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315 Public Reviews Given
319 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Autumn's Wither  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fairport! After reading "Autumn's Wither" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I find this to be clever and intricate, although walking a fine line between detailed and crowded when it comes to vocabulary. Still, overall it was an enjoyable read with great imagery and emotion. Nice job!


Suggestions: Should bustle be changed to bustle's?


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: There actually isn't much punctuation to speak of since you have chosen to not end your sentences with periods. If this was a conscious decision though, the one lone comma seems out of place.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of A Kangaroo Tale  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Molly! After reading "A Kangaroo Tale" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I loved this! More importantly, I think children would love this! I could almost picture the illustrations to go with this story in a book. It was simple and easy to follow, but had enough going on that it held my attention, even as an adult. Very nicely done!


Suggestions: I might add in a few more lines about Kipper searching for and picking out a wishing stone. As it is, right now he is told what they look like and in the very next line has already made a wish.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: The very first sentence is actually incomplete. If you delete the word "and", it will be fine. Also, I think "falling flat on their face" should be changed to "faces" (plural). "Let's all get a tail" is missing a period.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Gone From Me  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi tearsofpain, After reading "Gone From Me" , I offer you these comments:

First Impression: This poem almost moved me to tears. The pain of loss is so evident. And the words you have chosen, although simple and gentle, hold an incredible amount of emotion. From your note at the top of the page, I assume this was written about a true happening in your life and I am very sorry for the pain you have been through. All I can say is that I hope you will keep writing because it can be very healing to do so. God bless.

Suggestions: If you were to re-arrange the way some of the lines are laid out, it would be easier for the reader to follow and as a result the piece would have more impact as a whole. (example: move "place" up to the end of line one/make "that once used to fill the air" it's own line/move "calling" down the the start of line 12/move "face" up to the end of line 13)

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Capitalize "i", change "gonna" to "going to". Make sure you use periods to finish your sentences so that the reader knows when they are reaching the conclusion of each thought. It helps give a greater understanding of the concept you are trying to convey as a whole.

I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Sinastri! After reading "Huntress Turned Prey" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I enjoyed reading this short story because of the level of suspense it contained! I found myself breathing hard by the end, almost as if I were running along with her! You did a great job of drawing the reader in to the action!


Suggestions: Suggested editing shown in caps. "fallen leaves and twigs SNAPPING beneath.." "She could almost hear their pantING." Change wolves' paces to pace. My only other suggestion would be to divide this into a few more paragraphs. This whole story is only 2 graphs right now and for the reader, it is a lot of words to follow without losing your place.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Night Wolves  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi T.L.! After reading "Night Wolves" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I do not usually enjoy rhyme much, tending to relate more to free form poetry. But I have to tell you that this piece truly impressed me. I enjoyed the entire thing and was delighted at how you painted such a detailed picture with your words. Excellent job!


Suggestions: Very well done...I have no suggestions on making it any better than it already is :)


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: It looks like you are very meticulous with this part of your writing. I saw no errors.



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Alice! After reading "As the Storm Passes" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This is an excellent piece that brought to mind so many things as I read it. It has a distinct Native American feel to it and left me feeling a little sad, but also reverent. (call me crazy if that makes no sense to you!) Very well done, overall.


Suggestions: In line four, "spirits....rushes" do not fit together. It should be spirits rush or spirit rushes. Just be careful of repeating the word rush so soon in the next line.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Liberating my soul should end with a period, although free form poetry is more lenient with punctuation so it's your call.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Solstice  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Silver Girl! After reading "Solstice" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Fabulous! I got so excited as I read this because it was the kind of writing I respond to, and you pulled it off effortlessly! (Not implying you didn't work hard writing it, but it just flows so beautifully!) I am a huge sucker for imagery and yours is fantastic! I especially enjoyed "spinning in concert with her cousins on a planetary necklace". Just beautiful!!! (Now I have to go check out your whole profile!) :)


Suggestions: The only thing I can think of is that you use the word star twice in a row (lines 9 & 10). Is there another word that you could substitute in place of star once? It might prevent a feeling of repetition.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I'm no expert, but it looks good to me. I have read it 4 times and am still smiling!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Death's Angel  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Aubrey! After reading "Death's Angel" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Overall, this was fantastic! I was hooked immediately and I would definitely read more if you decide to add to the story. You have a real talent for weaving a tale with unique words that so many have trouble with. But you did well and it didn't come off sounding pretentious. Great job!


Suggestions: A little more background would be nice. Also, I do think you should continue the story because there are so many unanswered questions. If death was what she conjured up, what was the beast? and what ever happened to it? How did she come by her powers, and why did she have to die? Why was she being hunted in the first place?


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Nothing glaring stood out to me. There was one contradiction though. You mentioned the dryness of her mouth and throat several times, but at the end she was choking on her saliva. That doesn't quite make sense.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Autumn Leaves  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rx-Queen! After reading {item:}, I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Simple and lovely, this poem allowed me to picture the beauty of autumn (which happens to be my favorite season!)


Suggestions: I almost wanted more! That is my only suggestion, perhaps a few more lines to more completely flesh out the imagery.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Line two should end with a period.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Heavy Hand  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rhian! After reading "Heavy Hand" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This is a very moving poem! I totally understood where the writer was coming from in the way that they gave their all for the love of someone else and ended up used and empty in the end. Sad but beautiful.


Suggestions: Everything flows really well except for the last stanza. You repeat the word "dark" twice in the first two lines, making it a little redundant. And then the perfect rhyme pattern that you kept through the whole poem is broken in the last line when fall doesn't rhyme with far. I would encourage you to brain storm on those last few lines and see what you can do to shape them up a bit for a great ending.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Looks good to me!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I give you a 3 for creativity and imagination, but I have to admit that my first thought was,"What were they smoking?!?!" Spelling and grammar need some major work and it's pretty much a mess. HOWEVER, if you get serious and start organizing some of that random wierdness, you could actually turn this into something good along the lines of a sci-fi/fantasy/dream sequence piece. Keep writing...just make it a little less psycho so that your readers will remember it in a good way!! :)
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Review of ...and Fred.  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Hunters Moon! After reading "...and Fred." , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Great job! I could almost imagine a little girl saying/reading this. I think you nailed it coming from a child's perspective. It is cute and clever, but simple enough to be a little girl.


Suggestions: None. The layout is great, the timing made just slightly quirky from the addition of "...and Fred" at the end of each stanza. Nice!


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: No mistakes that I can see.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Restored  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Bcrow! After reading "Restored" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I really enjoyed reading this poem. It reminds the reader of the forgiveness found in Christ and the promise of hope for a new start!


Suggestions: In stanza two you switch from talking about God as "He" and change it to "thee". Then you switch back again. You may have worded it that way to keep within the rhyming scheme, but it makes it confusing for the reader to follow. The entire poem should be written from the same viewpoint.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Savior should be capitalized in stanza one. Stanza 4; capitalize Him. Last stanza; capitalize He's.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Terminal  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi dpoet! After reading "Terminal" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This is so incredibly sad. But even with it's despairing tone, it is amazingly beautiful to me! You used excellent word pictures to convey the intense emotion felt by the subject. Well done!


Suggestions: My only thought would be to divide it into separate stanzas. Sometimes a moment of pause in between lines can add greater impact.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Looks good except in the line, "I cannot mouth the pain". That sounds a little awkward and I am not quite sure what is being said. Maybe if you replaced mouth with "speak" or "voice", it would sounds better.



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of He hides  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lani! After reading "He hides" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I love this! It started out suspenseful and a little scary, but with the surprise ending and the realization of what was actually being written about, I just had to laugh out loud! Great job!!!

Suggestions: The only thing I can think of is maybe to combine everything between "I must face" and "my dread" into one stanza.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Looks good to me (but I don't claim to be an expert).

I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Tanya  
Review by JOY-on LOA
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sarah! Welcome to the Paper Dolls Newbie Gang! Since we are reviewing other people's work as part of our class assignments, I thought I would stop by your profile and have a good read!

After reading "Tanya" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This piece, overall, has a very dream-line quality to it, which I am sure is pretty much what you were trying to convey, right? :) It is mysterious and romantic and a bit suspenseful; very good elements! I just wish there was more because now I am interested to see what happens to Tanya and Eric!


Suggestions: It is not until the third paragraph that the story actually begins. Although beautiful, the descriptions about the evening seem to go on and on for a very long time. This can sometimes cause the reader to lose interest practically before they even begin! Maybe the descriptions could be condensed into one opening graph, or added in later once the story has begun.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Spelling looks good and I don't see any major punctuations issues (although I am by no means an expert!) Grammatically, there is one spot that bothers me. The sentence "the intensity of his gaze burned a hole in Tanya's eyes" seems gory with the choice of wording. I cringed when I read it, picturing flaming punctured eyeballs. If you remove the words "a hole", change "in" to "into" and maybe even change "eyes" to "soul" it flows better. It also has greater emotional impact to the reader (without the yucky factor-lol).


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Enchantment  
Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Robyn! After reading "Enchantment " , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Absolutely beautiful! Deep, intense emotion causes the reader to truly feel what you are writing. It sounds like something I would have written during a certain phase of my life, so I can appreciate this piece in a personal aspect.


Suggestions: The majority of paragraph three is one long sentence. It is almost too long for the reader to comfortably follow. I had to stop and re-read it because I got a bit lost. Perhaps dividing it into a few separate sentences would help.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I am not an expert on punctuation, so I will pass on that, but in the last paragraph where it says, "You want back the nature...." I found it to sound a little awkward. Maybe if you replaced it with "you desire" or something like that, it would flow better.



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Beauty  
Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Curbo! After reading "Beauty" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This is an excellent description of a woman whose beauty is only skin deep because of the coldness of her heart. I could almost picture this my mind. Great job!


Suggestions: The fact that the words "with her" are repeated 6 times in such a short poem becomes tiresome to the reader. This can be edited for better flow simply by deleting some of the "with her"s and adding in "and".
(Example:
With her golden hair cascading like a waterfall ~break~
And her million dollar body ~break~
With her striking emerald eyes ~break~
And her expensive clothes.....etc.)

Also, in the last line "perfume flowing in the wind" doesn't sound right. Maybe if you change it to "fragrance floating on the breeze" it would more accurately describe the way a scent travels in the air. Even if you kept "perfume" and "wind", flowing should be changed to floating.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Typo:change "stiking" to striking.
Typo: Change "cloth" to clothes.
Misspell: Change envy's to envies.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dilly! After reading "Summertime Remembered" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Wonderfully nostalgic, but more from a child's viewpoint than an adult looking back. I actually felt like a kid after reading this! Great job!


Suggestions: None. It sounds great and flows well.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: A couple of lines that are not complete sentences are all I found.



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Taizia! After reading "Duct tape and I Love You!" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Cute! This light hearted story has a great moral for everyone to learn from. As funny as it sounds, you are right! Duct tape and I Love You can fix pretty much anything!


Suggestions: Re: "Betty retorted"-usually retorted is used when someone is answering a comment made by another person. It doesn't quite seem to fit here as the first thing said when the other girls walk in. Maybe "pouted" or "exclaimed" would work better.

You used the word surprised in two back to back sentences and it seems a little redundant. Maybe one of them could be replaced with the word "shocked" for a little variety.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Spelling looks good, grammar sounds correct. The only thing I noticed was sometimes your quotation marks are in the wrong spot, but that is an easy edit.



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Writing Naturally  
Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi amber! Since we are review buddies right now, I thought I would stop by your profile for a bit!

After reading "Writing Naturally" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: First of all, it is NOT horrible! In fact, it almost seemed to me as if the poem got better with each stanza-as if you were becoming more comfortable with the genre as you went along! I could almost picture what you were describing, and I love that you wrote a poem about someone writing a poem!


Suggestions: The first two stanzas, although worded beautifully, are a bit halting. One statement after another after another, etc. Maybe running the lines together a little more or just phrasing some of it less like a blunt statement would help with the flow.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Spelling and grammar are great, but there is a complete lack of punctuation. I understand that, since the poems I write are very free form. But if you were to submit this piece to an editor, they would want to see punctuation. (That is something I still struggle with too).



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Shore Talk  
Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ccsi! After reading "Shore Talk" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Sadness, despair and hopelessness are a few of the emotions this poem evoked. That said, your vocabulary is absolutely beautiful. Sometimes sorrow and desperation can be even more moving that joy or love. These words truly made me "feel". Great job!


Suggestions: At first the waves are gentle and quiet. The reader has no idea they have changed until the speaker asks "why thunder now?" I had to stop and go back to read the first stanza because I thought I had missed something. Perhaps adding a bit of a transition to explain the increase of intensity in the wave's actions would make it less confusing.

In stanza one, if the waves are like breasts, and also suckling the wind, it is as if the breast is suckling itself (which is impossible). Maybe that is being nit-picky, but it just struck me as kind of odd.

"sailor-spit"? hmmmm....not sure that falls in with the lovely, deep, emotional wording that came before it.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: All looks good. You took a few liberties with punctuation, but that tends to be the norm with poetry and it is all certainly acceptable (in my opinion).


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

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Review of Brianna's Tide  
Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Bri! After reading "Brianna's Tide" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: This poem confused me a little, but there is a spark there. I sense that you have some amazing untapped potential, and I am eager to read more of your work as you learn and grow on WDC!


Suggestions: This piece is a little vague. If it were a bit longer, you would have time to explain more about what is really going on with Brianna. The word pictures are beautiful, but again, the vocab doesn't always match up or describe fully and it leaves the reader feeling kind of
lost.

I really hope that you revamp this poem because I think it could be awesome with some tweaking! Good luck!!


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: "amongst" is not correct word usage for what is happening. Replace with "upon". In the line "color to be wore", I don't understand the word "wore". Did you mean to say "worn'? "Paint was scattered" might sound better if you used "splattered". Once again, "when the wave swell lied" is confusing. What is meant by that considering that a wave cannot in literal interpretation, "lie"?



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of Waiting  
Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Ciara! After reading "Waiting" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: Suspenseful! You held my attention completely, making me wonder what horrible event was about to happen! Excellent use of imagery to deepen the impact of what was happening, and I love the way you kept returning to the action of the clock. I look forward to reading more of your work!


Suggestions: I am not sure what to suggest to make this better. Your timing is great and the rise and fall of emotion flows well.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: The only thing I noticed was quite a few spots where the phrases are not complete sentences. But in some pieces that just helps to drive home the point, so do with that information what you will.



I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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Review of The Bone  
Review by JOY-on LOA
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi greg! After reading "The Bone" , I offer you these comments:


First Impression: I laughed out loud! I think everyone knows at least one person like Joe. Your description of him and the dialogue was spot on! It could have been a conversation between my husband and his most annoying friend. Excellent job!


Suggestions: The piece seems to leave the reader hanging at the end. Maybe one last retort from Tom, or even a statement such as, "Joe's babbling fell on deaf ears as Tom stealthily crept back down the path alone."


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I think Tom's thoughts in the first line should be in quotes. In graph two, "not to mention what goes into them" is not a complete sentence.

I hope you accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended. After all, we are both working towards the same goal; becoming better writers!

*Flower4* Joy4Rain *Flower4*

*Star*"I'm a Newbie in the Paper Doll Gang-Newbie Project!"

"Invalid Item" 
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