The 'insane' and inexplicable stage surrounding a break-up, when the mind struggles in vain to let go. The powerful and deep phrases that you use paint quite a vivid picture in the mind.
Best Lines:
" The darkness seeks to consume the light of the sane."
Congratulations! 39 years is a really nice milestone. The poem is a sweet and proud reminder of years of being together, when nothing seems long anymore, but just a continuous flow towards bliss.
Best Lines:
"We know thirty-nine have gone
As pearls on an endless string of love."
This is a well-deserved victory indeed. I'm sure most of us needed these tips. It's a really difficult task to achieve even a little cut in the bill without some family member squealing over the extra work. Your perseverance is admirable.
Best Lines:
"Within the bill, I still had a multitude of twenty four hours with incandescent lighting, computers displaying a minute, orange glow, and the DVD player would still cast an ominous blue. These beacons were indicative of power being pulled stealthily through my electrical sockets. One might refer to them as "thieves in the night." -- a very nice description.
This is an inspiring tale indeed. Many of us come across some role models or teachers who change our lives forever. Great things can never be done unless there's sufficient inspiration, and the memory of someone whom we would know like to make proud.
Best Lines:
"If we put out more effort, we were rewarded with praise and more responsibility; this system kept us on our toes as well as strongly reinforcing the life lessons of the class."
You've very vividly described the feelings of a depressed and lost person. The metaphors used are quite apt, and one can feel the gloom and despair just by the words "Drip, drip." I guess that's because overcast skies and incessant rains bring in a sense of gloom with them. Everything's dark and grey in that weather. Hence I find your title appropriate.
Best Lines:
"I am a man, a nobody."
"It is the endless flow of my soul pouring out of me, drowning me in my despair. "
I found the fact that a season reminded you of a person, really romantic. The title and tagline are just perfect. The beauty of memories is in remembering the small details like the pattern on a sweater, or how a picnic lunch was set. You've caught this aspect beautifully.
I'm sincerely sorry for your loss.
Best Lines:
"I think of you when I'm in a crowd, when I'm lonely.
When I'm misunderstood, I crave to hear your voice."
A rather interesting tale, with an extremely vivid picture of a recurring dream painted. I must congratulate you on your narrative skills, which hold the readers' attention till the end. I liked how you developed your dream so smoothly into your prompt. The parking garage and elevator scenes were really lucid. Your struggle for a driving license also made up for a humorous side story.
May your car give you sweet dreams instead of nightmares from now on. On second thoughts though, the present situation is just fine, since these scary dreams make up for a great story! :)
Best Lines:
"In the case of public elevators, ignorance is definitely bliss." -- Funny! and so true.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
PS: Your high school building is really picturesque.
A nice poem about carefree childhood days. The title is full of nostalgia, and rightly so, because all we ever want these days are those tension free childhood days back, when things were so simple, and everything we did was fun.
Best Lines:
"Days were filled with harmless fun
not with expensive toys." -- SO true!
"Life was carefree in those days
although wealth did not abound.
Parents made sure that we kept
feet firmly on the ground."
The title is apt, and the flow consistent.
The message conveyed is quite true, and many a relationship turns sour due to foolish pride and ego, leaving only regrets behing after realization dawns.
Best Lines:
"My hollow heart cries out for you,
recalling things I didn't do."
"Too late to charm back to my side,
when all you felt for me had died."
"Not able then to turn the tide.
Oh what you cost me, foolish pride."
The title, flow and rhyming pattern are perfect. The topic itself is so touching and very well presented, hence it gets a 5 from me.
It's always a delight to chance upon old letters, and relive memories or read about incidents lost to the past. These letters are even more special, as being the last memory of a brave soldier.
Best Lines:
"of a world filled with strife
and of a land ravaged by war."
"And from the lines I read
between? His soul, I know, he bared."
"I knew that they loved true,
and that they shared each other's pain."
A beautiful poem about love and forgiveness, the two important things that sustain relationships. The rhyming pattern and flow are very good.
The message conveyed is crisp and well expressed.
Best Lines:
"The days of how, what, where and when-
so many things we never knew."
"the secret to loving so long-
is just knowing when to forgive."
A funny and sensitive tale. I like how you've brought the other side of grumpy old men towards the end. There's no doubt that grief and loneliness make them grumpy, but they also overcome this state by seeking company and helping out other people. I've known a few in my childhood days, and apart from the occasional bursts of temper, they were very sweet, especially to us children.
Best Lines:
"Legend had it that his spirit was still wandering the hedges, rose bushes and garden of Elmer's backyard looking for his lost baseball." -- even reading about a little boy's ghost is so funny!
"I wouldn't be surprised if extraterrestrials passing by the earth with malfunctioning warp drives or life support systems, might just scan the terrain below for grumpy old men to help them fix the problem." -- nice hyperbole!
""Those darn alpaca's. We're all going to freeze our butts off this winter just because a bunch of hill-climbing, spitting, nasty critters ain't growing enough fur!""
"The church was overflowing for his funeral with men and women with cars that ran like clockwork, lawnmowers with razor-sharp blades, doors that didn't squeak, toasters that shot golden brown bread four-feet into the air, and air conditioners that were so efficient that water froze on countertops." -- this nicely sums it all up.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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I like how concise it is, and yet the point is conveyed so well.
The title is quite apt, and quite imaginative too. Lost love is being compared to a wilted rose - it reminds one how beautiful the rose once was, and seeing the state of decay now is really painful.
Nice lines, very deep and meaningful. I like the poetry in them, and the very true message you are conveying. You've taken an optimistic approach about the tenses. We know that we can't touch the past and the future, so it's wisest to concentrate on the present.
I've read a lot of poems about sorrow and grief, but this one dedicated to the journey of a teardrop is quite unique. I like the details of its path that you've put, and altogether it makes for an interesting read; more factual than emotional.
Best Lines:
"Watch it turn and sparkle
As it comes within the light"
"A tearing wall of water
For now it’s time to cry"
A very powerful and deep metaphor. In fact I feel that the solution to all our issues lies in nature, if only we look hard enough. If only people could look at the elements of nature, and think like you - a thought process so simple, and yet it addresses the plague of racism. Great effort!
Best Lines:
"Some are dark and some are fair
Look around, the difference and similarity is everywhere."
A simple poem indeed, and yet so nice and sweet. A content old man plays a guitar on his porch, remembering good times and his long happy life, having faith in God till the end. Isn't this the ending we all dream for ourselves?
Best Lines:
"he played every eve,
it was habit since he got old."
You've chosen a wonderful mythological character to dedicate an entire poem to. After all, he does hold us all, so we owe him this much!
I like the flow and the rhyming scheme.
Best Lines:
"You cannot feel
My suffering
To you I am not even real"
A well expressed lament for unrequited love, which is indeed extremely hard. To love so passionately, and not even have an iota of it returned, is a really painful torture. But to have felt something so deeply is also quite invigorating. Thus, the title is quite apt - it is a curse, but not all bad; it is hell, but with a piece of heaven too!
Best Lines:
"You watch me watching you
Looking past me with such grace"
"Like an angel you dropped from the heavens
But at the same time
You’re like a demon from hell"
A very nice and encouraging poem about the night, which sees the positive side of it - the phase just before the advent of brightness. A quiet time to meditate, think, get rid of your fears, set your goals in the clarity of silence, and organize your mind for the next busy morning.
Best Lines:
"A time when great men follow instruction"
"Close your ears to intimidation
Close your mind to confusion"
"For the night is not just the end of the day
It is beginning of tomorrow"
I like the formatting. The title is also quite apt. Sometimes circumstances are too far gone to even hope for a reconciliation. Ego and obstinacy are the evils that don't allow people to come closer and negotiate; perhaps its for the best too, as love can never be born out of a negotiation. A thing once broken can never be repaired without a scar, which will always be a weak point, ready to rip open at the slightest disturbance.
Best Lines:
"The fire of early passion denigrated
into a blaze of destruction" -- very powerful metaphor
"What could have been done is irrelevant
what should have been done not applicable" -- so true!
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