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597 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of The Mistake  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This piece demonstrates a good playfulness and humor. The length, in spite of the scope, is just right. The characterizations are solid and the details good. It flows well.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
This requires more paragraph breaks, especially when the speaker and/or subject changes.
Some word choices need reconsideration. For instance: You use "vaporize" when vanish is more appropriate.
Everything seems clear, consistent and logical, story wise.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The first paragraph seems awkward in phrasing and detail. At first blush I would suggest cutting it. However, it could be reworked for clarity.
Considering the subject matter, the title seems a bit mundane, Divine Error or something like that, perhaps.
*Peace*Finally:
This is a fun piece, especially the ending. Just needs some technical improvement and some cosmetic changes. Good work; write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


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27
27
Review of Be Good Anyway  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Checkb*The Good:
The topic is excellent and timely with good organization. It flows well and makes clear, consistent points. The examples are logical and this has well-supported conclusions. The ending is solid.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Paragraphs five and six have some negative language which seem to act against the point of the piece. "Stupid", "ugly", "sucks" and "pointless", for instance, seem to act against the positive intent of the rest. Softer language, euphemisms or other phrases with more positive meanings would restore consistency.
Seems grammatically sound and is consistent otherwise.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The language changes above.
Start with the country song, then move on to the personal insights, bookending with that concluding quote.
Spell out whatever "LBCC" stands for.
*Peace*Finally:
This has good heart and common sense. Just needs a few rough edges smoothed out. Nice work and do write on.


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by KC under the midnight sun


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28
28
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
The imagery is vivid and loyal to theme. This has a good pace and rhythm. There is a good use of language and a solid conclusion.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
I want more out this. It ends well but could easily continue on with more about the siblings. Of course, the posible beach images are endless.
*Peace*Finally:
I usually pass by this sort of work, but it was compelling. Write on!


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29
29
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Star**Reading* "The Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society"  Review *Reading**Star*


*Angel*The Good:
The detail is good as are the characterizations. It's a unique version of a familiar theme and is easy to follow.
*Witchhat*Not So Good:
The dialog drags at times. Someone speaks and then there are long explanations afterward.
There are redundancies. For instance: in the first two paragraphs your narrator relates all of Jake's accomplishments, followed immediately by Max giving the shorter version of the same information.
Seems fine technically.
*Shamrock*Suggestions:
Move up the physical description of Jake in paragraph one.
This seems to end rather abruptly. Meaning there seems to be more to the story. If you do plan on continuing, use the generic third person narrator. If you do end it short, say where Jake leaves the planet, use Max as narrator. He seems to be there for everything and it would be interesting to see all of this through Max's eyes.
Either way, cut and simplify. Let dialog tell more of the story and/or look for ways to simplify the descriptions. Be more direct.
*Gold*In Conclusion:
There is a lot to recommend here as far as the ideas and twists. It just needs to get a little less complicated. Keep plugging!


My review has been submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
30
30
Review of Non-Humans R Us  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Notew**Reading* "The Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society"  Review *Reading**Notew*

*Noteg*Good:
Has the perfect picture on the front page. Just in case visitors were unclear on the concept. The summary of the group is decent
*Noteb*Not So Good:
Seems like a fine standard opening. Nothing out of whack.
*Notev*Consider This:
Put the newsletters on the front page. It's another good way to grab "pedestrian traffic" that has wandered on to the page somehow.
The campfire interactive was made for groups like this. And front page access for the curious would be ideal. The "show, don't tell" axiom applies here.
*Noteo*Summing up:
The key to growing membership in groups is advertise. What better place then right out in front. Good work. Keep plugging.


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My review has been submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
31
31
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This has good imagery and great heart. It has solid flow, pace and rhythm. Remains loyal to theme throughout.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
There are a handful of words that just miss. Read it aloud and you'll find them.
Otherwise seems consistent and is technically fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Still needs some trimming. For instance: In the third section near the end you can cut "briefly beside me" and the thought is still complete. The read aloud will find more like this.
*Peace*Finally:
A fine effort, just needs a tweak here and there. Welcome and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
32
32
Review of Birthday Wishes  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
Has good heart and bounces along with a good flow. The rhymes are solid and there is good imagery.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems very consistent and is fine technically.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The longer lines could be trimmed to enhance the rhythm. For instance: you can cut "sending this poem" in line two and "burning" in line three and still the lines work.
The last couplet could be redone with the idea of "I could enjoy too?" coming at the end. This would also perpetuate the question motif which is the highlight of this verse.
*Peace*Finally:
This is good, joyous work. Welcome and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
33
33
Review of Cusp  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"The crab apple tree is shedding summer"
This has excellent imagery and good use of language. It's loyal to the theme and shows everything. Has good flow and understated rhythm.
One tiny thing: Wouldn't a "fawn" be adult by now?
Otherwise fine technically, consistent and with no other suggestion.
Good work, as ever. Write on.
34
34
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This has solid imagery and decent rhymes. The Flow is good as is the rhythm.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
"perpetuity" is not working. You don't need it for a rhyme, so it's easy to replace.
This is fine technically.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Split the second to last line. The loss of rhyme scheme is more than made up for.
Put a blank line between lines four and five.
*Peace*Finally:
This is a nice, short piece. Welcome and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
35
35
Review of A Zephyr's Kiss  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
Has a really good flow and use of language. The changing refrain works very well. This is very smooth with good imagery. The first stanza is great.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and is consistent.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The lines seem to work when you start with a description of "her" virtues: "She breathes..." "She is..."
"...an ill fitting gown" seems at odds with the rest.
Stanza six seems out of place.
*Peace*Finally:
This is fine work. The personification of nature. Welcome and write on.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
36
36
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This has good imagery and flow. The use of language is good and it has heart and a nice, subdued tone.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems technically fine and consistent.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Visually, it would be better not centered.
The flow and comprehension would be enhanced by splitting at least some of the lines. For instance lines three and four at the commas.
In line six: use the pronoun we all the way.
*Peace*Finally:
This is a good theme. Welcome and write on.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
37
37
Review of My midnight sweet  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This is loyal to theme with a good flow and rhythm. The rhymes are sound and there is good imagery and use of language.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Line ten: "it" should be its.
Otherwise, everything technical and subjective is fine
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Might need to be 18+ or higher.
Cut "that" in the last line.
*Peace*Finally:
This is well done. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
38
38
Review of Bitter Heart  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This stays loyal to theme throughout. The rhythm is decent through most of it and the rhymes are good as well. The first four pairs are really good.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The fifth pair puts everything out of sync. Good lines, just not here.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The last pair is rather awkward. Consider cutting "Returning" and replacing "back" with turned. Still gets the point across and improves the rhythm.
*Peace*Finally:
Has a good core, just a bit off, smooth it out. Keep plugging.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
39
39
Review of Essence  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This has good rhymes, decent rhythm and solid imagery. It flows pretty well with good use of language.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The line about "building stairs" should have language about going over obstacles.
Otherwise it works technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Split each line into two, keeping the stanzas; four lines each.
Make the last line rhyme whatever way you break it up (grow in place of "bloom"?).
*Peace*Finally:
I like this quite a bit, for the theme and execution. Just needs to be smoothed out a bit. Write on.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
40
40
Review of Tears of Dawn  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
There is solid imagery here and good rhymes. The pace is sound and good loyalty to theme.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Has problems with rhythm.
Otherwise, technique and subjective parts are good.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Rhythm will improve vastly by these:
Look to edit out smaller words ("like" in line four) while leaving the lines making sense.
Split the first six lines at the commas. The shorter lines will not only improve rhythm, but overall comprehension and presentation. And no "rules" will violated nor arrests made. You can always put a blank line before the two ending couplets as a flourish ending.
*Peace*Finally:
Good stuff here, just needs a little rearranging. Write on.


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by KC under the midnight sun


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41
41
Review of I Stole  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

Nothing inspires quite like aggravation.
*Checkb*The Good:
This is inspired nonsense with good humor and excellent imagery. Save a few spots, it flows pretty well with a decent rhythm. This has solid word choices and is loyal to theme.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Doesn't really need the explanation at the beginning. The imagery stands without the history.
You repeat yourself a little too much.
*Peace*Finally:
Plagaristic feelings played out as a tick and a frog. Doesn't get any more unique than that. Good work and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
42
42
Review of The Rose  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This has a good pace and decent rhythm. It's loyal to the theme with rose anatomy in every stanza. Inventive third stanza as the low point of the narrative completely loses the rhyme. It works because it shows a low ebb of feeling which is revived in the final stanza.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Consider making the rhyme closer in line four.
*Peace*Finally:
Nicely done with good imagery. Welcome and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
43
43
Review of Teenagers  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
Has a solid rhythm and good rhymes. The theme is good with decent use of language. The lines in the teen section about the car are really good.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems technically and subjectively fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The second two lines in the second to last stanza seem rather flat, forced and arcane. Need to be reworked.
The teenagers part need to be a tiny bit more "hip".
*Peace*Finally:
Pretty good contrast between two generations. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
44
44
Review of Culture Shock  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This has a brilliant concept marrying two ideas into one unique story. Has good flow and characterizations. Decent details and solid theme move this along.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Could use some paragraph breaks. Not only necessary, but the white space will enhance the flow.
Not sure if you have a target word count, but the dialog between your protagonist and the hippie could be more complex.
*Peace*Finally:
The door is left for expansion for the trip to the festival. I encourage you to go for it. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


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45
45
Review of Death by Sight  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This is clear and touches all the points it should. The conclusion is clever and logically sound. Gives solid detail and flows well.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Mrs. Baker would have never been on trial. It should be one of the "better suspects". The defense would have been the same.
Seems fine technically and subjectively otherwise.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
I think good old heart failure over "heart attack".
*Peace*Finally:
Good speech though, very lawyer-like. Just needs a different focus. Write on!


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My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
46
46
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This is a fine example of the list poem. Has good imagery, pace and rhythm. Even managed to add in a few rhymes and slanted rhymes. This has a very good setting.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Ends rather abruptly. It seems like you had more to say.
*Peace*Finally:
You can almost feel the dust getting up your nose. Well done and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
47
47
Review of Midnight's Shadow  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This is not lacking in imagery. It has a different but unique rhythm that seems to work. The flow is decent as is the language.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The use of CAPS throughout this might be fine, if there were any pattern to it. It seems to be random.
Seems fine subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Save the CAPS for the start of the lines or restrict them to certain parts of speech.
Put some blank lines in, as if you were making paragraphs. This will emphasize your points as the poem progresses.
*Peace*Finally:
This has imagination and some heart. Just needs some polishing. Write on.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
48
48
Review of Blessings  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
This has heart, good feeling and is loyal to the theme. The rhymes and rhythm are solid.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Make lines fifteen, seventeen and twenty-four into two lines each. Then break this into four line stanzas. This will make it easier to read, improving delivery of the message. While preserving the rhythm, rhyming every other line and will improve the pace.
*Peace*Finally:
This is really good verse. Welcome and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
49
49
Review of Dark start  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
Starts well as a prologue, right in the middle of some action. It's easy to follow and the action decent.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Has quite a few language errors. Wrong words, (like "ally" that should be alley and "vain" for vein) incomplete sentences, tense shifts and unfinished words.
It has no subjective problems.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Read this aloud and you'll find most of the problems I alluded to plus a few sentences that needs reworking. My read aloud edits are usually my most productive step.
*Peace*Finally:
This is a good start. Just needs some technical fixes. Write on.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
50
50
Review of Everything"s ok  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
Has a good beat and flow. The rhymes are solid and it's loyal to the theme.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The punctuation and capitalization is inconsistent. The punctuation isn't necessary at the end of each line, that's consistent, but if you use any mid-line it should be used in all such cases. Same goes for the caps at the beginning of each line.
Subjectively, looks fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Break it up into four line stanzas.
*Peace*Finally:
Absolutely no argument with rhythm. Clean up the technical stuff and it will be fine. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has be submitted for consideration in: "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
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