*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/joy4rain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
315 Public Reviews Given
319 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 ... Next
26
26
Review of The Tree  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jerboy2010! After reading "The Tree" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I love the word picture you painted here! I could actually see the details of this tree as I read the words, and the fact that you almost made it a living entity was impressive. Very nice job! *Smile*


Suggestions: None except what you see below. I really like the way this was written and wouldn't suggest altering it.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: In line four, "croon's" should be spelled "crone's". I found no other errors.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers! *Bigsmile*

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
27
27
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lovestrucken! After reading "I love you to late" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I enjoyed reading about the wonderful relationship you had with your Grandfather. *Smile* I am so glad that you have those precious memories of him to ease the pain of his passing. It is obvious that you had a very special bond with one another and by writing about it, you are helping to build his legacy.


Suggestions: This is pretty free form, not following any set pattern or rhythm. That is why I dont't have any suggestions for changing it. I think it is important for you to keep the thoughts the way they originally came out when thinking of your Grandfather.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: There are several spots in these categories that need some editing. Line one: change "was" to "were". Line two: change "is" to "was". Line three: capitalize "always". Line four: capitalize "always" and end the line with a period. Line five: capitalize "your", put a comma after "faulting", and end the line with a period. Line six: capitalize "you". Line seven: put an apostrophe before "til". Line eight: Put a comma after "you" and a period after "Grandpa". (DON'T GET OVERWHELMED! These are all very fast fixes. They won't change the actual poem, but will make it look nicer on the page and easier for the reader to follow) *Bigsmile*



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
28
28
Review of Falling  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi udontknowmel! After reading "Falling" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: The deep sadness in this piece really moved me. There is so much despair here, and a sense of searching for some sort of stability and comfort. You did an excellent job conveying the intense emotions of the speaker.


Suggestions: I don't have any suggestions for editing other than what you see below. I like the free form that you have used here.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Poetry is a little more lenient when it comes to punctuation. Whether you choose to use it or not, make sure that you are consistent throughout the entire piece. Here, there is none at all in the first stanza, and although it is used in the second stanza, there are commas where there should be periods and a missing period at the end of the second line. The good news is, those are all easy fixes. *Smile*


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers! *Bigsmile*

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
29
29
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi wrdz! After reading "The Child of The World" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This was a very beautiful interpretation of Christ's life. It has such a simplicity that even a child would be able to read it and comprehend the basics about Him. *Smile*


Suggestions: The only thing I might suggest adding is something about His love for us. Perhaps between stanzas three and four as a lead in to His death for us.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I did not find any errors in these categories. Nice job!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers! *Bigsmile*

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
30
30
Review of Soul Mate  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Noelle! After reading "Soul Mate" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This is a beautiful piece showing deep emotion. I like the free form writing because it gives the feel of having been something you just wrote down at the spur of the moment as the thoughts came to you. *Smile*


Suggestions: The last two lines are a bit confusing to me. Are you saying that the one you found to be your love has not yet noticed you in return? If so, then I would suggest changing "wish YOU could see" to "wish HE could see" so that there is continuity throughout the entire poem.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I think there should be a semi colon at the end of line three, and in line six, "apperance" should be spelled "appearance".


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers! *Bigsmile*

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
31
31
Review of love  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ashboo! After reading "love" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I love the way your joy shines through with this poem about getting engaged. *Smile* It is obvious to anyone that reads it that you are very much in love and looking forward to "forever" with your partner.


Suggestions: In order to maintain the flow in the timing of those piece, I suggest changing "every moment" to "each moment".


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found no errors in any of these categories. Well done! *Bigsmile*


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
32
32
Review of Forest Lost  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Alex! After reading "Forest Lost" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This is an amazing piece that speaks directly to the state of things in our world today. I was very impressed with the vocabulary that you chose here. It really brought out a sense of life and death as well as emotion. It's a very sad poem, but beautifully written. *Smile*


Suggestions: I really don't have any suggetions for editing. I really do like it exactly the way it is written. I think it is powerful.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I only noticed a few errors, all involving spelling. In stanza two, "Their" should be "They're" and "sterol" should be "sterile". In stanza four, "beautifully" should be "beautiful".


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
33
33
Review of The Cleansing  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Renee! After receiving your review of one of my pieces, I decided to explore your portfolio too! *Bigsmile*
After reading "The Cleansing" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: The thing that caught my attention immediately was the title and description. I grinned, because I have ALWAYS felt (and said) that crying cleanses the soul. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life when I experienced deep pain that I did not feel that a good hard cry began the healing process. Sometimes there is even a sweetness in the grief when you can finally release in tears.


Suggestions: I don't exactly understand "eyeless faces", but thats okay! I like reading something that forces me to go back and ponder on it a bit. *Smile*


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I love poetry because you have a little more freedom in all these categories. The only spot I noticed anything questionable is in between "mirror" and "With". I'm just not quite sure there should be a period there. Overall, this is a very well written piece with substantial emotion and depth.

I look forward to reading more of your work! *Smile*


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
34
34
Review of For My Beloved  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ghost Shadow! After reading "For My Beloved" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: It is quite evident from this poem that the speaker is deeply in love and plans on spending the rest of their life with the one they adore. Some of the statements are a bit cliche`, but love always is a little sappy, isn't it? *Smile*


Suggestions: Some of the lines feel a little bit choppy because of their timing. It would only take a slight edit to smooth out that roughness. (examples: Line three-remove the word "but". Line four-replace "to be away" with "separation". Last line-replace "say" with "tell me".)


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Line six needs a space in betwwen the words "always" and "be". Lines six and nine contain the word "til". Those should be preceded by an apostrophe.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
35
35
Review of Dads  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Strawberry Goose!

I just wanted to drop you a note to let you know how much I enjoyed your poem about dads. I am impressed with you use of the word "clever" since not a lot of kids use that much anymore. *Smile* Be careful when you write that you keep the same perspective throughout the whole poem. What I noticed here was that in the first stanza, your use of the word "you" is talking about your own dad, but in the last stanza, "you" is talking about the child. I am glad you have a great dad. I do too. *Smile* Keep on writing. I look forward to reading more of your work!

~Joy~
36
36
Review of The Swarm  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Magoo,

(I apologize for the lack of structure here, but my computer isn't currently liking my regular review tool.)

I just had to comment on this poem. At first, it was the title that intrigued me. Then, I was captivated by the suspenseful story being played out. (Surely, I was reading about a horrific killer bee attack!) Finally, with the last line, everything became clear and I had to laugh out loud. Not just because you fooled me, but because your description is so accurate! I never would have thought of a children's ball game being so brutal, but after having read this piece, I think you nailed it just perfectly! I have enjoyed much of your work in the past, and with this poem you certainly did not disappoint. Thanks for sharing!

~Joy~
37
37
Review of Eyeless Sight  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Hetrae Star! After reading "Eyeless Sight" , I offer you these comments:


My Impression: I am going to be perfectly honest with you here. I have read this poem several times now, and I am still not sure exactly what you are writing about. Having said that, I like your style of writing and I think it has a beautiful flow. This short poem was enough to make me curious, and I plan to visit your portfolio to read more of your fascinating work. *Smile*



*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
38
38
Review of The Other Side  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi BK Compton! After reading "The Other Side" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I very rarely give a rating of five, but this is one of the few pieces I have come across that I feel cannot be improved upon. Although it is short, and the words are simple, the wisdom conveyed here is something everyone would do well to consider for their own lives. You hit the nail on the head with your little description of the struggling moth, and it does indeed mirror the way so many of us flail through life. Very well written!


Suggestions: None. It is perfect the way it was written.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found no errors.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
39
39
Review of Ode To Autumn  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi KineticSource! After reading "Ode To Autumn" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I was drawn to this poem because of the title. Autumn is my favorite season and I love reading other peoples perspective on it. I was not disappointed with this piece. Your descriptive vocabulary provides vivid imagery for the reader and draws them into the experience. Beautifully written! *Bigsmile*


Suggestions: I understand how a stream could be said to be passing by. But, "passerby lakes" doesn't quite make sense. A slight edit would make that sound more realistic.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Serine should be spelled "serene".


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
40
40
Review of tears  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi redthai! After reading "tears" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: It is certainly true that there is nothing like a good cry. Even in the midst of pain, there is a sweet release in tears. You captured this concept very well. *Smile*


Suggestions: You used the word "pain" twice in the same line. That can be a bit redundant. Perhaps if you were to replace the second "pain" with another word that means the same thing such as "torment".


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: You keep switching back and forth from present tense to past tense. It is best to keep everything all in the same tense. It is an easy fix and will greatly improve the flow of your poem. Also, in the final line, "darkned" should be spelled "darkened".


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
41
41
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi ashbee! It was my pleasure to read "Stolen Teddy(148 words)" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!



Overall Impression:
This was a great little tale of loss and betrayal. You told a story, included background information, and conveyed emotion all in a very short piece. Nicely done!


Editing Suggestions:
You wrote "but the proof is there". Where is it? I didn't find anything in the story to prove it was your friend. Maybe you can add in a short bit to explain what it was that proved SHE did it and not someone else. Also, you wrote "It might have been just a priceless teddy bear...to her". Actually, the word priceless usually indicates great worth. Obviously, to her that was not the case. Perhaps changing the word "priceless" with "cheap" would deliver the message more clearly.


Grammar, Punctuation, etc.:
Although I love the way separating lines with dots work in poetry, it doesn't work quite so well in stories, especially when it is incorrect in spots. There are times you have used dots when periods or commas would have worked just as well, and would also be grammatically correct.


Favorite Lines:
"but to me it was the world." This clearly shows the depth of emotion attached to this sentimental toy. *Smile*


Final Thoughts:
I am curious as to whether this is a true happening. If so, did you ever find out why Mr. Bear was so terribly mistreated?


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
42
42
Review of First drum set  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kare Enga! After reading "First drum set" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This piece is absolutely delightful! I can almost picture the little boy and his antics. *Smile* I also very much enjoyed this style. It is unfamiliar to me, but has quite a pleasing rhythm. Does it have a name, or is it something you came up with yourself?

Suggestions: I have no suggestions for editing because I think this poem is just wonderful the way it is. Thank you for sharing it!

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found no errors. Nicely done! *Bigsmile*

I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
43
43
Review of Cold  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Smirking Revenge! After reading "Cold" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I found this piece to be very intense and dark. The emotions conveyed here are strong and paint a clear picture of pain and betrayal. Well done!


Suggestions: I love where you wrote "falling down" although I think it seems a bit fragmented being on separate lines. Maybe placing them together on the same line would give better impact.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I did not see anything in these areas that needed improvement.



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
44
44
Review of Longing  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Elladora! After reading "Longing" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This type of free verse is near and dear to my heart since it is similar to the way I write so often. I completely identified not only with your style, but the sentiments expressed in this poem as well. The character's feelings are completely believable, especially at the end when there is a hesitation to say the word "love". Well done!


Suggestions: The break between lines two and three feels a little awkward. I would suggest possibly moving the break to either between "turns" and "around" or between "head" and "heaving". The only other thing I noticed was that the use of dots after "that promise" suggests a continuation of thought, when in actuality you are moving on to another thought with "I see you". A simple period would probably fit better there.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: It is hard to grade punctuation with this style of poetry, but other than the suggestions above, I think you made great choices in placement. Grammar is good and your spelling is perfect! *Bigsmile*


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
45
45
Review of The Bully  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Cregger! It was my pleasure to read "The Bully" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!



Overall Impression:
This story was great! It was suspenseful and thought provoking at the same time. With some sprucing up, it has fantastic potential! Nice job. *Bigsmile*


Editing Suggestions:
1. Combine the first two graphs into one. Short paragraphs are a good idea because then the reader doesn't get lost, but each graph should have more than a couple of sentences or the piece will end up feeling fragmented. 2. Be careful about changing your tense in the middle of the story. There are several times that you switch from past tense to present tense and then back again. (Ex: "Another HAS a sliced throat. All of them the old man recognizED...")


Grammar, Punctuation, etc.:
Don't forget to add periods where needed, and make sure you are forming complete sentences. There are several spelling errors. Pay close attention because some of them are NOT something that spell check would catch. Since they ARE actual words that are spelled right (just aren't the words you intended to use)it's hard to catch sometimes. That's a tricky issue that we all have to keep an eye out for!


Favorite Lines:
"Security footage shows no one near his room with an hour period of the death." Creepy!! *Bigsmile*


Final Thoughts:
Although spooky and entertaining, this piece actually teaches a very good lesson. Nice combination!

I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star* ~Alumni of The Paper Doll Gang~ *Star*

"Invalid Item" 

*Flower4* Editorial Assistant for Shadows Magazine *Flower4*
46
46
Review of What World?  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Writing at Midnight! After reading "What World?" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I found this piece to be deep, intense and emotionally stirring. Your vocabulary is filled with beautifully vivid imagery that allowed me to "see" as well as feel what you were writing. Even with the undercurrent of pain in the words, this poem was a pleasure to read. Well done! *Smile*


Suggestions: None. This is beautiful exactly the way it is.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found no errors except for the fact that line two is capitalized while none of the other stanzas begin the second lines with a capital letter.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
47
47
Review of Sunrise  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi MechanicalAnimal! After reading "Sunrise" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: You have done an incredible job with this poem! Something as normal as a sunrise that we take for granted, comes to life with your vivid description. This was a pleasure to read and I plan on watching the sun rise tomorrow. Thank you for the reminder. *Smile*


Suggestions: In stanza five, I think changing "making it known" to "making itSELF known" would give an even greater impact to the thought.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I tend to be pretty free with my interpretation of punctuation where poetry is concerned, so I don't critique others too much in that area unless I see something major out of place. This looks good to me.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
48
48
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi denimguy! It was my pleasure to read "Letter to the Boss" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
This is absolutely hilarious! I was chuckling by the second paragraph, and laughing out loud by the end. You have the gift of an entertainer. *Bigsmile*


Editing Suggestions:
I have no suggestions to make. Since this piece was written in letter form rather than a story, I didn't find anything that I felt could be improved upon structure wise.


Grammar, etc.:
In paragraph two, there should be a comma after "But". Same for paragraph four (comma after "But"). Also, in paragraph four there is an un-needed period after "thank you". Again in paragraph five, another comma after "But" is needed. Other than those few spots, I found no errors. Well done!


Favorite Lines:
"I hope Mr. Peterson's eye heals soon." That's when I really started to laugh! Great visual! *Bigsmile*


Final Thoughts:
You have a very clever wit to come up with something like this. I hope to get a chance soon to check out the rest of your portfolio!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
49
49
Review of Nature poem  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Adam! After reading "Nature poem" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This is a beautiful piece about the changing of seasons. I enjoyed the detailed descriptions that helped me form a mental image of the words you wrote. This is quite lovely! *Smile*


Suggestions: After reading the word "water" at the beginning of both stanzas one and two, I expected to see it in the third stanza as well. Once I read the end, I realized it wasn't specifically intended to be repetitive. My suggestion would be to change "water" in the second stanza to "rain" or "moisture". This way, you retain the idea but it gives a bit more variety to your vocabulary.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: "sending chills IN the clouds" sounds a little awkward. Depending on your perspective, you could say "TO the clouds" or "FROM the clouds" and it would have a better overall feel to the sentence.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
50
50
Review of Life's an Ocean  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Mandy! After reading "Life's an Ocean" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I love the way you used the ocean as a way to describe the ups and downs of life. The words you chose to use helped me to "see" exactly what you were talking about!


Suggestions: None. I enjoyed the free verse and the easy way your words flowed.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Remember to be consistent with your punctuation. Either be thorough in your use of it, or forgo the use of any. Right now, you have a blend of both that leaves it feeling a tad bit unfinished. Other than that, great job! *Bigsmile*



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
127 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 6 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/joy4rain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2