Hi Mukariim! It was my pleasure to read "The long way home" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
This was a very mysterious story with lots of drama and a good bit of suspense.


Editing Suggestions:
I think that the fact that the man knew Cassie's name should have been looked at. You could have tied that into the ending to make a huge impact by making him be someone she knew and now has killed!


Grammar, etc.:
"Accustomed traveling" should be changed to "accustomed TO traveling". "She fastened her steps" should be changed to "she HASTENED her steps". "She had the weird that he was quicker" seems to be missing a word-perhaps it was intended to read "she had the weird FEELING(or sense) that he was quicker". "She needed to take her breath" sounds better as "she needed to CATCH her breath". "Tears was" should be "tears WERE".


Favorite Lines:
"Suddenly, there was no sound-she turned back-he was gone."


Final Thoughts:
I think you have the beginnings of an excellent suspense story here. With a little editing, it will be quite an entertaining piece. Good luck!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi ToeMoss! It was my pleasure to read "The Decapitator" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
I hate horror movies and anything gory, so I knew I was taking a chance by reading this. But, the first paragraph had me hooked and I just had to finish the story (even though I KNEW it was going to be gross)!


Editing Suggestions:
Jimmy never speaks during the whole story, which means that the reader never quite connects with him. So, although I saw his decapitation coming, it didn't evoke much feeling in me because he was kind of a non-person. Give him a bit of dialogue or more interaction prior to the accident and I think your ending will pack even more of a punch!


Grammar, etc.:
The ride name and quote on the sign (as well as the sign at the end of the story) should be in quotation marks. I suggest changing "blurted" to "blared". It makes more sense when you are describing loud music.


Favorite Lines:
"It looked to Samantha like a hardware store advertisement that had gone horribly wrong."


Final Thoughts:
This piece has peaked my curiosity and I hope to get the time soon to check out more of your portfolio!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Words! It was my pleasure to read "Anticipation" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
I thought this was really good. My attention was held by the fact that the speaker was obviously dead, and then the final line was nothing short of a wickedly delicious surprise!


Editing Suggestions:
I try not to mess too much with these numbered word contest pieces since you are under pretty strict guidelines for length and structure.


Grammar, etc.:
After "enclose me" perhaps a semi colon would be more appropriate than a comma. I also think that you should end with a period after "mourning themselves" and then begin a new sentence. As it is now, it is a very long sentence that gets a bit tiring for the reader to follow.


Favorite Lines:
"We shall meet again when these new teeth have grown sharp."


Final Thoughts:
I am intrigued by your style and look forward to checking out some more of your work!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Professor! It was my pleasure to read "Love & Betrayal" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
This short piece packed a lot of different emotions into a small area. I could make a list of all the emotions conveyed here that would be almost as long as the story! Well done.


Editing Suggestions:
It is difficult to make editing suggestions for these types of contest entries since they usually have guidelines for length or structure. One thing you could do is to join a few of the lines together into longer sentences rather than making it just a list of statements. (although that might be the effect you were going for)


Grammar, etc.:
I believe there should be a comma after "nature", also after "acquiesced" and after "praying".


Favorite Lines:
"She acquiesced, making my hear twitter."


Final Thoughts:
I am forced to wonder about the last two lines. There are two possible explanations here. Either she cheated on him and he killed her for it, or they were so closely connected that when she died of natural causes, he felt abandoned and only wants to be with her again. Not knowing which scenario is the case lends an air of mystery to this. Nice touch!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Dawn! It was my pleasure to read "Hunted" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
I was impressed with the way you set the scene, introduced the character, built the suspense and then ended with dramatic climax-and all with only fifty five words! Bravo! It can't be easy to pack all those elements into such a short story, but you did it nicely.


Editing Suggestions:
It is a bit hard to come up with ideas for editing these contests that have a word length requirement, so I will leave that alone this time.


Grammar, etc.:
As a footnote to the comment above, if you were to edit this after the contest is over, perhaps you should consider adding a few "filler" words in the first paragraph. As it is now, those two sentences just sound a little clipped in comparison with the rest of the piece. Also, in the third paragraph, you might think about changing the word "shall" to "will". Shall sounds overly formal and somewhat out of place here.


Favorite Lines:
"Sight is impaired to lily pads of light...". I love the word picture here. It is very creative!


Final Thoughts:
Everyone loves a good mystery, and this is great because it left me wondering what could have possibly happened to her!?


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi NickiD89! It was my pleasure to read "It was Tuesday" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
I believe this may be in the top three best stories I have read on WDC. I was intrigued from the very first line, and you held my attention completely until the end. I found myself uplifted and motivated by this piece, and I am not surprised that it won a contest. It is excellent!


Editing Suggestions:
I have no suggestions to offer you. Even after reading through a few times, it just seems perfect. (and believe me, I tend to be a picky reviewer!)


Grammar, etc.:
Either you are meticulous, or you have a great editing tool, because I couldn't find anything wrong with grammar, punctuation or spelling.


Favorite Lines:
"I hope two years will be long enough." I love how this shows the change in her perspective.


Final Thoughts:
This story was reviewed by a classmate of mine who recommended that we all read it as well. I am so glad she did! Your story was a pure pleasure, and I look forward to checking out some more of your work!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi Flora! It was my pleasure to read "The Birthday !" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression:
This was a great story that ran the gamut of emotions. What I liked so much was that your vocabulary drew me in and made me "feel" everything right along with the characters. Nicely done!


Editing Suggestions:
Divide paragraph five into two for more effect. (right after "the same way we did every day).



Grammar, etc.:
In graph two, place a comma after "Oh" and another one after "kisses". Actually, if you peruse the story, you will find there are several missing commas. Grammar and spelling look great!


Favorite Lines:
"The leaves on the maple tree had just begun to change into a pale crimson and soft gold...."


Final Thoughts:
I look forward to reading more of your work, since I enjoyed this story so much!


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

Hi living mis-understood! It was my pleasure to read "If I Wasn't Born..." .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!


Overall Impression: You sound young, but after reading this piece, I think you have a lot of wisdom. What an amazing perspective to have! This is great.


Editing Suggestions:The only suggestions I have for improvements are grammar and punctuation related. (see below)


Grammar, etc.:Every stanza except for numbers five, seven and eight have incomplete sentences in them. It makes for a very "choppy" read. I think that if you combined some of those lines to make complete sentences, the whole piece would flow more smoothly and have greater impact on the reader. The two stanzas/paragraphs that talk about a friend or friends say "would OF" when it should be "would HAVE".


Favorite Lines:"If I wasn't born, my cousin would be dead." Does that mean you saved his life?? Wow. That is something incredible to be able to say you have done. You made all the difference in the world to him, and to your best friend, as well.


Final Thoughts: You sound like a pretty amazing person who has definitely made a mark in the world and on many people's lives. As far as the first & last parts, you can never know that your family still wouldn't have struggled even if you were not around. That is not a burden you were ever meant to carry.


I hope you will accept this review in the positive spirit it was intended.

After all, we both have the same goal; becoming better writers!

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