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597 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Natural Resources  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This has a nice pace and solid detail. Easy to follow right up to the twist. Good set up and delivery.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Last sentence in paragraph five seems to be a word or two off from making sense.
All else makes sense and is technically sound.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
You might want him to "reminisce" about being in the trenches himself. It will enhance the story and the twist.
*Peace*Finally:
The story sucks you in then, wham! Nice work; keep it up.


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77
77
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Has a good level of detail and good characterizations. It flows well and has a good twist at the end.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems clear of any technical and subjective problems.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Consider adding more detail about home for your pilot character. As well as a few more details about his current fate. Seems logical he would have asked about exactly what happened to his ship, as he seems unclear about it.
Might be rather cliche, but humorous, if he had picked up NASCAR from the nearest planet.
*Peace*Finally:
A good take on the subject. Always makes one wonder what they would be feeling and doing in the same situation. Good work and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


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78
78
Review of The Flenser  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This is smooth and funny. Has very good detail and dialog. Makes a familiar scene entertaining.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Probably a couple of bits of misplaced punctuation and a paragraph split or two that's needed.
Otherwise, everything seems in order and technically sound.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The "slightly buck teeth" thing is also called an overbite. Might be the description your erudite narrator would be more likely to use.
*Peace*Finally:
A wry and witty story. Welcome and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


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79
79
Review of The Trial  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Has a good flow with an interesting theme. Has good detail and a swift pace.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
It gets confusing in parts. (Dummy judge?).
Needs more paragraph breaks. New speaker, new thought, new direction = new paragraph. This might alleviate the confusion.
Seems all right technically.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Might want to use proper names or adjectives (the dark man...) to differentiate the players.
*Peace*Finally:
Feels very film noir in spots. An intriguing piece. Keep plugging!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
80
80
Review of Beaches  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This has a lot of heart and feeling. The rhymes are good as is the pace. Has a familiar theme that is followed closely.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The rhythm is some what spotty. Read aloud looking for words to cut to even out the lines, while keeping them logical. This will enhance the beat and take out what little is passive.
Seems clear otherwise.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Consider getting that "B" rhyme in all the stanzas (air, care, etc.) it will have an amazing effect on the whole.
The line "walking on the beach, in the humid air" would be unifying as a recurring line or refrain.
*Peace*Finally:
This is good work as is. Polish it until shines, which it will. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
81
81
Review of Something Cold  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This has a nice flow and smooth rhythm. This is good visually with good language and imagery.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seem clear of technical and subjective errors.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
You leave it hanging at the end. Just four lines (well written lines) it feels unfinished. Tell us more. You hint at the cause of the feelings here, but leave few clues as to what you are speaking about.
*Peace*Finally:
Nice lines, as I mentioned, just needs more speculation to make it complete. Keep plugging.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
82
82
Review of Rhyme For Sarah  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
The rhymes in this are solid. It has good pace and rhythm. The way the mood changes exactly half way through is inspired.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Could be longer with more examples for either side.
Still on the fence about the use of "smile" twice as an end rhyme. If pressed, I would have to say leave it in.
*Peace*Finally:
This is sweet, smooth and solid. Well done! Welcome and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
83
83
Review of A Player  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This has some very good rhymes and a solid rhythm. Good pace and use of language.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Spell out your.
Format this into an up and down line structure.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
No real suggestions. It has a start, beginning and end. Except the format, it's solid.
*Peace*Finally:
This is a great short verse. Welcome and write on!



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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
84
84
Review of Life goes ever on  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
"With paths to choose, and paths to make"
This has great pace and choice of words. The rhymes are solid with decent rhythm.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
There a few rhythm bumps and an awkward line.
Logically, it seems fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
First line: Add our between "on" and "life".
Line 8: cut "even".
Line 11: Cut the second "for". All these cuts will even out the rhythm.
Line 10: Replace "our lives have" with in life we've. It's a more logical construction.
*Peace*Finally:
Good verse you made here. Now, make some more.




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by KC under the midnight sun


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85
85
Review of Story of my life  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
I like the ending. Lots of heart and feeling in this.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Way too short and quirky to be a story.
The images are disjointed and disorganized.
Seems fine technically, grammar etc.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
When you go to edit put the occurrences in chronological order, then rewrite and expand on the points. Consider adding humor at this point.
Another option to consider is making this a poem. You can either go for rhymes, or, more importantly, rhythm. Start by making all the lines the same number of syllables, or nearly. Then polish it up from there. Once again, use the humor angle. There is some there already, use it.
*Peace*Finally:
Anyone can compose the sappy love story/poem, make the funny one. Welcome, and write on!



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by KC under the midnight sun


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86
86
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This is good light nonsense. Still there is a theme that is followed closely. All the rhymes seem inspired. Interspersed with the original are some ancient word plays, but it doesn't come off as derivative or cliché. The first stanza is outstanding.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and in good order.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
You lost the end rhymes early, but with so many internal rhymes, it doesn't matter.
The rhythm breaks down a tiny bit in the last two stanzas. Just needs to add and/or cut a word or two.
*Peace*Finally:
This is really inspired verse. Write on!



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by KC under the midnight sun


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87
87
Review of The Clever Foxes  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Has a good pace and decent rhymes. It is loyal to the theme and works for the target audience. The moral works pretty well. The beginning has that great sing-song feel.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The rhythm is spotty in some sections and a few of the rhymes are a little stretch.
Pretty logical construction.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Read this aloud and find little changes you can make to smooth out the rhythm. Like: just hole instead of "fox hole" (I think the proper term is den, which could lead to another rhyme).
You refer to them as "men" which made a good rhyme, but is a bit of a stretch.
This starts out really well, try to apply what works early to the rest.
*Peace*Finally:
This is a good children's poem; narrative leading to moral. Just needs some polishing. Keep plugging.



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by KC under the midnight sun


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88
88
Review of insearch of joy  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This has good feeling and loyalty to theme. Has a decent pace and an instructional quality. The ending comes off well.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems to missing words in every line, usually "for". "I was searching for it in material things."
The rhythm is inconsistent.
Seems logically structured though.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Read it aloud looking for a beat. Consider cutting anything that interrupts the beat, making sure the lines make sense. A good rhythm enhances the lesson and theme, making it stick with the audience.
*Peace*Finally:
Lots that is good in here. The technical always helps the message, so it is always worth wrestling with. Give it a try. Keep plugging.



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by KC under the midnight sun


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89
89
Review of Parcae  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Has a good pace and fair rhythm. Good imagery and loyalty to theme. The last stanza is as solid ending.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
A couple of rhythm bumps. Otherwise seems clear of objective and subject errors.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Line eight: Cut "mans" to tidy up the rhythm.
Read it aloud to find other bumps to smooth out.
*Peace*Finally:
This is light and educational. Good work. Write on!



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by KC under the midnight sun


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90
90
Review of A Perspective  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This a well thought out essay on a fundamental problem. The research and arguments are good as is the conclusion.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Needs paragraph breaks, to make it easier to read and to allow the ideas to sink in.
Some of the sentences need to be made into at least two sentences.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
You can easily expand. There have been years of thought on this subject.
Of course you can keep the current scope and make a poem of it, but that's a stretch.
*Peace*Finally:
Lots of solid thought in here, just needs room to breathe a little. Keep plugging.



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by KC under the midnight sun


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91
91
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Has a good pace and solid ending. Details and scope are just about right for the size. The action is well balanced.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Needs a spell check.
Otherwise clear.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Two redundancies:
"air" at the end of first narrative paragraph: cut the last four words or rewrite.
Last paragraph, second sentence: rework to eliminate "days".
*Peace*Finally:
Quick and pretty solid. Just a couple of bumps. Keep plugging.



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92
92
Review of Seasons of Life  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This has good feelings and flow and decent rhythm. Rhymes and language are solid. While hard to say, line six is terrific as is the ending couplet.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems free of errors either technical or logical.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Line four is too long. I have no suggestions without rewriting the whole thing myself, and that's your job.
Line eight: replace "the couple" with them.
*Peace*Finally:
Just those two rhythm blips. This poem has heart and style. Write on!



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93
93
Review of Sin Nomine  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
There is good use of language and a smooth pace. The detail is solid, and the scene and setting clear. Good contrast between the pastoral and the dark.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
There's a spate of grammar issues: Dead end sentences, redundancies, etc. Read it aloud and you'll find them.
While beautifully written, there is no real conflict points or ending to speak of. It's clear the girl is in danger, but there seem to be no tangible clues to the extent or nature.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The above observations lead to the feeling of incompleteness. Is it allegory, psychological or just a damsel in distress? Is there a connection to the real world or is this the real world connected to another? While pretty, this leaves more questions then it answers.
*Peace*Finally:
Beautiful prose, as I noted, just needs a direction and a conclusion. Keep plugging.



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94
94
Review of This Pen  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This poem makes the excellent point of writer as creator. The deity of whatever world he chooses to bring about.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The repeating beginning is rather tedious.
Otherwise seems technically fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Make that line a refrain, maybe at the beginning and the end of each stanza. Your could try synonymous variations of it as the starter or recurring line.
there are so many examples of this idea that you could go on much longer and go with a rhyming scheme as well.
*Peace*Finally:
Cannot fault the theme or your loyalty to it. There are good images and ideas. Expand on this and write on!



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by KC under the midnight sun


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95
95
Review of My Father  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This has good pace, imagery and use of language. The touch is light and nostalgic with a good message. The rhymes and theme are well done.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems adequate technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Last line: use now in place of "here".
Put the lines that have doubts earlier in the poem, leading up to the confident ending.
The non-rhyming lines could be culled of some of the small words to improve the pace and reduce passivity.
*Peace*Finally:
A great little piece with respect and a message. Keep up the good work!



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by KC under the midnight sun


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96
96
Review of Hours  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
"That's not the last thing I want to feel..."
"But God wasn't listening, and the stars fell back in place."
Powerful and moving, this is great stuff. Good flow, rhythm, action and plotting. It is well crafted almost all the way.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Needs to be non-E and 13+. Just to be sure, change a word early in the story to crap.
A handful of paragraphs need to be split (new speaker, new thought, new direction = new paragraph).
Minor stuff, otherwise this is fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
We need more background on their history in this hospital, at the top. You give a sentence about his condition. You just need a bit more, maybe a short paragraph.
*Peace*Finally:
This is exceptional work. Keep doing things just like it!


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by KC under the midnight sun


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97
97
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Extra points for trying this. Nice work putting some sort of spin on the repeating lines.
The key to this form is getting the last stanza into a somewhat coherent form; success!
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and otherwise.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Use easier forms or risk going insane!
Serously though, nothing to add.
*Peace*Finally:
Hats off. I can never even contemplate this form with getting a headache. Bravo and write on!


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98
98
Review of Greek Tragedy  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This a nice rhythm and good flow. The detail is great and copious references help speed it right along. It is entertaining.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
A few minor gaffes. You'll find them if you read it out loud.
Otherwise clear of errors and no logic problems.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Maybe at least a few more opportunistic rhymes and more background, but neither is vital.
*Peace*Finally:
This is great. Got most of Olympus in there in time for roll call. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


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99
99
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
The narrative is solid and the pace is decent. Good choices in language including inventive rhymes.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The rhythm is spotty for two reasons. The varying lengths of lines and the unique names without any idea how to pronounce them. With a more consistent rhythm, better guesses of the names could be made.
Grammar and logic are fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
You start fixing the rhythm by surveying the smaller words with an eye to cutting them, being careful that the line makes sense. Then consider evening out each line's beats, splitting sentences if necessary, while preserving the rhymes. A tall order, I know, but I think it will be worth the effort.
Use pronouns in place of some of the names, especially if it helps the rhythm.
Stanza 8, first line: Use turmoil instead of "tumult" giving you yet another internal rhyme.
*Peace*Finally:
Writing this in end stop fashion is choking of the rhythm, which would add so much to this.
Might also make a prose poem, or good flash fiction. Pretty good; make more.

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by KC under the midnight sun


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100
100
Review of Angry Night  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Maintains a good breakneck pace. The narration is good due to it's economy. Rhythm is decent and the theme is followed well.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
A wolf "slaps"? Claws maybe.
Otherwise clear of any thing too glaring.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Line 2: Last word, not sure what to suggest, just know it's not the one you wanted.
*Peace*Finally:
Says a lot with few words. Good stuff. Make some more!


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by KC under the midnight sun


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