You've written this well without error as I can see.
As I read this piece, I could feel your pain, anguish and grief. The only thing, as I read, I kept wanting to ask you what happened to him? Was he in an accident? Other than that unanswered question, you've give great description.
I lost both my brothers; one to cancer and the other had a liver disease from drinking all his life. No matter, I still miss them both. I remember feeling anger at hearing the news of each one.
Mercy sakes! I'll have to say you've written this piece quite well. I found no typos or misspelled words. You held my interest from beginning to the end. You certainly tell a lot about who you are.
I like the last line. That explains it all.
Keep up the good work and continue writing.
Grandma Penny
This is definitely written well. I looked for boo boos but didn't find any, except for the one you made at the end of the story. Oh...I'm sorry. That was the end of the story, not a boo boo. (e:laugh)
Poor Brucie. Poor Joyce. Poor You.
You did a great job with this piece. Keep writing.
My goodness! This was chilling. It's written beautifully. I like the way it ends. They say we all have a personal angel looking over us. Looks like you even know your angel's name, huh?
Ummm...this is deep. I can feel the darkness it seems as I read this piece. It makes me think of one of my sons who just can't seem to find peace.
I know there are a lot of folks who feel just the way this poem speaks. If they'd only think about it. When there is darkness inside a room, what do we do? We turn the light on. Or you could say we let the light in. When the light comes in, the darkness disappears. I think that's the way it is with humans and the darkness within. If we let the light (Jesus) in , then the darkness has to flee. Of course, even Christians sometimes suffer depression and self worthlessness. That's when we just have to hang on until we find that light switch.
Oops! I'm sorry, I got carried away. At least your poem got me thinking, huh? Good job!
YIKES! I wouldn't have slept a wink Christmas Eve night had I know poor Santa was going through this.
This is interesting, however it still needs a little work to make it more presentable.
You need to go back and edit this. Maybe it would help to read it aloud, concentrating on one sentence at the time. That usually helps me.
Check for missing periods at the ends of sentences, capitalize the first word of each sentence.
Another thing that would make this a more pleasant read would be to double space between each paragraph. That will help keep the lines from running together for the reader.
I gave this a 4.5 rating because it is written well. However, I would like more details. How old was Rebecca? Some of the details may be in the story and I just overlooked them or forgot them as I became engrossed in the story.
I'd like to see a follow up of this. It would be interesting in knowing how the parents went about getting her home. How did she react to being back home. Did she need therapy, etc.
Not many years ago, we had to take our garbage off, or on days that were not windy we could burn it in a barrell. That also had an awful odor that lingered.
Then I remember having to carry the garbage a couple miles up the road to empty it in the dumpster.
You're right. It's an absolute blessing (a healthy one at that) to have garbage pickup.
I found a couple errors in the second paragraph which I've listed below.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
One thing that may seem very a very basic service to most people is trash collection.
In the same paragraph sububanites I think this is misspelled.
And the list goes on and on. How true. I sometimes wonder if anything in life is easy.
You've named off quite a few things that probably all of us could name off. I think the last on your list is the one I'm hanging with right now. Believe me, it's not easyt o keep from losing it sometimes.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece.
My heart broke as I read this piece. It's so hard to lose someone. When a child or children are involved it's even more exasperating.
I've had to wait until the wee hours of the morning to do my crying. Yet, 25 years later, my youngest son told me recently that he use to lie in his bed and hear me cry.
You've written this well.
Keep writing.
Grandma Penny
This is so touching. Actually it's a tear jerker. I lost both my brothers and I know how it hurts. It seems there's always so much we wish we could have or would have said.
Your son did a wonderful job with this poem.
Tell him to keep up the good work and continue writing.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this. It's written well. I know it was embarrassing to you, but I can feel your mother's embarrasment. That's the kind of luck I've always had when trying to pull a joke on someone else.
Oh my goodness! I've read so many stories tonight about embarrassing moments. That would have never happened at McDonald's, huh? Just had to happen at some fancy restaurant.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece.
I found two errors (actually it's the same error, but twice).
This happened on an ordinary, beautiful day to my sister and I when we were in our early teens.<--The rule of thumb is to read it like this...This happened on an ordinary, beautiful day to I (me)
Which sounds the best? It should be to my sister and me
I can see why you won in the contest. This had to be terribly embarrassing.
Oh my gosh! I probably would have died in my tracks. That had to be so embarrassing. I can see why you won in this contest.
As he was looking at my back upside down, deciding he was going to bite me.<--This looks like a sentence fragment to me. I think it would read better if you said, As he was looking at my back upside down, he decided to bite me.
I'm giving this a 4.5 but thought about giving it a 5. Some folks would put you down for they way this is written, but it reminds me of the folks talk around here.
You almost got fancy there a few times when you said "those" instead of "them".
I'm sorry you didn't meet the deadline and enter it in the contest.
This is too cute. I can just imagine you and your children going through this. It reminded me of the time my daughter and I got my 5 year old son out of the bed to get rid of a mouse for us.
I found no typos or misspelled words in this piece.
This little poem is a nice tribute to our firefighters. I've noticed recently, when the rescue unit is called to our apartment complex, the firefighters come also. I still don't understand the reason for this, but I still feel safe when I see them.
Keep up the good work and continue writing.
Grandma Penny
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