An interesting tale, especially the ending. Too bad Bryan and Dierdre had to change different things in their lives. But life is not a fairy tale, and cheating can really not be excused. Bryan had suffered enough. Sometimes, there really is no scope for second chances, as people don't really change.
It's very well written, and kept me hooked till the end. The mushroom legend brings a little magic into it too.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Honestly, on reading your title, I couldn't have even guessed the romantic contents of the poem. The idea of converting "you and me" to "we", which is prevalent throughout the poem, has been expressed quite well. The endless charges also make an interesting read.
Best Lines:
"The wind whispers its gossip of the angry storm
With the harshest of howls" -- nice imagery from nature.
"We threw love's dust in the eyes of you and me
And absconded, with fiery conviction, in the wake to become ''we''"
"We took time without its permission"
"I've stolen you as much as you've stolen me" -- beautiful line.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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The title and the tag line are just so perfectly complementary! It's quite enough to catch the reader's attention.
Once again, this seems lyrical to me, with a good flow.
A voice brings in new hope in life, the desire to live, and the courage to dream. With so much, it's natural that the 'nowhere' phase is over.
Best Lines:
"Training to believe
I can sleep and dream
Wake up and live
Up to who I am
Or who I’m supposed to be
Not anymore a shadow
Living in darkness and silence"
-- This is a big chunk, and it was difficult to choose the best line. This entire thought is so beautifully expressed. Bravo!
Let me begin by saying that the title is very apt, and I'm very impressed with this piece, as it has forced me to think, and be in the same dilemma as Peter - no satisfactory answers for poor Timmy.
I have also tried to find answers and then finally abandon the quest in the midst of all the depression. One thing I realized was that life was too short anyway to worry so much about so much. Also, ignoring the hard truths and enjoying what we have seems like an easier way. It's not cowardice or stupidity to forget about those questions, and live as if they don't exist all. It's just a wise choice. And there's nothing wrong with appreciating beauty, even if it doesn't last long. The aesthetic appeal doesn't vanish just because beauty doesn't last long. These are just my views, and I think Timmy should try to accept these facts and move on.
Best Lines:
"I don’t think I can be of help. But I do hope you learn to see life differently and revel in the simplicity of it.”"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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A very deep poem, expressing the stunning sorrow felt at death. It's pretty impressive for age 8! The reactions of the child are very real, and I think all readers can connect to them. The title itself expresses the agony felt.
It must have been really hard to see the death of someone so close at such a tender age. I feel that writing is the best way of expressing powerful bottled up emotions. It always makes your heart feel lighter.
Best Lines:
"My emotions are closed
I had to be posed.
But they keep trying to unfurl
Damn emotions, be a strong girl"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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A very well written poem with very powerful emotions. I like the way it flows perfectly from one line to the next. The title is also quite apt.
The toughest ordeal for a mother is to forsake her own child, whatever be the circumstances.
Best lines:
"You smiled. I tried. But in the end, I cried."
"It matters not the better life you had
that I, myself could not provide." -- I like the way you have not glorified the sacrifice, because her heart aches just as much even though the daughter has been brought up in riches. That's a harsh truth, and you've highlighted it well. Very deep indeed.
"And here I am, a stranger full of pain
that I have carried many years."
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Great story, written very well, expressing all emotions of anger, surprise, love and happiness very well. Congratulations to you both!
Thanks for sharing such a wonderfully romantic tale. It's the stuff movies are made up of, and yet it's much better and real than any of them.
Wow! This is an amazing acrostic (before reading this, I didn't even know that this is what these poems are called!) The subject you've chosen is also quite interesting, and you've expressed it quite well.
Best Lines:
"But those of us who seek the truth
Never let their faith waiver"
"Vines that intertwine, seeking to destroy us" -- nice!
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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A very funny story indeed. Poor Joe was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and he did choose the easy way out (so to speak). :D
I love the references and other little connecting stories you've put in between about the other family members. It's as entertaining as a simple family tale can be. Bravo!
Best Lines:
"it was mid January and by that time of year we make Eskimos look under-dressed out of sheer necessity."
"that woman cannot cook to save her life"
"...you don't stare at the finished product wondering why in the name of George Washington's Sacred Long Johns is the thing runny?"
"his love of fire made him great at fighting them."
"We'd bundle up and huddle together at the bus stop much like Emperor penguins guarding their eggs through the bitter Antarctic Winter. " -- nice metaphor!
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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An interesting tale, I loved the part where he very cunningly steals under the very noses of the cops and shopkeepers, and then comes out of the shop a hero. It's like the best slap on the face any criminal can give to the authorities.
It's nice and a bit surprising to see the soft corner in the thief's heart for Jessica, and the heart he puts into buying her ring.
Also, the title is perfect. He took his chance during the robbery, and now he'll take it with Jessica!
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Very thoughtful. You've said it all in a few words. Having suffered a very painful separation from loved ones quite recently, I understand the pain, and am still looking for remedies - anything except oblivion. Is there any way to keep the person close to your heart, and still not feel the intense pain? The only time that happens is when you relive the good moments in your mind, and little incidents from the past make you smile.
Best Lines:
"And lay it next
To the hollow wound
In your own breast."
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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First of all let me congratulate you on your excellent choice of the title - it's beautiful.
The sentiment you've expressed is very powerful indeed. I like the way the poem starts with a simple farmhouse and then describes an entire continent. Bravo!
Best Lines:
"Be moved by the emotions the visions could arouse,
Nurture them in my soul with a whispered pledge;"
"For the rise of Africa to the forefront,
Not for black or white, but for each of us,"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Extremely thought provoking. The doubts you've expressed are those that trouble most of us when we sit back and reflect about what we've done with life. I believe that it's not important to be talented and successful to make your life useful; mediocre people deserve their lives as much; A life spent in making others happy, and giving away love and care is not wasted at all.
Best Lines:
"But in death his true weakness, was revealed"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Wow! I love the heart - height of creativity. I really appreciate the effort you've put in formatting and getting the right shape.
Needless to say, the poem itself is also wonderful.
Best Lines:
"a grey path
walked because i have nowhere else to go"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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A nice poem with a message. Inner beauty is the most precious ornament, and people who are wise enough to see that are perhaps the happiest in the world. I completely agree with the sentiment you have expressed. There are far too many shallow people these days who form first impressions just by judging external beauty.
Best Lines:
"She's empty inside
But you don't mind"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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The sentiment of your poem is quite well expressed. Bottling up such powerful feelings is not a solution to anything, but bringing them out also requires a lot of courage.
The title is just perfect. It reminded me of Camus's novel by the same name, which was also a commentary on fitting into the society by following its norms, no matter how stupid and unnecessary.
Best Lines:
"and my heart silently shatters
with every unwarranted sneer."
Suggestions: There's no fixed rhyming pattern. You could work on maybe making alternately equal length paragraphs.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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This is an extremely bizarre an funny satirical tale. A hard to imagine turn of events, I must say.
The story is hilarious, especially the terrorist organization and 'ninja midgets' bit. I also like your presentation style in terms of diary extracts.
Best Lines:
"the inferior primates are going to celebrate the holocaust they call “Thanksgiving”"
"Some people believe that the midgets are rebelling while others believe it is all Bush’s fault somehow." -- typical mindset.
"You can blow up D.C, you can blow up New York, but the destruction of Disney Land is unacceptable." -- I love the sarcasm!
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Great story! I loved the twist at the end. You really can't tell that the narrator is a part of the scheme.
The cruel act of hitting the pregnant lady in front of her little kids shows the absolute lack of humanity or sympathy. Money does make you do crazy things.
This is a beautiful romantic poem. I loved the flow and rhyming pattern. The title is also just perfect.
A lover calls to his love on a starry night. I cannot imagine a more romantic setting. And the beautiful poetry accentuates it. While reading it, I forgot for once that it was actually addressed to the moon!
Best Lines:
"Instead of dancing ‘mong the stars,
come and frolic in my light. "
" Don’t cry, my evening beauty
and scatter tears across the sky.
Though beautiful the stars may be,
I hate what they imply. "
--- Very impressive stanza indeed, especially the last line. The tears of the beautiful maiden, albeit pretty as stars, are yet melancholy.
"though earth’s gravity may falter,
and we may leave her without light."
Very insightful. According to me, hypocrisy is the greatest sin, as its omnipresent, and becomes the source for all other wrongdoings. Being judgmental is one thing, everyone has a right to express their opinions; but putting on masks in public and going against everything you judge is cowardice; it's also stupid.
The example of the two families that you've given is a good one, and also very apt. Even in a church they don't hesitate to inwardly criticize each other, and yet socialize like nothing's the matter.
Sometimes, you just need to put up with people you don't get along with. But theirs no hypocrisy there, as you let them know perfectly that you can't stand them. The problem arises only if that person happens to be your superior, your boss, or your family!
This piece conveys the struggle going on in the heart and mind of a person very nicely. The metaphors and phrases used to describe the agony are extremely vivid, and make the readers feel greatly for the poor lover. Very well expressed.
When the heart desires some long lost love by reliving memories, it's a dangerous situation. It's like standing at the edge of an abyss; there's no turning back once you take that plunge.
Best Lines:
"into a neverending tunnel of confusion
plastered with memories and wishes.
Swamped by the anguish of my heart ripped in two,
the chains are broken and all rage is unleashed."
-- very well expressed and vivid.
"And as much as I want and need to hate you," -- want was predictable, but the 'need' part is somewhat surprising, and yet fits well into the poem.
I think this is a nice poem about hoping against hope. No matter what happens, however bad the situation is, there's always a belief that things will work out, there's always hope, and that's what keeps us going through the worst. If our faith remains unshaken, we believe that bad times have to end soon. A feeling of certain future comfort is much more alluring than that of impending doom.
Even for atheists there's always a belief in themselves which gives them courage. Any kind of faith that predicts future happiness and righteousness, is enough for strength of spirits, and hence survival.
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