You've passed on a very valuable message, which many of us fail to realize in our blind quest for success. It's very important to look upon mistakes as learning points in our lives rather than being embarrassed by them or ignoring them.
Best Lines:
"In this world, if you want a fighting chance,
give mistakes more than a passing glance."
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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This is a deep and meaningful piece about self introspection. I like the way you've attacked the superficial way in which people judge, never really caring about the person inside. In fact, I believe that first impression is not the last impression. There's a superficial first when you see a person, and the second one comes after spending time with them and knowing them for what they are under the surface.
Best Lines:
"My reflection says I'm happy, normal, and true,
but my reflection is lying to you!"
"Don't judge me on how I look,
It's just like judging a book" -- this matches with the tagline, and is a very powerful analogy.
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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Albeit short and crisp, it manages to convey emotions and love that a thousand words wouldn't. These are the natural queries that would haunt the mind for a long time. I'm sorry for your loss. Not knowing a parent since such a small age can be really hard, especially since you have no memories to remember them by.
The title is quite striking, and I never could have guessed the poem to turn out this way. It's very well versed and rhymed, and has a nice flow. It's an interesting journey of a man going back in the past, trying to remove regrets, but getting lost in the tangled memories instead. I love the idea.
Best Lines:
"And he found that he was stranded
In the grip of past times sin."
" His life a shell of what he could have had." -- so he was left with regrets and unfulfilled dreams till the end. A nice metaphor.
Thanks for sharing, and welcome to Dream Team! Write On!
This is a beautiful poem. The flowers delighted her, and you derived pleasure from her happiness and smiles. Just the simplicity of it makes the love perfect.
"Their colors, she would say,
Reminded her of sunlit afternoons,
And of hope, and of love, and
Of life renewed."
-- There are so many different things one can see in nature - it's just amazing.
"And I believe sometimes in my arrogance, that
Ours was a love which was truly blessed, and that
GOD allows few to love like this, on this side of Heaven."
This is really funny! I loved reading it. Medical humour is usually boring and full of jargon, but this piece is refreshingly amusing. The underlying puns and irony is quite witty too. I liked how you included every possible specialist with their own eccentricities. The taxidermist was the funniest.
This is quite a refreshing and insightful take on half truths and white lies. I completely agree with you about telling the truth, however hard it is. And I'll be frank, I indulge in the white lies too when it comes to people closest to me, since it seems the easy way out. You might worry about hurting their feelings, but hiding that kind of stuff won't help them in the long run.
Best Lines:
"It’s because they wouldn’t want to hurt your feeling, which is why they will always try to make you believe they didn’t mean to."
-- well said!
Suggestions:
The reference to the sonnet really strengthens your case. Perhaps it would be better if you could quote the last two lines, because most people don't know about it, and won't go through the trouble of looking for it.
This is an interesting tale with a twist. I never could have guessed in the beginning that the underlying theme was revenge. The descriptions of the bride was really humorous.
Best Lines:
"Far from a bride’s gentle blush, her face resembled an over-ripe tomato. Its round contours even matched the shape of one."
"She let out a soft yelp as Henry’s conciliatory hand turned bitingly hard at a reference to a sex orgy."
Error: in the 3rd line, you've misspelled 'toast'.
This is a touching tale. I liked how you summarized it in the last few lines. It is indeed in the most turbulent times that scarred hearts seek comfort. It was good fortune that the two kindred souls met as they did, and reduced each others troubles by sharing them.
Best Lines:
"Seeing his indecision, Raja took matters in his own paws." -- The role of the dog in the story is quite an important and amusing one.
"I was inspired by their love story, developed during one of the most turbulent periods of Indian history, as an enduring testament to hope."
An insightful poem about realizing lies at their face value through mature eyes. The hollow reasons the guy gives are only too clear later on, when the mind is not biased by a broken heart. I guess that one experience taught her a lifetime's lesson; and it's very difficult to trust a person who has betrayed it before.
Best Lines:
"This great sacrifice he made
Was all on account of me" -- The sarcasm behind 'great sacrifice' is just too witty!
"What regrets may linger on
Live in his heart; not in mine" -- this sums up the situation perfectly.
Suggestions: The rhymes and flow are great. Apart from the one stretch in the last stanza - time & mine, everything's perfect.
This is a refreshing idea about getting closure from lost loves. I think that unconditional love is much harder than you make it sound. Our lives would be a lot different had we learned to master our feelings in this way.
Best Lines:
"Sometimes we must take Love out of our heart, brush away the cobwebs of memories from its delicate fabric, releasing the Butterflies of time to fly away. Only then is there room for a new Love to have a place in our hearts to live and grow."
-- the metaphors are just so real and vivid, that I can almost imagine cleansing my heart in the same way, butterflies and all. It's beautiful!
The title and tagline are just perfect - they make it hard to resist reading the poem.
It's a beautiful idea - to fathom the heart's secrets by listening to its symphony.
Best Lines:
"It drums, it beats, pitter patting a song.
Telling of my life, sometimes fragile,
Sometimes strong."
A touching tale, which manages to convey Frank's sorrow in so few words! The news must have been really hard for Frank, but he's coping quite well, and the reason for that is his love for Elizabeth, which has survived fifty years. He tries to console himself that nothing's changed by following the everyday routine, not changing even the position of a tea cup. It's little things like these that are most significant, and you've caught them just right.
This is quite an entertaining and funny limerick. The rhymes and flow are pretty good.
The anachronisms are quite adorable - a bard banging on a keyboard! Who'd have thought?
Best Lines:
"The publisher said,
"This will sell when you're dead!"
This is a very unique line of thought. Apart from the frequent 'why not's and 'I'm not's being catchy, the message underneath is quite a deep and powerful one. It's very difficult to maintain one's originality these days, as the moment you stand out from the crowd you're a target for them to vent out their frustrations over what they could not become.
It's a nice poem with an appeal hard to resist. I think moonlight strolls reflect the height of nature's beauty. The shadow of every object, however small and insignificant, acquires a mystical quality.
Best Lines:
"The night is a rose; the moon is its petal," -- an interestingly unique description.
" I will make you smile and compose your laugh." -- The use of the word 'compose' in the context of a laugh was quite refreshing.
Suggestions: The flow is beautiful, but your rhyming pattern isn't steady. Some of the rhymes are a bit stretched too. I like the poem as it is, but improving the rhymes will make it perfect!
This is the first I've heard of symbolizing the hurt in love by Cupid's twisting arrow. The expressions used are really powerful, and make the readers understand the pain of lost love.
Best Lines:
" It hurts more and more and more, like a flaming dart thrown from the hand of chaos himself"
" But I do leave it there, because the anguish that it gives me is the only thing still connecting me with you" -- it is hard to move on from memory's sake alone, even though it hurts like hell.
" Until one day, when I am soaking in self pity I will be shot again, "
This is a really tragic tale. I've always imagined just how hard it must be for two soulmates to be separated by death, but this account makes that pain very real. It's the worst punishment that could ever be inflicted, and the one left behind suffers too much. I was really moved.
Best Lines:
"Till death do us part doesn’t suffice, "
"It’s been lost, stolen, ripped out and broken,
Our love was my doom from the start. "
-- These are some really powerful lines, evoking an image of deep sorrow.
Regrets over a life ill-spent, rebelling against our greatest enemy, the alarm clock! Though this is a tad exaggerated account of what happens when you press the snooze button and wallow in indolence, it does carry a message for the readers. Sometimes those few extra winks might cause loss of sleep and anxieties later in life. The alarm clock is a mean warden, but it is after all loyal to us too!
Best Lines:
"Time does not wait while
you loll there and dream.
Have you any idea
What snoozing will bring?"
A very tragic tale. The pathos has been caught quite well, and in every line we see the desperation and grief of the widow. Try as she might, she cannot move on. In fact, while remembering the past, I think she almost feels guilty to let it go so easily; letting go so soon would mean that she didn't care enough.
Best Lines:
"If I deny truth, it will not be."
"My hourglass shattered, a sign
to toss out make believe. Stop the rage."
Nice rhymes. Although I thought that any powerful emotion, and especially love, made you write better. Perhaps the works that come out of the 'madness' as you call it, are the best ones, as they are truly frank and passionate.
Best Lines:
"So today I wrote,
you unread words.
And upon my bed,
said things unheard."
This is a very funny account. Haven't we all suffered during long journeys from naughty and brawling children? These are the times when these otherwise cute and cuddly kids become potential weapons! I enjoyed every part in the story, especially the part where stewards rush out before the passengers themselves!
Best Lines:
"They could elicit no emotion from one another and all they elicited from me was heartfelt pity."
"They quickly recognized the potential lethality of mixing a hostile crowd, screaming children, and mixed alcoholic beverages."
I love the title! The poem itself is a desperate appeal for love, with lots of arguments presented in beautiful rhymes. I wonder if anyone can resist the love put so beautifully in these entreaties!
Best Lines:
I like the entire poem, but here are some of the lines I found really good.
"Why is silence, better than to talk,
When you know that talking will work?"
"My heart is like an open door.
Shall I close it without debating?"
" Sure it's convenient, for you to pull away," -- the use of the word 'convenient' is just brilliant. It's so apt!
"So why not take a chance and stay,
and we'll make this a better year?"
" And I'll tell you something, if it's all the same,"
A nice idea. Never really thought about it this way...makes us sound so hypocritical. We even want convenience from nature; the descending rain should be aesthetically pleasing, and are quite welcome as long as it doesn't spoil our garden or clothes!
Best Lines:
"rain kissed my laundry today
but i was afraid and ran"
-- the usage of the word 'kissed' makes the act of removing the clothes from the rain really selfish somehow!
" yet foolish i am afraid"
"a lesser unknowing man as I
does not know to embrace
the rain"
Thanks for sharing. Write On!
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