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316 Public Reviews Given
316 Total Reviews Given
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Review of On the Sidelines  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
First punctuation is consistent. This is good. I would remove the world "but" in the second line as it is unnecessary. Really there is nothing much else to critique. If my vocabulary was better I might be able to give you suggestions on more descriptive vocabulary. But I don't. I caught something. "Is" is not required on the sixth line.

Otherwise good job!

Keep writing!

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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay this flow was much better. But check this out:

"For the gift of hard work, the need for great strength,
Dedication and humor, practice at length,"

All I did was take out unnecessary words. However I will say the rest of the poem seems pretty clean. I feel the last stanza is the best flow wise. I think you have to be very particular with where you place the comma. It's a really powerful tool, and can totally change the feel of a line. You can use weird rhythm to make a statement. I've seen that. And then the feel of the flow returns to normal.

Actually in my style of poetry, I tend to do that a lot. At usually the last stanza to bring a sense of closure, I will bring an entire different feel to the words. It signifies the end, and adds good variety to the poem as well. I establish that by mainly the comma, and the length of a line. Just something to think about.

I like this poem. Good job, keep writing!


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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
In a macro view of this poem, I feel like you should of kept the description of love to nature. That in of itself would be a good poem. When changing these beautiful images to logical statements, the tone of the poem shifts dramatically. And it is in my view, there are some forced rhymes. It just doesn't flow like how other rhyming poetry that I have read. Part of that problem might be the count of syllables. So for example:

"Assuredly, our destinies
...
So trustingly, we do proceed"

Doesn't flow optimally, because the syllable differentiation is too much. The really good rhyme poems just slide off of the tip of your tongue. This was choppy.

I know you needed to find something to rhyme with happiness. I would suggest changing the word happiness. Cause the readiness and happiness combo sounds forced. Claimed and framed seem forced. Because honestly I don't see where frame fits in the meaning of that stanza.

My suggestion would be to rid of all unnecessary words (ands!), and bring the poem to the bare essentials. And then add words required to make the flow of the rhyming more fluid. I'm having a hard time trying to suggest how to make your rhymes not sound forced. Make sure that each word provides descriptive meaning to the stanza, and that it makes sense.

I hope this does not anger you. I'm just telling you what I see.

Write on!


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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
First, I want to feel your pain. You have no idea. I have treatment resistant bipolar type 1 rapid cycling. I've been depressed what seems like constant recently, with three episodes back to back to back. I know the feeling, and I want to say it was a good description of it.

However, I don't think you should use the word depression in your poem, after all, you are describing depression. I think it takes a lot out of your poem, and basically makes your descriptions moot.

I like how your lines are concise. You don't want to get too wordy with free verse poems. It takes away from the power of the words. The format is consistent, which is good. You will be surprised at how much I see poets not keep the same format. In some cases it can be used to emphasize a statement, but usually that isn't the case.

Good job! I would take out depression and use it as an opportunity to describe depression even more.


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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The first thing that comes to mind is how is misery false hope? I like how you talked about an emotion as a person. I thought that was creative. I love how you show the progression of misery. Misery, despair, sorrow, and rejection. Is that what you were trying to say? Rejection from misery takes away hope, even if it is a lonely trail? I think that makes more sense to me now. Showing that progression was also very creative.

The word "to" is used an awful lot. It was a little distracting. I would suggest re-wording lines so that there isn't as much "to" used.

Otherwise, good poem.

Keep writing!


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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
First I wanted to say that this piece is very unique and creative. Originality is great with creative mediums such as poetry. So I wanted to give you kudos.

The word "and" is used constantly. I mean A LOT. There are times where you don't even need to put it there. For example the second line. Just say, "Big, ancient machines." I'm under the school of thought that concise language is what you want to go for with poetry. You want the most meaning out of every word. Also, word repetitions may work under some circumstances, but in my opinion this is too much.

I also found a spot where you could be more consistent. "As old evils return," to ,"As old evil returns." If you notice, the line it is rhyming with ends with "turns."

Let me give you credit in somewhere else. I felt the poem was very descriptive, and it gave me an image while I was reading. It made my imagination go awry. That to me, is good poetry. So yeah, you use and a whole lot, and there was one part where you could be more consistent, but for the most part I would be proud of this piece.

The comma! That was a really good touch. It changed the pace at which the reader reads, which brings about variety which is good.

All-in-all, great job. Just work on those little things and you will be a great writer.


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Review of To The Surface  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful piece. If you get the time to look at my review history, I'm probably a harsher critic than others. But this poem got me sucked in, and the rhyming felt flawless. The rhyming didn't seem forced, and it flowed very well. There is one quick recommendation I may add.

If there is a way in WDC to make words italics, then do it to "WILL," simply because it will show emphasis without the feeling of being shouted at. But I understand if you did it that way if there is no way to do italics. It's been a while, so I forget.

Usually I tend to give the advice in poetry that you want to make your language concise. But in rhyming poetry, sometimes adding syllables is necessary. I felt your punctuation was spot on, and made your piece flow oh so well. And the use of the hyphen! It was great. Really nice job.

The story itself was very creative.

Really nice job. I have nothing bad to say really about this piece at all. I think you did a great job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Patience  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is really good. What is so awesome about reviewing poetry, is that sometimes you find something that applies to your life directly. I too, have emotional stress over something to the point that time feels like it is moving slowly, that the day where I can confront the source of my stress is too far away. But if I were to stop dwelling on it, and try to enjoy life, I would succumb to the illusion that time would move quicker. But that is what it is, an illusion. Time moves at the same pace at all times. This poem is interesting as it focuses on that one phenomenon, and brings good insight into the whole phenomenon.

I loved the alliteration of, "Irritation inflames." I like how you say the fumes burn less with more tolerance. This too has happened to me. Even though I want to confront the source of emotional stress, I am more tolerable of that stress, and as a result time moves a little faster, when in the end, time moves the same.

Really great work. It speaks to me directly, and is very accurate on how things go. The punctuation is consistent, which I like with this piece.

Nice job, keep writing!
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Review of Acceptance  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
First I think your language could be more concise. Meaning there are some unnecessary words that are there and don't really contribute to the meaning of the piece.

Also your last stanza to me doesn't make sense. Acceptance is coping. So you could essentially re-write the last sentence to, "But can be controlled through acceptance." Acceptance is an act of coping, in my view. Radical acceptance of reality, is quite challenging, and forces you to release certain thoughts and emotions that battle reality, which may remain because people may think reality isn't a dictatorship, which it is. Or they don't want to accept the reality, for the pain that it might cause. Which is exactly what you stated, but again I think Acceptance is an act of coping.

I appreciate this poem, because there is an issue that I need to accept reality over it. And I haven't done a good job doing it.

Nice thought, I would make your words more concise, average vocabulary nothing really descriptive. Not sure if you can be with this topic, but concise descriptive vocabulary is what makes a poem great. And I am just stating that the last stanza doesn't make sense because acceptance is a type of coping.

Keep writing!
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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I can see why this won an award. First, the title is really good when considering the story you are portraying. Second it was really creative. It was really creative to put the perspective of the story from a cat that got abandoned and left behind. It's cute how the cat doesn't like how his/her name isn't consistent.

With regards to the actual writing, I liked the simple rhyming scheme. Some people want to show off and do more challenging ones, and I guess that is good practice, but sometimes the most basic has the best flow and sounds really good. The rhyming sounded really good.

I feel like there maybe point where you could be more concise with your language. I'm kind of under the school of thought that with poetry, you want to be as concise as possible and have the most amount of meaning. It brings power to the words, and since poems typically are constricted, you want words to have power. So just in case you haven't heard of that concept, I would consider it with your writing. So with looking at the end of the poem on my screen without scrolling, the line:

"We could be together, with Sam my brother" could be re-written as, "We could be together, Sam my brother." Of course syllables are important with rhyming. I also like how the poem is "direct." That basically means non-abstract. People have their tastes, but abstract poetry is something I don't really like. You have given me hope that direct poetry have a shot of being something special.

Keep writing. And good job!
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Review by 777
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hey, I hope you find my review constructive.

"Some people phase through this life like they don't know it will end. More and more people live less and less."

This is a wonderful thought, and I really think you should of developed it more, before jumping to Facebook. The jumping to Facebook seemed choppy and it wasn't a good transition in my opinion. Try to develop the thought more. Why are more and more people living less and less? List numerous reasons why, and then segway into a particular reason.

It maybe a hypocrisy that a video on not using your phone will be seen by people using their phone, but phones are a primary way to view media, right? So isn't it good that people using their phones sees that message?

Also, when writing an essay try to stay out of the first and second person. Third person is really the recommended view to write an essay from.

" People spent their lives drawing and building these impressive and if you think about it breathtaking monuments that we pass by everyday like all they do is prevent us from getting quicker to our destinations.

Grammatically that is inaccurate. "People spend their lives drawing and building these impressive structures. If you think about it, these breathtaking monuments that we pass by everyday, they prevent us from getting quicker to our destinations." Also, what's the point of that statement? What has having a longer trip from point A to point B have anything to do with social interaction?

"Every time life gets easier in modern eyes, life gets a little worse." Evidence?

"This should be a normal thing." I think this is a typo and it should be "shouldn't."

You tie in the end the evidence of how an easier life is a worse life, by the evidence of social interaction. Really, that is the premise of this whole piece. Your thesis is, "Every time life gets easier in modern eyes, life gets a little worse." Your answer is the current ways of social interaction. This comes at the middle to bottom half of your piece. I suppose that is okay if you separated your essay into paragraphs, as the thesis is usually at the bottom of the first or so paragraph.

You have typos, grammatical errors, choppy transitions, and it seems it takes too long to really show the point of this essay and the response to it.

Keep practicing, and keep writing.
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Review of Forever in Love  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Just wow! This is a really well written poem. The word choice of this poem is really good. It really adds description and meaning to the piece. I loved the image of your desires transcending all of the sun-drenched and moonlit horizons. That is a really powerful image. Your wife/girlfriend is a very lucky person. I hope you show this to her, it would mean a lot.

I honestly wouldn't change a thing. Well done and keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
In the end I don't understand the character being described in this poem. The words, "Moving through you," are written on his chest, by his own hands, and somehow this relates to someone who is suicidal. And I understand that no one of us has been to where he is going to go, because we are living. I guess in the end you put some responsibility on the reader to be able to piece together what "moving through you" means with regards to a suicide with the writing that you provided. I'm just sharing that I do not understand it at all.

With free verse, the strength of it comes with word choice. I felt that if you wanted to make your poem better you could use more descriptive vocabulary. With the format that you chose (the middle alignment) as well as no punctuation and generic vocabulary, the poem read like I was reading a paragraph. It was quick, and there were many lines that weren't potent at all. In the published spectrum of poetry, I find that there are weaker lines than others with regards to beauty/potency, but there aren't any lines that stand out as really weak. A potent poem will have lots of meaning with very few words. Obviously we are all here trying to get there, I know I am still working on it, but I felt this poem had some pretty weak lines. A potent line will have great description, provide more meaning to an overall message, and add to the flow to the rest of the poem. I also felt there wasn't a very good rhythm when reading this poem. It felt choppy and random. So that is something else you can look at when writing is how does it "feel" when you read it.

I think this was a very ambitious piece. I think you need to spend more time describing with the senses. I think you need to add punctuation. If you can, I also think you need to use more descriptive vocabulary with your next pieces. Finally, I think you should work on the flow of your next piece. I would only use a large discrepancy in syllable count when emphasizing something, or to play with the rhythm.

It is easy for me to read someone elses work and point out what I think is missing, than it is to write a really strong poem. I haven't gotten to there yet, but I have been reading more poetry when I can in hopes to learn and grow. I was just being honest with what I have seen, and as with any advice, you can accept or reject it. If I was too harsh, I apologize.

Keep writing.


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Review of The Golden Rule  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The first impression that I get is that I think you ended the poem early. You should probably spell out what the child should do while following the golden rule. I just felt that there was a cliff hanger, and not a solid conclusion.

I also think you should rewrite a line to:

"Treat folks the way you would like to be treated." Simply because the statement, "Treat folks like you would be treated" could mean to treat people poorly under certain conditions. Which adds to the suspense of the end of the poem. The bully is obviously treating the kid poorly, so how is the kid going to treat the bully, assuming that statement is the given definition of the golden rule?

If you re-write that line I think the poem would be more clear. I also think you should consider telling the story of the boy and the bully.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think the main criticism that I have of your poem is that to me, there wasn't a logical path or transition into the next stanza. I thought the first two stanzas worked well together. It's the fourth stanza that really comes out of left field. What were you worrying about previously in the poem? As I understand it, you just are starting a reflection about worrying. And then you finish out the poem on the premise of your fears.

So let me recap.

You start the poem with beautiful imagery, and then you switch over to anxiety. The stanza before this, you were describing the stars and Mars.

My point is, that sudden leap in what you are talking about makes the poem sound like the last part of the poem is random. Now it probably makes perfect sense to you as you wrote it, but from a readers point of view, all I am saying is that change in subject is a huge leap with no help transitioning. Maybe if you had one more stanza, a transitional stanza, that ties in describing the heavens to worrying it would read much better.

The imagery was really nice. I also have to say in the first two stanzas you use the word "the" a lot and might want to consider reading over your poem, and taking out words that either don't need to be there or are repetitive. So for example, you could take the "and" out in the last line of the second stanza.

Maybe I missed something when reading this poem. But to me it read really weird simply because the change in what was being said.


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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The first thing that stands out with me is the phrase "whether we". It would used four times in the first two stanzas. The poem would show much more variety and power if you could figure out a way to reconstruct those stanzas so that maybe on or two are used. It would really require gutting the poem out, but the repetition takes away from the poem in my opinion. Also, you could make some of the lines more concise if you wanted to. So for example:

"And whether we can ever truly know," could be re-written as, "Whether we can truly know." The only real reason to put "weak" words into poetry is to make the flow of the overall read work better. This poem is more free form, and the flow varies greatly, but that is understood throughout the poem. Therefore, I think you could add potency to your lines if you took out unnecessary words, if you find any. You aren't trying to keep a ball park amount of syllables on certain lines, so keeping it short and to the point without hindering description is the key to creating a poem that is not run-on, poetic, and very potent on a per-line basis.

It is in my view that the core strengths of free form poetry is word choice and description. You had a great comparison to life and a pearl found in an oyster, and had words like glorious and begrudgingly. But if you take a look at the greats of poetry, and then you look at poetry from writers that are working on it like you and I, their word choice is quite advanced. Sometimes I believe poets can make poetry for only poets. In other words, you have to have a dictionary and look up every other word. To me that alienates the audience. At the same time (and I am working on this too), having more descriptive words adds another element to your poetry. It makes it more economical for one, and it brings meaning with a certain number of syllables and sounds for rhyming.

And here are some things that I liked. I liked your overall message of your poem. Life itself is a treasure, and we all take it for granted many times. Comparing life to a jewel in the ocean was a cool image that came to my mind. I thought the intellectual stance was stimulating enough.

Sorry that was long. But I am trying to give you my honest opinion, and ways I have found to make my writing better. I still struggle with this as well, but I try to incorporate all I am learning into my next poem.

Keep writing.


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Review of Moments of Time  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Wonderful. The imagery is great, and it really adds to the overall reading experience. I thought this was a really well done poem, and you shouldn't change a thing.

One thing that could make the poem better is the fact you use moonlight twice. If you could someone get rid of the redundancy, that could make the poem even stronger.

But honestly, I wouldn't really worry about it.

Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The first thing that comes to mind, the fact that there is no punctuation and it is aligned in the center caused me to read it very fast. To the point, that it sounded like a huge run-on. I really think you should add punctuation to the poem. It also gives a sense that I am reading a story rather than a poem.

Honestly it is hard for me to understand this poem. Now, I am going to put that responsibility on me. Maybe if I were to re-read a few more times it would come, but I do think the poem is kinda out there.

Again, if you were to put punctuation into the poem and slow down the reading, I think it would really add to your poem's experience.

Anyways, good job and keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Fun Habit  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
To be honest, the first stanza I thought I was reading from a dictionary. It didn't sound poetic at all, and it does get wordy the third line. Finally, ultimately you are communicating an intellectual stance without any appeal to the emotions or the five senses. I really think if you want your poetry to be better, you have to entice the human heart somehow and make the poem come more alive. If you are going to state an intellectual stance, then state one that is original and challenging, not about having fun. That is something we all have an idea of what it is about, so the poem lacks interest because there is nothing new to be explored.

If you find that really creative, original idea, then it could be captivating enough by itself without any imagery or description. But if you are going to describe an idea that we all have an idea about, I would highly suggest using the senses to put some points across.

Keep writing.


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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
What I liked about this poem was the fact that you have concise and non-repetitious lines. I didn't understand the end of the first stanza, and I thought the last line was way out there. Talking about outer space when dealing with the confines of an office I thought was pretty drastic. But again, the writing was solid.

Good job! Keep up the writing.


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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
A couple things came right to mind when I read this poem. First, the three dots that are used in the last line, are basically never used in poetry because you can just create another line. Of course, that is hard to do considering the second issue I have is your alignment. Why have center alignment? I have seen some poetry re-written with a center alignment, but there were illustrations to follow it (for children). The poetry I have read, the published poetry, all have left sided alignment. The reason being is you can use indentation to change the meter of the poem. This mechanic is taken out completely when you write in the center like that.

I thought writing wise, the first stanza was really solid. The second stanza I thought was weak. You could reword the first line to something like, "The hawk cries, piercing the silence". Also, it's means it is, not possessive. So it's in the second to last line should be changed to its.

I encourage you, if you plan to write more poetry, to get a book of poetry and read. I think you would learn wonders. And as always, keep writing. You will only get better.


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Review of A Touch of Love  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this was a pretty well written poem. It is a good message, and describes many simple aspects of love. There was some imagery in there with mountains, but I did feel that was lacking a little bit. This is an intellectual stance that rhymes basically. Some people like that some don't. Certain eras of poetry do different things. In my opinion, this was fine, but I must say that poems with little description/imagery tend to be the weaker poems in terms of impact. It is my personal opinion, that a core premise of poetry is to entice the emotions as well as an intellectual case. I just wanted to say that for you to consider for your future works of poetry.

Keep writing! I thought this was a well done poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed this poem. A little imagery but good description, I thought the poem did a good job describing love for that person. I thought the rhyming worked. Things flowed very nicely and read really smooth. So in all honesty, I say this is a solid poem and I wouldn't really change a thing. Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Butterflies Die  
Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I saw this poem on the request review page, so I figured I would take a look. I wanted to say that this is a great poem. The symbolism, description, and the overall ideas and message that this poem portrays is very thought provoking. I must admit, I saw myself in this person, on how they responded to the world. Not completely, but some of it. I thought the poem did a good job explaining some of the complexities of human behavior. The rhyme did not seem forced at all, and I felt the poem flowed very nicely. The repetition and then change of that once stanza, really added to the effect you were going for. So I thought that was a good decision as well.

Nicely done, and as usual, keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by 777
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
If I could rate this item, I would give it a five. The imagery and the description was fantastic. The non-generic vocabulary really added to this piece, and I thought because of it, you didn't have to run into some of the things that poets run into. So for example, sometimes poems are crowded with repetitious words that really take away from the poem. You had none of that because each word was unique.

Even without your explanation, I could tell that this was a lively and festive event. It was a pleasure to read, and you are an inspiration for me and my personal writing.

Nice job, and as always, keep on writing.


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