This is just beautiful! It reminds me of another piece that I read here...something about the face in the mirror. It is amazing how the perception that we have of ourselves can be so different from the reality that time has left us with.
I believe that it is just this attitude. The overwhelming feeling of eternal internal youth that allows us to live long, clear and productive lives.
Thank God for those hands of yours, without them you would not be able to share your amazing talents and experiences with this community.
This is a very familiar story to me. Having worked as a nurse on a Hospice Unit in a Long Term Care Facility for about two and a half years. I know all to well the phenomenon which you describe in this piece. "The bloom is always brightest right before it falls from the vine."
I am thrilled to read that you feel privileged to have shared this gentleman's final minutes with him. I am overjoyed that you employed the power of human touch and stimulated his last sense. Science will not allow me to say with certainty that the response you noted was due to your words. However it has been proven through bonified research studies that hearing is the last sense to go.
I personally believe that you were blessed to be this dear gentleman's Earthly Angel...the last voice that he heard and the hand that he released in order that he might enter the kingdom of God.
Congratulations on a piece well written and a sacred job well done.
Lil Winter Rose Has a Member to Member Review for YOU!
Good Day Fellow Rising Star! It has been a pleasure to visit your port.
This is truly a work of beauty. It is like a treasured painting of one of the masters. The words create images so vivid and bursting with a depth of emotion that is astounding.
I can feel the grass soft and warm between my toes. I stand ready and willing to rejoice with you as you endure the kisses and prepare for the dance.
Thank you for sharing this magical moment with us. It was really a joy to read.
Another beauty! It's easy to see why you are a Rising Star!
You have a gift a true and tangible God given talent for turning mere words into instruments of joy, love, peace, inspiration, sadness, gratitude...and that is just in the few pieces that I have read thus far.
I adore the image in the second quatrain. That circle of life thing, it gets me every time!
I just adored this poem. I love the way that you created it to read like a slide show. It is as if each stanza is a new snapshot of a new stage of life.
My favorite stanza is...
Off to school now, treading new ground,
A whole new world, friends made, joy found,
Life's learnt lessons, laughter's tinkling sound,
Merry-go-round, merry-go-round.
As a Mom whose oldest is finishing her last year of High School this year, I find great joy, inspiration and comfort in a piece like this.
Thank you for sharing this literary slide show...next time... could you, would you mind including some tissues?
I think that Paul Simon thought of love and relationships in a similar way.
Again, your choice of words is just exquisite. The imagery is crisp, clear and so so powerful.
I know that many here at WDC are not fans of the poetic language that you have sprinkled so skillfully through this piece. I must say that I am...and in this piece I feel that it works very very well.
As for your question...I think that is one of those answers that is only known by God and the voice of the wind. Unfortunately for us mere mortals, most of the time we are unable to stop long enough or listen carefully enough to hear or understand.
"Word Wizardry," eh? I must say that I completely concur with this description.
Your use of language is nothing short of masterful.
I love the mood that you have created in this piece.
It inspired reflection while giving the reader a feeling that there could be empowerment in being alone.
The second stanza is my favorite...I am a strong supporter of the power of a good cry, as a sort of personal release and reset button.
I have waded in the spring of tears
seeking its fleeting relief,
only to shiver,
exposed to the relentless wind of logic.
In conclusion, I think that this is a magnificent work of poetry that has somehow been passed over or missed when the recognitions were being passed out.
In my heart there lives a poet who was placed there in my youth and she is forever and always searching for words that speak the truth. I said it before and I'll say it again, this has been an amazing day.
I have stumbled upon such beauty that I can find no words to describe. It has been simple and beautiful and it has made me cry. It has touched my poet's heart. I can do nothing but Thank You and wish you continued success with your "pen"
My, you have been truly blessed. You obviously have had the opportunity to love deeply and with a purity of heart and spirit that flows from every word.
You have also been given the eye of a Michael Angelo with the written word. I am thoroughly enjoying reading your work.
This has been a beautiful day. It's been made of sunshine and authors who have truly touched my heart.
Thank you for sharing your talent with this community.
May God continue to heap his blessings upon you and your lady love.
The emotions and sense of longing that is exuded from this poem are strong and undeniable.
I love the way you have set up the rhyming scheme. It goes well with the feeling that with each stanza you are looking deeper at and for the truth.
I have a suggestion...it is really quite drastic...I would suggest that you alter line four and completely change the last line of stanza one to... I felt such loss,
and was blind, I could not see.`
I think it will boost the impact of this compressed journey from pain and regret to acceptance and peace.
Overall, this is a lovely snippet of what happens as life forces us to deepen our faith. If you could go back to this piece at some point...I think it could do with a stanza or two more. I have a sneaking feeling that you had more to say, but were not ready yet...
Wow, what a powerful message. What a totally undeniable truth. I have often wondered if others spent the time and thought and prayer that I have when naming their children.
I adore this piece and would like to be able to share it with the expectant Moms that I come into contact with in my work. What a blessing it would be if they could see the truth and power in your beautiful words.
This is a powerful and contemporary portrait of faith. The metaphor is excellent. In the NASCAR Age, what better place to cradle the voice of Jesus than the dashboard of a big ole truck?
Bravo for taking the time to share this less than popular lesson. Bravo for the ingenuity to put it in their very own words.
Thank you for sharing your faith and love of the lord with us. This play is clear and tangible evidence of your unwavering love and reverence.
The play is well written. It has a few little spots that could use a bit of polish but... I really enjoyed the characterization of the demons. I must admit that I applauded as they recoiled at the site of Jesus.
It is my sincere hope that you will find a group to bring your words and this play to life.
I am really enjoying this chronicle. I have developed an attachment to Mary Ellen and her parents. You have done an excellent job conveying how lost and afraid they all felt as they tried to sort out this devastating complication of what is often referred to as a simple childhood illness.
Sadly, I noticed that you have not posted any further installments as of now. I look forward to reading more. I am hoping that you will give us some more insight into Jacob.
You are doing a commendable job with a very difficult topic.
This is a touching story. I have really enjoyed the daydream slipping into actual dream technique.
I applaud your inclusion of prayer and praise for our creator. It would be obvious to anyone who has ever experienced loss that prayer is the natural response but how many authors include it. Bravo, my dear, bravo!
I look forward to reading more of Mary Ellen's story.
What a beautiful story. I absolutely love the way that you took your time with it. You gave the characters the chance to tell their own stories and that is a good thing.
The doctor is a lovable soul. He is the most endearing mix of a man with a God Complex and a man who is desperately in love.
It was a pleasure to let lost in your warm fuzzy descriptions of days past. And strangely, just as comforting to join the doctor as he examined the cold hard reality of his feelings of anger loss and rejection.
I noticed one little spot that required an edit... "Would you have done any differently had you'd..." should be you
You have a gift that many published authors do not have. I believe that it is the gift of patience and faith. You have used them well, and created a beautiful and believable, three hankie masterpiece.
What a pleasure it is to revisit the port my first Rising Star. You continue to amaze me!
This is an amazing piece of emotion and introspection.
The writing is beautiful...it is comparable to a natural wonder after a midday sun shower. The crisp unsullied innocence of it all.
As usual your choice of words and the way that you turn a phrase make love a tangible thing. I can feel Lisa's fear, but somehow I know that it will remain unbroken.
Thank you for continuing to reach deep and share this gripping story. There are riches far and beyond that which money can buy...how sweet you are to share yours with this community.
I have been very impressed by the many layers of this piece. First there is the desire to do the right thing being put up against the desire to be cool and follow the crowd.
The poison ivy is a wonderful character. I love the negotiation. It seems obvious to me that you took the correct route. It would only have been worse had you given into the vine's demands.
The next section, where Mom makes it all better is just fantastic. The floods of calamine lotion are as clear as the characters typed on the page. If only all of life could be as easy as this.
I guess that is exactly what you were trying to convey...how we all take from our life experience and draw on our Mother's strength even after they are long gone and unable to kiss our boo boos or dose us with Benadryl.
A spot on look at life...Everything is a negotiation and sooner or later we must figure out how to bear the cost all on our own.
This is a well written little story. The descriptions and the imagery are excellent. I love the way you "paint" the little country road that the young girl walks down.
You have stumbled on a great technique, having her memory jogged by contact with an old abandoned item.
I would have loved to hear more about her early life.
The story reads well the way it is. Yet somehow I think that it would be amazing if she had not given into her curiosity at that moment. It would have been so amazing for her to bound into town with her new found voice. I am positive that she would have been just bubbling over with all the things that she wanted to say.
After she got the groceries, she would set off home. Pondering and playing how she would let Aunt Bertha and Uncle Willie know that she had found her voice when she came upon the spot in the field where the Fridge was abandoned. She could have had a struggle with herself for a moment or two. If her curiosity had won out then. I think her flying home with the grocery bags, mute again, and obviously upset would have made the story much more powerful.
That's just my lil idea. You have a good lil story here and there is really no need for you to tear it apart and put it back together again just on my say so.
Though it is only three lines, this piece packs amazing power and insight. It drips of desire and temptation.
You have chosen your words well. The images are crystal clear. I have no problem seeing the little scene and being overcome with the desire that it evokes.
I have not read a more powerful, or more honest love poem in years. How many of us have sought out on the path to find the yin to our yang? How many times have you caught yourself saying "my love and I are like a puzzle, he/she completes me?"
The truth is that true lovers are whole each unto themselves. If not, as your poem so nicely describes, they merely battle for control and only succeed in further diminishing one another.
The construction and flow of this piece are wonderful. You have managed to keep it simple pointed and sincere. You have shared a painful truth that most of us are afraid to admit.
Love is not what makes us whole, knowledge and truth are.
Thank you for sharing this super little poem with the community. I hope that you have personally benefited from the epiphany of it and that you now bask in the light of a true and lasting love.
This is a solid idea for a story. The battle of wills between a child and their dog. Who will win?
Unfortunately, for me, this execution totally misses the mark.
I feel as though someone was standing over you and forcing you to hurry up and be finished with this piece. You have not taken the time that each of these characters and the building storm around them deserve.
I thought that you were getting the story onto the track when you mentioned that the wind picked up causing Shimmy to slip. But then I was immediately met with the writing.com disclaimers.
My suggestion is to sit down with this idea again. Maybe Shimmy and Roscoe will speak to you more fully now.
What a lovely world you have transported me to. I absolutely adore the web-page. The design is breathtaking. I really like the linen background for the writing.
Each of the descriptions has a character and a flavor all its own. I like the way the writing correlates with the pictures.
I must admit that my favorite is the last one...
Friouswip...fearless and kind what an awesome combination.
Thanks for sharing this with us. You are so talented!
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