ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
July 4th is a short story about a family gathering for the Fourth of July celebration. The story is an easy read full of anger, disappointment and pain. Spacing needs to be addressed to make reading more enjoyable. The paragraphs run through story form well with a good beginning and informational middle and a clear ending. Nice Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Healing Hands is a Christian faith poem about coming up short. The poem is nicely written one stanza piece. There is a nice non-repeated although not fixed end rhyme running in the poem and there is no set meter. The flow is good but could be smoother.
Spelling:
satan = Satan
shephard = shepherd
Save = save or SAVE
There are no grammar or punctuation error.
A very nice new author write.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
The Path of Adversity is a non-fiction short story filled with love, pain and fear. The story is a trip down faith's path into the land of belief, trust and self-discovery. This is not the type of story you wan to rush through. It is full of deep emotion and takes into the heart of a mother's love for her son and for the God that created him. I see no errors. Well Done!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
I've Got a Crush on You is a short story about a tentative declaration of attraction that blossoms into love. I found the read very enjoyable and zipped thought the smooth line wanting to see the outcome. I don't fine any errors, and I loved. Great Job
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
It takes every effort not to offend is a short free-style poem about writing poetry. The work flows nicely without rhyme and tell the story well. There are no grammar or punctuation errors and one poetic license with a made up word, phraser. The poem is a good effort, and I like it. Well Done!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Harmony is a poem written in allegory about the need to live peacefully despite outward differences. Flowers are the metaphor for mankind and the grassy plain is the world. The poem is six quatrains long and written in the abcb rhyme scheme. The poem is fun and delivers its message well. There are no grammar or punctuation errors but the word prairie spelled prarie throughout. I have a suggestion for improvement. The rhyme of stanza repeats in stanza three. I would strive not to repeat rhyme if possible. Good Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
An Acquainted Stranger is a villanelle up to the reader to interpret. The rhyme requirements of the villanelle are correct. The A-C rhyme is difficult to make work because all the A-C words end with, "ing," quite a task. The B rhyme has more freedom and works well. The repeated lines necessary for the villanelle must be repeated exactly as written in lines one and three of the first tercet. The author tries to help the forms repetitiveness by changing the lines. Villanelles are difficult poems to write correctly and not lose a reader with boredom. This is a good attempt and with a little more work would make a nice villanelle. There is a line that confuses me: Succulent details rip hole like flesh on a reef, should hole be holes or whole?
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Maine Poem is a poem about the State of Maine. There are ten stanzas, nine of which are quatrains. The poem is written in the abcb rhyme scheme none of which are repeated. The flow of the poem is good with just a few rough spots. The rhymes keeps the long poem moving nicely. There are no spelling, grammar or punctuation errors although the author could have inserted a comma, if desired, in a few places. I don't see any reason for the layout of the last stanza and this would be my biggest recommendation, close the last line into the last stanza so the poem is uniform. A very nice effort!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Simply Positive reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all write, for our various reasons, entertain and inspire others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Beneath a Crippled Rainbow is a poem about the collapse of light, of love. The poem is long at 10 quatrains. When you finish the last word of the poem you will ache for another 10. I love this poem and I'm jealous I didn't think of the concept first. Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz is the author's device to take us over the dark rainbow of pain. The poem has great flow and the rhyme feels natural. ReMade's bio says the author is new and I see a WDC port established July 4, 2008 - how exciting to discover a newbie with such talent. Fantastic!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. jimmyfin.
Simply Positive reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all write, for our various reasons, entertain and inspire others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Walks in life, is poem about the author cannot remember what. I am left deciding what the poem means to me. I see a man walking through is life and learning as he goes on his way. I see appreciations for beautiful and important things in life, with a touch of sorrow. I see a man that found faith but continues to be his own man while holding onto faith. I see a great poem - very well done!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. jimmyfin.
Simply Positive reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all write, for our various reasons, entertain and inspire others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Beneath a Crippled Rainbow is a poem about the collapse of light, of love using Dorothy from the wizard of oz to paint the rainbow. The poem is delivered in couplet style but all couplets don't rhyme, they don't have even meter. The poem flows well and tells a good story. No spelling errors but some grammar errors:
it's = its X 2
Darkness risen from a fall = Darkness, risen from a fall or Darkness raised
ravens = ravens'
Suggestions:
To have a powerful couplet poem, end rhyme each couplet using a different rhyme. Couplets are metered verse - I would even the syllable count or make the poem 5 quatrains in aabb rhyme.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. jimmyfin.
Simply Positive reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all write, for our various reasons, entertain and inspire others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
At the Game is a poem about a boy at a much anticipated football match. The poem is delivered in five quatrains with the abcb rhyme scheme. I do not see any spelling errors - written in line break - I would consider eliminating the commas. The poem flow well and there is only one section over which the word stumble:
Now the ball is in the back of the net - I would try to remove a couple syllables to gain the flow back. Over all it is a nice flowing poem with good rhyme that couls use some game excitement.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Before and After is a poem about rising to fame in Hollywood. it is two stanza, each with four lines. The before stanza is the effort and the after stanza the result. It is short but tells its story well. There are no spelling errors except the her is in written Her and should not be. Furthermore, there is a space needed here: Bright,Intense = Bright, Intense -
The description say this is a "Haiku of a Dream." I'm not sure what that means but this poem is not Haiku so it is not reviewed as such.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hope is a four stanza poem presented in couplet style about the hope contained in love. There is plenty sadness contained in the short work.
I do not see any spelling errors and punctuation is good.
Some suggestions:
I would combine the couplets into one stanza because couplets usually have the same syllable count and end in rhyme, these do neither.
I would suggest a change in enjambment:
But she is gone now. And I,
Bereft by her leaving.
But she is gone now.
I, bereft by her leaving. = I'm bereaved by her leaving.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
What am i to do, a static item listed as poetry but clearly prose. The piece is powerful and full of pain that leaps from the verses. It is written in Internet style, that is, no caps. I would change the minor to caps.
Some suggestions:
to the right i have "sharp daggars for rocks" and to the left a sea filled torment of shark filled waters. = "sharp sharp dagger like rocks"
Some spelling:
daggars = daggers
tryed = tried
And a typo:
poor the to have: the = than
One more:
The piece suggests, from the well painted picture, a leap to death. I would consider rewriting passive sentences to action verbs that would better fit an action piece.
Final comment:
There are a lot of emotion and imagery packed into this short piece of prose - with correction this becomes a powerful work.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Gone is an after fight live poem written in 16 single line stanzas. The lines are short and snappy and with an irregular rhyme to help with the flow. There are no spelling, punctuation or grammar errors that I can find. I like the poem but it is really spread out for a short piece. I would have preferred one stanza.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Spider is a cute kids rhyme that many adults will also enjoy. The poem is three quatrains written in the abcb rhyme scheme. The poem flows well and the rhyme works. I do not see any spelling, grammar or punctuation errors. I have one small suggestion for improvement. The insects' tiny foe. The way I read the poem, tiny describes the wind. I don't believe that was the intent - tiny wind??? I would try: The tiny insect's foe.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hidden, is about how appearances can be deceiving and is a one stanza poem. The poem has great flow and a non-patterened end rhyme that works great. I do not see any spelling errors and punctuation is fine. There is an extra space in this line: Unfortunately what people see,- that will matter in my review but should be closed. Real nice job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Simply Positive reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all write, for our various reasons, entertain and inspire others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Looking Up to My Flag is a patriotic poem about the flag and what it means. It is written in three stanzas and three sentences without meter or rhyme but contains one strong alliteration. The read is smooth and the message is clear. I do find and errors. There is strong descriptive language in the sentences that give it more of a poem feel. Nice job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. jimmyfin.
The reviews I do are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not ever change what your vision and heart says should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
A Chinese Factory Life, in a cultural poem about a young female factory worker with an eye on the west. The poem flow well and has an unusual scheme - abcdd efghh ijkll mnopp qqrs. The poem is interesting and tell its story very well. Personally, I do not have an issue with the creative rhyme and I like the poem. The poem may be a tad better reversing the qq and rs lines. I would also consider adding a line to the last stanza. Well Done!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. Jim a.k.a. jimmyfin.
The reviews I do are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not ever change what your vision and heart says should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Twilight a poem about relaxing on the beach, enjoying nature and watching the sunset. It is a feel good poem and does a good job of relaxing the mood.
Suggestions:
I struggle with some of the wording. Lying on white sands I watched the sun kiss the sea at dusk of day; - Dusk is the dim part of twilight the sun has set and it can't be kissing the sea. I would try to resolve that confusion with some rewriting.
no need to fly, ride the wind like sailing
ships that walk the sea in glow of dying sun.
The early part of twilight displays the dying sun, so that is good and serves resolve the earlier problem - dusk. A simple solution is to change the word dusk to end.
There is confusion in the simile - ride the wind like sailing
ships is a good simile - that walk the sea in glow of dying sun. walk does not fit the fly - ride like ships simile - I would consider changing walk to glide. That is what the gulls are doing - gliding.
The second stanza is a perfect description of dusk turning to night.
Some spelling considerations:
star light = starlight
travelled = traveled
Punctuation:
star light which = starlight, which or starlight that
The poem is a good effort and is easily fixable.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all the images you put in ink. Jim a.k.a. jimmyfin.
The reviews I do are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not ever change what your vision and heart says should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Through An Angels Eyes, is a spiritual poem looking toward heaven. The message is very uplifting and well stated. The poem is one stanza written in an aabbccbbdeeccff rhyme scheme. The poem flow is good but the rhyme is somewhat reached for and off due to the odd number of lines - 15. I would consider rewriting the ninth line and adding a new line to thyme with it for the tenth line, making the poem and even sixteen-lines. Since this is a short piece, I would try to use end-rhyme that does not repeat.
Some corrections:
masters = master's
eternities = eternity's
this (angels) eyes. = these (angel) eyes or this angel’s eyes
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. Jim a.k.a. jimmyfin.
The reviews I do are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not ever change what your vision and heart says should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Where are the songs is a short story about a past love. It is a sad story told well without any extra fluff to assist fill the page. I like that. I feel remorse, pain and see a resolve that accepts both for what they are - life. As far as the story goes, I like it a lot and have no suggestion for improvement.
Suggestions outside the story:
There is a very long fragment that should be edited into a sentence. There are a few spots that could use a comma and there is semicolon, comma confusion in several places that should be addressed.
A style suggestion:
The story is littered with question marks - some in places where there is no questions asked - those should be removed. In other places the questions are not really questions but musings wandering through the mind of a country singer. The punctuation is grammatically correct. I feel the write would strengthen if the wanderings of the mind were contained in quotes " " minus question marks.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. Jim a.k.a. jimmyfin.
The reviews I do are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not ever change what your vision and heart says should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Remembering Winters is a reminiscence of Maine winters. It is a warm story, and I taste the hot chocolate. The tone moves to the point with good even flow making the read enjoyable.
There are two misspelled word and several places that could use a comma. I would also consider editing some of the passive voice sentences.
Comma example:
Thus, I spent many Maine winters creating memories which play fondly in my mind. = memories, which
Spelling:
till = until
snow storms = snowstorms
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. Jim a.k.a. jimmyfin.
The reviews I do are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not ever change what your vision and heart says should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
The Sixtieth Arrow, I will admit is a tough review. The item is listed as poetry. The 11-non-rhymed or metered uneven lined stanzas as written in poetic line breaks. This is one of the most different pieces I've come across. I am also a story telling poet and like a good interesting story and wiggy delivers. I loved the story and teared up on the last two words -that is how much I was drawn into her word of archery. I read the poem in my head and aloud - Iread it fast and slow - I like slow best but regardless the flow is there, and I will say this is an unusual amazing job. Terrific!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. Jim a.k.a. jimmyfin.
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