress and anxiety and I felt so sad that she hadn't wanted to burden her children with her own problems. She must feel so frightened and lonely. My heart really went out to this poor lady who is clearly struggling but doesn't seem to have anyone else to turn to.

I really didn't know where you were going with this story and part of me kept hoping that something would happen to turn things around for Marjorie. But it just got sadder and sadder! I love your ending. I wasn't expecting this at all and seeing the scene from Bob and Joe's point of view added an interesting dynamic to the story because we, the readers, know more than they do. To them this is a sad situation but perhaps a routine call-out, something they have dealt with many times before. To them it is "another" case of "negligence" and something they see all the time. They don't know the full scale of the tragedy and probably never will. They don't know Marjorie's story. I thought that was very powerful. But I felt quite relieved that Nancy and Jack will never learn how the tragedy really came about. I imagine the guilt would have been unbearable for them.

There was only one very small thing in this piece that stood out to me and that's in the third paragraph where you use the words "open" and "opening" in consecutive sentences, which is perhaps a little jarring. This can easily be fixed though by modifying the second sentence. Perhaps something like this could work:

"Unfolding the letter, she began to read."

This removes the repeated word and also feels a little tighter, in my opinion, but it is just a suggestion of course.

This is just a minor thing though and I still want to rate this story 5 stars because of how emotionally stirring and powerful I found it. Thank you for sharing this -- I think it will stay with me for a while yet.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Princess Zelda ,

I can't believe I have only just come across this shop! I think you have a wonderful selection of "Thank You" cNotes. My favourite is the second one, with the pink and white flowers. I love the special message on this one and I just sent it to a dear friend. I also like the third one -- the colours are quite autumnal and I'm sure I'll be using this one at some point. I like the simplicity of the images and the pricing is very reasonable.

I'll be saving this shop in my favourites. There are not enough "Thank you" cNote shops on WDC in my opinion, so it was very nice to find this one. I'm sure I'll be using it a lot!

Take care,
Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Liam and Winnie Kay ,

Thank you for taking part in the Mirrored Voices round over at the "Invalid Item" . The prompt was to write a stanza each of a poem, trying to make it seem as if it had only been written by one person.

I found this to be a challenging yet interesting philosophical poem that seems to explore a big theme. I think you have both done a good job of creating a thought-provoking piece.

Now, I'll admit I'm struggling with the meaning and message of this poem a bit, particularly in the first stanza. I've read it several times and I'm not convinced I have successfully gotten my thoughts around it. I think maybe this part is questioning whether man has to stay caught up in the evil or unfair aspects of our world or is there a way for him to break free of this and find goodness and peace without actually dying? I'm very sorry if I've got that wrong! I think the structure of this first stanza is excellent -- the rhythm and rhyme scheme are both polished to perfection. You have made great use of assonance too to give the poem a distinct sound -- it sounds wonderful when read aloud.

This strong style is carried over and effectively mirrored in the second stanza and I think you have definitely achieved the goal of making the poem seem like it has been written by just one writer. I think this stanza nicely answers the questions raised in the first one. Again, I'm not overly confident in my interpretation but this part makes me think of meditation and mindfulness. It brings the phrase "inner peace" to mind. I love the opening line of this verse -- it scans beautifully thanks to the alliteration.

The more I read this poem, the more I like it but I feel one thing it maybe lacks is imagery. I find it quite hard to deal with abstract concepts at times and like something concrete to really connect to. But I like the reflective, philosophical tone of this piece.

I'm rating 4.5 stars because I found this piece challenging, which perhaps stopped me from engaging fully with it, and feel it could maybe use some concrete images, but I still feel it is a strong, skilfully written poem. You both worked well together in my opinion and successfully followed the prompt. I'm really sorry if I misinterpreted this poem at all. I like that it has got me thinking though! Thank you both for sharing this and for taking part.

~Jess.

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Review of Transitions  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon and Cherokee Rose ,

Thank you for taking part in the Mirrored Voices round over at the "Invalid Item" . The prompt was to write a stanza each of a poem, trying to make it seem as if it had only been written by one person.

I found this to be a descriptive and effective poem about an approaching storm. It is quite an intense and dramatic piece and I think you both did a great job of transporting the reader straight into the action.

I love the descriptions in the first stanza. The opening line is beautiful and I could picture this clearly. It immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. The second line is equally as effective and I especially like the "wind-dance" image. I could picture the waves being pitched upwards by the wind, with foam and spray flying everywhere! There are some great language choices in the third line -- "crab like" and "scuttle" go so well together. I'm not entirely sure how a boat would scuttle like a crab, but it's a fun comparison and the word "scuttle" implies hurried movement, which I think works well. I can picture the crews on the boats desperately working to get back to safety as quickly as possible. Then the last line of this verse sums everything up nicely and sets us up for the next part. The image of the red flags tells me this is going to be a dangerous storm.

I like how the second stanza takes us away from the sea and shows us the surroundings. The image of the secured windows and empty beaches is striking and creates a real sense of foreboding. I could picture a quiet, deserted sea town and it almost felt as if it was holding its breath, waiting for the storm to strike. And then the dramatic last line really helps to add to that sense of threat and the ominous tone. I just get the feeling that this storm is going to wreak real havoc and I like that this isn't spelled out to us, but just hinted at. I was left feeling rather unsettled!

I think you have done a nice job working together to create a poem that feels as if it has been written by one person. A strong style and theme was established in the first stanza, and I feel this was successfully continued into the second half of the poem.

The standard of entries for this round is so high that I'm having to be a little picky while judging! I only noticed a couple of small things -- firstly, should "crab like" be "crablike"? And I'm not sure about the word "quite" in the seventh line -- I consider this to be a filler word. Though I understand removing it would leave you a beat short for this line and I'm struggling to come up with an adequate suggestion. I'll have to think about it!

I'm rating 4.5 stars because I pointed out a couple of small things but overall think this is a strong poem and I feel you both did a good job with the prompt. Thank you for sharing this and for taking part.

~Jess.

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Review of Blood Lords  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello warriormom and ~A.J. Lyle~ ,

Thank you for taking part in the Mirrored Voices round over at the "Invalid Item" . The prompt was to write a stanza each of a poem, trying to make it seem as if it had only been written by one person.

I enjoyed this poem. Although I haven't read "There Will be Dragons" by John Ringo and do not know who the Blood Lords are, I could still follow this piece. The themes seem to be war and having courage in battle. I enjoyed the language used in the first stanza. The words "thou" and "ye" gave this poem a rather quaint feel and picturing the knights with their shields, swords and bows made me think of historical and epic fiction, and perhaps fantasy too. I could picture the start of a huge battle, with lots of armoured knights preparing to face an unknown enemy. As a reader, I didn't need to know who the enemy is as this poem is more about the blood lords and their valour, than the actual fight.

The second stanza is equally as effective and I absolutely love the description "stronger than fear". It's so striking! Fear can be completely gripping and overwhelming. To be stronger than that is to be immensely powerful. I also really like "sharp as a spear". Again, this made me think just how strong and formidable these blood lords are.

Both verses work so well together and the whole poem reads as an effectively rousing battle cry. I think you did a great job of writing a poem together that feels as if only one person wrote it. The themes and style established in the first part are carried over to the second part.

As the standard of entries for this round is so high, I'm going to have to be extra picky when judging! The last line of the first stanza felt a little cumbersome to me, and didn't read quite as smoothly as the other lines. I wonder if replacing the word "woefully" with a two syllable word might help? I just feel that this line is a beat too long at the moment. Also, I was a little unsure of the last line of the final stanza. At first when I read "if even one stands", I thought this meant one of the enemy, but then the second part of this line doesn't tie in with that. So I think something needs to be done to take make sure that we immediately know this line is about the knights, and not their foes. Perhaps something like: "if just one of us stands, the fight is not lost". But that's off the top of my head and perhaps feels a bit awkward.

Overall I think this is a great poem. It's dramatic and stirring, with some interesting imagery and language choices. I felt caught up in the excitement of this piece and think you both did a good job of transporting the reader to the scene. I'm rating 4.5 stars for those reasons and also because I pointed out a couple of minor things that didn't work so well for me. Thank you both for sharing this. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello David O'Haolin Whalen ,

I enjoyed this poem. Your description made me a little wary as heartache is a common theme and I wondered if this would be like the many, many poems that have explored this subject before. But I think for the most part you managed to avoid the clichés and you have come up with a gentle, tender piece that hints at something a little darker in the last stanza.

My favourite thing about this poem is the flow. The structure you chose with the three-lined stanzas and mix of short and longer lines gives it a rolling rhythm that works so well, especially when read aloud. The only place I tripped up was at line sixteen. This line seems to have one beat too many, in my opinion, and I wonder if something like this would help it to scan more smoothly:

"I cradle your head"

Though that perhaps sounds a little odd and isn't quite as romantic as what you have, but it feels tighter to me. If you agree with my point here, I'm sure you can come up with something better than my quick suggestion!

I also think you have skilfully used assonance and rhyme to give the poem a strong and distinctive sound. I especially like how the third and fourth stanzas work together -- the words "rise", "eyes", "fireflies", "sigh" and "tide" sound great along with the "-ing" sounds from "swirling", "intoxicating", "bring" and "spring". This jumble of similar sounding words is effectively striking and trips easily off the tongue.

I like how the poem is quietly romantic and how you subtly build up the passion between the couple until that last stanza when the mood of the poem shifts. I love how the last stanza forms a question and answer and leaves the reader with a rather unsettled feeling. It made me wonder what is going to happen between this couple. I like poems that leave me with questions.

Overall I think this is a strong poem. I'm rating 4.5 stars because although I pointed out an area that didn't work so well for me, I think there is a lot to like in this piece and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of Life  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen ,

Ah, I remember the fun of the Rhythm and Rhyme challenge! Was it really way back in 2010? It was the first time I'd come across the Lanturne and I quickly fell in love with the form. The requirement for brevity really forces the writer to make sure that every word counts and the challenge comes from trying to convey a story, an image and an emotion in just five lines and eleven syllables. In my opinion, you rose to the challenge!

I love your interpretation of the picture prompt and I think you have really captured the spirit of it. It's pleasantly surprising that you chose to write from the tree's point of view. If the first line had been "Tree", rather than "Me", then I don't think it would have been quite so enthralling. That you gave these words to the tree, and wrote in the first-person (first-tree?!) narrative really adds an interesting layer to the poem.

I enjoyed the tone of this piece too. It's strong, proud, perhaps boastful. It makes me think of the phrase "mighty oaks from little acorns grow". When I look at the picture my eyes are immediately drawn to those two thick branches rising from the trunk of the middle tree like the raised arms of a champion and I think you captured that so well in your poem. The tree seems to be saying "look at me! I'm the best! The champion!" You chose some great words to convey this and I'm impressed that apart from the fourth one, each line contains just one word. "Towering" is especially evocative and I like how this is the centre of the poem, with the other lines pivoting around this one word that conveys so much about the trees size and power. I also like the phrase "rising above". This makes me think that perhaps the tree feels superior and looks down, metaphorically as well as literally, on the smaller, weaker living things.

I think you did a great job with the flow here. I like the full stop after the word "Me" as it causes the reader to stop for a moment before plunging onwards, with those three "-ing" words really driving the poem forcefully towards that last word. But as you used a period, I think "growing" needs to be capitalised, though that might perhaps mar the visual effect of the poem. I quite like that "Me" is the only capitalised word as it really adds to that boastful, self-important tone! So I wonder if a colon might work to replace the full stop, as it may still create the dramatic pause. But I'm not sure! This is just something to perhaps think about.

Overall, if it isn't clear already, I think this is a great piece and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I'm rating 5 stars as there is so much to love in this short poem and I think you have interpreted the picture prompt in an original and interesting way. Thank you for sharing this.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I found this to be an interesting and fast-paced story about two politicians and their different viewpoints when it comes to the world of politics and what can be done to make positive changes in society. I have to admit some of it went a little over my head -- I struggle with the politics in my own country so can't say I am overly familiar or clued in when it comes to American politics! But even though some of the terminology was a bit confusing to me, I think I could follow the gist of what was going on.

I'm not entirely sure which character you are "introducing" here, but I think you did a good job with both Michelle and Franklin. You offered the reader some insight to both of their political views. I really liked the set-up of this story, with the jaded veteran becoming exasperated by the enthusiastic newcomer. Michelle strikes me as someone who has maybe been coasting in their job for a bit. She seems a bit worn down by things. Maybe she was once passionate about politics and believed she could make a difference but somewhere along the line she seems to have decided to stop trying. Franklin on the other hand is excited and eager and really thinks he can make a positive difference. Seeing this character through Michelle's "filter" is interesting. She looks down on Franklin and is dismissive of his aspirations. As a reader I want to be completely on Franklin's side, but Michelle is the experienced one and I can't help but wonder if she's perhaps right. That's a little depressing!

A story of this nature wouldn't normally hold my attention, especially as some of it was quite challenging for me, but I wanted to keep reading and I think that's because you did a great job with the pacing of it and also with the dialogue, which feels natural.

I'm afraid the ending passed me by a bit and I sense there is something about this story that I'm missing, but that's not because of your writing! It's probably down to my lack of knowledge of America's political system and not knowing what "Capitol Hill" is or what a "stimulus plan" is. Sorry about that!

But overall I think this is a good story and I enjoyed reading it. I'm rating 4.5 stars because although I didn't think any areas in particular needed work, I found it a little hard to engage with the subject matter.. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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