I loved the idea..it expresses what probably all of us feel after witnessing a picturesque scene of nature. We feel so elevated and close to Mother Earth. Very creative.
The realization that eventually all of us are a part of a huge cycle of nature, and inherently are parts of nature, is quite profound.
The flow is also very nice.
Best lines:
"the weather melting me"
"the warmth of my blaze
to the warmth of your blaze"
Impressive - very deep indeed. Forces one to reflect, especially the last stanza. It is true - the simplest bit of wisdom gained via experience can lead to painful and irreversible changes in oneself.
I love your analogy with a 'bright watercolor' - very creative.
Best lines:
"vertical lines of blended color
splattered against what I once believed"
Very impressive piece of writing. I like the symbolism with the bird - it's very creative.
The flow and rhyming pattern are perfect.
I love the questions included in the middle - they sound so simple, and yet they're such strong decisions by themselves.
Best Lines:
"The Bird of Joy never stays with us for long
For fleeting moments only, can we bask in it's song."
Wonderful piece of writing. It's a bit difficult to read though, and could be broken down into stanzas of four.
I like the flow and the rhyming pattern.
Errors: first line: It should be "You're"
"The biggest thing I’ll dread,
Is how life has already changed," - There seems to be a timing past and past tense issue here. You cannot dread something that's already changed.
Other than these, it's perfect.
The sentiment expressed is quite profound. Good Job!
Good work. A simple, sweet tale, and yet some intense emotions were conveyed (especially in the part where Misa makes sure no other girl comes near Gorge.)
There are some grammatical errors though, that you need to work on.
a) 'Knight' is misspelled.
b) He "hadn't" gone out with anyone for two years.
c) Misa was SO busy thinking about Gorge,..
d) She had never really had a conversation with the guy, yet she "likeD" him so much.
This is a theme very close to my heart, as I've recently experienced something quite similar. It's just like one day you wake up and realize how empty a relationship has become, and it takes days just to get used to the fact. Then you start analyzing as to what went wrong :
"But somehow,
somehow we still search.
We cannot find what we look for,
so each other we hurt..."
I'm yet to find an answer to that, and until then, this feeling of guilt and regret continues to haunt me.
The last two lines are just wishful thinking, according to me. I don't think it's ever possible to go back. You cannot mend what's broken, and expect to start anew.
The first two stanzas are very well expressed, and capture the essence of a very close friendship. The only question is, why and how do things go wrong even amidst such perfection?
I loved your work, and anytime you find answers, please do post!
Brilliant piece of writing! Love the connections - very creative indeed.
'the secret that everyone knows' - very impressive!
I wonder if I've ever come across such a well expressed description of poetry anywhere before..usually it's all vague.
Makes one realize the true beauty of poetry - to be felt deeply rather than analyzed...
Very well expressed! I could really relate it to the times when I feel blue...and I especially liked the 'counterfeits', and 'solitary prison cell' parts.
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