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Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Short and to the point. Clear, concise, just the right amount of detail. Good pace and rhythm.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Either change a certain word (starts with "g") or change the rating to non-E and 18+.
Otherwise good technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
(Slowly becoming my favorite suggestion) This would make a good poem. As is, just change the lay out (Okay, more than that, but still...).
*Peace*Finally:
I really hope you are doing one for each member of the family. A good exercise, if nothing else. Solid work. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
102
102
Review of Sinners Rain  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
The flow is good with nice detail. The rhymes are good as well as the pace. The theme remains solid throughout.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
A couple of small rhythm blips and a couple of punctuation miscues. Otherwise clear of big problems.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Read this aloud and you find the blips.
Find two more lines for stanza three, I'm sure it feels left out.
*Peace*Finally:
This is really good. Just needs a little sprucing up. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
103
103
Review of Beltane  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Every bit as cheerful as the holiday. Good use of language and the rhymes are inventive.
The pace is decent.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The rhythm is spotty.
Otherwise technically and logically sound.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Survey the poem looking for small words to cut, as well as some of the longer ones. All the while, making sure the lines make sense. This will go a long way towards improving the rhythm, as well as eliminating passivity.
Line 2: "celebrate" no "d" and cut "and"; saves 2 syllables.
*Peace*Finally:
Good treatment of the subject; entertaining and educational. Keep plugging.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
104
104
Review of Shattered Images  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This poem has a nice, light touch. The language is decent and the rhymes are good. The rhythm and theme are sound.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Technically fine and structure is good.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The question/answer mode is really inspired. You should extend it to every couplet.
The last "Mirror, mirror" should be cut. The next to last line sums it up just fine.
*Peace*Finally:
This is very good. Keep at it.

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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
105
105
Review of Hana  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Has a good use of language. Decent use of imagery and setting.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
It's a little too mysterious. Metaphor and simile are great, but some things, even poetry, need concrete examples to drive it.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Give some concrete comparisons to go with the simile and metaphor.
Leave a blank line between Lines 9 & 10 (counting "help." as a line) and 15 & 16.
Split lines at punctuation marks.
*Peace*Finally:
I really like the language in this. Just needs some comparative language. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
106
106
Review of Orphan  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
A simple, yet still complex poem that has good flow. The language is pithy and makes a good theme. There is some power here.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The last line is out of sync with the rest, both in theme and feeling.
Technically consistent.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Rework the last line or leave the line before it to stand alone as the last word. It's a coin flip as to which will make it better.
*Peace*Finally:
The austerity of this is it's strength. Good effort. Keep plugging.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
107
107
Review of Accursed Magic  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
The story was well planned with good pace, setting and characters. The twist was well staged.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The paragraphs, especially the long, long ones, need splitting. For general reasons (new thought, new direction, new scene = new paragraph) and to make it easier to read.
Subjectively, it seems fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
You can cut and simplify too. Start by reading it out loud and cutting unneeded and redundant words. And you can cut down some of the asides your main character uses to brag about her new abilities. Just bring them up when she uses them, and boil them down to a sentence.
*Peace*Finally:
This is a really good short piece which could, obviously, go longer after the contest. Good job. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
108
108
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This is very good allegory. The flow and rhythm are good. The use of language and imagery are solid. Good use of the same line at the start and end.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems good technically and well organized.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Line 17 replace "the whisper" with it.
Go through and consider of the small and incidental words with an eye towards cutting them, like "to be" in line 32. If the line still makes sense, leave it. This exercise will usually enhance the rhythm and make it less passive.
*Peace*Finally:
This is really beautifully done. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
109
109
Review of Talons of Death  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
This is a perfectly graphic poem depicting a natural scene. The pace and the use of language are both good. Loyal the the theme.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine techincally and in good order.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
You tried really hard to get the rhymes at the end of the line. Maybe too hard. Try this without the thought breaks. With internal rhymes, it might still have that lyric feel. The language and imagery seems strong enough and the rhythm might improve.
*Peace*Finally:
I love pieces like this; writing them too (not recently). Good job, keep plugging!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
110
110
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
The ridiculous circumstance in this is great. Good detail and descriptions put you right in the middle of the scene.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and subjectively.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
You may want to put the policeman speaking in another color or italics.
Surely at least one of the tellers brought his son to work. This would create a chance to expand this some. It could easily be longer anyway.
I suggest this a lot: Would make a unique poem too.
*Peace*Finally:
This stands as an example of a good creative exercise. A story all in dialog. Impressive work. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
111
111
Review of Repentant Love  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Tells a somewhat familiar story in a pithy way. The pace is good and the language adequate.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
It really rather bland. Some opportunities are missed for strong emotion and irony.
Technically seems fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
The rhythm only needs a fix in one spot, Line 10: Cut "To you" and replace "so" with a to fix the statement.
*Peace*Finally:
This has promise. Some slightly different word choices would bring out some emotion or sarcasm which would give this character. Dig out the thesaurus and experiment. Keep plugging!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
112
112
Review of The Laeo  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
An ambitious narrative that comes off really well. The pace and rhythm are very good. Really loyal to theme, setting and scope.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The rhyme sputters at times, with one stanza having none, not devastating.
Line 44 is somewhat out of sync with the rest.
The chronology is sound, though.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Rework line 44 to make more sense.
The narrative and are more important than the rhyme, so don't try to fix the rhyme problems.
*Peace*Finally:
This is really good stuff. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
113
113
Review of Fairies Dancing  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
It's a good setting and it flows well. The pace and rhythm is decent. Good visuals and use of language.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The rhythm could be better and it's rather passive in general. Otherwise, technically sound.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Cut words you don't need and use shorter lines, the latter, mostly by splitting longer lines.
Example:
"I was five;
And You were seven.
Our long golden hair,
it glistened in the afternoon sun.
Every day,
right after our lunch,
We would run ran out the backdoor,/
/and into each others arms"
Not a perfect edit, but the point is there. None of the ideas are missing and it seems less passive and the rhythm is improved.
*Peace*Finally:
This is really good. Polish it up until it shines.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
114
114
Review of My Heart's Melody  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
A lot of good feeling in this. The rhythm is decent and the theme consistent. The rhymes are very good.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
The rhythm needs work. Seems technically fine, otherwise and the order is good.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Two suggestions to improve the rhythm. Either combine lines two and three in each stanza or split each first line. I suggest the latter. The four line stanza will be better visually and vocally.
*Peace*Finally:
I assume you are going to read it to him first (you should) then frame it, etc. later. This is exactly what you want it to be, except the arrangement. Keep plugging and good luck!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
115
115
Review of Try, Try again  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
It chugs right along. Good use of language, making it upbeat. Good rhythm and pace, giving it a lyrical feel.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Seems fine technically and has an orderly construction.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Line 3 is a bit awkward try something like: Easy to say, but.
Lines 6 & 9 cause bumps in the rhythm. Line 6: cut "to something" and add into.
Line 9: cut "They say" change the "I" to You and put quotes around it. This will not only even out the rhythm, but will make it less passive as well.

*Peace*Finally:
It's cool you made something lyrical to help your singing friend. Nice work; make some more.


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by KC under the midnight sun


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116
116
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Good rhymes and rhythms. The theme is consistent. Good flow and setting.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Line 18: are not "is".
The two ending lines are an afterthought, that don't fit the rest of the poem.
Technically and logically fine otherwise.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Cut the last two lines. The stanza before is fine as an ending and last two don't help the theme.
*Peace*Finally:
This has heart and is good work. Keep plugging.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
117
117
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
A good tale of obsession. The surprise is well set up. The action is good and everything is easy to follow.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Leaves me wanting more. The ending, though set up well, is predictable, providing it is the end...
No technical lapses.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Expansion is the key here. What's next? Does he get dangerous? Is she his only obsession? Add to this good start.
*Peace*Finally:
The chilling part, is how close many of us (guys at least) can get to this point. That is the great part of this piece. Build on this and write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
118
118
Review of Tapestry  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
Good utilization of extended metaphor. Good use of language and good pace. Most of the analogies are clear.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
You lost the thread of the theme here and there. While the language still fit the feel of the rest of the piece, there seems to be some things that would have fit the theme better.
Technically, seems fine.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Either identify the off track parts and cut them, add them to other sections, rework them to fit the theme or move them to the end. I think the last option best as they can make the piece flow metaphor to concrete and act as a good summary.
*Peace*Finally:
It seems very good overall, always keep in mind suggestions are just that. Keep up thee good work.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
119
119
Review of Her Tears  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
The second couplet is very good. The pace in the last two stanzas is nearly perfect.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Almost no pace or rhythm in the first eight lines.
Seems technically fine and well organized otherwise.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Combine the early lines into two 4 line stanzas or add a couple of lines so you end up with four 5 line stanzas over all. The cut or rearrange to build the pace/rhythm.
Line 2: Replace "yells" with cries, the word has these two meanings; might as well exploit it.
*Peace*Finally:
Some good language and feeling this. Needs more pace at the start. Keep plugging.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
120
120
Review of A Hug Gone Wrong  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Checkb*The Good:
I like the familiar scene. The flow is decent and the use of language good. The first three lines are great.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
There's not much rhythm here.
Otherwise it progresses well and is technically okay.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Get the rhythm by splitting and/or merging lines. Rhythm becomes more important with no rhyme.
Line 9: cut "to a girl".
Line 13: cut "from you".
Even it out from there.
*Peace*Finally:
I like how this is limited to a short encounter. Get some rhythm and it could be great. Write on!


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by KC under the midnight sun


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121
121
Review by Lee: Namaste!
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Perfect rendition of the scenes, feelings and settings, in a tough format to create in. You managed to capture the imagery perfectly throughout with amazing pace and rhythm.
I got chills as you reminded me of this disaster and when you noted the WDC user that perished.
I am humbled, awed and grateful to you for creating and sharing this. Exceptional work!
122
122
Review of The Last Cynthia  
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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*Checkb*The Good:
"You don't want to know the harder ones."
Great pace and detail. The twist is unique and logical to the story of this sub-genre, and cleverly shown.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
Needs a spell check.
A few other small things (You used "then" when it should be than). Otherwise clear of technical and logic blips.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
Not much here. Seems solid as is.
*Peace*Finally:
Funny and smart piece of work; make some more.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
123
123
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
The case is made with great power, emotion and conviction. The pace is outstanding with a good pulse and rhythm. Quite lyrical in parts.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
A few niggling grammar points that you'll find when doing a read aloud edit.
Otherwise, solid technically.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
I learned most completely in college speech and debate that you start with your strongest point. The Hitler quote seems to be the place to start. Few better examples of the power of ignorance exist.
You should gather all your suggested repairs in one place. Ideally at the very end.
Try putting all your examples in chronological order. As well as general to specific.
*Peace*Finally:
This has good research in it and is very well thought out. Hats off to you. Keep plugging.


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
124
124
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
*Quill**Reading**Pencil* WDC Power Review *Pencil**Reading**Quill*

*Checkb*The Good:
Definitely comprehensive. There is lots of energy and demonstrates extensive knowledge.
*Checkv*The Not So Good:
A few bad word choices ("past" instead of passed), but otherwise grammatically correct.
Very hard to read. Needs to be broken up into, at least, paragraphs. What energy there is gets bogged down by the fact that it's a strain to read. It's likely an effect of just wanting to get it all down; now organize it.
*Checkg*I Suggest:
It's a rather dry account. Try to interject some humor. Examples of interesting passengers or off the wall comments during the safety lecture. Even just funny stories that the co-workers tell.
The minor in "Italian" should be good for a few anecdotes. Tell your story, not the one every flight attendant can tell. They can all tell what the job is supposed to be like, tell us what it is like, from your point of view.
*Peace*Finally:
Lots of energy and precision, as I said. Start by breaking it up, then make it unique to you. You can do it!


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by KC under the midnight sun


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
125
125
Review by Lee: Namaste!
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I tip my hat in greenest jealousy,
No better verse on WDC.
Exceedingly impressive and something to aspire too. I particularly liked the section on Poe, with the homage to The Raven. Genius!
Only one miniscule suggestion: Line 32: End with ...nor reason, nor rhyme.
Absolutely perfect? Perfect enough I say! Write on!
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