Hello Sherri G♥sSIMPLYPOSITIVE, I'm jiimyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
SHE RIDES WITH THE WIND, takes its four quatrains of wonderful aabb rhyme and great flow and lifts us in its breeze. We float in the softness of clouds upon a billowy throne from which we see all of nature in wonderful poetic language. There are no errors except not to read and enjoy- great job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello Sherri G♥sSIMPLYPOSITIVE, I'm jiimyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
FOLLOW ME is a poem, that leads us to a "land of myth," contained by its three smooth flowing quatrains of aabb rhyme. This enchanting place introduces readers to Gods and Goddesses, a baby unicorn and fairies, and what is enchantment without rainbows- it is all here in this perfect and fun piece. Great job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello Jessicuhhh, I'm jiimyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Uncomfortable in Your Skin is a poem of ten aa rhymed couplets that from one stanza. The poem tells the title story of "How it feels to be unpopular or mistreated." This situation is one of life cliches that nearly everybody has this experience at some point. That said, it does nothing to reduce the pain felt when it is happening to you. The poem has good flow and rhyme right out to the limb it has been placed. The limb is the cliches- there are two, the title and sticks and stones can break your bones. Risky in a poetic world that says not to use cliches. The poetic world also says that a true poet is one that breaks rules well. The situation is a cliche- it is common and 99% of parents will tell you that. This life cliche is made more interesting and is underlined by the moderate use of cliche in the piece. Looks like you are poet Jessicuhh- well done!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello Paperandpen, I'm jiimyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Waiting is a one stanza unrhymed free-verse into apathy that has a tone of Absent Love. The poem is deals directly with how the author feel- all on the surface without many images. The lack of image is the tone setter into the apathy and a good idea for this of write- it works nicely here. The flow could be a little better- the write just needs some tightening- get rid of unnecessary words. Having been here- I feel the pain in this piece. I see one small typo:
So (i) sit here waiting (I). Nice job Paperandpen and welcome to WDC. If you don't understand what I mean about tightening,just send me an email, and I will show you.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hello Wen, I'm jiimyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Spiritual Warfare is a one stanza free verse. The first line does the job of setting location, a crossroad. The next line is logical, which way to go. The next two lines sets up the consequence of the choice, victory or darkness. The next line tells us the crossroad is in our mind and the next, the turmoil caused by the decision. The last line asks, what choice will we make. I don't think it possible to write a better organized poem that delivers its message so well. The poem is short- has one rhyme that does not prevent the free-verse label and the flow is very good. There is not a crossroad here for me- the poem is great. Well Done!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi Robin - MY reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Continuous Encounter is a free-verse about the "Eternal struggle with writer's block" contained by its four stanzas. The poem deals with something that many struggle with from time to time. The piece paints some nice imagery some good metaphor usage within its very good flow. The poem sits the page a little unusual- I can see in the write that Robin can use and understands metaphor- Therefore, I see metaphor in the way the poem sits the page. Great job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi Judy - MY reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
My thoughts on Manipulation, is a contest entry poem re: "Manipulation." It is contained by its seven quatrains of in and out of pattern rhyme but mostly patterned- no doubt- a metaphor in the rhyme scheme. The poem flows smoothly though the manipulation and rhyme. An usual aspect is that it takes on some heavy and painful subject matter but has fun with it, and I enjoyed this approach. I like your poem and I do not see any errors- well done!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
MY reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Justice is a "Civil Rights" poem contained by one of the Fibonacci Forms. The form is executed, as it presented on WDCs Poetry Forms Book, correctly. The poem is about a system that turns a blind eye to truth, I couldn't agree more. The poem made me wonder why? The answer I came up with- we let it. Nice job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
MY reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Whispers of Love is a love poem (love and love) contained by its four unrhymed metaphorical quatrains. The poem flows well on the whispers making the read a breeze that carries us into delight. I really like the poem.
Some strong points:
Whispers of love float- arms to soak them up.-Twin pools of blue. The water metaphor is perfect and grows the poem to this point.
Not as strong:
Whispers of love float down-entwine in a fiery kiss- dance in unison
In the last two stanzas, I wonder what you would think of stinking to the water metaphor.
Example
drenched in fiery kisses
we dance in waves or on the tides.
Once you start a metaphor it is best to stick with it- it makes for a more uniform and descriptive write.
I would call these errors, but they do weaken the great start.
No other suggestion - nice job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
MY reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Shadow People, is contained by its six quatrains of abab rhyme. The story of the "Shadow People" lurks within a smooth flowing nicely rhymed fun poem. I smiled all the way into the sunrise. There are no errors that I see and I had fun reading your poem. Great job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
MY reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Another Shot is a free-verse allegory about self-destruction. The poem has great flow and is creative in its telling. I enjoyed the piece and don't see any errors or how to make it better- great job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
MY reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
The Gift is written in form called personal-ku which employ the syllable count in one's name to form the syllables per line. This piece has a very nice flow- I am not sure where it directed, but I assume it is at the author given the name of the form and how it is constructed. Nice Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
MY reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
One Little Toad is a single stanza with double spaced lines. The poem is for a children's picture book and employs an employs an interline rhyme type know as leonine rhyme; you will find many great examples reading Poe. The rhyme is very nice and well executed, and I'm sure the kids will love it. A poem needs to be about something- what we have here is a nice rhyming list with nothing to do- we need a purpose to be a poem. I wonder how you would feel about giving these critters some actions to hang the poem on- tell a story- you already have the players. Great rhyme!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
My group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent; Do not change what your vision says should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
QUESTIONS - is a good series of good questions asking if there are answers. The poem is contained by its three quatrains which are presented in abcb ryhme. The piece has great flow and the rhyme is very good. I like poems that force us to look at ourselves and this poem's questions does that in a marvelous way. Of course it is to the readers to come up with their ownanswers and even then, given time, the answers are likely to change; I am waiting for that day. The poem takes place within us and sneaks into our pain and makes us look at how we are dealing with it. For me, it is a reminder of what my intellect knows but what my soul refuses to assimilate. There are no errors of any nature- a very well done stimulating write!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. If I am notified that a poem has been modified, I make every effort to adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Unleash Me is a poem Tanya~ missing sciwriter1 penned when mad at her hubby. It is contained by three interesting quatrains. Firstly, this is a complaint love poem - what it is important to what we will get from it. There is rhyme- the first two stanzas are controlled and in aacb rhyme - the stanzas use metaphor and the first stanza does a great job at a blended metaphor- two metaphor coming together to from the whole picture without mixing- great job. The simple metaphor in the second also works- with the tied and untie image running though it. The last stanza is the most interesting. We could jump to the conclusion that the poet doe not know what she is doing, or we can do our job and assume she does and work from that basis- that is what I am going to do. What is different in the last stanza? Well, the rhyme changes to abab. There is no real metaphor like the first two stanzas and this stanza contains not one but two cliches. Interesting- if I wrote this piece this is what all this would mean. The abab = I found me - I have the strength now. The cliches are obvious- they are the missing metaphor - they represent the relationship and how ordinary and routine it has become but the abcb has gone from unusual (relationship)aabc to a new strength and understanding. If this is intentional it is very complex and extremely well done to somebody looking for an answer instead of assuming error where one does not exist. I love the poem - fantastic job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Out of Reach is said to be inspired by another author's poems. Well maybe but I get the flavor of a little more - and it is the little more that make the poem for me and put the big smile on my face. A single 7-line stanza in aaabbba rhyme and nice flow deliver this sweet gem. I don't see any errors, and I'm still smiling- well done!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Such a tease is a poem in Senryū Form in this case it is written in with the full 17 syllable in 5-7-5 just like haiku but while haiku is generally about nature the Senryū tends to be about human weakness or odd characteristic. This very nice Senryū does just that and serves as an excellent example of the form. Well Done!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Story Master is a lyric done as a song parody of Major-General. OK I admit that I know nothing about writing lyric - not even lyric poetry. All that I do know is that I'm smiling fromear to ear while listening to myself sing (I can't sing) and enjoying ever word. I do not see any errors - Great job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
{image:4000
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Midnight Hour is contained by its four abcb rhymed quatrains. This is a fun poem that has good rhyme and flow. I enjoyed it and I don'r see any errors. A very nice fun piece-good job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Poetry by: Whome is a fantastic collection of poetry. It is joy to see a writer give this type of writing its due. Thanks Whome - Yesyou.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
These group reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we put in ink, for our various reasons, entertain and help others to think. I thank you for the gift that you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Never Again is A true account from the author's adolescence. The write is perfect- the first small intro section pulling the reader into the main story. There is a cliff-hanger ending, and I never want to know how the incident was resolved - keep us guessing is my vote. Great job- no errors.
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all those beautiful positive images you put in ink. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
My reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision says should remain. Thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Roaming The Dark Path is Gothic Angel's black portal to her novels. Whether or not the dark side of the mind is your sip of poison this folder is a can't miss must read- it is some of the best story and poetry writing that you will find anywhere. It is incredible!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
My reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision says should remain. Thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
The Silent Cry is a book in works and tells the story of an elderly couple and their lives in a nursing home(s) and the impact on family. It is a seldom seen look at a personal experience wonderfully told- A great and informative write!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
My reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision says should remain. Thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Chapter Ten: Dad Comes for a Visit - evertime i see that cheeseburger you get a huge smile out of me - it is so us isn't it? Oops!! Tiny typo (Lake many elderly)- 4th paragraph under Settling In. And right below - disoriently = disoriented. Under - A Reunion with Mom - 60 years yearlier = 60 years earlier. Just below that - such undesireable circumstances = undesirables. And she desperately need to eat = needed. Seeing mom and dad have a day together is a nice way for me end my read. Thank you for sharing Judy and well done - fix those typos - jim
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
My reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision says should remain. Thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Chapter Nine: Mom's Struggles LOL - nice that mom doesn't loose out on her birth bay with it being so close to Christmas, and it is a nice touch to the book. OMG!!! a can of beer- I love this touch- lol - good for you. The room situation is the same but different than ours. My wife's mom complained non-stop about the home for years- we got her out, and she lives with my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law's choice but the complaining never stopped - now it's I want to be in the nursing home- what to do - sometimes no matter how hard we try, there is no solution. I'm glad your mom adjusted to the change- that's great. McDonalds - 20 bucks - guilt over illness - I have been there - it is not my fault our your fault Judy - it simple is what it is- life. Another fine chapter!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all the images you paint. jimmyfin.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jimmyfin/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.25 seconds at 6:30am on May 08, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
