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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of The Wishing Well  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Yellow Rose ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an emotional and passionate poem about a couple who are forced apart because the man has to go to war. They spend one last romantic moment together where they each kiss a special penny and toss it into a wishing well and the man declares that the penny will return to the woman if he does not return from the war. I felt like this was a really sweet and tender part of the poem, though it was also tinged with sadness. Good job with this.

I feel your poem could perhaps use a bit of work in places. The main thing that stood out to me is that you address the male character in the poem as "you" for quite a while before inexplicably changing this to "He". I would suggest picking one or the other and remaining consistent with it.

Although it is the poet's prerogative to forgo punctuation if they wish, I think this only really works for the end of lines and I really feel like this poem needs some punctuation within the lines, otherwise it becomes quite difficult to read in places. As an example, this part:

His father said I have little to leave just this box
A note was pinned saying use with loving thoughts

I really feel that you need to make the father's words clearer here and you can do this with punctuation:

His father said, "I have little to leave just this box"
A note was pinned saying, "use with loving thoughts"

Or alternatively you could italicise the words on the note. Of course this is just my personal opinion.

I also think the rhythm of this poem could use some attention. There were several lines that didn't flow so well for me, for example, this part:

You and I were so very young and completely blind

This line flows much better if you leave out the word "so". And also this line:

He found it one day after his father went far away

I think removing the word "far" will really improve the rhythm of this line. And then I noticed an error with this line:

"Making these moment last on this saddest of all nights"

I think "these" should actually be "this", unless you change "moment" to "moments".

One last thing, this poem is called The Wishing Well and yet you don't mention the actual well in the poem. You describe how they "both threw it in", referring to the penny, but you don't actually say what they threw it in to. I would suggest finding a way to actually use the words "wishing well" in the poem too.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a nice poem, though a very sad one. I felt caught up in the emotion of it and for that reason, and because I have made a few suggestions, I am rating this piece 3.5 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of Birthmother  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello celeste632,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a thoughtful and reflective poem about women who either choose to give their babies up for adoption, or act as surrogate mothers. It may be a short piece, but there is a lot of emotion packed into it. I can hardly imagine the strength and courage it must take to decide that your child would be better off with another person and how immensely difficult it would be to carry that decision through. I think you have begun to explore that here though I felt it could perhaps be expanded a bit. Also, I like how you have looked at the other side of this situation too and how one mother's painful, difficult decision, becomes another mother's welcome and treasured gift.

There isn't much in the way of imagery here, but I don't think there really needs to be as this is much more about the emotion of the situation. However, I personally wasn't sure about the "pulled from the air" part. I don't really understand what you are trying to convey here and the image is odd to me. But I'm a very literal person and that may be the reason why I'm struggling here. If you receive similar feedback from other readers then you may want to take another look at this part.

I think the flow of this short piece is wonderful and I like the use of assonance in the final line. I also really like the emotion of this part and think this is a very satisfying ending to the poem.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a lovely poem that could perhaps use a bit of work and could maybe be expanded to really convey to the reader the full emotional impact something like this has on all the parties involved. Therefore I am rating this piece 3.5 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review of My Freedom  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lina Black-So Far Behind!!! ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a sweetly written little poem which is filled with emotion and has a rather spiritual and thoughtful tone. The narrator in the poem appears to be carrying out their normal life but is also always searching for a way to feel free. I wondered if maybe she is going through a difficult time or struggling with something and has therefore become preoccupied with the idea of being free and longs to feel this way. I got a sense of this even though it isn't specified in the actual poem. But the fact that she hopes and prays and even yells makes me think that this is a person who really needs to find some inner peace to help them overcome something.

The structure of this poem is very interesting. I'm curious to know if this is an established form or if it is just something you came up with yourself to convey the message of your poem. I'll be honest and say that I'm not huge fan of repetition in poetry, but I can cope with it in small doses, like in this piece, and I think it can be quite effective. Here it works well to create a sense of the narrator's longing and desperation to feel free.

I just have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, you use "praying" in the second line and "prayers" in the seventh line and I'd suggest changing the second line slightly. This is because word repetition can be quite jarring, especially in short poetry. Also, I think if you used a different word earlier on then the emotional impact of the seventh line would be even greater. But of course this is just my personal opinion.

Also in the seventh line you write this:

"I kneel on my knees"

And I feel that the "on my knees" part is redundant because the word "kneel" implies the character in the poem is on her knees. So I would suggest perhaps doing something like this instead:

"I kneel on the ground"

But I don't know if that is much better because people mostly do tend to kneel on the ground. Where else would they kneel?! So perhaps you could do something like this, which also serves to tighten the line up a bit:

"I kneel to pray, asking God, “When will I find my Freedom”

I think that's a little better! But these are just a couple of quick suggestions off the top of my head. Also, the final line feels a bit cumbersome to me and I'm wondering if there is a way to tighten up this part a bit. And I don't think the comma after "I have given you" is necessary.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a lovely, emotional poem and I enjoyed reading it. I'm rating it 4 stars for these reasons and also because I have pointed out a few areas I feel could use some work. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of Gatsby  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SQuinn ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an interesting and thought-provoking poem. But I'll be honest and say I didn't really understand it. I have read The Great Gatsby but I unfortunately don't remember the slightest detail about it at all! Perhaps this poem is easier to follow if you know the book? I don't know. So I found this poem a bit obscure really.

However, I think you have done a nice job with the flow here -- your use of subtle rhyme in places really helps with this, as does the repetition of the question scattered throughout. Also, for the most part, your line breaks appear to have been well thought out and I think this really helps to enhance the rhythm too.

I enjoyed some of the imagery -- I particularly like the part about the blackbird and the dove and the "tattered dolls" part is quite striking and interesting too. I also liked the rather philosophical and enigmatic tone of the last part of the poem -- this part has a rather surreal feel that I found to be quite effective.

I just noticed a couple of areas where perhaps the punctuation could use some work. Firstly, I'm not sure the comma is necessary in the ninth line. Also, I think a colon would work better than a semicolon in the third from last line.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a nicely written poem, I just wish it made more sense to me! I'm rating it 4 stars because although I didn't personally engage with the emotion or message of this piece, I still think you have done a good job and come up with an interesting, unusual poem. Thank you for sharing your work.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review of The Fog of Love  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Elisa the Bunny Stik ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I think you already know I love this poem but I'll go through why I love it with this review. I'm so glad you made this a static item! I know you've made a few small changes but I think they work great. Although I read your blog regularly, I felt after reading this piece that I'd gotten to know the real you a little better. The depth of emotion here is incredible and I know this was written straight from the heart. Even if I didn't know that, I would still have been able to tell because of the intensity of the words and flow. I think I still would have felt completely captivated by this piece even if I didn't know some of the background behind it.

Along with the depth and intensity of emotion here, there is so much else to love about this poem too. The flow is absolutely spectacular! I will hardly ever read a poem of this length these days because I just don't have the concentration for it, but I had no problems at all finishing this one. And have been back to read it several times! I get swept along on the emotion of it and the flow just keeps me moving forward -- it doesn't snag once and I love how it reads as a rush of thoughts and feelings, as if they flowed right out of your heart and onto the page. There's hardly even time to draw a breath but that works so well, keeping the intensity and passion high.

I think you have made great use of several techniques to create this strong rhythm -- the line breaks for example. These are well thought out and guide the reader through the rhythm of your words. And the mix of long and short lines works so well too, where you sometimes draw out the thoughts and at other times just give a short, snappy line before plunging on again. I know it's cliché to say this, but I really felt like I was on a roller-coaster! You have also made great use of rhyme and assonance too, to enhance the flow, for example in the fourth part in particular -- I just love how this part reads! Then there are the poignant questions scattered throughout and also the use of repetition in places, both of which also really add to this incredible rhythm -- I particularly like this part: "Would I like her?/Am I like her?"

And then there's the striking imagery and tone too! I love the almost childish atmosphere of the first stanza and how the narrator realises this is a bit of an unrealistic fantasy. There is almost a whimsical feel to this part of the poem that is so effective. And this changes to confusion and sadness in the middle part of the poem and then to longing in the third stanza from the end. This part is so sensual and passionate. You closing stanza is wonderful too and very poignant here as the narrator wants things to go back to how they were, where they can just be friends.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Thank you so much for sharing this poem. I am, of course, rating it 5 stars because there is nothing I would change here and I think it is a stunning piece of writing. I think the intensity of it will stay with me for a while yet! I was completely blown away by this.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review of MY WHITE HAT  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Marti ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Wow, I can't imagine what it must feel like to believe you are dying and how you'd prepare for that. It must have been such a terrifying and emotional experience for you and your husband. That emotion really comes through in this poem and I found this to be a nicely written piece with a sweet tone. The detail of the white hat is striking and wonderful because it has a unique and personal meaning to you and your partner. I'm glad you came back to this image throughout the poem -- I think it is very effective.

You tell the story of your relationship in this poem and it is lovely to read. It seems that you have had a happy life together and that you share the same sense of humour.

There were just a few things in this poem that stuck out to me. Firstly, I don't think you need the comma at the end of the first line. Also, I feel that you need some form of punctuation at the end of the fourteenth line -- perhaps a dash could work here? In the fifth stanza I think you should write the word "forty" rather than the digits, especially as you use the word later on -- I think it's better to be consistent. And the fourth line of the sixth stanza felt a bit contrived to me so this might be an area to focus on if you chose to work on this piece some more.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I'm rating this poem 4 stars because although I have pointed out a few areas I feel could use some work, I still think this is a nice piece and I absolutely love the ending. I love the note of humour in this part, among the sadness. I feel this is such a strong ending for your poem. Thank you for sharing your work.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review of Agony of Christ  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello ber-brag ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an intense and effective shape poem about the death of Jesus Christ. I'll be totally honest here and say that I am not a religious or spiritual person myself and therefore poetry of this nature just does not engage me. So whilst I don't think there is anything wrong with this poem, I didn't really connect with it on an emotional level and emotion is very important to me in poetry. However, I can understand and appreciate how others would feel the full impact of your words.

There is an intensity about this poem that I found to be quite effective and I think you have done a good job of using emotive language to convey the full horror of the situation to readers. I'm glad you didn't make the piece too graphic but said just enough to convey the agony.

I think your rhyme scheme is quite good but I'm not sure about the flow to be honest. But I think this is the nature of the form -- the short lines followed by the three long lines, before returning to short lines again creates quite a choppy flow, in my opinion. But I think you have done a good job meeting the requirements of the form.

My main suggestion for this piece would be to rethink the first line of the closing stanza. I think really this should be "They roll the dice" but of course this would affect the syllable count. But right now this line creates such a bizarre image for a literal person like me! Do you see what I mean? If you agree with my point then I'm sure you can find a way to rephrase this part.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I'm rating this poem 4 stars because although I didn't personally engage with it or especially care for the form, I think you have done a good job with it. Thank you for sharing your work.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review of On Celestial Feet  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Mark Cullinane ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an unusual poem with a rather enigmatic tone. I'm not too sure what it is about, really. I think perhaps the narrator is in love with the woman in the poem and has therefore built her up to be an almost mythical being. However, I'm not sure on this and I'm also wondering if there is a deeper meaning and metaphor here that I have missed. I'm sorry if I have!

I think you have done a nice job of building up an intense and romantic atmosphere. I felt caught up in this and was also intrigued by the character in the poem. She seems to be a very special person with a captivating aura around her. I love how you describe her as being "Composed of poetry and light, dark smiles..." This is wonderfully original and evocative. I imagine a quiet, poised lady who seems to almost glow, and yet she has a sadness beneath the surface, that is barely perceptible. I can see why the narrator is so enthralled by her.

A couple of things stuck out to me when reading this piece. Firstly, I think the word "shoe" in the first line should actually be "shoes" otherwise it reads as if she is only wearing one shoe, and I'm pretty sure she isn't! The second line is confusing and I think you need some punctuation here, otherwise it reads as if the narrator offers a cigarette with his eyes. I think perhaps a comma is needed after the word "cigarette".

I'm also a little unsure of the flow of this piece. It feels more like prose to me and I'm wondering if there are some areas where the writing could be tightened up or if perhaps rethinking the line breaks could help to improve the flow?

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a nice poem that has a rather strange beauty about it. I'm rating it 4 stars because although I have pointed out a couple of things that I feel could use some work, I still very much enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ☮ The Grum Of Grums ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a beautifully written, philosophical poem that explores the changing of the seasons and ties this in with the span of a human life. The theme of mortality is a common one in poetry, of course, and I think it is also common to approach this theme using nature, but I still think you have a creative piece here and I very much enjoyed the emotion of it. It reads beautifully.

The poem flows wonderfully throughout and they rhyme scheme is very strong. I think you have done a great job creating a certain tone too -- I found it rather poignant and wistful. There were many things to enjoy about this poem but I particularly liked your play on the word "fall" in the opening stanza and the use of subtle alliteration in the second one. I love the "autumn's wings" description. And I found the image in the first line of the final stanza to be beautifully striking.

I think the message of this poem is very strong. We all, at some point, will have to face our own mortality and I like that this poem urges us to face it with courage and to rejoice in the later years in life because they are well earned. Being only in my twenties, it is hard to personally connect with this but I can see that your words could offer comfort and inspiration to other people and can definitely appreciate the emotion you have conveyed here.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think you have done a lovely job with this poem and I enjoyed reading it. I have no suggestions to make so am rating this piece 5 stars. Thank you for sharing your work.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Review of Loss Of A Child  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello bikergirl35 ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a powerful and poignant poem about the loss of a child. I don't know if this poem is about your personal experience but if so, I'm very sorry for your loss and I admire your courage in sharing this emotional piece with us. Death is a common theme in poetry, of course, making it difficult to come up with something different, but I think you have managed to explore this subject in an original way. Although the poem is extremely sad, I think there is hope and positivity here too.

I think you have done a great job with the emotion of this piece. The tone is sweet without being overly cloying. I'm not a spiritual person myself but I like the idea behind this piece and can see that a lot of people would draw comfort and inspiration from it.

My main suggestion for this poem would be to make it clearer to the reader whose point of view each stanza is from. It appears that the first five stanzas are from God's point of view, but in the third person. I think this then switches to God's point of view in the first person for the sixth stanza and then to the mother's point of view in the first person for the final stanza. But these shifts are not immediately clear and I had to reread the last part of the poem to figure out what was happening and who was saying what etc. So I really think you need to find a way to make this part of the poem clearer.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a strong and emotional poem that needs a bit of work. Therefore I am rating it 4 stars. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of The Amber'd Gown  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Helena Noel ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a lovely poem that takes the reader on a journey through the life of an apple tree. Obviously there is an awful lot of poetry on the theme of nature and therefore it can be difficult to come up with a creative way to approach this theme, but I think you have managed to achieve that here. I love your personification of the apple tree in this piece and also the idea that "she" is the daughter of the sun and nature. This is such a wonderful idea! And I really enjoyed the image of the sun peeking through the skies to smile down on "his" child.

I think the flow of this poem is mostly lovely and you have used rhyme to great effect. I do, however, have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, I found the opening stanza a bit troublesome because at the moment it doesn't seem to read as a complete sentence and therefore it feels a bit fragmented. I think you can easily fix this by changing the word "Blossoming" to "Blossoms" though. But I think you will also need to remove the commas after the first and third lines. But I really like the image of the blooms flowering dresses here!

In the fifth line of the second stanza, an extra "the" has sneaked in somehow. However, I think you have made great use of alliteration in this part of the poem and the flow is wonderfully melodic. The imagery is very nice here and I can almost picture the shift in nature as spring begins to unfold. I think you have done a great job of capturing the spirit of the changing season, with the sighs of winter changing to the giggle of spring -- this is a lovely way to describe it!

I think the third stanza is my favourite. I love the happy atmosphere of this part and as I said previously, I like the image of the peeking, smiling sun. Again you have made good use of alliteration and I'm impressed with how natural and unobtrusive your rhymes are. The mix of true and slant rhymes works so well.

I'm not sure about the beginning of the fourth stanza, to be honest, because I don't understand your use of the phrase "Nature's Flute" and I found the image here strange -- I can't get my thoughts around how a flute can sew! I also think "her girl" would sound better here than "its girl". You have assigned genders to the sun and the tree, so why not nature too? But I love the idea of Mother Nature dressing her daughter in a frock of fruit. This is such a fresh way of looking at it. I also like the passion in the last two lines of this stanza.

In the fifth stanza I think you need some form of punctuation at the end of the first line. I think perhaps a semicolon could work quite nicely here. The imagery here is beautiful and I again love the idea of sun and nature giving their daughter away to wed fall. So creative! And I love how the tree sheds her childish "apple frock", replacing it with a more mature gown of amber. This is so striking!

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a great piece of writing. Although I have pointed out a few areas I feel could use some work, I'm still rating this piece 4.5 stars because I love the originality of it and I think you have told a wonderful, creative story in poetry. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review of Midnight Bird  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Euclid79 ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a sweetly written, slightly enigmatic poem. It is not entirely clear to me what specifically this piece is about, but I don't think I'm supposed to know. It has a rather philosophical feel to it that is effective and left me with something to think about. Part of me wondered if this is a poem about unrequited love. It reads as if the narrator is addressing someone they are in love with and trying to figure out the object of their affection's feelings and intentions towards them. But I don't know if I'm right in thinking this. Sorry if I have gotten it wrong! Whatever this poem is about, it has a sweet and rather poignant tone to it.

The structure of this poem is interesting but I personally found the length of the lines too long and I felt this hindered the flow in places. This is because the length of the lines leaves a long gap between rhyming words. I think your rhyme scheme is mostly very good and choosing to use a rhyme scheme of aabb gives the poem a rather singsong, melodic sound which works so well with the content. However, I was a little unsure of the seventeenth and eighteenth lines because "been" and "again" don't strictly rhyme with each other. This part stuck out to me because all the other rhymes used in the poem appear to be true rhymes. I was also unsure of the second line of the second stanza because this part felt a bit forced to me and left me wondering, in between what? So these might be a couple of areas to focus on if you chose to work on this piece some more.

My only other suggestion would be to watch out for clichés and being too abstract. The writing is so dynamic and engaging in the places where you have provided us with unique, concrete images. For example, I love the last two lines of the second stanza -- this part feels fresh and creative to me. I love the alliteration and assonance of "garbed in garments" too! However, I felt some of the lines, particularly the ones about darkness, were less interesting. Of course this is just my personal opinion, but this might be something to bear in my mind. I think you could easily bring these parts up to the standard of the other lines.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a nice poem and for that reason, and because I have pointed out a few things that perhaps didn't work so well for me, I am rating it 4 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Isola Bertolucci ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an emotional poem with a strong message in which the narrator reassures a young man, who wishes his life to start, that things will happen in time and that he just needs to stop worrying and perhaps take a step back to enjoy the present moment. I really feel like I can relate to this and I almost feel that I need someone to say this to me! It is reassuring to me to know that I'm not the only person who thinks life is passing them by and it was nice to read this poem and get some reassurance about it. Perhaps I will take notice of the message here and stop panicking about the future so much! I especially liked this part -- "Allow yourself time to flourish..." I think everyone is in a hurry these days, and we're so focused on the destination that we forget to enjoy the journey. I like how this poem urges us to slow down and focus on the present.

The main thing I noticed about this poem is that there is very little imagery and therefore it feels a bit abstract. I know a lot of poetry readers like to be able to engage with the message of a poem through specific, concrete images so that might be something to bear in my mind if you chose to work on this piece some more, or for the next time you write something new.

Also, while I think your rhyme scheme is very solid, I feel the rhythm slips in a few places, for example the sixth line. I feel like the word "can" needs to be stressed unnaturally to maintain the rhythm and I'm wondering if a more "forceful" word like "will" could work better instead? Also, the tenth line feels like it has one beat too many, so I would suggest cutting the word "high" here. I don't think it is really necessary and removing it helps to smooth the flow, in my opinion.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a good poem and I got a lot out of it. I'm rating it 4 stars because of this and also because I feel it could use some imagery and also some work on the flow. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Solivagus ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


You chose a difficult topic for this poem but I think you have handled it sensitively and effectively. This is not an enjoyable piece because of the subject matter but it is a gripping and intense one. I think you have done a good job of depicting what many have to go through and the struggles they have to face. This is such a sad poem and it really tugged at my heart strings.

I think you have done a great job building up an atmosphere of fear and suspense. I almost felt as if I was there with the character in the poem, trying to creep from the room as quietly as possible. In a way I can see how your experiment with leaving out all punctuation helps with this, as it makes the lines run into each other as if it's all coming out in a rush. This creates a swift pace which adds to the element of danger. However, I think I personally would have preferred punctuation because I found the poem difficult to "navigate" without it on my first read-through and I sometimes had to reread parts before they made sense to me. So to be honest, I don't think the experiment was a success, though I definitely wouldn't say it was a complete failure either.

Some of the lines in this poem were a bit too contrived for my taste, for example the fifth line. Also, I have a major issue with the event near the end of the poem -- she forgot her baby?! Sorry, I don't believe it. This part didn't feel real to me because I don't think any woman would forget her baby. To me it would be more realistic if she'd tried to make a break for it for herself but then felt too guilty about leaving the child. But even that would be stretching things a bit because it would be hard to swallow that she considered deliberately leaving the child. I think if you get similar feedback to this from other readers then you should really think about reworking this part. Could she perhaps try to take the baby with her but then fear this would cause her husband to come looking for them, putting the child at risk? Or perhaps she could have second thoughts about breaking up the family? I don't know!

There were just a few other things that stood out to me. Firstly, the word "night" is repeated twice in the third line. Also, the rhythm of this line felt off to me:

"to recall what she had forgot"

I think the rhythm in the rest of the poem is very strong, but this line doesn't seem to scan as well -- it seems that the pattern of stresses is incorrect. Perhaps this could work better:

"recalling what she had forgot"

But that would really only work if a comma was used in the previous line otherwise there is a danger of it being read in the wrong way, as if she stopped recalling. I hope that makes sense! Also, the line feels a bit clumsy to be honest because the word "recall" suggests something has been forgotten, making the "what she had forgot" part feel redundant.

One last thing, I'm afraid your last line confused me. Are you missing a word here? I just couldn't make sense of this part, to be honest.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think you have a poignant and powerful poem here which could use some work. I think it has a lot of potential though so I'm rating it 3.5 stars. You obviously know what you are doing when it comes to rhythm and rhyme and you have done a great job with the emotion of this piece. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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Review of String  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Jakrebs ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a funny, original and quirky poem from a cat's point of view as he seizes up and chases a pesky bit of string being dangled in front of him. Having owned cats in the past, I can definitely relate to this piece! I used to love to play with my cats in this way and they could sometimes look quite demonic as they followed the progress of the string, their heads whipping from side to side and their eyes huge and focused. I often wondered what precisely they were thinking and I think you have come up with some very witty thought processes here. You have built up such a funny and absurd picture of the cat intent on killing the string.

I love the humour of the first two lines and your depiction of the intensity of the cat's hatred towards the string and I like how the third line stands alone so the reader can really savour this part and take in the passion behind the words. Even this early on in the poem we are left in no doubt at all that cat and string are mortal enemies! I even feel somewhat worried for "string" at this point!

I love the imagery in the third part of the poem and the flow here is fantastic, aided by your clever use of assonance. You maintain this excellent flow throughout the poem with well-thought out line breaks and the very rhythmic repetition in the sixth part of the poem. You have also made some interesting and striking language choices in this poem that really work well with our common perceptions of the cat -- we often joke about them as being clever, superior, rather snooty creatures and I think you have captured this well here through word choices which help to create a comically pompous tone. I can really picture the cat with serious, intent eyes, taking everything oh so very seriously! Good job with this.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a wonderful piece of writing. It is fresh and funny and I enjoyed reading it. Therefore I am rating it 5 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. By the way, I love that your cat is called Punk (and that he/she is a warrior-poet! *Laugh*)

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Magoo ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


This is wonderful! I found this to be a beautiful and poignant tale about a woman who appears to have had a lonely life and the legacy she leaves behind when she sadly passes away. Loneliness and death are very common themes in poetry but you have found such an original way to approach these topics. I feel like this is a lovely tribute to anyone who is perhaps a bit introverted or cut off from society. These people have an impact in their own quiet way and I think you have captured that perfectly with this stunningly creative piece.

I like the simple image you build up in the first two stanzas, of the old lady knitting on her porch until darkness comes. You've made great use of alliteration in the second stanza in particular and I love the phrase "wrinkle wrought". I like the third stanza and how at first we feel saddened that this lady is by herself on her birthday and the use of the word "another" suggests to us that this is, unfortunately, a regular occurrence. I like that this leaves me with questions -- why doesn't this person have any friends or family? How long has she been alone? But then we learn that she isn't truly alone and that she has a passion for birds and they seem to have a passion for her in return. I love how she gives them little bits of her knitting to line their nests with.

Your last stanza is a triumph! Wow, does this have an impact? It brought a tear to my eye. You end the poem beautifully with a mixture of sadness and happiness and it is such a perfect and satisfying ending. I can picture all the birds' nests beautifully decorated with wool woven into their structures. This is such a wonderful and fresh idea -- I absolutely love it! I love the emotion of this part.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a wonderfully original, beautifully emotional poem and I do not hesitate to rate it 5 stars. Thank you so much for sharing this. I think it is going to stay with me for a while yet!

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ~ Santa Sisco ~ ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an intensely sad poem about a woman who lost her husband and the father of her child in a war. It is a beautiful and passionate tribute to anyone who has lost a loved one to war. I think there is a danger with poetry like this that it could be overly maudlin and too syrupy, but I think you have managed to avoid that. I like that we don't learn the name of the character in this poem. You tell her story but we don't know who she is -- she is a symbol for all the wives whose husbands didn't come home. She embodies all their grief and heartache. I felt caught up in the emotion of this piece.

Regarding the structure, I think you have mostly done an excellent job with the rhyme scheme, though I found the "freedom/bomb" part a little jarring. All the other rhymes used are true rhymes, so this one sticks out. You chose an incredibly hard word to rhyme so I'm struggling to come up with an alternative. If you feel this part needs work then it may be a case of rephrasing the lines so you can use a different word at the end of the line. Sorry I can't be more helpful than that right now.

I also feel that the rhythm could perhaps be tightened up in a few areas, for example the third line of the second stanza. This line feels to me as if it has a couple of beats too many. Therefore I would suggest cutting the word "only". I feel that this word is unnecessary anyway because the use of "child" implies they only have the one child, otherwise you would have said "children". I think you could tighten up the third stanza too by cutting some of the words, for example "happy" in the first line here and "really" in the third line. This evens out the rhythm in my opinion and gets rid of the word "really" which is such a boring and unnecessary word in poetry!

My only other suggestion is for the last stanza where you write: "She never smiles". I feel like this is a bit over the top. Surely her child makes her smile sometimes? I think a word like "rarely" would be more suitable here, otherwise this part is just unbearably sad. I want to feel that this woman still has something to live for and that there is hope that things will begin to get better for her with time. But perhaps this is just me! I just feel that "never" is too negative and too sad, but of course this is my personal opinion.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a powerful and poignant poem that could maybe use a bit of work in a few areas. Therefore I am rating it 4 stars. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Dream  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Louisa ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an unusual and emotional poem that is about dreams and also appears to be about the relationship between an estranged father and son, though I'm a little unsure of my interpretation here. I like the style here and how you chose to write it entirely in dialogue. This was a bit of a risky technique but I think it works well and brings an interesting dynamic to the poem and also a distinct, fast-paced flow too. I felt caught up in the conversation between these two people and was curious to see where it was going. This piece has a rather philosophical tone and also an allegorical feel to it, both of which I found to be quite effective.

I really like the opening line here. It immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. I wanted to know who was asking this question and who they were speaking to. I wanted to know why they're asking it. I think you have done a great job of developing two different, distinct voices for the two characters so we always know which person is speaking without having to be told.

However, on the whole I am struggling to engage with this poem and I'm also struggling to figure out why that is, which I know isn't particularly helpful to you. I don't feel that there is anything wrong here but I do feel disconnected from the poem. I'm wondering if this is perhaps because it is a little abstract, especially in the beginning. But I don't know. I'm so sorry I can't explain this better.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


To be honest, I don't think this poem needs any work because it is a strongly written piece, it just doesn't appeal to my personal taste. Therefore I'm rating it 4.5 stars because emotion is important to me in poetry and I like to be able to connect to the message. I couldn't do that here but I think other people will be able to appreciate what you are trying to convey and will fully engage with your subject. Thank you for sharing this. Sorry if I haven't been particularly helpful!

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Dave ,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


This is great! It's so funny and clever. You have done a fantastic job here of mocking and satirising the avant garde, hoity-toity element in the world of poetry and it is wonderfully comical. I imagine you had an absolute ball writing this! It has such a mischievous spirit to it that I felt completely caught up in. And you have skilfully used so many different techniques in this poem that it was a real joy to read through it again carefully, savouring every line.

My favourite thing about this poem is your use of language. I love the way you have played with it and there are so many witty and wonderful moments -- way too many to list them all but I especially enjoyed the opening stanza. You have made great use of alliteration and assonance here and it really sounds amazing when read aloud. I also love your invented word "scriptophrenic", which made me think of "schizophrenic" and also "blunderful" too. Both of these should be real words!

The only part of this piece that didn't quite work for me was the fourth stanza. This just didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem, in my opinion and also the rhythm here felt forced, whereas elsewhere it is effortless. Also, to be honest, I don't personally get the point of this stanza. But this might just be me! Having said, the rhymes you used here are very creative and funny!

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is an intelligent and witty piece of writing. I'm rating this poem 4.5 stars because although I have pointed out one area that didn't work so well for me, I'm so impressed with what you have achieved here and I thoroughly enjoyed the humour of it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Womb Magic  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello winklett in the woods ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I loved this! The flow is absolutely wonderful. In fact, on my first read-through, I was so caught up in the rhythm and how beautiful this poem sounds, that I didn't take in at all what it is actually about! But that just gave me an excuse to read it a second time and this time around I felt the full impact of the emotion, which is very intense. I love your use of metaphor in this poem. Pregnancy and childbirth have been explored many times in poetry, of course, but I feel you have approached these topics in a fresh, interesting and creative way. The idea of a pregnancy being one great magic show could have trivialised it, but you managed to avoid this completely to produce a really poignant piece of writing.

I love your opening line and how it stands alone from the rest of the poem, allowing the reader to take it in and reflect on it. And we don't understand the full force of the emotion of this line until we have come to understand the rest of the poem, but I like this. I like it when I can reread a line from a different perspective and get a new meaning from it. Then the next two stanzas are fraught with tension and I enjoyed your use of alliteration. I love how you chose to break up the lines in the third stanza -- this part in particular trips so easily off the tongue when read aloud. You obviously have a great ear for rhythm.

The only part I stumbled in this poem was here:

"I was under the illusion
I was under"

I wasn't sure about the repetition of "I was under" and didn't know if this was actually an error because with the word "it" in the third line here, this reads, at first, as if you are saying "I was under it". This was the only part I tripped up at so if you get similar feedback from other readers, you might want to take another look at this section.

I love the last three stanzas of this poem where the flow is, again, sensational thanks to the way you have broken up the lines, your use of alliteration and just the wonderful outpouring of emotion. This poem really feels as if it was written from the heart -- I get a great sense of that and emotion is so important to me when I read poetry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I've decided to rate this poem 5 stars even though I did point out one small area that I felt could maybe use a little work. This is because I think that is a minor thing and it didn't detract from my enjoyment of this piece at all. Also, apart from that area, I am so in awe of what you have achieved here with the flow that I think you deserve 5 stars for that alone, not to mention how powerfully emotional this piece is! Thank you for sharing this -- I'm truly glad I read it.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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Review of Writing  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Samberine Everose ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I am a real fan of short poetry when the writer actually manages to say something meaningful in very few words -- I think sometimes people can fail to appreciate what a challenge this is! But for the most part, I think you have really achieved that here. When I review a short piece like this I tend to ask four main questions -- has the writer conveyed a message or story? Is there an emotion or feeling I can connect with? Have they created a striking image to capture my attention? And is every word pulling its weight? So I'll be answering these questions in this review.

There is definitely a message and story here. I interpreted this to be about a writer finding inspiration and then opening their heart to enable them to write. Where you use the word "place", I think you mean it in the metaphorical sense. I took this to mean when the writer "gets in the zone", where words spill out easily and everything comes together perfectly on the page. I think all writers have experienced this at some point and I'm sure we'd all love to experience it more often that we already do! But I'm sorry if I have misinterpreted this first line -- it is a little ambiguous and does leave the reader questioning, what place? I don't know if there is a way to make this clearer, but perhaps you can work on this if you think it needs it.

There is definitely emotion in this poem and I found it inspiring. I like the juxtaposition of the outpouring of joy in the third line and then the image of the weeping pen in the final line. I think the writer is experiencing joy because the words are flowing so easily. They may not necessarily be writing about something nice, but they feel happy to be getting the words out. I love the emotion of the final line and this made me think how, as writers, we often let our emotions flow onto the page. This line made me reflect on that and I could connect with this idea.

I like the imagery of this poem -- the ideas of "plumbing the depths" of thoughts and joy pouring from the heart are both lovely and evocative and easy to engage with. But it's the image in the final line that is really special.

As for the word choices, I feel you have made some good ones and that each one is pulling its weight. I don't see any areas where I feel the writing could be tightened but I am still a little unsure of the first line and how the reader doesn't quite get to understand what "place" you are writing about. I also feel that a comma is needed after the word "and" in the third line. I'm not an expert when it comes to punctuation but I feel a pause is necessary here, otherwise the sentence jars. Without a comma it is difficult to follow the train of thought initially, and I had to reread this part to take it in.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think you have done well to capture so much in very few words and I think you have created something that most writers will be able to relate to. I'm rating this poem 4.5 stars because, although I have pointed out a couple of things that didn't work so well for me, I think there is a lot to like about this piece and I truly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Pillars Of Stone  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Fi ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a strong and sombre poem that has a philosophical feel to it and a message that I felt, frustratingly, was just beyond my reach.

I love your opening line -- it is so striking and evocative. I can see the frost glistening on the pillars and I can feel the cold. I think in the first few lines of the poem you have done an amazing job of building up a bleak, despairing atmosphere that immediately gets under the skin. You introduce a sadness and a tension that just then doesn't let up throughout the rest of the piece -- great job with this. I think it can be hard to maintain such a high level of intensity. I did get a little lost in the first stanza though, especially at lines five and six. Are these lines answering the question posed in the fourth line? If so, then I'm afraid I just don't understand this answer. If not, then I still don't understand what you are trying to convey here and the image is confusing to me -- I don't get what you mean by "foot of the pavement". I don't feel like I can offer a specific suggestion here without knowing what you are trying to get across but if you get similar feedback from other readers, then this might be an area to work on.

While I really like how the second stanza sounds when read aloud, I found it a bit too ambiguous. I'm struggling with the third line in particular -- there appears to be a contradiction here. How can something be both clear and blurry? I think perhaps you are trying to say when things are close they are clear at first, but then start to blur as you stare at them. But I'm not sure. I feel like this line is a bit muddled. I wanted more from this stanza and to gain a greater sense of the events unfolding.

I like the emotion and intensity of the third stanza and how you have shown the impact on the criminal's family. A prison sentence doesn't just affect the one it is handed to and I think you have captured that well here.

I feel that the closing stanza is just as strong as the opening one and I love the imagery here, as depressing as it is. There is so much sadness in this stanza. I found myself reflecting on wasted lives and how awful it is that so many lives can be destroyed through one person's thoughtless act. We never learn what that act is in this poem, but I don't feel we need to know. The image of the coffin being lowered whilst surrounded by so much indifference is almost too unbearably sad and intense. I really like it when a poem ends as it is begun -- this is an effective technique and I think you made a great choice using it here as it brings us back to the sadness of the first stanza whilst also drawing the poem to a satisfying conclusion.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a good poem but it is quite a frustrating one too. I think most of the first stanza is exceptional and the last stanza is too, but I feel some areas could use a bit of work as they are confusing at present. But I really felt captivated by the emotion of this piece and emotion is so important to me poetry. Therefore I'm rating 4.5 stars because I really feel this poem has a lot of potential and that there is already a lot to like about it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
48
Review of Pen and Paper  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Elizabeth ,

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a lovely poem about the relationship between paper and pen. I really like the originality of this piece and how you have personified the two objects and presented this as a love story. This is such a wonderful and striking idea! I felt that, as a writer, I could really engage with the subject matter here and I felt captivated by the story you have told. The idea is really quite simple -- of course, paper and pen are intrinsically related and one without the other is rather useless, but you have taken this simple thought and put it across in a creative way.

I love your opening two lines -- the phrase "bond unbreakable" sounds wonderful and I like the image of the second line. The third line is lovely too but I'm a little unsure of the fourth line here. It made me think, who doesn't understand? And why wouldn't they? This part felt a little forced to me. For me, your second stanza is perfect! I feel it would be picky to say "entwined" and "line" aren't a clean rhyme -- who cares?! This part still sounds strong and the flow is lovely. But it is the message and emotion of this part that I found so enchanting -- just stunning!

I like the third stanza but it doesn't feel as effortless to me as the one before it, but still, the image is nice here and I like how you have explored in this stanza, and the next one, what pen and paper give to each other. This is an equal relationship and you have portrayed that well. The final stanza feels a little clichéd to me and it would be very clichéd if this were a poem about two people, but I think you can just about get away with it here due to the originality of this love poem!

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I'm rating this poem 4.5 stars because although I have pointed out a couple of things that perhaps didn't work so well for me, I think you have achieved the near impossible here by coming up with an original love poem. Thank you for sharing this piece -- I really enjoyed reading it.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
Review of Dreams  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Liam ,

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a nicely written, emotional poem in which the reader is taken on a journey through a person's life, from birth to death. This is a huge theme but you have handled it well, in my opinion, creating a thought-provoking piece of writing that has such a philosophical feel to it. I like how you return to the idea of "dreams" throughout the poem and found the message inspiring. I enjoyed the progression from stanza to stanza in this poem, and how each one presented us with a new stage in a person's life, showing the reader the different challenges we face as we learn and grow and also how our dreams and wishes change over time. I really liked how you presented the idea of the small child having a "look and see" attitude, where they learn by observing everything around them and how this changes to " live and learn" as the child grows and starts to venture out into the world. I felt there was a lot of truth in this poem.

The structure of this piece is very polished -- the rhyme scheme is practically flawless and the rhythm is excellent. The only places I stumbled when reading are where the lines confused me and I had to stop to get my thoughts around them, but the metre is great -- you obviously know what you are doing here!

The first six stanzas of this poem were perfect for me. They held my attention and I felt engaged by everything you conveyed. But then I got stuck at the second line of the seventh stanza. No matter how many times I read this part, I just don't know what you are trying to get across, I'm afraid. Then this happened again at the last line of the eighth stanza. This might just be me, but if you get similar feedback from other readers, then these might be a couple of areas to focus on if you chose to work on this piece some more.

But I think you handled the transition from birth to death brilliantly. The closing stanzas could easily have become very mawkish, but you kept them on the right side of sentimental. I actually found them quite poignant and powerful.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I'm rating this poem 4.5 stars because although I have pointed out a couple of things that didn't work so well for me, I still think this is an excellent, skilfully written piece of writing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Alexi ,

I am one of the judges for

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#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I've read this poem a few times and must admit I was struggling with it, but I think I finally get it now. I think this is about a reader abandoning a book, just before the last page, for whatever reason. I imagine them suddenly remembering having to do something and hastily shoving the bookmark in. Then the poem explores what this feels like for the characters of the book. I really hope my interpretation is correct because I love this idea! But I'm sorry if I have got this wrong.

Therefore, my main suggestion for this poem would be to make it more accessible. It is very obscure and difficult to understand. It seems like you have a good idea but I imagine you'll alienate an awful lot of readers who don't have the time or inclination to really look at this piece in depth, which is a shame. The areas that I found particularly difficult are the third and fourth lines of the opening stanza. No matter how many times I read this, I'm afraid I just can't get my thoughts around what you are trying to say here, which is quite frustrating for me. I'm also struggling with the last line of the second stanza, where again, I just can't figure out what you are trying to say. This might just be me but if you receive similar feedback from other readers, then you might want to work on making this poem more comprehensible.

Another couple of areas you might want to take a look at are the twelfth and thirteenth lines. What do you mean by "we tried a tree" -- should that be "climbed"? Also, I think "To late" should be "Too late".

However, I very much enjoyed some of the imagery in this poem, particularly the first line of the second stanza. This is an interesting and striking description, which I felt was quite effective and unusual. I like the phrase "sun kissed diamonds" too. I also think you have made good use of several poetical techniques. I particularly enjoyed the use of assonance in the first stanza. This part of the poem has such a lovely flow.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I'm rating this poem 3.5 stars because although it is pretty confusing and ambiguous in place, which left me feeling frustrated, there is a lot to like here and the idea is wonderful. I just wish it was easier to understand! I do like poetry that makes me think but in my opinion there is a fine line between leaving a reader with questions and leaving them completely baffled. But I feel this piece has a lot of potential.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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