I liked the fact that when reading through this, I wasn't sure completely what it was about. Great job at keep my attention from the beginnging through the end.
I have no suggestions for improvement; you seem to have worked it over quite well.
I have a small question, though: I'm here wondering why you chose to dispay this in grey.
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Review 13 of 20.
This, I think, would work better if the pattern you seem to have set up in the first two stanzas was used throughout (using the word Babe in every other line).
This poem shows many of the painful aspects of a breakup. Great job at it.
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Review 12 of 20.
It scorns many others
And never even knows. These lines didn't seem right to me. Especially the second of the pair.
(After re-reading this a second time, it fit a bit better.)
I especially enjoyed the first part of this poem (most of the first stanza). I love that you reach beyond the normal descriptions of love to create this.
The end of this seems a bit weak, though. This is mostly true of the last couple lines.
Mostly this was a beautifully-written poem! Keep it up!
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Review 10 of 20.
You have a cute poem here. Read on for a few suggestions from me.
While I understand that you're pointing out the prompt by making a few words in a different color, it is slightly distracting. The other coloring (red and green) looks great, though!
I would suggest changing the brief description to write something more about the poem, moving the prompt to be part of the item itself.
It seems that Santa Clause has come again No e on Claus.
It seems that Santa Clause has come again
And left behind gift wrap to cover floors. This sounds a bit strange to me. The wording seems awkward. Santa usually would leave gifts, not just gift wrap.
This doesn't seem to wrap-up very nicely. It seems to end in the middle of a thought almost.
Keep on writing!!
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Review 9 of 20.
Before reading the poem, I want to let you know that you have a great brief description! That is what pulled me into the piece, piquing my curiousity about what the item will be about.
I liked this poem. I expected something light and cheery, but this definately wasn't that.
Keep up your great writing!
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Review 7 of 10.
Nothing is as black as darkest night. This line is a bit awkard.
Just so you know, the itallics are not very prominant in this. If you hadn't pointed out htat it was an acrostic, I wouldn't have noticed. Consider just bolding the first letter of each line or having the first letting be in a different color.
I suggest taking some (or all) of the end-of-line punctuation out of this.
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Review 5 of 20.
This is a great item with unique description. It is well deserving of the constest win and awardicon. I do not have any suggestions for the writing of this item, but I have a couple suggestions for other aspects of the item:
Consider moving the link from the brief description to the item body as links (and other WritingML) do not work in brief descriptions.
Consider improving your brief description to make it a bit more attention-grabbing.
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Review 4 of 20
Good job at organizing this. It's nice to see the awardicon at the top.
In your brief description, you state Some for contests, some are older works. Do you only write poetry for contests now?
Also, in the body of this folder you wrote Many were written for contests and all welcome feed back as my writing is constantly lookinf for improvement. My rhyming poetry is in another folder. feed back should be one word You have a typo in the word looking Instead of saying "in another folder" consider giving a link to the folder where the other poetry can be found.
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Review 3 of 20
I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your pet. It's a great idea to honor him in this way, especially posting this on the front page of your port.
Maybe you can include some more description of what he was like: energetic or calm? Some of his little quirks (all dogs have them LOL)... that sort of thing.
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Review 1 of 20
who will sing our songs or write our odes. Change the period to a question mark here.
Preserve the song that rises
out of our spirit’s desire to live These were my favorite lines in this poem! I really love this message!
I enjoyed what you had to say through the whole poem. I had one small error, pointed out above. Keep on writing! Best of luck in "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor
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Even before reading this poem, I was interested. Your brief description and title (together) are quite interesting!
I love the message you have here. It is written well, but I have a few suggestions for improvement: I suggest taking some of the punctuation out of this. (Not every line needs a comma or period!)
** And anytime I, try to, open them I can't. Why the ** in front of this line each time? Why are the commas in the middle of this sentence. Maybe you want it to be line breaks instead?
I've got a heart that's full of shooting down,
my onlyness. These lines are awkward. (shooting down and onlyness)
A few notes on the set-up of this: I would suggest taking the additional spaces out from between each line.
You may also wish to consider centering this.
If you don't know how to do that, go to the "Author Tools" drop down menu (at both the very bottom of each screen and upper left hand corner) and select "WritingML Help" A pop-up window will open showing how to do many really cool things!
If you need additional help (on this or anything else onsite), just ask and I'd be more than willing to help!
About the poem: I can joke around with you I would suggest taking "with you" off the end of the line.
This was a beautiful poem.
It was a bit short and simple, though. Consider adding to it!!
This was a beautiful poem! I really enjoyed reading it and getting a bit of a different perspective on a mother-daughter relationship (I'm not a mother ... yet)
There are a few errors/questions I wanted to bring to your attention:
Whatever the time, the call
wakes you out of sound sleep,
and you put on your "worry cap"
(Some things don't keep...) What did you mean by the last line in this stanza? It doesn't seem to fit for me, but maybe its just a phrase I dont' get...
Will they gain strength to go on,
will things turn out all right? I would encourage you to use a question mark at the end of the first line here as well (and then capitalize the second line.)
There are a few times throughout where I would suggest not using a comma.
Keep on writing! You've got great tallent!
(Oh, and as a sidenote: midnight calls aren't ALWAYS bad... LOL -- I call my girlfriend at midnight often )
I like the message you give here! It shows of hidden pain and fear. It's simple yet complex and I really enjoyed that!
Your line breaks are awkward. Try putting them at natural pauses. If you want additional assistance on this, let me know and I'll be glad to help more!
I've been told that your horror,etc are amazing... and they weren't wrong! You're a really great writer! This started out very childish and sing-songy, but the pace changed. I really liked how you did that!
The length of this was great - long enough to have details, but short enough to keep my attention through the whole thing.
Keep on writing and sharing your words.
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This is not a rip-off from the great poet's work. Do read & let me know your comments. All pieces (well, most of them at least) posted on this site are up for comments. I would encourage you to use your brief description to pull the reader in!
Your poem seems a bit wordy and lacking in emotions. I found it a bit difficult to feel any connection.
You're heart has been broken and you're not the one to blame. "You're" should be "Your" here.
You need your reasons to why you're feeling so abused, I would suggest adding the word "as" before "to."
I know they're coming I'm just feeling so confused. There are two ideas here. Separate them wish some sort of puctuation (period, dash, semicolon.) The next line continues the second idea stated in this line. Because of this, don't end this line with a period. Not every line in poetry needs to be punctuated! (You may wish to rework more punctuation throughout this!)
I Saw from the start that you cut like a knife. I see no need to capitalize Saw here.
Within you burns strong, illuminating light. I would encourage you to add the word "a" before "strong."
Other than those errors above, things look pretty good. Keep on writing.
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What are you saying here? It's not clear to me. Their what?
These lines didn't seem right to me. Especially the second of the pair.
I would suggest changing the brief description to write something more about the poem, moving the prompt to be part of the item itself.
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