This is a really touching account, dealing with various sensitive issues like autism, adoption, broken families, death, and the way society reacts to them. I agree with your tag line that such suffering and responsibility should not be a part of such a tender age, and it's pure bad luck in this case. It's nobody's fault, and yet the poor siblings suffer for it.
The sister feels that she's neglecting her duty and abandoning her autistic brother, but in the eyes of the world, she's doing the right thing. After getting adopted, she'll be educated, and in the course of time be able to support herself as well as her brother.
It's really cruel though that both kids are not adopted together. The worst thing you can do is separate such a loving pair of brother and sister at such a young age. I thing there should be rules against such an act.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Thanks for sharing. This sad little story has been a real eye-opener.
This is a serene reflection on a lazy winter afternoon; when thoughts are idle, and wander towards the beauties of the nature around us, all the time wondering what we are doing inside ugly grey walls, when we can be outside, in harmony with nature.
I do hope someone listens to your sincere plea of getting out of the artificial confines of human settlement into the beautiful enticing wilds of nature.
Best Lines:
"A sliver of ocean catches my eye. How can something so huge appear so small?"
"The ocean now lives up to its name."
"This postcard quality view needs no fancy computer editing, for nature’s beauty looks best in the raw." -- so true!
"A hole in the ceiling. My peephole into the world. "
"The ocean’s waves would whisper to me, wild grasses could entertain me and the mountains would share their wisdom."
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
A very deep reflective poem. You've caught the essence of what most people feel when they're in a place where nothing makes sense any more. So, your title is also very apt.
Best lines:
"I walked in silence, shouting loud.
I walked alone within a crowd."
-- I love the paradoxes you've put. Quite thought provoking.
"My future's blown my past away.
When I return from where I've been
the other's grass won't seem as green."
This is a heartwarming walk down the memory lane. Holidays are very important, especially because they bring the family together, and some of the best moments are shared in festive moods. I love the way you described the elders in the household; the company of aunts, uncles and grandparents always make holidays even more special.
The concluding line is really beautiful.
One Suggestion: you should check the double spacing option, because the paragraphs are really crowded and difficult to read.
hmm.. sounds really yummy. Sometimes when you're sitting alone and idle at the meal table, there are these kind of moments when you savour every ounce of taste and enjoy it. Great description!
The poem is sweet, and observing a hot day of summer from a dog's perspective is a nice idea. The image it brings to my head is of a furry dog with his tongue hanging out, looking really adorable.
A sad account of a one-sided relationship. Any such relation in which there's more love and care on one side only usually cannot survive. One ends up feeling really pathetic after a while, and yet goes on hoping and pining away.
I like the part where she waits for him, knows somewhere deep down that he's not coming, and yet dresses up and hopes. It might sound a little too desperate and stupid at first glance, but there's no logic in love, and human beings are in general a sanguine race. That's how we've survived for so long. I think you've described her feelings and frustration very nicely.
Best lines:
"Where you’re concerned, they still remain high in the air despite your trampling on them numerous times."
This is a gloomy, but unfortunately true description of the scary times we live in. There are some really powerful emotions of helplessness with a hint of anger; very well expressed.
Best Lines:
"Awaiting help from whom, awaiting help from where, despair?"
"For sure the screams are those we scream, ours not theirs they are,"
This is a deeply touching account of an unfortunate man whose life was almost heavenly when he had a wife and a kid, when he least expected his life to fall into place. It's really tragic that he lost so much happiness in as little time as he had found it. But he did get to take back a flood of beautiful memories, and life lessons. But don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that these things can even begin to compensate for his loss.
Best Lines:
"I was already in love with her it took just a short while until she loved me too."
"Children and animals just seem to know that I would never hurt them. I think she sensed this in me. She used to call me her "gentle giant" " - I just like this line for the beauty in its simplicity.
"I never knew how much my heart could hold until she showed me all the space I had to hold my love for her. "
"My heart expanded again. How was she able to do that? My chest would burst if my heart continued at this rate." - beautiful and funny!
"I should have known the universe is a balancing act." - so true. harsh reality
"I just know that I killed a man who had everything to live for. I killed a man who had just lost every reason he had for living. Strange but I don’t think any body missed him." - very sad, and the grief is felt in every word
"They died at the scene. He walked away with a couple of cuts and bruises." - irony
"This time he tried a tractor-trailer. He lost. He was killed on impact and the driver of the big rig didn’t get a scratch." - justice / balancing act
A very different perspective on vampires, and quite refreshing too, after all the recent books and movies dedicated to glorifying vampires. I'm not taking sides with either team. I just like your poem, and the idea is well expressed. There's a nice flow, and a determination to get the message through to the readers.
Best Lines:
"Immortality is one of many lines
Of falsehoods dangled like golden lures"
The first four stanzas are simply amazing. When I read them they seemed just like they flowed into the next quite effortlessly, conveying the point ever so simply. The troubles of an artist / writer during a dry spell are very aptly described. Bravo!
Best Lines:
"Clean white pages haunt me,"
"Far easier to blame my muse.
Overworked, abused, sleep deprived
from my constant demands."
"Once upon a time,
I cherished virgin pages. "
"I had a festival of metaphors
and a rainbow of similes."
Metaphors from nature used to describe similes and metaphors - brilliant!
I like the way you've alighned your stanzas.
The title and your tag line are extremely apt.
The regrets of life have been summarised quite well in this poem. The sad part is that I could not feel any hope even in the end, not even a slight inclination to try again, and harder.
Best Lines:
" sitting upon a twisted throne
made up of broken promises
and empty apologies"
-- Very powerful imagery.
" unharvested intentions that have rot" - brilliant!
"my crown of braided maybes"
" the dreams of youth still locked away
within the boy I walled up long ago"
These fears have haunted each one of us at some point of our lives in scary huge houses on stormy nights. I'm sure most of us can relate to this experience vividly. You have caught the fear very aptly in these lines, and the readers can feel the fright oozing through phrases like 'ghastly quivers', 'eerie squeak' and 'silence of the night '. Well done!
Best Lines:
"The quiet eating at my very soul"
"Attempting to scare what you can't defeat"
I simply love this line. Very well written!
Minor error: in the second last line, it should be 'silence' of the night instead of silents.
This is a very beautifully written touching account. Even though the boyfriend showers care and affection on her, he is asking her to do something really difficult and callous. Sacrifices are needed to maintain such love, but this one's going too far. I sympathize with the young mother, and understand the dilemma she's in.
I like your attention to detail, eg. where you mention the slight curls and the haircut in the near future. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it is analogous to what his parents are forcing him to do - cut the family chord with his own baby, just like they'll be forcing him to cut his hair.
Best Lines:
"The feel of his strong arms around her, as she presses against his chest and feels his heart beating,
is a sensation of utter completeness."
A nice thought, stemming from some deep thinking. I'm a bit hesitant to agree with you though, as I've not thought it through.
Though logic is important, I think survival is possible by following the impulsive nature of love. That way is more exciting too, but of course not at all stable.
But your poem is beautifully written, with a very nice flow.
Best Lines:
"See, love has got depth, but logic's perception,
it's simply about finding the right reflection."
Great description of the change in a person. Although the readers don't come to know what it was, it's pretty clear that the 'metamorphosis' is a drastic one. The adjectives used for her previous state are quite vivid. Also, the emotions felt by the writer show genuine concern.
Best Lines:
"it permeated my skin
deeply into my soul"
"She was physically ill
emotionally scarred
spiritually bankrupt"
This is a deep poem that forces one to reflect on all those questions. I found some of the lines really beautiful, so I'll just continue the review by listing them.:
"The light of hope she carries,
which eyes of darkness see"
"Tomorrow's child slumbers,
to what the future brings."
"Will love open windows wide,
Where spite would slam the door?"
This idea about a slammed door but an open window is really creative. It represents a small beginning inspite of obstacles.
This is a beautiful poem about a relationship that has the hope of blooming into something much more than a friendship. You've expressed those new feelings very nicely in terms of questions, which also reflects a little self-doubt at taking such a huge step.
I like the beautiful imagery from nature that you've used to describe the emotions.
Best lines:
"And fill my darkest nights,
With the softest glow of moonlight?"
"Can you hear my heart,
Or my soul as it quivers?"
The flow is also perfect.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I like the idea. It's rare to view freedom in elements of nature, and yet it's so obvious.
The picture that you've painted is really vivid, and describes the freedom in nature as well as the freedom of imagination.
Some erros:
You might have missed apostrophes in 'eagles', 'oceans' and 'diamonds'.
Great effort! I've always found it hard to stick to the strict format of a sonnet, so I've usually given up after a few lines.
I like the second stanza the best, especially the line : "What some free-minded spirits may call art"
A well thought out and nicely written piece. It's often extremely difficult to describe some emotions into words. I feel that it spoils the effect somehow if the words chosen are not right. The subtle beauty of feelings should sometimes not be sullied with expression.
This is a very beautiful and touching piece of writing. The concept itself is admirable, and what you've written touched some inner chord of respect within me. In the first reading it just appears to be a note of thanks to 4 nice teachers, but hidden inside it I found some inspiring life lessons. Good teachers influence their students not by imparting knowledge alone, but by changing their lives for the better.
Best Lines:
"I find divine presence in a quite moment,
Sometimes after my greatest triumphs,
Sometimes after a most challenging day,"
"Isn’t that ironic? You taught us to compose words and here I am at a loss of expression."
"Thank you for believing in yourself without a flinch. I watched you. I admired."
"Trusting my heart’s desire was risky. Thank you for giving me a push."
-- This is a beautiful line, and I envy your experience. It must have been something for you to produce such beautiful poetry.
Many teachers have influenced me too, but I've never been able to compose such heartfelt thanks.
I usually select the lines that touched me the most in all my reviews. This is the only time I felt it to be wrong, and I wanted to highlight the entire text!!
This is really funny! I haven't ready any spoofs of spy stuff ever, so this is novel stuff for me.
I liked your attention to detail, and all the impossible sounding numerous gadgets and killing devices on Bond's person.
The last paragraph is hilarious! After such an expert escape by Bond, it's quite an anti-climax to see him looking so clumsy and stupid. And the butterfly effect with all the cars and the ricocheting bullet is quite creative.
The last line, of course, is a classic ending!
I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. Write On!
Very creative and funny. I liked the idea of the 'fruity' dance very much.
The flow is also quite nice. I was confused by the rhyming pattern of the 3rd and 4th stanzas though.
They're kinda inconsistent. Did you mean them to be so?
Great effort. Thanks for sharing.
Welcome to Dream Team. Write On!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/horizon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.25 seconds at 9:32pm on May 06, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
