Simple but beautiful. The rhyming scheme was straight forward, but it was cute considering the writer is trying to express his or her love to his or her love (sorry if that is hard to read).
It is easily accessible. And these poems I personally like more than the poems you have to derive some hidden meaning. In my personal opinion, reading poetry should be easy, emotional, and rewarding.
Holy **** that was good! I stumbled upon this under non-fiction, is this piece non-fiction because you are describing a possible path to death row, or did this really happen? How do you know the details?
The detail, was just great. The story telling just captivated me. I honestly don't see anything that you could of done differently. I was captivated the moment I started to read the work.
Thank you for this story. Drugs are really atrocious.
I was feeling your loss. You conveyed your emotion pretty well. I can see the dillemma however. You resolve your pain by looking to the past, which probably brings more pain. (I'm sorry, I have yet to go through something like this.) I really enjoyed your third and fourth stanza. It makes me understand somewhat the hole in your heart.
That's another quick thing. Check the spelling of your title. I believe it should be "The Hole You Left".
I also wanted to share with you, that if you wanted to make this poem stronger, I would play with the first two lines. The word "bane" seems forced, and I am wondering if you could describe the instant pain. I don't know, it is a thought.
This is an amazing poem. The rhyming fits very well. It is smooth and it doesn't seem forced. Comparing the days of flowers to man and then bringing them together at the end was a very beautiful touch. Flowers are just one testament to the beauty in nature, and this really brought out some of the good qualities of life.
Please, continue to write poetry like this. It was a very pleasant read.
First I wanted to say great job! It was a very nice read, and the poem really did tell a story. But I do have some constructive criticism, but really I think it is a measure of taste. I felt that the beginning of the poem was at a whole other level than the end. The imagery of the woman while being outside was very captivating. Towards the end I had an idea what was being communicated, but it was not as nearly as descriptive as the beginning of the poem.
Just something to think about. Overall, it was a delightful read.
I have been experimenting with the medium of poetry on this site specifically, and I must say, that was an awesome read. It was short, and I was bummed out. The rhyme and rhythm flowed very nicely, and the picture at the end has a very good touch to the overall work. It makes the work more personable to the reader, so I really liked it. It's cool seeing someone use technology to enhance their expression.
The only reason why I didn't rate it a five, was because I wanted it to be longer. But who knows, maybe if you were to make it longer it would not of been as good.
This story really moved me. I am an amateur writer, and well this story not only taught me a lot, but it has inspired me that one day with a lot of practice, I could be writing published stories as yourself. Thank you for that story, we always take for granted what these men and women do for our country and what they have to deal with.
Very nice job. I look forward to reading more of your works.
You did a pretty good job encompassing me into your world. My only criticisms are that I felt some of the actions and dialogue didn't seem natural. For example, I severely doubt that someone would throw an old lady over a man chanting latin. I just do not see that kind of emotion happening. Maybe this is unfair, but I would suspect people would be concerned, and figure the man is mentally ill.
I also feel that the story could be brought more to life with more description.
But in all, I just wanted to say good job. It was a very pleasant read.
I enjoyed your rhyming poem, however the substance of the poem has me disturbed. I would suggest not putting THE END at the end of your poem, as anyone would understand that once they finish that last stanza, it is the end of the poem.
It seems to me the core reason of all this pain as you suggested in your poem is a life full of sin. Why not put the effort to change that, and possibly live a happy and fulfilling life?
I agree though. It is sometimes very hard to live life on life's terms. It is frustrating to me honestly, as to why the world was created this way....
And that is an idea for my next work...
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jbrengle/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 8:01am on May 07, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "