I'm with you! This poem says almost all. On creativity and thematic elements alone I give this a full five stars. There were a few phrases and word choices that slowed me down, but overall this was a brilliant piece of poetry and I very much enjoyed reading it. Great job!
I quite enjoyed reading this. I like the conversational tone of the piece and the word choices... and how the piece flowed so well. I also found myself nodding in agreement with a great number of the statements you'd made. Thanks for a great read.
You're so right - when you hand over the control of your life to someone else, life gets super complicated fast.
As for the poem - I liked it. There's lots you could do to develop it a bit further, but in general I enjoyed reading it.
I think the thing I liked the most about the piece was the repetition of "I am in love with a boy" - it's like the narrator of the poem can't seem to get past that one idea... and that's what it's like, especially with that first crush.
I... I really enjoyed reading this piece. It has that great dream-like quality I'm sure you were trying for. I love the word play and the beautiful imagry.
My part was the three lines about the lightning and the books... so nice.
Here are my humble comments:
I enjoyed reading this piece. If it was something I wrote, I think I'd try to elaborate a little. Your lines are packed with meaning - and I like that you've had the 'breeze' idea throughout. My favorite part is the first stanza. It's great. I'm not sure I understood it all, but I got the impression that the speaker is saying that they do not want to talk about the weather to deny what they're feeling because it's like torture. And the burning looks from that loved one scorches the deep feelings of the speaker. It's a beautiful first stanza. Only suggestion I can make for that stanza is to maybe make it into a seven line stanza instead of the five line stanza it is now by breaking the second and fourth lines behind the commas.
The second stanza is just as interesting in its presentation of ideas. I like that it seems to say that instead of talking about the weather because the speaker is so affected that the loved one's influence on his or her life is dwindling because of the loved one's anger. ((Same thing with line length here. Consider breaking the second and fourth line of that stanza.))
The last stanza isn't quite as clear as the other two. I'm not sure how to suggest you clarify the statements, but I get that the speaker is saying that it's only in the loved one's dreams that they would ever forgive each other and move on. It's a sad thing, unforgiveness. It only hurts those who hold onto the pain of those betrayals making them bitter and miserable but not affecting the person who did them wrong.
Anyway, overall, I think this is a good piece. It could use a little tweaking, but overall, I very much enjoyed it.
This is a powerful bit of encouragement for anyone no matter their situation and I definitely enjoyed reading it. I can say that although life's not quite like what I envisioned for myself at this point, there are lots of positives. I like how this article points out things that encourage and offer small bits of hope.
Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to read and give a short little review.
Humble Comments:
Nice. I liked this piece. My favorite lines are the last two of the first stanza - in particular, the way "they crumble; fall" feels as it tickles my noggin. You've got lots of nice images in this to make me happy.
Only line that didnt flow well for me was the first one - I think it's the two adverbs that do it to me. Maybe consider using some strong nouns or adjetives instead?
Happy writing,
Jen
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I saw your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to read and drop you a nice little review. Naturally, I'd have to read this one.
Humble Comments:
Not the least bit dissappointed. I enjoyed it. I found myself cheering the turtle on in his quest. You know... my sister totes super glue with her to patch up road side turtles... anyway, that was sooo off topic. I enjoyed reading this and found the characterization to be great and the action to be believable. Such an enjoyable read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to read and offer a small review.
Humble Comments:
Enjoyed reading this. It definitely deserves that nice red ribbon. The title reminds me of a piece I did a while back but your piece is nothing like it and it is much more eloquent. I like the emotional quality - it's powerful. Loving and losing, the best and worst parts of life.
Thanks for a great read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to read and offer a little review.
Humble Comments:
Beautiful piece. I like the subject matter, the poetic way you've expressed the ideas and your word choices are nice. I love the hope that radiates from this piece - trust in Him and He will take care of you Great stuffs. There isnt a thing I'd change about this one - thanks for an encouraging read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Saw your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to read and offer a little review.
Humble Comments:
I like this. I like the free form flow of it all. The dream-like feel is nice too. I'm not sure what it all means, as for some reason I'm having a hard time reading between the lines of this one, but I can tell you I like it. I like the idea of floating above what's going on at the time and being able to sort out what's going on below.
I like the three stanzas and the varying line length - it all works together well to create an interesting piece. Great job
Happy writing,
Jen
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Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to offer a review in honor of your nomination.
Humble Comments:
Thought this was a good one for me to read
It definitely deserves to have won that round. It's imaginative and well written. The last phrase "the turtle was left shell shocked" is funny as all get out and definitely makes this piece a winner.
Thanks for a fun quick read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to offer a read and review.
Humble Comments:
Interesting piece. The swear word took me off guard right out of the gate there, but overall, this is a pretty good piece. The way you've written about this subject matter is good.
Only noticed one grammatical thing - In line four, "thats" needs an apostrophe.
Thanks for an interesting read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to read and offer a little review.
Humble Comments:
I enjoyed reading this. I like the end rhymes and the subject matter. The word choices are solid and I like the form too. The nostalgia is great - it's beautiful. My favorite line is the second to last one - it just has a nice rhythm that I enjoyed.
Thanks for a great read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Saw your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to offer a read and review in honor of your nomination.
First Impressions:
Wow! Powerful, well written piece.
Humble Comments:
So serious! Any kind of talk that makes suicide sound nice scares me, but this piece was so well written and has a dreamy kind of beauty that made this not so scary. It sounds more like a poem about star crossed lovers at the end and like a Cinderella story at the beginning - that made it a very good read for me. great job.
Happy writing,
Jen
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You're on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to see offer a review.
Humble Comments:
This is a nice piece. I liked reading it. I think it's because of the vivid imagery and the nostalgic feel of the piece. I like the word choices and can almost smell the old place. I like trying to read between the lines of this too - I wonder about the character and what the background is - how they lost their loved one and other such things.
Thanks for a great read.
Happy writing,
Jen
** Image ID #1549495 Unavailable **
Saw your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to offer a little review.
Humble Comments:
Fun poem. I liked the rhyme scheme and the creative use of hyperbole throughout. It's a fun illustrated way to get the concept down. I very much enjoyed reading it. I like how you've reworded some of the common phrases and made them more interesting. Great job and thanks for the giggles.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to read and review a piece
Humble Comments:
Ah, the abortion issue - very much like politics - it's a powder keg issue.
This piece has many cliche comments about the pro-life stance and a few about the pro-choice stance - though I'm sure this piece is meant solely to be an expression of opinion instead of a balanced social commentary.
Anyway, about the writing - It's well written. My favorite parts are the first and last stanzas. The last one has many great word choices. I liked the 'fossilized' statement about the stances - that's a true statement if I ever heard one.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Saw you on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to offer a little review.
Humble Comments:
Ok, so this was funny. I can't say I'm looking forward to all that stuff, but I sure did enjoy reading about it. I laughed at your lists and identified with the "I woke up one day and saw an older me." stuff. I like the sarcastic and straight forward comments. Thanks for the laughs and for the advice - lots of it is really great (like loving your body the way it is instead of glaring at it in the mirror)
Happy writing,
Jen
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Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to offer a small review.
Humble Comments:
Unexpected ending Great job with that. I enjoyed reading the dialogue too - it feels natural and fluid. I'm still not clear on all of the action of the scene - why she has handcuffs on, mostly - but overall, I very much enjoyed this read.
Happy writing,
Jen
** Image ID #1549495 Unavailable **
Saw your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to offer a small review
Humble Comments:
This piece sounds like something I could've written myself at this point in my life. I like how personal it is and the normal diction level. The progression from crossroad to crossroad is nice in this piece too. It's encouraging and helpful. I definitely identified with many of the statements in this one. It definitely deserves its ribbon.
Thanks for a nice read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Saw your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to appreciate your writing prowess with a little review.
Humble Comments: Ok, so I enjoyed reading this a little too much. I think this is one that should definitely be circulated through the email circuit... but then it'd be counter productive, huh? Well, I have to admit that I've friends who send mass chain letter forwards. I'm not sure why those things have such a huge draw on people. Thankfully, I havent forwarded one of those since high school - but you never know. It's been a while since I received one
Thanks for an interesting read. I sure did enjoy it.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here appreciate you with a little review.
Humble Comments:
Enjoyed reading this. I'm sure my parent's would appreciate and identify with it more than I was able to, but it's well written, thus a pleasure to read. I like the imagery and the interesting subject matter. Personally, I'd prefer to listen to the Mamas and the Papas instead of the Doors, but that's just me
Thanks for a good read.
Happy writing,
Jen
** Image ID #1549495 Unavailable **
Noticed your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to give a little review
Humble Comments:
This definitely deserves its ribbon. I enjoyed reading it. The imagery is vivid and some of the word choices blew me away.
Favorite line: repair the shattered soul
Thanks for a great read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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Saw your portfolio on the Nominated author's list, so I'm here to drop you a nice little review
Humble Comments:
Talk about creepy! I've heard stories like this, but this particular one's new to me. Anyway, the story's well written and engaging. I didnt notice any grammatical errors or awkward sentences - so, thanks for a pleasant read.
Happy writing,
Jen
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