I like the idea...we all know it at some level, just fail to realize it at the right moment. The sooner we realize that our time here is limited and we have only so many hours and moments remaining to love and be loved, the better and more meaningful our lives will be.
Best Lines:
"This one moment in time
Nothing else is promised"
I think you've done a great job of making the readers understand your point, and the urgency associated with it.
Nice and intriguing - definitely got the readers hooked. So where's the rest?
Suggestion: correction needed in this line: "must not of shaved it for a while,"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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This is a beautiful poem. Mending a broken heart isn't easy, especially since it fears every attempt at happiness; trusting isn't exactly possible after losing your faith in previous sad experiences.
Best Lines:
"And drop by drop, all her tears disappeared" -- some struggles leave you broken, and hit you hard enough to leave you numb, and without any emotions or tears.
"Moved by her plight, destiny played its part"
Suggestion: You could try using spacing, and breaking it up in to stanzas.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Great story. It sure follows Murphy's law - "If something can go wrong, it will!"
The mishaps are quite entertaining, especially the part where the poor guy is called a pervert the first time.
After the one-of-its kind first date, I'm surprised a wedding followed, and that too only after three months. Life is strange!
Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed it, especially the last part.
Beautiful! I love the rhyming scheme.
A doting mother, who simply adores her 'precious little girl', but is careful not to 'smother' her with her love.
A wonderful representation of gushing maternal feelings in the form of poetry.
WoW! This is a lovely but tragic account. I enjoyed reading it. Really creative.
I always find the myths used to explain natural phenomena are really interesting, with great characters and an intriguing story behind them.
This is a wonderfully moving account about faith. The story is quite interesting and sensitively written. It was nice to see faith win in the end. The hospital incident was quite out of the ordinary, and I'm sure it must have been pretty powerful to alter a lifelong old atheist!
Best Lines:
"I would classify him as a recruiting Atheist." -- funny idea!
"It was like trying to talk to an auctioneer at the county fair." -- nice simile
"Dad's faith in Atheism was going to be tested." -- that's a fine oxymoron if there ever was one!
"In his scrutiny what he had failed to see that we are all imperfect beings serving a perfect God. We are all sinners past, present, or future. The only difference between a Saint of God and a sinner is a Saint will find the altar and ask forgiveness." -- nice thought. I think I agree.
"He died a hero of the faith because at the last moment he had the courage to open the door and let the Lord into his house." -- beautiful line.
This is a beautifully touching account. Sometimes cynicism can change you even worse than the most dangerous disease. Or perhaps in this case, it was the cancer that triggered Andrew's attitude. But in the end, the positive energy from the woman made him reconsider.
I especially liked the childhood memory about the card.
Best Lines:
"the years of negativeness that had seeped into his life like a cancer"
"He had become just another fixture in a corner of the room."
A nice and interesting account. Even though the youth of today are reluctant to admit it, they have a lot to learn from their parents, and the learning process never really stops. Childhood experiences like the ones you described are priceless, and are to be cherished forever. Some of those memories are relived by being passed on from one generation to the next. That's how our elders' legacy lives on.
Best lines:
"allowing him to devour information and retain it as if it were his birthright."
"whose thirst for knowledge was so great that it seemed unquenchable, could be silenced as a butterfly would perch upon his hand."
This is a heartwarming story. The emotions that the 25 year old nurse feels at seeing such a young patient die, and that too in such a pitiable condition. The readers' hearts go out to Johnny's parents and his girlfriend.
You've written such a gruesome experience very sensitively indeed, describing the emotional trauma of everyone present.
The part where the nurse worries about her kid, and is thankful that he's not driving yet, is pretty natural.
That must have been quite an experience watching Kaleb teach Nana the game.
The pictures are simply lovely! You are a very lucky grandfather indeed! No wonder you treasure these 'little moments of gold' so much.
A beautiful poem about the sacrifices a person is willing to do for love. The extents to which he/she is willing to go have been very nicely expressed, some of the metaphors being really creative.
I like the change in the last line of the last stanza, where the usual 'night' has been changed to 'life'.
Best Lines:
"I’ll hold up the moon so the sun cannot rise "
-- Wow!
"I’ll give you my love and teach you to believe "
-- Another excellent sentiment.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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I like the first stanza very much, especially the last line. It all just falls into place.
I can relate to your sentiment. Whenever I think about anything too deeply, suddenly I want to do it too; and be good at it!
I like how you've summarized the last lines of the previous stanzas in the last one.
Best lines:
"‘Cause all I really want to do is change some things I’ve done."
"and my mind, and if I really have one or not,"
"And I wonder if this is all a dream I’m having while
Still in my mothers womb, or if I’m merely part of
Someone else’s dream"
-- I've had these doubts often.
"And will anyone notice, or even care, and will it hurt,"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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This is a beautiful poem about a tragic romance. I especially like the way you repeat the 'Sweet Athelda' stanza; it almost gives it a musical quality.
The title is quite apt.
Best lines:
"A seed for the flower that would bloom in next spring,"
Errors:
line 1 - horse's HOOVES not hoofs.
line 2 - carried ITS rider, not it's
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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I loved this story! Very nicely written, and interesting. The title suits the content - it really is quite simple, and yet holds the readers attention. I'd like to read the rest too. Great job!
I especially liked the phone conversation between Maisy and Dan, and the first encounter between Maisy and Bruce.
Best Lines:
"“Why would I leave my dumb animals to hang out with another one?’" -- funny!
"He couldn’t remember the last time he saw a woman who wasn’t wearing makeup, or a hairstyle he was afraid to touch."
"eyes which could rival the sky above. "
Errors:
Now what did he do? It wasn’t like he could call 1-800-found-a-horse and report it. -- It should be "what WOULD he do?"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Beautiful song. There will always be some people trying to pull you down, or drag you along with them, all the while making you feel like nothing.
But the company of friends and personal resolve can get you through anything.
Best lines:
"I'm bouncing of the walls and the ceiling. "
-- great line! Although it should be 'bouncing off', I think.
"
They take you into the city of lights
and you don't put up a fight "
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Frankly, I didn't understand much. The ending was kind of unexpected/weird, but that was probably your aim.
I liked he idea about God having a television, and the part about his knowing everything and every line that's on it; it's creative, and interesting.
In harmony with your tagline, you have in fact described a pretty normal everyday setting, with simple conversation.
It's really hard to be at such close quarters with death, especially of a person who meant a lot to you. I like the way in which you've described the final moments, and the role the grandkid played in them. I think he handled everything very well, and experienced emotions he'd never have dreamed he would. The last para about his making peace with everything struck me as a very difficult act indeed. But I guess the loss of a person is never really felt immediately. It manifests itself in little things, trivial incidents and memories which are a reminder of the past, and that's when it hits you!
Best Lines:
"His voice wasn't very deep, but you could hear the years in it, the wisdom it carried with it." -- so simple, yet so beautiful. I love this line.
"a disease that wouldn't claim their life, but wouldn't allow them to live either." -- sad paradox
"the nurses and orderlies writing it off as just another one gone." -- after some point, every case of suffering is just a matter of routine in hospitals. It's not their fault though.
"I didn't know what to do or how to respond. I just sat there."
"I realized the memories were now all I had of him. There would be things that would be passed around the family, but that was the only thing that was truly mine." -- so true! beautifully expressed.
This is an interesting and touching account of an extraordinary boy, thrown into unfortunate circumstances. It's great to see that he doesn't lose hope, and is still out there to comfort others in the worst of times. I'm really curious how you end your story.
Best lines:
"William was like a bright and warm fire on a cold winter’s night."
"A life and future full of joy and hope, and endless possibilities beckoned."
"In his heart, William was glad they had left this world together. He knew how much they had loved each other, just as they had both loved him."
"If someone had witnessed the scene it would have seemed strange to see a grown woman sob uncontrollably as a tall boy of seven stood with a hand resting gently on her shoulder. "
Very vivid and effusive writing about confining sad memories, and controlling our ever wandering hearts and minds. I agree with you that it's a difficult battle, and sometimes I wonder if we need to fight it at all. There's no use building walls we know will eventually come down. Perhaps it's better to gather a little more courage and face those ghosts of memories.
Best Lines:
"My shoulders shook softly and sadly, mists threatening again" - beautifully vivid description
"But I am adamant not to let my heart and mind triumph, or to let my spirit have peace at a cost I am unsure of" - very nicely expressed. This fear of the unknown has haunted me too before anything big happening in my life.
"And yet I crouch with bricks in hand, at the base of a broken wall, trying in vain to confine the memories." - perfect metaphor
This is a beautiful story, which is based on one deed of kindness, the enormity of which was unknown to the benefactor until he actually met with the family he had saved out of destitution.
I liked the progress of the story, until the last part. I must admit that I had not seen the love and affection part coming. But after reading it, it did make sense. The part about the shell necklace was beautiful.
Best Lines:
"Abena's story turned all commercial logic on its head. "
"Alas, the human heart has scant respect for such differences."
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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