Not a single line break in the whole story. How do you distinguish when one person starts and ends their speaking. I took a part of your story and put in line breaks to show you by example:
“Mom, guess what happened today!” Sam said as he dropped his bag on the floor.
“What?” I asked.
“Kyle brought his snake in for show and tell.”
Sam was so excited about the snake that he was barely able to eat the snack I had prepared. This was my favorite time of day. He would tell me all about his day and I would check him over, always afraid of some new bump or bruise. Kindergarten could be really rough.
“Was the snake in a cage?” I asked as I poured some more milk.
“Yes but he took it out. I got to touch it. It was really smooth. Mom, can I get a snake?”
Do all parents go through this? I hated snakes but I also knew we couldn’t afford any kind of pet.
“Sam, we’ve talked about this. We can’t afford any pets, just yet.”
“But Mom, it would be in a cage and it wouldn’t eat very much.”
CAN you see the difference? Makes it easier to read. The dialogue is really good and realistic in this story. But with it all jumbled together you can't really tell who is saying what.
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This story is totally awesome, especially with so many different characters and so many different powers. I was mesmerized when reading through the descriptions of the various characters. With this many different writers involved I was mildly surprised to find the dialogue throughout so good, believable and realistic. This is really a good story.
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This prologue is interesting enough to want to see what else there is to see. However, I don't want to rate a novel on the prologue alone, the novel itself may never get written. So write on...
The basic idea of RenChenZa™ is quite simple; understand and live in accordance with nature. The dog is our door to understanding nature.
This "Postcard from inside the box" was very emotionally charged piece of writing. Of course things like this happen in families everyday. But for the most part we put them in the back of our minds and don't bring them out in public to examine them. This writer shows much courage because they bring the subject out in the open.
This was a very good article.
Keep writing.
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This is a well written story about loss. And tragic that it was diabetes. For, I too, am a diabetic and know all of the horros it can bring with it. The story was interesting and I liked the part where Jeremy knew his little sister could talk but the parents did not have a clue. Good story. Write on.
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Good story and the very last line gives the reader a surprise ending, at least it was a surprise for me. Of course it also explains why she could go for days without eating. That part, the not eating area of the story is a little vague. Keep writing. Good job.
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Cute little short story. Well written. However, the writer needs a line break after every paragraph and when some one speaks a line break needs to be right after they finish speaking. Other wise, good story.
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Good story. Dialogue between the kids is realistic and believeable. Interesting and entertaining. When they started talking about food: beef stew, sheprad's pie, etc., mymouth started watering and reminded me to take a break and eat supper. Good job. Keep writing.
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The paragraphs need line breaks after them. It is a good story up until you get to the last paragraph. It does not exdplain etself. The seats are torn, but why. You have left it to the reader's imagination and this reader doesn't have a clue.
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I liked the whole piece but I was hooked... hook, line and sinker when the photographer turned out to be Ansel Adams. Very Well written. Interesting, entertaining and very emotional.
Plus, the verses tell a couple of stories. This writer exhibits creative qualities found in writers. Keep writing.
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I really liked this poem because of all of the references to other things that were used within its lines. Like: 'dipped in cinnamon' and 'you leave a present on my pillow.' The writer exhibits writing qualities of a poet. Good work, keep writing.
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I agree with this writer completely, especially the last paragraph in the article. This piece of writing was interesting and well written. It was also entertaining. The writer exhibits the qualities of a creative person. Bravo for a fine piece of work.
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I think the writer of these two p[ieces has hit the nail on the head. Everything he said about women is true. And he wrote it in such a tantilizing way that it makes you want women more. Well written and interesting. The writer exhibits creative qualities. Keep on writing. I loved it.
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Fairly well written poem about the qualities of a susposed to be loved one. This is where poetic license comes in. The writer knew what he meant but he is urging the reader to think about it. Good job. Keep writing.
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Yes, this pretty much sums up depression. Yes, I've been there, done that and have the T-shirt to prove it. And the way things are going in the good ole USA, I can't imagine any citizen not getting depressed from time to time.
Good job. Keep writing.
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I liked this poem immensely. Someone who thought they were unworthy turned around by their lover. Now that's neat. I guess love does conquer all. Good job. Keep writing.
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I liked Warrior Strong. Especially the part where the woman has a dragon at her sie, this might discourage most suitors. This writer has done it, Very nice job.
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Depression can be overwhelming and sometimes the pill, ie, prozac, or whatever you take, just doesn't work. This poem is about depression. Well written. Good job.
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Nice little poem. It tells us all of a soft breedze and what it does for you, the writer and possibly us, the readers. I hesitate to try and interpret poetry because the writer will have a definite idea and me, the reader, maight have another idea. But in this case it just makes sense.
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Happens to me all of the time. I don't think you can make a four word statment and expect to get a good review or rating for it. Instead write what to do when you get writer's block or what you don't do.
The whole idea is to write something. In the case of writer's block if you can't write anything at all, don't.
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The characters in this story are very well developed and strong. They carry on a believeable dialogue. The story itself is good. And the story is entertaining and at times captivating. Good job, keep writing.
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Clutter, clutter, clutter...this piece of writing is confusing in its awareness. No ppun intended. The writer is using a lot of poetic license to make a point.
Still it was interesting to read.
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I may be a little partial because I am a cat person. Onlyhave four right now. I thought this was a cute little poem. This writer keeps surprising me with what she writes about. Interesting and entertaining. Verses were great. Meter seemed okay. The writer is talented and should keep wrting.
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