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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Hatsuda ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I have to say, this isn't the kind of thing I would normally choose to read and I'm finding it a little difficult to review. This is because it mixes politics, a subject I find challenging, with business, a subject I'm afraid I find rather boring. So I found my attention wandering at times as I read this story. But please don't think that's because of your writing -- which I think is good -- I just really couldn't engage with your chosen topic. However, I think you chose to write about something that is currently a fairly hot topic (well, it is here in the UK). At least once a week the media seems to bemoan the loss of small, independent high street businesses while huge, impersonal "super" stores seem to be springing up everywhere.

Regarding the contest prompt, I had a hard time connecting with Jolene and don't feel that I fully understood her political views or really got to know her. Well, I know she has severed in the military, I know she saw some things that made her angry and left her feeling hopeless, I know she lost her mother, but I don't get a good sense of who she is as a person. She comes across as fairly quiet and reflective, but beyond that I'm not sure what to make of her. I don't find myself liking or disliking her and I feel this is a bit of a problem. If you get similar feedback from other readers then I would suggest working on Jolene's characterisation. You wrote this:

'This was a new Jolene in front of him, and he wasn’t sure just how to begin.'

And I wanted to know what does he think is new about her? How is she different from the Jolene he knew before, because there isn't really much in the writing to help us understand why this character thinks she has changed Also, I personally would have liked more detail about her thoughts and physical reactions when she's talking with the three people in her kitchen. When she examines the "reactions to Wilson’s comments", what is she thinking? When Caleb tells her how many small businesses are left, what does she feel? When Jolene looks at each of them in turn after a silence, what's going on in her mind? What does she think of these people? And the things they have just told her?

I feel like I have been pretty negative in my review, and I'm sorry about that. I want to re-emphasise that I think the writing is good -- I wouldn't normally finish a story about business, but I truly wanted to know how this one turns out. I very much enjoyed the ending and am glad that things seem to be falling into place for Jolene. I am rating 3 stars as I found it hard to engage with the content of this story and feel that some work needs to be done on Jolene's characterisation so that readers get a better sense of who she is as a person and can therefore connect with her more easily.

Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Graham Muad'dib ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I'll admit this isn't the kind of thing I would usually choose to read and review. Having said that, however, I found myself becoming absorbed in it. It is an interesting and arguably rather controversial story about the role of women in combat. I really didn't know where you were going with and was surprised by the outcome. And saddened by it too!

I think you used the prompt quite well. I learned a bit about Harkness's political views and started to get a sense of his personality through his actions and his thoughts on the things going on around him. To me he came across as a quietly strong person who plays by the rules. He's there to do a job and he's getting it done. He's perhaps a bit of a traditionalist in his views on women and throughout the story examines his own thoughts about women and war, which is a relevant political topic. I really liked the glimpses of the softer side of this man, when he thinks about his sister and imagines her in his current setting, using a weapon and facing terrifying situations. I get a sense that he feels a need to be protective of women and wondered if this stems from his relationship with his sister. I don't think he is an overtly sexist man but wondered if perhaps he has felt responsible and protective of his sister and has kind of transferred those feelings to his female colleagues.

But I have to say that I found it quite hard to connect to this character. There was just something a little "distant" about him and I'm not sure if that was intentional. I would suggest adding more detail about his relationship with Delia so that we can get an even greater understanding of who he is and what drives and shapes his attitudes.

I really enjoyed how the story progressed and how the outcome seemed to change Harkness's views. I like how he finally manages to separate his sister from women in combat and recognises that there are many women in the military who are every bit as strong, brave and capable as the men.

I just noticed one small error, in this part:

'Harkness was preparing to rally his men when heard the unmistakable report of an M-4 rifle from the top of the hill.'

I think the word "he" is needed before the word "heard".

Also, I was a little thrown by the descriptions of Sims's eyes near the end -- isn't she on her stomach? Would they be able to see her eyes? Or if she wasn't exactly face down, but had her head tilted to the side, would they be able to see both eyes? This part just felt a little jarring to me.

But overall I think this is a good story that tackles an important and relevant subject. I'm rating 4 stars for this reason and because I pointed out a couple of things that either didn't work so well for me or that I thought could use a little attention. Thank you for sharing your work -- I enjoyed reading this one. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review of Speaking Out  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Amalie Cantor - We Got This! ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I found this to be an interesting story about a woman who has a secret, that, if revealed, could do a lot of good. I really liked the original way you approached the political topic of same-sex marriage.

I felt you did a really good job of conveying to the reader several aspects of Jodi's character. When we first meet her, she comes across as impatient, angry and perhaps a little bossy. We see her agitated and I liked your descriptions of her pacing around the room -- although you didn't describe her appearance in a lot of detail, her actions made me picture a smartly dressed, neatly groomed business woman. At this point I'll admit I didn't find her particularly likeable, but this changed later on.

As the story progresses, we learn a lot more about Jodi and her political views, and I liked the surprise of just who was in the photos she showed to her husband. I wasn't expecting this at all! It also helped to tell us even more about what kind of a person Jodi is. That she was willing to expose herself and her secret in this way demonstrates how passionate she is about equality. This made me feel a lot warmer towards her and I admired her strength, bravery and determination. I think we also see that she is a pretty ruthless person -- she wants to destroy the political career of a woman who hurt her in the past. Although I didn't particularly care for this aspect of her personality, I felt it added an interesting dynamic to the story. It seems that Jodi's plan to expose Mary Martinez's secret isn't just to help a cause, but maybe because a part of her wants to get revenge too. I think this made her seem more human. Yes, she is noble and courageous, but she has her flaws too.

The reveal of the daughter's sexuality added yet another layer to this story, though I felt it was a little rushed. I kind of wanted to know how Jodi knew her daughter was gay or bisexual if Andrea hadn't actually told her. Also, I would have liked some details about Michael's reaction here. But I did enjoy Jodi's speech and admired how fiercely protective she obviously is of her daughter.

There were just a few other areas in this story that I felt good maybe use a little work. Firstly, the opening paragraph doesn't feel very smooth to me and think this is because of the constant use of the word "would". I'm not sure this is necessary and it kept pulling me out of the story. Also, I was a little thrown by the use of the word "asymmetrical." It made me wonder if Jodi has a limp! It feels like the wrong word to me as the noise of heeled shoes on a hardwood floor tends to create quite a steady beat. I feel that something like "rhythmic" would be a more suitable word.

Secondly, this part stuck out to me:

'Though in most of the pictures their faces were obscured, in one two pairs of twinkling eyes smiled mischievously back at the camera. On one body sat the much younger yet easily recognizable face of one Governor Mary Martinez; on the other—Mrs. Jodi Cameron, his wife.'

It feels awkward to me because of the repetition of the word "one". And I also found this bit jarring because of word repetition:

'Jodi’s heart hurt to look at her daughter looking so frightened.'

Perhaps something like this might read more smoothly:

'Jodi's heart hurt to look at her frightened daughter.' or 'Jodi's heart hurt to see her daughter looking so frightened.'

I personally prefer the first suggestion as it feels tighter. Of course if you agree with my point, you might be able to come up with something better! Then there was this part:

'At the look of pain in her daughter’s face Jodi stepped forward and pulled Andrea into her arms, realizing in surprise that Jodi no longer had to reach down to place her arms around her daughter’s neck.'

I love the emotion in this section but I think that you can replace the second usage of "Jodi" with "she" as it feels a bit awkward at the moment.

Overall I think this is a nice story. It's emotional and interesting and I enjoyed getting to know Jodi and her family. For those reasons, and because I pointed out a few areas that didn't work so well for me, I'm rating 4 stars. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello JACE - House Targaryen ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I must admit, I found this story quite challenging. I think this is because I am not overly familiar with the historical period you chose to set it in and also it took me a while to get used to the style. Having said that, once I became comfortable with the style, I really enjoyed it. Although there is rather a lot of "telling", as opposed to "showing", it works well with the theme and tone. And there is a very distinct tone to this story -- it almost felt as if it was being told to me by a history professor, or someone like that, whose narrative was interwoven with quotes from historical writings. I was curious and wondered if Joshua Fitch actually existed but a quick google search has led me to assume that he is completely fictional! I think you have done a great job of creating a realistic character.

I think you used the prompt well, introducing your character and conveying to the reader what kind of a person Joshua is through his reactions to the political situation in his country. To me he seems to be a strong-willed person with a keen sense of right and wrong. He also appears to be quite passionate and hot-headed, having to be talked out of acting rashly by the pastor. I liked your portrayal of the relationship between Joshua and his father, which added an interesting dynamic to the story. James' concerns seem to be only with and for his family, whereas Joshua seems to constantly look at the "bigger picture". I got the sense that he struggles to understand his father's viewpoint and perhaps sees him being rather passive by nature. I think you have created an impressively strong and realistic voice for Joshua Fitch.

I'm rating 4.5 stars for the purely personal reason that it took me a while to settle into this story and it isn't the kind of thing that appeals to my personal taste. But otherwise I think this is a strong, interesting and unusual piece of writing and I'm glad I read it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello kaysnrach ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I found this to be a fun story about a husband and wife's disastrous dinner date with another couple.

The reader is introduced to the character, Sam, who narrates the story and I think you have done a great job of conveying to the reader what kind of a person he is. Writing in the first person allowed you develop a distinctive voice for Sam and I felt this helped me to get to know him better. My impression of him is that he is a confident man who is feeling very satisfied with the way his life has turned out. He appears to be a strong family-man and I enjoyed the banter early on in the story between him and his wife. I like the way you portrayed their relationship -- they seem very comfortable and happy with each other. Sam seems to fancy himself as a bit of a comedian and Amber seems to find this endearingly annoying!

I have to admit that I started to find Sam a little wearing as the story progressed. I'm not sure I could have stayed married to him if I were Amber! He just became a little too cocky and his witticisms became a bit too overbearing for me. I felt he was arrogant and rude. I don't know if this was your intention, but if not, and if you get similar feedback from other readers, you might want to work on toning down this aspect of his personality.

I think you used the contest prompt well to help show the reader more of Sam's personality through his political views, but again, he didn't strike me as particularly likeable in this part of the story. Perhaps this is because, as someone who studied conservation at University, I disagree with his viewpoint! I found Sam's opinions on the subject of climate change interesting, but I also wanted to know more, for example, what freedoms does he feel have diminished? And also what does he feel we should be doing to protect the planet?

Overall I think this is a strong story and I think you have created an interesting, complex character. Like real people he has his good points and bad points. I'd just suggest making sure that the bad doesn't end up overwhelming the good because then readers may not feel able to connect to him as much. I think it is quite easy for strong, cocky characters to stray into the realm of arrogance and smugness, which isn't exactly appealing. But of course this is just my personal opinion!

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review of Progression  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

I found this to be a really fascinating story about a young man who sustains a brain injury which leaves him with an unusual gift. I wasn't at all sure where you were going with this piece so very much enjoyed all the twists and turns. I love the opening and all of the scenes that take place in the "alternative world". The writing really seems to sparkle here and I like how these little glimpses were interwoven with the rest of the story.

I enjoyed your descriptions of how Josh slowly becomes aware of his new talent and I like that he doesn't just read people's thoughts, but can feel their emotions too. I particularly enjoyed the descriptions in the paragraph beginning "He saw movement from the corner of his eye", when Josh sees what is in Hank's mind. This was so intense and very nicely done, in my opinion.

My only suggestion really would be to just on expand on the parts that come after this. When Josh reveals Hank's secret, things unfold very quickly and it seems a bit rushed to me. Also, I found Josh's reaction a little unbelievable. Wouldn't he at least try to get up to help his mother? Wouldn't he call out? I like the way he does bring down Hank, but this power is new to him -- would it be the first thing he tries? I'm not sure, myself, though perhaps he just does it instinctively.

I noticed a few small errors:

'As Josh listened, the doctor’s words seemed “lift” and Josh could sense more than just their meaning.'

I don't understand this part. Should "lift" be "lifted" or should it be "to lift?" I don't understand what you are trying to say here so am not sure what needs fixing exactly, but it doesn't feel right at the moment.

'“Well, your back,” Doctor Jameson said a little too cheerfully.'

I think "your" should be "you're".

'As order returned to room, Josh watched as Katherine..."

I think the word "the" is missing before the word "room".

But apart from these small things, this seems to be a pretty polished piece of writing to me. It's quite dark and intense and I like that you left it open. There is a lot of scope to expand this story if you wished but I don't find open endings as infuriating as some people do! I'm rating 4.5 stars because I felt some scenes were a bit rushed, but otherwise thought this was an excellent story. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dave ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

I found this to be a captivating poem that seems to be about unrequited love. I felt the narrator of the poem is deeply in love with a person who sadly seems to be indifferent to them in return. The narrator really wishes they were both "singing the same tune" and longs for the object of their affection to feel the same. I like how you have used nature in this piece, with the noise of the crickets providing a sort of soundtrack to the melodrama unfolding in the forest between this mismatched couple. I also liked how "a chill wind blew" when the narrator's affections were rejected.

The contest prompt was to write a Villanelle about a struggle and I think you have done a great job with both aspects. I believe this is a skilfully crafted Villanelle and you appear to have met all of the requirements for the form. I think you chose really strong lines to repeat throughout. As these lines appear so often in the poem, and then together at the end, it is important they have an impact and work well together. I think you have achieved both of these things here.

I think the rhyme scheme is fine, though perhaps some of the end-line words used are a little dull. I personally like lines to end with strong words, especially in rhyming poetry, but words like "we" and "be" just don't seem to pull their weight. And there was just a bit too much enjambment in this poem for my taste too.

I was unsure about the "my love for you is true" part, because this feels clichéd. And also, the part about "riches and fame" felt a bit random to me.

But overall I think this is a lovely poem. I'm rating 4.5 stars as I have pointed out a few things that didn't work so well for me, but they didn't detract from my enjoyment of this piece at all. I think you have done a great job of capturing and conveying a certain atmosphere and my heart went out to the lovelorn narrator. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
Review of Dreaded Block  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Teerich - 2019 ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

I found this to be a nicely written and interesting poem about writer's block. I really felt I could connect with this piece as you have described an experience I am all too familiar with! I particularly like, in this piece, how the blank page "stings". I feel this is a fascinating and effective way to phrase it as the process of trying to write when feeling blocked and uninspired can be a pretty painful one. I think you have done a great job capturing the rather torturous experience of staring at an empty page, not knowing what to write and feeling the right words are just beyond your reach.

The prompt was to write a Villanelle about a struggle and I believe you have mostly done a good job with these requirements. The struggle here is clear and probably one that most writers can relate to.

In terms of the form, the rhyme scheme appears to be incorrect here. The rhyme scheme should be as follows, with the capital letters representing the repeated lines:

A1bA2 abA1 abA2 abA1 abA2 abA1A2.

You have used the "a" rhymes, but you haven't used the "b" rhymes. The middle lines of each of the 3-lined stanzas and the 2nd line of the last stanza should all rhyme with each other. However, I don't know if this was intentional or not.

I believe you have fully understood the requirement of the repeated lines in the Villanelle but you certainly haven't been afraid to break this rule to ensure you get your message across. I like it when a writer is brave enough to modify a form to suit their purpose, rather than being intimidated and constrained by it. This would have been a very different, less inspiring and rather negative poem if you hadn't made those well-judged changes. I believe these particular alterations to the form are more acceptable than disregarding the rhyme scheme, because they feel necessary.

I think your first repeated line is very strong and I like the alliteration of "paralysis" with "pins". I have mixed feelings about the second repeated line. For me, the use of the two adjectives, "bitter" and "mundane" feels a little sluggish. Also, I'm not sure about the use of the word "things". Although I love how it works with your other rhyming words, "things" is what I term a "blah word" -- i.e., a word that doesn't convey much at all. As this line features four times in the poem, in some form or other, I believe it should be strong and attention-grabbing. At the moment I'm not sure it is pulling its weight.

Overall this is a frustrating poem for me to rate! I actually like this piece very much and feel it is quite creative and filled with emotion. I love the upbeat, positive ending and think you made some intelligent alterations to your repeated line to ensure this poem says exactly what you want it to say. However, you either disregarded or made an error with the rhyme scheme. Therefore I think it is fair to rate this poem 4 stars.

Thank you very much for sharing this poem, which gave me a lot to think about. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review of I am me!  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Fran 💜 💜 💜 ,

Recently you were kind enough to send me a review, so I would like to return the favour. *Smile*

Initial thoughts

I found this poem to be a fun and light-hearted celebration of your many roles in life that you feel make up your identity. I'm not usually a big fan of lots of repetition in poetry, but what's not to like about this piece? Your enthusiasm and bright personality shine through your words.

What I liked

It was interesting to me to read each stanza and learn something about you. It seems like your life is very full and active and that you have achieved a lot. Some of the roles you list will have been experienced by very few people, such as being a Paralympian, but others are more common, such as being a sister, and yet all these things seem to be equally important in making you the person you are. I liked this aspect of the poem.

Suggestions

I don't have any suggestions. This piece seems to have been written from the heart and that really comes across. I don't think such deeply personal poems like this should be messed with unless there is something drastically wrong with them!

Closing thoughts and rating explanation

Overall I think this is a lovely poem. There is a lot of dark and depressing poetry on this site so it was refreshing to read something more upbeat. I'm rating 5 stars because I connected to the message of this piece and enjoyed the sentiments of it.

Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bentley ,

Thank you for requesting a review from me for this item.

Initial thoughts

I found this to be an interesting letter that made me wish it were possible for us to receive letters from our future selves, preparing us for what will happen in the future and reassuring us that current struggles won't last forever. I could really do with a letter like that!

What I liked

I enjoyed the tone of this letter. I think you did a good job with this. The "future you" sounds sensible and wise, but not condescending in any way. I like how she is reassuring, yet realistic at the same time. She recognises that life will be tough at times but that it is important to keep going as the positive will outweigh the negative. I felt that she had a lot of interesting and relevant things to say to the "current you". I also think you handled the emotion of this piece effectively. There is enough to really help the reader connect with what you are saying, but not too much that it becomes cloying.

Suggestions

I think my main suggestions really would be to work on tightening up the writing a little bit and watch out for repeated words. For example, this part:

"This is you, from pretty far in the future, so this will all sound pretty strange."

You use the word "pretty" twice in one sentence and I found it a little jarring. I would suggest either removing or replacing one. You could use something like "this will probably sound strange" instead, or "a bit strange". I noticed some more repetition here too:

"I mean, I am you, so I get it. So, here it goes.."

In my opinion, "so" is such a boring word and it rarely pulls its weight! I think it should be avoided if at all possible. I realise you probably want the tone of this letter to be fairly casual and conversational, and it is, but I think you will be able to find a way of striking a balance between conversational and tightly written. Also, I think you need one more dot (.) to complete the ellipsis here.

Closing thoughts and rating explanation

Overall I think this is a great piece and an interesting idea. I am rating it 4 stars because I truly enjoyed reading it but have offered a couple of suggestions. I feel this letter is strong and effective, but could use a polish.

Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
86
86
Review of "Going Nowhere"  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Sca ,

I am reviewing your poem for the "Invalid Item" .

I found this to be an interesting poem though I must admit I'm struggling to understand what it is all about. I see you have selected "cultural" as the genre for this piece. That makes me think the poem does have a meaning, even if it is elusive to me. If you get similar feedback from other readers then you might want to spend some time thinking of ways to convey your message or story more clearly.

Regarding the form, I think this is a good attempt at a Triolet. The repeated lines seem to be in the right place and the rhyme scheme is okay. However I feel some areas could use a little work. Firstly, each line needs to have eight syllables, but I counted nine in the third line. I think this can easily be fixed though if you remove the word "they" and adjust the punctuation, so you have a full stop after the word "load" in the fourth line. Then you could either keep the commas or do something like this instead, using dashes:

"The dog and donkey on the road—
Going nowhere every monday—
help each other carry the load."

It's not perfect but it's a quick idea off the top of my head to fix the syllable count problem in that particular line.

I had a problem with the fifth line too because it doesn't really seem to make much sense. I feel that the word "to" is missing after the word "night" but of course adding this in would throw off the syllable count. You might want to consider rephrasing this line. Perhaps something like this could work:

"Come home at night to their abode,"

I think you also need to remove the comma from the end of the line before this one, otherwise it doesn't read correctly.

I counted seven syllables in the sixth line, though I suppose "they're" could be read as a two-syllable word. However, I feel this line is quite weak anyway because the word "so" is a filler word, which doesn't add anything to the poem. Also, the reader is left to wonder, lay where? Then things get a bit confusing because of the next line, which left me wondering, why do the dog and donkey return home only to lay in the road? I think there is a way to remedy these problems though. Firstly, you could do something like this with the sixth line:

"Exhausted, side by side they lay."

And finish this with a full stop. Then the last two lines of the poem can stand alone, as if the whole cycle of the dog and the donkey on the road is starting again. Do you see what I mean?

Overall I think this is a good attempt at the form and I feel this poem has potential. I just feel it could use some work to make it easier to follow. Thank you for sharing your poem. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review of Coin Toss  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ,

I found this story using the Random Review tool.

Wow, this was disturbing! I really should have checked the genre before reading as I got a bit of a surprise...

I love that this piece is exactly 666 words -- a nice touch!

I think you have done a good job with building up the suspense and Dr Rydell is an extremely intriguing character. I want to know more about him but that's a good thing. The ending is fantastic -- very chilling.

I had a problem with one plot detail in this story -- I found it a little unbelievable that the children would see the doctor alone. You don't state how old they are, but they seem pretty young. This did stick out to me a bit but it isn't a huge deal and can possibly be explained away -- perhaps they boys feel they are too grown-up to be accompanied by their mothers?

I just noticed a couple of errors that you might want to fix:

"... but today, I think we'll start with temples."

Should that be "the temples"? I don't think it is wrong, exactly, the way you have written it, but I feel using the word "the" sounds better. Of course this will affect the word count but I'm sure you could lose another word from somewhere else. There was this part too:

"... sending electrical current racing through the synapses in his head."

I think this should either be "an electrical current" or "sending electrical currents". Probably the second one would be more suitable when considering the word count.

Overall I thought this was an interesting and scary story, with a great, strong ending. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of Tatoos  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Monica Rae ,

I was drawn to this poem because of the description you have given it - I think it is very creative and I wanted to find out more! I'm fascinated by tattoos and the people who get them, though I've never been tempted to get one myself. I do, however, love to hear the stories behind them! Therefore, I really like the idea of this piece. I enjoyed the emotion of it and some of the imagery is quite nice. I particularly liked the opening line.

I just have a few suggestions for if you chose to work on this poem some more. Firstly, you need to correct the title. This should be "Tattoos".

The main suggestions I have are to tighten the writing up a bit and watch out for convoluted lines. For example, this line:

"The pain of which I've held inside"

This would read more naturally like this:

"The pain I've held inside" or you could use "I have" instead of "I've", which might help with the rhythm. I struggled with this part:

"The ink does burn brightly
As I grasp to keep hold more tightly"

Again, this doesn't read naturally. Is there a better, less convoluted way to phrase this? The first line reads much more smoothly written as, "The ink burns brightly" but I feel the second line needs some work too. And the same for this line:

"Love unconditional must flow"

I personally think this would work better as, "unconditional love must flow". I just think it sounds more natural.

Overall I think this poem has a lot potential. It is a wonderful idea! I think the last two lines are really strong and have an impact. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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89
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Terri ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

I found this to be a nice poem about spring. You have successfully used the words required for the contest prompt.

I feel this piece has quite a nice flow but I struggled with the rhyme scheme. In fact, it was only on my second reading that I realised you have used rhyme. I'm not sure about magnolia/camellia and glee/energy -- they feel a little weak to me.

Although I really enjoyed the opening of this poem, I felt the rest of the imagery was a bit clichéd. I have read so many spring poems which include descriptions of glinting rain and dancing flowers. I think if you choose a common theme it is important to find an original way to approach it in order for it to really stand out.

Overall I think this is a good piece that perhaps lacks that extra "sparkle". Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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Review of Memory, May I?  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello A*Monaing*Faith ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

This is an interesting poem. I enjoyed the unique structure of it and I think the questions work very well. The flow is quite nice and the poem has a strong sound when read aloud. I like how you have used the contest prompt required words.

I think this poem might have been a little too obscure for me, if you hadn't provided an explanation of the inspiration behind it underneath. Also, I found the imagery to be a little vague and abstract. I know this is a philosophical, reflective piece, but I feel you could have included a few more striking, concrete images to really grab the reader and make your writing stand out.

But overall I enjoyed reading this. I can relate to it too as I seem to be in a similar position as you are at the moment. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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91
Review of April's Tears  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Yellow Rose ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

I think the idea of this poem is very sweet and creative and I like how you have used the words required for the contest prompt. However, I must admit that I am rather struggling with this piece.

I think for me that the structure is the biggest problem. The rhyme feels very forced and the rhythm is uneven throughout. The long lines are quite cumbersome and some are phrased awkwardly. For example, in the first two stanzas, I'm not sure why you have used the word "would" -- why not just say "A tender breeze carries their fragrance..." and "Butterflies dance about..."? I was confused by the use of the word "would"! I often find reading a poem aloud helps me to identify the weak spots in the rhythm. However, I believe the best way to do this is to get someone else to read it aloud to you. This is because they do not know your intended rhythm and you can then see if it is read in the way you meant it to be read.

I felt a bit confused by your opening couplet too. I don't understand the image of the "benches everywhere" and what you are trying to convey with this. I also think this part is a little odd as it reads as if the fragrance of both the flowers and the benches is carried in the air, rather than just the flowers. I doubt this was your intention so I think you need to work on rephrasing this part. As this is the opening of your poem it should be really strong and striking to grab the reader's attention and make them want to read on.

I stumbled in the middle of the poem when April's mother asks her about the bird. This is because we hadn't been introduced to April before this part and had no idea that she could see a bird in the stone. I had to re-read this part to understand it and think you need a couplet beforehand describing April's attempts to show her mother the trapped bird.

In the eleventh couplet, I didn't understand what you meant by, "They are too busy and forget to the hear the Word". What word? Did you mean "world"? And why is it capitalised?

Overall I think this is an interesting idea but I feel the poem needs some work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of Dead Flowers  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I must confess, I'm not a big fan of Acrostic poetry but I had to read this one because the title of it grabbed my attention and made me feel intrigued! Anyway, I'm glad I did choose to read it because I thought this was a great piece and I got a lot out of it. This is a sad poem about a vase of dying roses, left over from a broken relationship. They are an effective symbol of the love once shared and then sadly lost. I felt this was very effectively done and a creative way to approach the common themes of lost love and broken relationships. The emotion is intense and you have created some striking images. I particularly loved the fourth line.

The only part that stuck out to me really is that in one line you have the petals crumbling to dust and in the next line you have the faded petals falling off. This seems to be an inconsistency and I'm not sure it works too well. But it could easily be remedied by replacing one use of the word "petals" with "leaves" instead. I would suggest "dry leaves" because I think the image of "faded petals" is beautiful. Also, then you won't have the words "leaves" and "leaving" in consecutive lines, which might feel a little jarring. But of course this is just a suggestion and you may not agree with my point or have a better idea.

Overall I think this is a beautiful and creative poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of Puppy  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Marci Missing Everyone ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

Aw! This is an adorable poem that succinctly describes just why puppies are so completely irresistible to the majority of us! It's a fun piece and it has a casualness about it that I found to be quite effective. The poem has quite a "conversational" style, which gives it a nice flow. Regarding the contest prompt, I think you have done a good job with the Pleiades form and have met all the requirements.

The only suggestion I have for this piece is to maybe work on the third line. The repetition of the word "so" is a little jarring. Also, "so" is a filler word and should be avoided if at all possible, in my opinion, so that more interesting, active words can be used to capture the reader's attention.

But overall I think this is a sweet poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of Depression  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Melissa Ann ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

I found this to be an incredibly intense poem about depression and it made me feel really sad. This is because I could connect to it as I too suffer from depression. My concentration is often badly affected, making me feel unable to read and as a major bookworm, this is extremely distressing. I've come across so many poems about depression and can appreciate how hard it is for a writer to approach this topic in an original way. For the most part I think you have avoided the clichés and I love the unique yet truly sad image of the stacks of dusty, unread books. This part really tugged at my heart.

I like how you have made the title an integral part of the poem. I think poets can sometimes forget that the title is actually a part of the poem too! I think you have used the contest prompt well, meeting the requirements of the Pleiades form. I did count five syllables in the fifth line as I pronounce "mystery" as a two syllable word, but I can appreciate that some would read it as a three syllable word. I don't suppose it really matters that much!

I feel that the punctuation could use some work. Firstly, I'm not sure the first word should be capitalised as it follows on from the title. That might look a little odd though so it may be worth considering capitalising all words at the beginning of lines for consistency. I feel that the flow is a little choppy in the fifth and sixth lines and am wondering if there is a way to use punctuation to give this part a more cohesive feel. Perhaps something like this could work:

"dramas, mystery -- books --
distractions from troubles."

But overall I think this is a strong poem and it really "spoke" to me. The last line is overwhelmingly sad. I can really connect to the idea of feeling distanced from life through not being able to pursue the simple pleasure of reading. Thank you for sharing this piece. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of Stars  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Dawn Embers ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

I found this to be a nice poem that has a rather ethereal feel to it. It has a mystical quality that is quite effective -- I was left wondering why one of the "sisters" remains hidden and whether the wish will come true if one of the stars in the cluster is forgotten about! Regarding the contest prompt, I think you have done a good job with the Pleiades form, meeting all of the requirements. I really appreciated your explanation of the Pleiades star cluster and feel this helped me to have a greater understanding of the form.

At first I wasn't sure about the flow of this poem. It feels a little choppy to me because some of the sentences have been "clipped" to fit the syllable count (for instance, not using the word "the"). However, I like that you have remained consistent with this -- sometimes people do it indiscriminately depending on what is needed for the syllable count but you clearly made a conscious decision about it and stuck with it. The more I read the poem, the more I get used to the style you used and think it adds to the overall "other-worldly" feel of it.

The main suggestion I have for this piece is to maybe reconsider the word repetition, which can be quite jarring, especially in short-form poetry. The words "star" and "cluster" both get repeated twice.

But overall I think this is a good piece and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of Memories  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Happy April 2024! ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" . Thank you for entering!

I feel like there is a real truth in this poem and for that reason, I felt I could really connect with the message. It is a simple piece, though a strong one, about the different roles our memories can play in shaping our lives. I love the opening line -- it is creative and effective -- and I enjoyed the other language choices in this poem too. Memories are an extremely powerful force and I think you have done an excellent job of conveying that in this poem, particularly in the final line.

Regarding the contest prompt, you have done a great job with the Pleiades form, meeting all of the requirements. I think you made a wise choice in not using punctuation throughout. As the poem reads a bit like a list, it is easy enough to follow and punctuation would probably hinder the flow, rather than help guide the reader.

I don't have any suggestions to make because I believe this poem is perfect as it is. Thank you very much for sharing it.

~Jess.

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97
97
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello elizjohn ,

Thank you for your review request.

I found this to be a very creative and clever short story about a teacher and his class -- though not everything is as it seems at first! I like how the story starts off with a familiar classroom scene -- the charismatic teacher, the class clown, the cheeky pupils -- but then everything shifts and the reader is transported straight into a horror story. I thought the way you did that was very effective and I did not see the twist coming at all. The idea of it is very original and I am very impressed with how you have put your own spin on the common theme of unrequited love.

When I was reading, the main thing that stuck out to me really was the part near the beginning where Thomas falls out of his chair on purpose and pretends to die. I like this part but I wanted to know how the other students reacted to this show as well as Mr Nelson. Did they laugh and call out? Did some try to mimic Thomas? I personally would have liked more detail here.

The other things I noticed are just technical things, so I feel this piece could benefit from a careful edit. Here are a few of the things I spotted:

'But before he could question Thomas further, he an image popped into his head: a young girl, caramel-honey skin, dreadlocks, quiet disposition.'

A second, unnecessary "he" has crept into this sentence.

In the paragraph beginning: 'Joe watched Thomas rant and rave...', I think you need to make it clear that Regina is speaking, even if it's only in a memory. Maybe you could italicise her words?

Another thing I'd suggest is watching out for repetition. For instance, towards the end the word "head" gets repeated quite a lot and the word "thunderous" is used twice in the same sentence. This can be quite jarring.

But overall I think this is an excellent piece of writing. The characters feel real and their dialogue is natural, the story moves along nicely, the idea is fantastic and the ending is suitably disturbing. Thank you for inviting me to read this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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98
98
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I don't know a whole lot about Jesse James but I found this to be an interesting story and I think you have done a good job with the folklore genre. I really like how you lead in to the actual folktale and I enjoyed the style of this opening -- I felt like I was watching the family from a distance and although I didn't know who they were, the scene felt very familiar.

I also enjoyed how the tone of the story changes when Grandpa takes over the narration. You have given him a distinct voice, which is very effective.

I think the only problem for me really with this piece was that it was lacking in detail. I like to be able to picture things and I couldn't really do that. Also, I wasn't entirely sure about what message Grandpa was trying to get across. He says at the end that he often wonders about the price of his action and I wanted him to elaborate here. I didn't really get a sense of what it "cost" him personally to do what he did and how it affected him.

But overall I enjoyed reading this story and I think you have a talent for getting a certain "voice" across through your writing. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.


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99
Review of The Swaggy  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Cherry Mac ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I found this to be a nice story and I enjoyed reading about another country and culture. I think you did a good job with the folklore genre and I like how you integrated the three different tales. I liked your depiction of the character Prosper and got a good sense of what kind of person he is -- honest, hardworking, solitary.

I noticed a few errors in this piece so feel it could benefit from a careful edit. Also, I found there was quite a bit of repetition too, for instance this part:

'"I want you to have a good breakfast before you go. I'll get up and.make some scrambled eggs before you go.".

I wasn't sure about the repetition of "before you go" and thought it sounded a little odd. Also, there is a rogue full stop in this sentence between the words "and" and "make". Something like this might work instead:

"I want you to have a good breakfast before you go so I'll get up and make you some scrambled eggs."

I also felt that the characters' names were repeated too often and found this quite jarring. It also made the dialogue feel a bit unnatural to me, so I'd suggest cutting down on this a bit.

But overall I enjoyed this piece and I really liked the ending a lot. I like how a small detail at the beginning of the story became so important at the ending of it. Thank you very much for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.


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100
100
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Cherokee Rose ,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I found this to be a nicely written, fun short story about two brothers on a camping trip. I really enjoyed your depiction of the brothers and their relationship and I think you did a good job with the dialogue -- their banter felt natural and realistic to me.

I like how the story progresses and I love the ending. It's a shame for Ty though that he misses out on seeing the bigfoot and I was left wondering would he believe his brother when told about the experience!

Only a couple of things stuck out to me when reading. Firstly, this part:

'Ty and I both had light brown hair, and blue eyes, but had opposite personalities.'

I found this pulled me out of the story and wondered if there was another way to integrate it more effectively. Perhaps something like this?

'Although we looked alike with the same light brown hair and blue eyes, Ty and I had opposite personalities."

Or something to that effect. I just felt this part could be a little smoother.

I also found it quite hard to picture the bigfoot and would have appreciated a bit more description in this part. In particular, I couldn't really envision how it moved -- do they shuffle? Stomp? Something else? I wanted a clear image of him!

But overall I think this is a great story and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review useful.

~Jess.


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