Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Rollercoaster is in an addition to the Images in Ink (III) Campfire delivered in Free-Verse. The poem has great flow throughout the ride and offers the lows and highs of its theme with some strong poetic images. My favorite is just awesome:
Prayers drip from my chin,
staining my face as they fall,
only to reach deaf ears.
I do not see any errors and I like the poem - nice job.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Rising Star reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Borrowed time is a one stanza Free-Verse. A simile is used to create images of memory. The poem is a great out loud read with an opinion. Jyo the free verse is good - I have some iseas that may help you consider some tiny edits.
"A memory is like a pressed flower," is your simile. We now have that image in our mind. "a carefully preserved" this is good becuase that is what a pressed flower is - if is usually dried between book pages or between two heavy flat objects, perhaps two books. These words add image and strenght to the simile. "skeleton" hurts your simile. Skeletons are not dried, pressed and peserved whole. In this spot I would have chosen mummy and then instead of saying, " of some fragment of time," within a fragment of time, works well with the simile and flows perfectly into you next two lines. OK you are good up to here, "that paints it in hues ne’er endowed on’t before," when useing simile or metaphor it is best (even more important so in free-verse) to stick with the simile or metaphor. Pressed flowers, skeletons or mummires do not paint. What they do however, is imprint and the image of imprint works perfectly with the simile and memory. I would suggest a rewrite to this line replaceing paints with something connected to the simile and I would remove the archaic - it does not fit the piece. It is ok read in the head but that is lost out loud. Below is an example of how to hold maintain a good simile or mataphor:
A memory is like a pressed flower,
a carefully preserved mummy
within a fragment of time,
an outline meticulously preserved
at the cost of detail;
a blurred featureless form,
arrested in motion, in time,
appearing altered by trick of thought,
imprints of new hues never seen before
that distort the whole proportion ………….
Memories are deceptive.
Do not dwell on the past.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
In the Attic is a story about something evil that resides in the attic of an inherited house. I did not pickup on any errors.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Dunmoor Castle is an account is journal style of a professors investigation of Dunmoor Castle. The story has no errors that I see and the writing is good although without mystery or scar.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Into the Great Unknown is a short story about an evil eye within computers sucking life out of users. Well written and entertaining but not scary.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Vampire Dreams is a poem about what else - dreaming about vampires. Three stanzas of Free-Verse that read ok but nothing scary.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Devils Dance in the Moonlight is a poem about about devils as they celebrate a night of triumph. The poem is wonderful with great rhyme and flow. There no scares however and there is a spelling error.
echos = echoes
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Danika is a unique and scary short story written error free. I enjoyed it and was entertained throughout. Many will think this is fiction, it in not. I have met this woman. Great Job!!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
The Darkness is a short story about a woman that has horrifying visions after a near-death experience. Very well written as it pulls us beneath its waters. A great voice, tone and flow and without any errors that I could see. It was scary. Well Done!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
A Ghost Story is a story about a drive through nasty weather being costly for a young teenager. This story is original, well told and a great attempt at making the hair on your head stand straight up. the write is long so the fact it is error free is delightful. I was interested and entertained from the opening line. Bravo!!!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Terror at 14 Circle is a short suspense piece where a woman wakes up with her world in flames. This is a fast moving intense story but not scary. Some minor editing is needed. Good job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
A Rainbow of Colors is about a twenty first birthday, a surprise hot air balloon ride and a ring. This is not a scary story or a mystery but it is a good story none the less. It is well written and need one small fix.
drizzling"..she = drizzling"... she or drizzling" , she
Good Job
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Marriage as a Jungle is about deciding if a life situation is worth the pain it causes. WOW - this scares the ... out of me. A great story and I hope no part of it is real. Not slow up top this time - much better. Descriptions are short and crisp to keep the story going. There are editing issues and I list a few. Good Job!!
Suggestions:
(")Paul, when (you) finishing taking out your frustrations on my body, I wait until you fall into a drunken sleep, then I go out to the shed. Sometimes I stay there in the cold until two or three in the morning, just to be sure you are asleep. The pain from the bruises and cuts are just numb.
Paul, I have appointed myself both the judge and jury. The evidence, your sins, results in a fair sentence.(")
(you're) or (you are) You are speaking directly to Paul so you need to enclose all those sections in quotes. I am going to skip the others but you know where they are.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
She was the Quiet One is a drama about Anita and Alice, the daughters of a wonderful artist who death leads tragedy. The story starts out slow, but builds nicely. There are no scares but the story is a good one. It is in need of major editing, and I list some suggestions below but there are many more spots that should be addressed.
Suggestions:
The memorial service was attended by fifty invited colleagues, friends and his small (family; two) grown daughters and a grand-daughter. (family, two) the section after the semicolon is a fragment.
He always took a break so he could hear about her (day; school) activities and friends. same here - should be a comma.
What the helll?” = hell!
"Good Night, Baby Bunting, Daddy's (gona) a hunting(. He) will bring Anita's skin to wrap his baby Alice in(".)
"Good Night, Baby Bunting, Daddy's (gonna) a hunting(, he) will bring Anita's skin to wrap his baby Alice in."
Reshape into a sentence:
Anita looking serene, a new mother breast-feeding her child.
Anita looked serene like a new mother breast-feeding her child.
Alice had (began) the spiral of depression then (begun)
Of course he had never painted their mother either. Of course, he
spiderweb = spider web
It was straight, (like her own) and she would make sure Rosie would become her daughter. (like hers)
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
His Hunger is short story - I will not say about what. I enjoyed it, but since I am still laughing I think it a comedy. In this line - I watched in shock; total aw seemed to wash over me as I watched him. Aw works but I think you meant awe. Entertaining with an original twist. Good job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
The Last Phone Call is a short story about a man giving his wife a good morning call. The story is a well written and entertaining speedy read. I enjoyed it, although I would consider it drama rather than scary unless of course you are the wife. No real errors but a couple suggestions:
school girl - schoolgirl works better
sugarnips - Sugarnips or sugar nips seems better to me
Goob job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
My letter to my brother is a plain letter from a werewolf to his equally dangerous brother. The story is a creative idea and is well told although not scary. The ending was obvious and without any surprises to chill me along the way. I found several spelling and grammar errors, including a split infinitive, excluding the period dialect. I would suggest an edit through a word processor.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Bi-polar Disorder--Friend or Foe? is an editorial about bi-polar disorder and how it has affected the author and her children. This piece looks at bipolar disorder form a mom's perspective. The write if filed with the emotional pains of a mom in such a heartbreaking situation. The editorial has great flow and is an easy, enjoyable read. Well Done!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello Claire welcome to WDC. Hindsight is a poem about looking back. Great flow and rhyme delivered in four quatrains tell the story of what might have been done differently traveling through life's journey. No errors - Nice Job
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello, again Superwoman. Just Being Me is about "I'm persecuted for being smart. People lie about me all the time. It's high school!" The poem is very nicely rhymed and has great flow while doing a good job of telling its story. Good Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello Superwoman and welcome to WDC. The poem is a one stanza teen pain poem with some end rhyme. The poem has good flow and ok rhyme. The hurt comes through clearly although it is hard to determine where it comes from - it seems to be more than friends. Some action and setting with clarification would help drive the poem. Nice Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Twilight's Kiss is a nature poem written in Free-verse and delivered with four quatrains and three tercets - nice approach. The poem is a fantasy being played out in a moonlight dance. The poem looks great on the page and has nice flow. One suggestion:
Saturated leaves of green (leaves is plural)
cling to what drips from its petals (its is singular)
Saturated leave of green
clings to what drips from its petals or
Saturated leaves of green
cling to what drips from their petals
Good job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello again erra. Raindrops is a poem about, seeing how raindrops glitter and shimmer and carry a message. The poem is a Free-Verse written in five tercets. The write is a combination nature and religious poem and conveys its emotions well. Just one small suggestion:
There are no (sign posts) to lead me through. (signposts)
Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello miss kona and welcome to WDC. "the wind" is a poem about the wind and its relation to us. The poem is a short-lined five stanza Free-Verse. The short lines work well to give the wind some blowing power. The poem compares nature to mankind and does a thoughtful job. I have some suggestions:
The opens on the soft-side, maybe you would consider rearranging the lines to make a better opening impact - you may try:
The darkened room
With blinds over windows
Echoing the blackness
Never ending inside.
The wind that blows,
Will hear our story.
Yet still it knows not,
Why we sit here and cry.
Not really a typo but in this line: Yet just like our selves - if I understand the intent ourselves is a stronger word.
I stumble over these lines a little:
It sounds the world in
Is just its way
Try:
It sounds in the world
In just its way
Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello erra, and welcome to WDC. Rhythm of Unity is about, if we could only dance to the rhythm of unity. The Free-Verse opens and closed with couplets that enclose three tercets. I like the strength of the couplet opening and the way the lines tie together. The tercets do not disappoint and paint the picture on the opening lines very well. The couplet is repeated as the close - This poem asks questions, of which we know the answers. The close is the same as the opening, I would guess as a metaphor that the problems are on going - good idea. The Free-Verse flow nicely and is well written. I have one suggestion:
She sobs over what he has robbed from her, thinking if she would ever recover? The way stated this is not a question, although I understand the intent, so I cannot bring myself to reduce the rating on what I understand. Since this is a musing or wondering question of the mind you may try this: She sobs over what he has robbed from her, "thinking if she would ever recover."
Good Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
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