Hi DeAtH! It was my pleasure to read "freedom" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
This has the potential to be a deeply effective piece that will have a lot of impact on those who read it. It is filled with pain and emotion and emptiness that many young readers will be able to relate to.


Editing Suggestions:
I suggest dividing the piece into a few paragraphs so that it doesn't have the feel of a long on-going sentence.


Grammar, etc.:
The following suggestions are just basic rules of punctuation that will make it easier for the reader to understand what you are writing. Add a comma after "torment". Comma after "nothing". Period after "free". Make a complete new sentence out of "this is his goal in life". Period after "decision". Add "and" after "remember him". He is (add comma) for once in his life (add comma) if only for a moment (add comma) happy. Comma after "fading quickly". '....thinks to himself (add comma & quotation mark)The torment and ridicule is over (add period & quotation mark).Comma after "by doing this".


Favorite Lines:
"He will be free of the constant nagging and impossible expectations."


Final Thoughts:
I wish I could show the young man in your piece how rewarding life can be later on if he just holds on to hope. Speaking from the perspective of someone who was a suicidal teen at one point, I am so glad I hung in there and waited to see what life could bring. Happiness, freedom, and fulfillment are just a few of the rewarding parts of my life today. One of my best ways I found to relieve the pain of those years was through writing. I hope you find the same to be true for you.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi KhyatiSoparkar! It was my pleasure to read "Spice" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
It is amazing how much a pet can influence our lives. This story demonstrates wonderfully how even through the changes of life, the love of a dog can be that constant thing that we can always rely on.


Editing Suggestions:
None. I really liked the way you divided the story into sections indicating the passage of time. It made it very easy to follow.


Grammar, etc.:
Your grammar and spelling are fine. The only suggestions I have are to eliminate the hyphens and also use italics or quotation marks to signify speaking or thinking.


Favorite Lines:
"A little dog, its size quite disproportionate to its loud woof, marched up with an injured air." Great descriptive vocabulary!


Final Thoughts:
As a woman whose happy family is completed by a husband and two dogs, I definitely loved the ending!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Valeera! It was my pleasure to read "Ladder" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
I found this short story to be beautiful and pain filled all at once. It is very well written and struck a chord with my emotions.


Editing Suggestions:
My only thought was that the first paragraph contained some very long sentences. It felt almost as if I would be out of breath had I been reading out loud.


Grammar, etc.:
"hallow thud" should be spelled "hollow thud".


Favorite Lines:
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” she shrieked, her entire personage seemingly trapped like an insect in amber.


Final Thoughts:
You did an amazing job at the end conveying the emptiness felt by a mother's heart.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi there fellow Paper Doll! It was my pleasure to read "Jury Duty"  and Congratulations on winning a contest with it!

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments.


Overall Impression:
Right off the bat, I found this easy to read and relate to. The dialogue flows well and there is enough description of each character to be able to form a mental image of the scene.

Editing Suggestions:
Since I know this was following certain contest guidelines, I have no suggestions.

Grammar, etc.:
There needs to be a period after "Mr. Bigmouth". Also, don't forget to put a comma after "Well" in the pregnant lady sentence.

Favorite Lines:
"I have to go to the bathroom or I'm gonna float."

Final Thoughts:
The amusement I felt at the frustration of the jurors came to a shocking end when i read the final line and was reminded of that horrible day. I hate to ask, but was this something that actually happened to you?

I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Renee! It was my pleasure to read "Great Grandmother Gill Kept Her Joy" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
I very much enjoyed reading this tribute to your great grandmother. You have shared some beautiful details about a lady that is obviously quite special in your memory.


Editing Suggestions:
You might want to consider dividing this piece into paragraphs. My mentor advised me back at the beginning of my training to write in such a manner. By breaking apart the text into sections, it makes it easier for the reader's eye to follow and minimizes getting "lost" in the middle of the story. I would also suggest removing the hyphens that are scattered throughout the piece. Parentheses would be more suited to those phrases, and there are several places that a simple comma would work just as well.


Grammar, etc.:
Be careful about making your sentences too long. If you have a lot of thoughts to convey, you can do it just as well by breaking them down into several shorter sentences. That way, there is a smoother overall flow to the story.

"Photo's" should be "photos".


Favorite Lines:
"don't let it take your joy away."



Final Thoughts:
It is a beautiful legacy that she left for you. Although she may not have known it, she taught you an amazingly important life lesson about joy.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Hyperiongate! It was my pleasure to read "Simple Pleasures" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
I like Sam. He is old, a little grumpy, weary in his bones, but likable.


Editing Suggestions:
Who is "Tom"? Did you change your character's name at some point and forget to make the changes all throughout? Unfortunately, the name mistake in the last sentence depletes the shock value and comic relief of your final line. Change it quick! LOL...because other than that, it's a great piece!


Grammar, etc.:
A comma is needed after "young couple off". There is a random set of quotation marks at the very end of the story that doesn't need to be there.


Favorite Lines:
"Maybe I don't remember what I had for breakfast, but I remember what it was like to spend the summer barefoot." Great nostalgic visual!!


Final Thoughts:
I wonder how much Zantac he needed the next day, or if perhaps he discovered a less expensive substitution for Fixodent.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Hyperiongate! It was my pleasure to read "Savioress" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
It seems to me that it would be difficult to include all the elements of a good story in a piece of only 300 words, but you have done an excellent job here! The build up of suspense held my attention, and I liked the touch of fantasy and romance that was injected into the action and drama.


Editing Suggestions:
The only thing I wish is that there was more background on why Chad was running and who was chasing him, but I understand that you were limited by the word count guidelines.


Grammar, etc.:
I didn't notice any errors.


Favorite Lines:
"Death would bring an end to this insanity."


Final Thoughts:
I enjoyed your style of writing, and look forward to checking out your portfolio.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Rose! It was my pleasure to read "Pretty Red Leaves" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
I found this to be a beautiful tale of love and loss. I enjoyed the way you conveyed the connection that the lovers had with descriptive words that painted a lovely picture. Nicely done.


Editing Suggestions:
Remember to pay attention to the tense you are writing in. Here, you have combined past and present (she does and she did). Example: "I show her (present tense) and she was delighted." (past tense)


Grammar, etc.:
Spelling is great and I didn't notice grammatical errors. There are a few missing commas, but nothing major that needs attention.


Favorite Lines:
"With an almost inhuman certainty I know that our time is painfully finite."


Final Thoughts:
You did a wonderful job of conveying the range of emotion felt by the main character. That is a talent that isn't easy to come by. I enjoyed reading this very much!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi again! I just had to check out some of your other work, so this time I chose "The General's Men" .


Overall Impression:
Brilliant! I was already lured in by the description of your mighty army before I realized something was "off". I love the way you manipulate not only words, but the mind of the reader!


Editing Suggestions:
None.


Grammar, etc.:
The only issue I found was the fact that the last sentence was very long.


Favorite Lines:
"It was an absolute killing zone."


Final Thoughts: Now, I will have to read ALL your stuff. I am very impressed, and I enjoy your style immensely!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Winchester Jones! It was my pleasure to read "On the Run" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression: This is great! I am still laughing! I especially loved the end. It's so great to be reminded of how the mind of a fifth grader works when they are in trouble.


Editing Suggestions: I wouldn't change anything except for what is suggested below. This is a great read!


Grammar, etc.: You might consider putting a period after "We weren't supposed to be there" and then start a new sentence. Example: "We knew it, and we were on the edge, literally." In that great sentence towards the end, I suggest putting "and" in right before "get jobs".


Favorite Lines: "We'd have to leave home, change our names, get jobs."


Final Thoughts: Very entertaining! I might have to check out the rest of your portfolio!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Carolas! It was my pleasure to read "A Story about a Faerie Door" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
This piece was a joy to read because of the realistic skepticism of the main character. Even though it could be classified as a "fantasy" story, it is more about the an average person wondering about things they can't explain.


Editing Suggestions:
I don't know what I would change here, if anything. I liked the fact that it sounds like a story someone would "tell" rather than a perfectly written story book. You have a unique and interesting style.


Grammar, etc.:
Always be sure to proof read and double check your work before posting it. An editing tool helps too. There are quite a few incomplete sentences that would have been caught that way.


Favorite Lines:
"I inhaled water and produced the mother of all coughing fits." (This visual cracked me up!)


Final Thoughts:
I like your writing style and plan on checking out the rest of your portfolio soon!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!