The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello Abu and welcome to WDC. Writing Poetry is about the tussle with poetry. The poem written in six very nicely rhyme and well flowing tercets is a comedy. It is creative, has great voice and best of all it made me laugh. There are no errors - loved it!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
ABC's for DSX is an alphabet poem written for the author's boys. The poem is a loving and sentimental to the author children, delivered in one stanza with 25-lines. The flow and rhyme are good - I do get tongue twisted in a spot or two and the last foe - lines break the rhyme pattern for no reason that I can see. Suggestion:
Remove the repeated rhymes and smooth the last four - lines.
Good job.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello NOVAcatmando and welcome to WDC. Why I don’t finish a novel is a Free-Verse about "Why I am a poet or why I don’t finish a novel." The poem is a good read and has good flow and is written without error. The presentation is eye appealing. I have no suggestions - Great job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
MY QUEEN? Is a whimsical Tragedy (mix of drama / comedy with a twist). The poem is seven quatrains in aabb rhyme with one repeat. The poem has good flow and rhyme throughout and is interesting and creative. I see no errors. Suggestion:
I wonder why he looks so sad? An option here is - since this is more a thought than a question it could be indicated as:
" I wonder why he looks so sad." I like the question mark here - good idea - maiden” she?
Great job - bravo!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Hello smithy and welcome to WDC. BETRAYAL is a one stanza sixteen-line poem with a non-repeated end rhyme aabbccddeeffgghh. The first thing I like to do is compare the opening line to the closing line. In betrayed both are equally strong - bravo! The poem is about BETRAYAL and asks the question, how far would you go to keep your lover? The poem has great flow and is pointed and the rhyme is very good. Suggestion:
One problem area:
She’s made her choice, that choice is me.
I told her you were dead, you see? - This is not a question so the punctuation is not correct - either - you see. OR,
I told her you were dead. Do you see? or I told her you were dead, you see!
Good poem and good write.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
A Global Tragedy is a poem written in 11 quatrains in abcb. The poem is an enviromenatl and political piece about destroying our Earth and the need to stop or face the consequences. The poem has good flow and a nice rhyme. The content is a rehash of liberal politics without any new twists to added to make the poem interesting. Suggestions:
I cannot find the authors voice here as I did in "The Terror of Black." I feel like I am listening to the discovery channel or CNN. Don't be afraid to be creative - put some edge in this and sell your opinion - don't repeat common points as we hear them everyday - be inventive.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Sadness is a Free-Verse delivered in four quatrains. The poem seems to be about depression indicated by the dark cloud metaphor. The flow is good and I see no errors. Sadness is a good write that could use some edge to make it more interesting. Nice Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
The contest reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
drew92 welcome to WDC! I am jimmyfin and the judge of this contest.
The Terror of Black is a Free-verse poem delivered in three stanzas. The poem opens with a strong first line containing a simile. The short lines help deliver the tension of the simile. The stanza alerts us to a threat and an epinephrine like adrenaline rush caused by fear. The description of the rush carries through in the second stanza with more simile, and here we discover a clue to the threat - Green eyes glowing. A mystery - who's or what's greens eyes - adding more tension. Third stanza - the fear is realized and the victim sees he/she is being watched - perhaps stalked. It his here that we are introduced to the epiphany of the poem - fight for life at all cost - escape the danger. A very good Free-Verse well presented. I have one suggestion:
Regardless of how I read the poem this line needs a comma:()
In a wave of awareness(,)
His mind raced
A nice job drew!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
Rising Star Member to Member reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Alone is a freestyle (spontaneous – little or no editing) poem, written in free verse (without strict meter or rhyme) about being alone in a relationship, or being suddenly bereft. The piece opens with the author alone and in despair over a relationship. The images are clear and presented in vivid strong poetic language. The work then move use to the inner though process of the situation. The tears and seeking relief from answers and the logic of the situation are painted using wonderful nature words. I picture the author walking alone outside on a cool or cold day mulling over the situation. Then we reach the realization of the relational questions that must be asked under these circumstances. The questions lead to the poems epiphany. I have been reading these types of poems all weekend written by famous poets. This piece is better than 98% of them. I have no suggestions - this is a beautifully written poem, and I love everything about it. Great Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all the images you paint.
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Something to Think About is about those times we make parenting too difficult. This static item is listed as other so I will call it an essay. It is brief with a point to make and wastes no ink in saying it. A very well written piece with punched words in bold or caps. I agree and like the essay - good job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Dead End is a short story about an investigator for defense that has amorous hopes concerning the pretty defendant. The story is entertaining and well written. I don't see any errors. Nice Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
All that I'm Good For is a Free-Verse about being fed-up with a group of people. Nice flow without rhyme. I wonder how you would feel combining this into a one stanza Free-Verse as is the poem does not fit traditional couplet style. One spelling error: forefeit = forfeit - Good poem better served with one stanza!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
The Mountain is a Free-Verse about an exhilarating mountain climb. Nice flow without rhyme. No errors - Great poem - no more to say - Well Done!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Untitled is a poem about the passion of writing. It is a Free-Verse with great flow aided by scattered rhyme and irregular rhyme. There are no spelling or punctuation errors - I do question writing a poem about the passion of writing in passive voice - although it does flow nicely. Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Alone and Afraid is a poem about thoughts, when you get lonely at times. I like this poems rhyme and flow and the softness I feel in the sadness. The poem ii in an abcb rhyme pattern but the presentation is unusual. I wonder how you would feel about making the poem 4 quatrains instead of 8 two-line verses. Reason:
Modern day couplets within a poem presented in couplets, Vs a poem with varying stanza lengths that include couplets, are traditional written in pentameter with an aa rhyme. Your poem works beautifully presented in quatrains - 4-line stanzas. I think you presented it this way so as not to punctuate. I my opinion your poem is better served in quatrains with punctuation.
I see no errors - Good Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
The other me is a Free-Verse about an emotional episode. There is some nice interline and intra line rhyme happening in the poem that aid the flow. The poem gets its emotions to the surface well and is as easy read. There are spots that I read in my own punctuation to help with my flow because some of the lines are long. It is a good poem and I will offer just a few suggestions:
Spelling:
dont = don't
dissapionted = disappointed
whats = what's
Punctuation:
Its ok to hate yourself(;) I hate myself too
There are places in the poem that I would add a comma, but I am not sure of intent, so I leave those to the author and other readers.
I nice newbie effort!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Memory of a Memory is a free verse poem about having the memory of a past memory of something forgotten. The poem is interesting and I enjoyed the approach to this subject which I leave out of the review intentionally so as not to ruin the read. It could be a bit smoother but that did not distract me from the subject. I like this piece - Nice Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
Images In Ink reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Why? Is a poem for those who search for joy and seek relief from their pain. The poem is a very unusual Free-Verse because it is presented in tercets without end rhyme. My mind reorganized the poem into two stanzas of nine lines each. The first section asks questions and second gives the answers. I think the poem is a very good Free-Verse and I wonder if the author would consider changing the layout. Of course there may be vision here that I, the reader has not picked up on... but my thoughts on presentation do not distract from giving the writing its due. Good Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
A Treasure of the Night is a sestina that tells of my happy visions of the nightly sky. The Sestina is an extremely difficult format and if you don't understand the format poems written in Sestina form will strike you as limited in vocabulary. This is the challenge of the form, and it is tough. This Sestina may read more like prose than poetry for that reason. I find all the elements of the Sestina here, and it is a good job with a challenging task. Nice Going!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
A Sun-burnless Summer is a poem listing some of the reasons a young lady did not have a good first vacation. It is one stanza of aabbccddeeffgghhiijj fun in the sun. Nice rhyme and flow - Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Simply Positive reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all write, for our various reasons, entertain and inspire others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Fairgrey the Furious is a Pirate story started for a contest. Deadline passed, but I'm considering finishing...WOW!!!! This is fabulous. Make it a book - it is truly great writing. Fantastic Job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. jimmyfin.
Simply Positive reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be what you see. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we all write, for our various reasons, entertain and inspire others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
I wonder is a non-rhymed Free-Verse poem written in one stanza with some enjambment. The poem is haunting and hits home with me as I have been to this place. It is sad. I see no errors - Nice Sad Job!!! Hope this isn't true.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those simply positive images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
A First Kiss is a short poem about keeping love alive. It is written in Free Verse without rhyme. I like the poem and it has good flow. There are no spelling, grammar or punctuation errors that I see. I have one suggestion:
Sunlight doesn’t
bother him awake.
The line break here is awkward - I wonder how you would feel about making this one line. Perhaps:
Sunlight doesn’t awake him. Something like that so the line holds it own like the others in the poem.
Nice Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
My Eyes is a Static Item created as poetry and is about seeing things through the authors eyes. The piece is presented in prose fashion and indeed reads as prose with some rhyme. The work has nice flow that would be aided by some added commas.
Suggestion:
I wonder how you would feel about exploring some descriptive language to replace some of the repeated, My eyes. For example, - the eyes are the window to the soul -
Time will only reveal what life truly holds but to understand what
I am feeling you will look into My (Eyes.) (soul)
Some changes to remove repetition and paint a broader picture would bring more life to the prose - I am thinking. Nice Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
ABA reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Death options is a poem about different ways to die. It has five quatrains in abcb rhyme. The flow is good as is the non-repeated rhyme. The poem would be helped by punctuation editing.
There is one spelling error:
spector = specter
Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at
all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jimmyfin/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 1:42am on May 08, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
