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26
26
Review of You're Here  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello TealHeadlight and welcome to WDC!

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of the "Invalid Item" . *Smile*

Initial impressions: Your item is one which is based on a profound love and the need to keep it secure at all costs. The romance between the two characters is surreal and as such the female character expects the worst to happen and needs constant reassurance. She is very vulnerable.

Content: Words such as delicately, softly, and the incorporation of sight, touch and smell senses all help to engulf the reader into the nostalgic emotions you are expressing. However, there is a tremendous amount of errors nestled in the content and this lowers the quality and appeal of your item for the reader.

Errors/inconsistencies: I found the following errors in the content of your story:

Line 5- The (i) needs to be capitalized because you are making a direct reference to yourself.

Lines 6 & 7- (i), (i)'m, (i)'ll...all of these (i's) need to be capitalized.

Line 8- for longer than forever would sound better simply as ...an eternity.

Line 10- echoes should read as echoing.

Line 11- and soothing balm to my shattered heart would flow smoother as: a soothing balm for my shattered heart.

Lines 13, 14 & 15- The individual i's on these lines need to be capitalized.

Line 17- claiming them as eternally yours would sound better as: claiming them as your own.

Line 18- Capitalize the i on this line.

Line 22- your'e should read as you're.

Lines 24 & 25- The i's on this line also need to be capitalized. The (w) in with also requires capitalization as it is a starting point. 'there' should be corrected to here.

Lines 27 & 28- Capitalize the 'n' in now. The i on line 28 requires capitalization and you need to drop one 's' in promise.

Line 29- capitalize the i.

Line 37- bruth should be brush.

Remainder of item- All of the i's require capitalization through out the remainder of the item.

Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to correct the errors noted above to improve your item. Keep in mind that when you are making a direct reference to yourself you must always capitalize the i's you use. *Smile*

General comment: A soft and graceful read with the potential to pull the reader into its depths and eject these majestic and fanciful emotions upon them. There are too many errors for them to be overlooked but once you have corrected them I think your item will soar.
Well done, write on and enjoy your time here at WDC.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1389764 by Not Available.
27
27
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Florence Lieb and welcome to WDC!

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" . *Smile*

This poem is centrally based upon the depiction of what lies beneath the surface of those we believe to be blissfully happy and fortunate. It clearly expresses that exterior appearances are just a facade, a disguise which reflects what the person wants us to see and believe.

This poem reminded me of the sentiment of 'Why does the cagebird sing?'.

The emotional aspects of the piece are rich and potent and the despair of the woman is easily ejected upon the reader but the item does not define why, minus a partial reference to isolation. I suggest placing some further emphasis into elaborating upon a clearer picture.

Line 4- This line features the word 'stole' twice. I encourage you to avoid repetition in such close succession because more often than not it serves only to distract and disinterest the reader.

Thank you for sharing your writing talent with WDC. I hope you enjoy the time you spend here. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1389764 by Not Available.
28
28
Review of What the f*ck?  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello BadAtom and welcome to WDC!

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group" .

Initial impressions:Hmm.. you ask a very legitimate question in this item. A question that I would also like to know the answer to.
When reviewing an item which contains profanity I am always annoyed when this censorship takes place. I politely ask the writer 'If you feel it was significant to use the terminology to begin with then why do you opt to censor it instead of rating your item accordingly so it can be featured without repercussion?'
It is amusing when I am often met with the answer: 'Oh, I didn't think of it that way".

Content: I like that you have deemed this subject worthy of a public item. I feel it is an item that would receive many different responses, depending solely upon the person. In this sense, it is entertaining.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present within the piece.

Suggestions for improvement: No particular suggestions for improvement are coming to mind.

General comment: An interesting item based on a controversial topic. Have fun reading through the many different responses you receive. *Smile* Well done, write on and enjoy your stay here at WDC.

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RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  (E)
RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.
#398524 by Writing.Com Support
29
29
Review of The One  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Moonlaker and welcome to WDC!.

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group" .

Initial impressions: This is a poem which touches upon those turbulent thoughts we are all consumed with when we first break out onto the dating scene. Times of pure adrenaline mixed with panic and a sprinkling of expectation.

Content: What I liked most about your item was the array of questions scattered through out the content. This is a great way to encourage your reader to become an active participant within your item because it forces them to ask themselves these very same questions.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but your item is in need of the appropriate punctuation. I also happened to notice that you have capitalized the first letter at the beginning of each line. This is not necessary and should be avoided.

Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to implement the suggestions noted above.

General comment: Your poem is one which rekindles old memories of uncertain and youthful times. It was great to walk down memory lane once again. The rhyme has been executed well but I do encourage you to keep watch on the structuring of your words. There were plenty of areas that could have been crafted to read much smoother than they did. Nevertheless, it was a pleasure to review you. Well done, write on and enjoy your time here at WDC.

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RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  (E)
RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.
#398524 by Writing.Com Support
30
30
Review of The Mirror  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello peacock22 and welcome to WDC!

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group" .

Initial impressions: I thoroughly enjoyed reading this creative write. I like the idea of the communication between Mary and Anne taking place through the mirror. It reminded me of some of those old legends children used to talk about at school but there was more beneath the surface of this story. Many different elements merge together to create a chilling read.

Content: The pace of the story was delivered quite well. I did not feel rushed or overwhelmed by an overload of information but I was also not left wanting. I think you did an exceptional job in this area.
There were a few parts I thought were a little shady, particularly the fact that Anne was able to kill this person she had never met before so easily. Admitedly, her own dark past would have made her ponder the thought but to actually go through with it seemed too far fetched for my liking. Nevertheless, it was still a captivating read.

Errors/inconsistencies: There were a number of visible errors in the content of your story and I will point them out to you as follows:

Line 3- Remove the word 'so' on this line. It is not needed.

Line 5- love should read as loved.

Line 9- 'until he saw blood' would read smoother as 'until she bled'.

Line 34- A question mark is needed after the word 'help'.

Line 43- A question mark is needed after the word 'you'.

Line 104- awake should be wake.

Line 138- Insert the word 'was' between 'and' & 'in'.

Line 139- A question mark is required at the end of this line.

Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to correct the errors noted above. I also suggest breaking your story up into paragraphs. Without the appropriate divisions the item appears and reads too long winded and this hinders the potential of the item.

General comment: This was a fantastic story. It captured my attention and safely secured it from start to finish. I was drawn in, entertained and satisfied at the end. Well done and write on. I hope you enjoy your time here at WDC. *Smile*

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31
31
Review of Going Nowhere  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Happy Adore♥
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: Wow...there is so much discontent in this poem. There is a begrudging acceptance of a situation one is not entirely happy with but has learned over time to deal with. It seems both of these people know no better and as such could not be bothered to strive for something more fruitful.

Content: The poem itself is sad because these characters are prepared to allow themselves to be emotionally ripped off. My heart went out to them both, especially the narrator, and I felt like reaching out and shaking them whilst screeching "Don't settle for second best!".

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present within the item.

Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to keep a careful watch on the general pace of the item. There are a few select areas where it is rocky and rigid and I think this is largely attributed to the fact that your poem is not metered.

General comment: Fantastic emotional elements burst through this item to grip all who read it. Such sorrow, discontent and restlessness to behold. I was mesmerized. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
32
32
Review of Captive  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Happy Adore♥
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: Your poem is essentially made up of 12 words only. It is miniscule in content but speaks in loud volumes. You clearly express the isolation and loneliness experienced by someone who is yearning for another.

Content: As stated, your poem speaks loud and clear to the reader but it would have been sensational to have been offered more to read. The content you have already is so exquisite that I felt disappointed when it ended so abruptly.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies.

Suggestions for improvement: I have two suggestions for improvement:

1. Add some more body to your poem.

2. Add an elipses after 'waiting' and 'still' to place an emphasis upon the pause and draw it out further to match the emotions of the character.

General comment: I love what you have here but I'm greedy and want more! *Laugh* You seem to have a flair for wordplay. I am amazed by what you were able to convey to the reader with such a small amount of words. Well done! *Thumbsup*


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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
33
33
Review of May Angels Watch  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello VictoriaMcCullough
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

This is a fantastic poem. Very spiritual and serene in content and emotion. The pace and flow of the poem is perfectly balanced and I detected a strong lullaby quality within the piece. It was magnetic.

Everything in your poem is in working order. I could find no grammatical or punctuation errors and I do not feel there is a need for suggestions for improvementt because the item is splendid as it is and stands strong.

I am thrilled I stumbled upon this. It was very warming and nurturing and most definitely something I would recommend others to read.
Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
34
34
Review of Enchantment  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Happy Adore♥
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: I really like this poem! There are some fantastic lines within this item that are amazing and unforgettable. Twisting, turning, a pirouette on the wind-- A line that will linger in my mind.

Content: I like that your poem concentrates on the finer things in life. Peace and tranquility is quite often not found in the materialistic for these are but a mere bandaid.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors nor are there any inconsistencies present.

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestion for improvement is to punctuate the item.

General comment: Fantastic display of word choices. They pulsate and linger within the mind after the item has finished. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
35
35
Review of Rustle of Silk  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Happy Adore♥
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: Your poem is so miniscule in length and yet it speaks volumes to the reader due to careful and confident word choices.
I like the concept of this poem. Although there is no direct reference your poem reminds me of a vampire because this is how I picture them to be. Charming, seductive, mesmerising yet toxic. *Bigsmile*

Content: The title captured my attention immediately because it is descriptive. A soft and graceful namesake yet without even reading the poem there is an essence of expectation that all is not what it seems. It drew me in with ease.

Errors/inconsistencies: I found only one error in the content and this occurs on line 6- drift needs a plural. 'drifts'.

Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to add the plural noted above and also to sprinkle your item with some much needed punctuation to keep your flow consistent.

General comment: A small yet powerful poem. Potent word selections make this quip write a gem. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
36
36
Review of Dewdrops  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Christina~Thanks StoryMaster
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: There is a lot of negative emotion bursting through this poem. Sadness, regret and a sense of helplessness are just to name a few. Your poem has the ability to dampen the mood of any reader and pull them into this murky vortex with you.

Content: It is very obvious that self-doubt and self-preservation are what is holding this character/you? back. You wish to return this person's affection but find you are unable because you doubt yourself or perhaps you doubt this persons true intentions.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: I think because your item does not rhyme and is not written to a poetic format perhaps the overall flow and pace of the item could be improved upon if you were to meter the content so it is not so sporadic.

General comment: There is potent emotional energy in this poem and it ejects itself onto the reader with the greatest of ease. The core of the poem is sad but moving. Good job. Write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
37
37
Review of Winter Comfort  
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jaya

I am here to offer you the following "Circle of Sisters"  review for your entry into the "Rising Stars Shining Brighter"  contest. *Smile*

Initial impressions: This is such a sweet poem Jaya. It is warm and radiant and quite nurturing which is great to see considering your inspiration for the piece. *Bigsmile*.

Content: Your item is direct and to the point. You express what needs to be expressed, nothing more and nothing less. There are a few small sections that I would encourage you to adjust but besides these minor blemishes, I can find no fault with your poem.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: I offer you the following suggestions to take onboard if you feel they will enhance your item:

Line 6- I feel him would read smoother than his.

Line 11- Fills my world with warm presence.
suggestion:
Filling my world with his warm presence. (I think the shift in tense may be needed for this line to flow smoother and the use of 'his' makes the item more personal and intimate.)


General comment: This is a lovely write which has obviously come from the heart as poetry should. The emotions bursting through the item are warm, welcoming and very appreciative of your son. You did a great job. Well done and best of luck to you in the contest. *Smile*

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Rising Stars Shining Brighter  (E)
Contest for existing Rising Stars...Monthly award of "Shining Star" status.
#1215871 by Tornado Day
38
38
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Robin:TheRhymeMaven

I am here to offer you the following "Circle of Sisters"  review for your entry into the "Rising Stars Shining Brighter"  contest. *Smile*

Initial impressions: This is a superbly written poem with a deep and profound meaning. It is mesmersing, enchanting and hypnotising. By the end of the first stanza I was completely hooked.

Content: Marvelous rhyme is featured in this item. During the entire length of the piece your rhyme remained direct and consistent and at no point did it feel forced whatsoever. It was all smooth sailing.

Errors/inconsistencies: I found only one small error in the content and this occurs on line 36- answer should be answers. It needs the plural to flow smoother.

Suggestions for improvement: Correct the error noted above.

General comment: A remarkable poem which shows confident word choices and a true talent for structure. I think you did a tremendous job with this poem and it was a pleasure for me to review it. Write on and best of luck to you in the contest. *Smile*

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Rising Stars Shining Brighter  (E)
Contest for existing Rising Stars...Monthly award of "Shining Star" status.
#1215871 by Tornado Day
39
39
Review of Follow Your Heart  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON
I am here to give you the last review you are to receive as part of the number 2 package from "Invalid Item" , gifted to you by Marsha Musselman .

Initial impressions: This poem is deep and meaningful and sends a very positive and sincere message to the reader to accept and love all others for who they are not what you want them to be. Ignorance serves only to hinder the sight of the arrogant.

Content: Fantastic rhyme has been incorporated into this poem and the red text, along with the central message helps to warm the piece.
You have captured a steady and consistent flow in this item and it makes it even more appealing.

Errors/inconsistencies:There are no errors or inconsistencies whatsoever in this item.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required.

General comment: A humane and peaceful write delivering a message of importance. Let's hope everyone who reads this takes the message away with them. Well done, Sherri. This item rocks!

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1527427 by Not Available.
40
40
Review of HALLOWEEN NIGHT  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON
I am here to give you review number 2 of 3 that you are to receive as part of the number 2 package gifted to you by Marsha Musselman from "Invalid Item" .

Initial impressions: I absolutely love that you have used the surrounding atmosphere to bring this item to life. I thought it was sensational and I could not tear my eyes away. I am usually able to tell the reader one particular thing which I feel was the highlight within the poem but I can't do that with this one. The rhyme, imagery and tone of narration were all great and mingled well without one overshadowing the other. *Thumbsup*

Content: The rhyme pattern you chose to use was a perfect fit for this item. I feel if you had of directly rhymed each and every line consistently your item would have felt more like a jingle than a poetic offering but you balanced it out perfectly and there is nothing in this area that I would change.

Errors/inconsistencies:There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: I have only one small suggestion and this pertains to line three of the first stanza: I suggest inserting the word 'any' between shed and light to keep with the timing of that stanza.

General comment: A fantastic halloween write which features tremendous imagery and a creepy tone of narration. The length of the poem is perfect as is the rhyme. A write to be proud of. *Smile*
Well done and write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1527427 by Not Available.
41
41
Review of THE DARK  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON
Congratulations! You have been gifted with a number 2 "Invalid Item"  package by Marsha Musselman . I am here to give you the 1st of 3 reviews you will receive as part of your package. *Smile*

Initial impressions: I like the fact that although your poem is dark in content it has not been written to terrify. I do think that it would serve to spook any young children who read it though and that is exactly what an item like this should do. *Smirk*

Content: The use of descriptive words have helped you to capture the essence of Halloween very well. Ghostly, evil, beware, wickedly, demonic...these are just a few to be mentioned but the list does go on.
The rhyme serves to tone down the malevolence of the item and make it more playful which is a good method to use because it opens the piece up for viewing to a wider audience.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies.

Suggestions for improvement: I have a few suggestions for you to consider if you feel they are appropriate for the enhancement of the item.

Creatures will be coming out very soon.
Creatures will be on the loose very soon.

Never knowing what dangers they might meet.
Never knowing what dangers they may meet.

Ghostly howling to give them a fright.
Ghostly howls sound, giving them a fright.

That dance around them so wickedly.
Which wickedly dance around them vividly.

The suggestions made are simply for timing purposes.

General comment: This is an excellent Halloween poem which can be enjoyed by many due to the rating and content. This would be a fantastic addition to Annette 's halloween contest: The Not So Scary Halloween Contest. *Thumbsup* You write dark offerings with as much zeal as light ones. Well done and write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1527427 by Not Available.
42
42
Review of Alone  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Just an Ordinary Boo!
I am here to offer you a "Invalid Item"  review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: It seems their is multiple conflicts occuring in your poem. The main conflict appears to be that you are alone and whilst this is delivered in a sad, somber and regretable tone of narration the ending of the poem shows us that it may be what you wanted or perhaps needed afterall.

Content: There is so much happening in this item. A tug-of-war, back and forth. You're sad yet hopeful, fragile yet strong willed, wallowing in misery yet craving to be happy...etc, etc...the list goes on.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the content.

Suggestions for improvement: Some areas of the poem seem high in traffic because they have been grouped together. I am thinking the flow of the poem along with the presentation would benefit if you were to create some extra divisions.

General comment: Your wordplay usage is above par as always and the use of emotionally charged references brings this item to life.
It was a pleasure to review your item. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
43
43
Review of Autumn Playground  
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello warriormom
I am here to offer you the following "Circle of Sisters"  review for your entry into: "Rising Stars Shining Brighter" .

Initial impressions: In this item you have taken the reader to a place which is of importance to you. You share your childhood dreams and fantasies with the reader and in creating this public item you invite all who read it to join you.

Content: From a wordplay perspective you have delivered this item well. Many descriptive words bring the item to life and entice the reader to be swept up by your words. It was a very busy item and I was only more than happy to see the sights with you.
The downside to this item is the format. Unfortunately, it is not working for me and I feel it was not the best form to use in expressing this item. Too many lines and sections are severed during crucial stages and the reader is forced to break the momentum you have created to shift to the next line.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies.

Suggestions for improvement: I would encourage you to ask yourself if you believe this is the best format to use for this item. If you feel it is then I suggest you leave it as is. If there is any doubt whatsoever then this is not the right one.

General comment: Your item is delightful, fun and spirited. It is oozing with vivid imagery and presented to the reader in a warm and inviting manner. Minus the format, there is nothing about this item I do not like. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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Rising Stars Shining Brighter  (E)
Contest for existing Rising Stars...Monthly award of "Shining Star" status.
#1215871 by Tornado Day
44
44
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Just an Ordinary Boo!
I am here to offer you the folowing [item:1525013} review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: Your poem is sad and withdrawn and whilst it is described as a poem of separation, to me, it seems to be based more upon seeking answers to questions which remain unanswered. Searching for a clarity which is being yearned for.

Content: The wordplay in this item is astounding and the descriptive phrases you have used only serve to enhance the already elaborate imagery you deliver to the reader. I also enjoyed the spontaneous rhyme scattered through out the verses.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors in the content nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required.

General comment: Fantastic use of words and the careful deliberation of their structure have brought this poem to life. The tone of narration is haunting and I can find nothing about this poem that I do not like. Thanks for a great read. *Smile*
Well done and write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
45
45
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Oldwarrior
I am here to offer you the following "Circle of Sisters"  review for your entry into: "Rising Stars Shining Brighter" . *Smile*

Initial impressions: Your item has been written to a couplet format and I am pleased to have the pleasure of reviewing it. I am a huge fan of this poetic form and it is great to stumble upon it as it is a pattern which is often overlooked in favor of others.

Content: Your poem is very patriotic and expresses a gatitude and admiration for all who have risked their lives to carve the free societies in which we all lhave the pleasure of living in today. You have captured a wonderful and consistent flow in this poem and the rhyme is great. At no point did any of the rhyme feel rigid or forced it was all smooth sailing.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors but there does seem to be an issue with your tenses. I feel when you are communicating from your character this item would be better expressed in the present rather than the past tense.

Suggestions for improvement: In reference to tenses:

I stood upon the hill one day looking down below
suggestion:
I stand upon the hill today looking down below.

I felt a presence standing near, my thoughts begin to flow.
suggestion:
I feel a presence standing near, my thoughts begin to flow

General comment: I love the sincerity in this poem. It is easy to see that you have a profound respect for all people who have offered themselves to the military. It would be nice if more people followed your lead. Well done and write on. *Smile*

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Rising Stars Shining Brighter  (E)
Contest for existing Rising Stars...Monthly award of "Shining Star" status.
#1215871 by Tornado Day
46
46
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Ben Langhinrichs
I am here to offer you the following "Circle of Sisters"  review for your entry into: "Rising Stars Shining Brighter" . *Smile*

Initial impressions: It is effortless to see that there is a deeper and more profound meaning behind these words if one cares to only take a closer look beneath the surface. I cannot quite put my finger on it but there is something compelling about this item and it was this sensation which kept my attention resting firmly upon your item.

Content: This is merely a personal opinion, but I am of the belief that sometimes less is better. The content appears too 'busy' and this caused distraction. I am also unsure why you would sever important lines at their most crucial stages to leap to a fresh line. This for me, caused a negative impact upon the poem from a structural standard and a hitch in the overall flow of the piece. On the upside, the imagery you captured was magnificent. *Thumbsup*

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors in the content of your poem.

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestions for improvement pertain to my previous comments. I would encourage you to take a closer look at the structure of the poem to see if you really believe this is the best format to use for this piece. I would also encourage you to weed out any words which bare no real significance to the piece in an attempt to compact the item and lose the drawn out feeling attached to it.

General comment: I very much enjoyed the wordplay you have used. It is above average and combined with your vivid imagery they both make for a potent concoction. Admitedly, yes, I do not believe that every individual word you have used is needed but I like where you were going with this and did enjoy reading it. Well done and write on.

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Rising Stars Shining Brighter  (E)
Contest for existing Rising Stars...Monthly award of "Shining Star" status.
#1215871 by Tornado Day
47
47
Review of Feathers  
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon
I am here to offer you a "Circle of Sisters"  review for your entry into: "Rising Stars Shining Brighter" . *Smile*

Initial impressions: Poetry for the most part is based upon emotion and the poets ability to move others whether this be to pull them into a world they have never known or pluck emotional strings that otherwise would have been left untampered with if they had not stumbled across the words in question. All expectations of poetry both written and unwritten have been followed impeccably in this item.

Content: This is a write to be proud of. The strength it must have taken to place these thoughts and feelings into words serves only to show the reader just how talented you truly are. Beautiful emotional elements are bursting through your poem to mingle with some evoking imagery.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required.

General comment: I would like to make it clear that whilst I am a compassionate person; when reviewing, I look at the integrity of the piece only and I disregard the situation. My review and rate should not be looked upon only as a gesture of comfort and friendship but as honest feedback for an impeccably written item which pulls on the heart strings of the reader like a marionette. Exquisite talent is on display here and it is my intention to bring it to the attention of others.
Well done and write on. *Smile*

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Rising Stars Shining Brighter  (E)
Contest for existing Rising Stars...Monthly award of "Shining Star" status.
#1215871 by Tornado Day
48
48
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello fyn
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your item: "Cooking with Words" .

Initial impressions: I like the unique quality of this item. I have not come across an item which so explicably relates writing to cooking. The funny thing is I would not have thought it could be sufficently compared and yet here I am reading this and agreeing with all of the comparisons you have made. LOL

Content: I like what you have so far but it feels as though there is something small but important missing. I am thinking perhaps some rhyme may improve your item for entertainment value?

Errors/inconsistencies: I am wondering if notepade should have the in it? Due to the grammatical differences between countries I am unsure if this is incorrect or not. In my country it would be noted as an error but this may not be the case where you are situated.

Suggestions for improvement: A sprinkling of rhyme to keep the beat within the poem vibrant.

General comment: It was an interesting read and I enjoyed reading something which strays from the ordinary. Well done and write on.

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
49
49
Review of Storm Language  
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello fyn
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your item: "Storm Language" .

Initial impressions: What fabulous and impeccable wordplay you have used in this poetic treasure! Each individual line serves only to enhance in quality. From the onset the poem is addictive and only continues to grow and grow until it reaches a shattering crescendo that honestly made me want to appluade!

Content: From the second line I was hopelessly hooked with no chance of breaking the spell. I continued to read on and kept thinking 'There is no possible way this could get better' and I was amazed that it did just that...It got even better the further I read on!

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: None whatsoever. It would be a shame to see any alterations made to this piece.

General comment: One word to summarise: Exquisite! Well done, write on and thank you!

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
50
50
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello fyn
I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item"  review for your item: "Remember Why I Died...." .

Initial impressions: This is a splendidly written patriotic poem and to be completely honest with you, I usually try to avoid these types of items due to the controversial theme but your item sucked me right in and would not let go!

Content: I admire all the different ways you expressed how these brave souls may have died without concentrating on just one particular scenario. It created extra intrigue for me. I am amazed by your writing talent.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: I have only one suggestion for improvement and this is in regards to the rhyme featured in stanza 3. I think the rhyme in this section is in need of strengthening to match the quality of the other stanzas.

General comment: A fabulous poem of importance written by an exceptionally talented writer. It was a pleasure to review this piece. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1525013 by Not Available.
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