Hello fellow Rising Star, it is with great pleasure that I have visited your port in search something to read. This is turning into quite an exciting adventure that our dear Gabriella has set us upon.
Oh my! This is certainly tongue in cheek...I hope!
It is quite humorous in a macabre sort of way...I imagine it would be a great deal funnier if I didn't see some of the Mom's that I met at the last PTA meeting so clearly in it.
On the technical side it is well written with no grammatical or spelling errors that I noticed.
It reads like a skit from one of Carol Bernette's shows. Well Done!!
Maybe you should change your handle to ShiKippling...If, is one of my favorite works and this piece is for all children from a mother's rather than a father's point of view.
Your talent is pure and true...born of love and dedication to walking with God.
I am so glad that this is the final piece that I will read as part of this mini port raid. It is an awesome work...it is full of wonderful wisdom and pure abiding love...you encourage your little ones to walk in faith with God.
This piece and your port in general are an inspiration! You have shared your trials and triumphs a poise and grace that is very seldom seen.
Thank you, my dear ShiShad, it has been a privilege to wonder through your port. I am greatly blessed for having "met" your family and honored to write in the same community with you!
You speak the truth! I too am not a real believer in the superstition. This phenomenon is not superstition...but some form of natural truth...an extension of the holy trinity perhaps.
I never cease to be amazed by the strength and talent that is exhibited on this sight.
Please do not beat yourself up about your dear Uncles funeral...God was not punishing you...he was merely calling his next three children home. We do what we are capable of when we are capable of doing it...At the time you and your husband were not able to carry the grief you were already experiencing to yet another funeral and maybe... somehow you knew that you needed to build your reserves for the third funeral that was yet to come and even dearer to your hearts.
Thank you again for sharing the heart and soul of your life with this community.
The doldrums eh? I call it The Blue Funk anyway...this piece is very well conceived and executed. It comes off just ever so slightly humorous. The magnet that sucks you into the mattress and saps all your strength is a spot on image.
For me it is always as though someone has pulled my plug or maybe they've just stolen my key.
I too give in to the feeling...but time and experience has taught me that you must put a concrete time limit on the event. If you are unable pick yourself up and get moving after that magic time limit you may need to seek professional help.
Bravo! This is a wonderful thing. Thank you for sharing this extremely personal letter with our community.
I must sing your praises to the mountain tops! You have achieved the perfect blend of loving mother and keeper of the cold hard truth. It is unfortunate but most of the time in this situation people tend to chose one or the other...completely missing the fact that what the child really needs is a blend of the two.
I'm happy to hear that he used this experience to better himself...it is amazing what four and one half months essentially all alone with God will do for a soul that is actually desirous of following the right path.
May God continue to bless all of you with the strength to make the hard decisions and the grace to continue to love and support each other through whatever may come.
We never know where true wisdom shall come from...I am a true believer in Angels and prophetic dreams that come in sleep and while waking.
This is a wonderful short story. It is well constructed and reads at a nice pace. I especially enjoyed the parts where you are trying to describe the things that your son was trying to tell you about.
I truly enjoyed reading about the bountiful blessings that have been bestowed upon your family...I hope that others who may be in the midst of some unthinkable tragedy may gain strength from your story.
This is a another beautiful piece...packed with raw emotions.
I love the way that you so matter of factly describe the storm that completely and totally redefined your reality. (it is a perfect example of a technique that one of my favorite teachers shared with me...."don't tell me show me") It supports the shock and disbelief that you must have been experiencing so well.
The image at the end of the piece is awesome...the flowing carefree nature of the couples dress...the tortured calm of both the sky and sea...This is the crowning touch to a real gem of a poem.
Thank you for sharing your trials and triumphs with us.
I've had the privilege to be present for more than one open heart procedure. I'm always amazed at the power grace and skill that the almighty can transfer to one humble human hand.
This poem brought forth the same emotions and feelings of awe. How skillfully you have laid your own heart open for all of us to see. Your skill and grace have sent waves of pain through my own heart and soul.
To lose a child, is the cruelest thing...it violated natural law...but to have no answers no place to seek justice...no person or entity to endeavor to forgive...that is akin to a wound that will never heal.
Thank you for sharing this with us...the community is richer because of this submissions.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your son...I'm sorry that they were unable to provide you with closure...I am confident that your Angel is whole in heaven...
I enjoyed reading this story. It took me into the middle of a lovely life. The images and characterizations are quite realistic and totally believable.
I was moved by Natale's spirit...touched by his strong giving nature.
I wish that I could say that I was surprised by the insensitivity of the Nurse described in the piece. Sadly, I cannot. So many of my well meaning colleagues are much too quick to make judgements on patients. "An 80 year old, with severe breathing problems...they have lived their life."
It is sad, that Annie and her mother did not draw from Natale's spirit. They could have made this first Christmas without him as it always was. This would have been the best way to celebrate the totally unselfish, life that they were mourning the loss of.
A touching story of love and loss.
I am reviewing this piece because it was submitted by a Heavenly Rose as her pick of the week. You have most certainly shared love through the telling of this story.
Thank you for sharing this glimpse into a truly blessed life.
This poem ranks high among the best love poems that I have ever read. The language, the structure, the meter have all been carefully selected to lead the reader through the days, months and years of abiding love. The writer has captured the essence of lasting loving relationships...the thing that makes the twinkle in the eyes of the 85 year old couple with 60+years of marriage under their belt.
A must read for everyone who has become disillusioned and convinced that the one man one woman together forever kind of love is only found in the movies.
I am reviewing this piece because it was submitted by a Heavenly Rose as her pick of the week. You most certainly spread love and share valuable wisdom with this piece of poetry.
I think that I have read this piece at least five separate times. Each time I am so overcome with emotion that I can not begin to share my feelings.
In late June I was moved to start my own group here on WDC...the inspiration came from a wonderful piece by LA Powell. I find myself taken back to that moment.
This piece exemplifies the mission of my little group.
You have most definitely supported faith, shared love and imparted wisdom with this awesome piece of writing.
The piece is well written and shows the "footprints" of a true craftsman and wordsmith. You have managed to take some really gut wrenching moments and relate them with a grace and class that is astounding.
The piece has been well proofed and edited I see no errors in this area.
I adore the pictures and the links to the other works.
This is a masterful work. I am honored and pleased to have had the privilege to read it.
Don't stop now! You've got me hooked. In these few short paragraphs you have managed to endear me to these little girls.
Police Uncle is just wonderful...I can see you all jockeying for position at the table and fighting your way down the drive to be the first to get the goodies.
I am not the best of editors...so I won't even attempt to give you any specific advice for improvement. I can tell you that the writing could use some punching up. It seems choppy. I think that it could do with a visit to one of the many wordsmiths that we share this wonderful community with.
Overall a nicely told story of some very enchanting and lovably real little girls.
The structure and word play are enchanting. I love the way you teas the reader along from Quite to Quiet.
The mood, conveys and interesting twist. Gray, the absence of color brings to mind heaviness, and ill feelings. The piece, is on the other hand light and amazingly chipper.
Overall and interesting and quite lovely little poem. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I just loved meeting your feline family members. They are all very beautiful...and obviously devoted WDC officianados. Wish I had a reason to send a card but alas, I do not so...I guess I'll just have to come back another time.
This is a skillful commentary on what has happened to our society. I like the metaphor of turning it all into food. It fits so well into the politicians latest pet project...childhood obesity and American obesity in general.
My only suggestion is to take this piece to the next logical level. How about administering a gallon of ipecac to all the politicians...maybe then they could be purged of all the deficant and move on to what is really important. Morals, ethics, justice, security and education.
It is amazing how many lives could be saved if people just opened their eyes and really listened.
Your poem is well written and packs the power of all the pain and sorrow that you feel for your friend.
This piece should probably go in your local school newspapers in the hopes that it would serve as a wake up call to those who are missing the signs in others.
I'm very sorry for your loss...I hope that writing this piece has been cathartic for you...and I hope you will consider sharing it with others who may not have your talent and insight...so that they may avoid walking that dark road that you have already been on.
As a Mom of six boys who's spent the spring and summer in the sun cheering every catch and applauding every run. I feel the emotion and the wonder in this piece. I am astounded at how well your little secret you did keep.
The poem is lovely. The lines and dialogue so seamlessly intertwined. The rhythm and meter so accurately picked. It all goes like clockwork, right up to that final pitch.
Amazingly, your line breaks have the ball hang in the air till the Ump makes the final call.
I absolutely loved this and would like to thank you for all the parents who just don't quite know how to express the feeling of which you so eloquently speak.
This is a powerful piece. It is obviously born of tumultuous emotions that caught the writer by surprise and carried her to a place where she had never been. It seem that now, she also wonders whether she ever should have gone there.
Oh the marks of young love. The wisdom that time and age brings comes not without heartache and regret.
The poem is powerful it definitely conveys the feelings you had and have. It is still somehow not complete.
My suggestion...take what you have and take complete control over it. The piece is about a point in your life when you had no control over what happened so...
Make the poem very deliberate, very structured plan it to the last comma. Understand, I am not saying scrap what you've got I'm saying take it and mold it and make it be exactly the way you want.
Trust me, it will be very cathartic!!
Overall, a powerful piece that needs tighter reigns.
This is a wonderful, unassuming little piece of poetry. It could very easily go unnoticed.
That would be a real shame though. In its simplicity it packs a world of wisdom and passion.
The rhyming scheme supports the nature of love...you know the back and forth in and out way that it goes.
The language is simple and pure as love should be.
Wow! I only wish I could say that I don't identify with this piece. That horrible feeling that you get when you realize that you have been preening and preparing your heart for someone who is totally disinterested. You've captured the feelings of anger, stupidity and grief very well.
I like the structure and flow of the piece. The rhyming scheme lends itself well to supporting the overall mood of the piece. The imagery is sound and the language just right.
I have one suggestion to correct the spot in the piece that caused me to fall flat...in the last stanza line two... you might want to try restructuring it as follows..."No-one even cares" I think that this will maintain the feeling you had in mind without tripping up the reader.
Overall an excellent piece born out of a terrible albeit universal life experience.
** Image ID #1301515 Unavailable **
In God I Still Trust
By:Cool and Happy Cougar
Bravo!!
You have spoken the truth. You have gotten right to the core of what is eating away at our society, our children and yes even our government.
How refreshing to see someone who is actually able to read and understand the constitution in 2007. I personally am sick to death of people trying to tell me how and where I may pursuit my happiness.
We believers all need to join hands and raise our voices loud and clear. "It does take a village to raise a child...but the village must be filled with families and they must all have morals and values...they must all agree that there is most definitely right and wrong. The village needs to be unwilling to turn over the raising of its children to the Godless, secular progressive government!"
Sorry for the rant! You have touched a nerve and made me smile. Thank you for letting me know you're out there and don't ever hesitate to call on me if you need back up!
This is an outstanding piece. I love the way you have structured it. I feel as though the piece itself is stumbling through the denial. Absolutely ingenious!
The language is spot on. I like the curt nature of it. There are no words wasted here. Straight from the hip to the point.
I think the voice is loud and clear...but then I am not floating on the "River D'Nile." I hope that the people who need to can appreciate it as much as I do.
I have no suggestions save maybe that you should submit this to your local chapter of AA. I think that they would really appreciate your talent.
An excellent piece of poetry that makes an excellent point. A must read for all of us who find ourselves adrift on the River "D'Nile."
This is a unique work...I am not quite sure what exactly to make of it. The structure and form of the poem are wonderful. I think that it packs quite a punch. I believe that it communicates a feeling that many people could identify with.
I find myself wondering, why you chose such lofty language? Is it part of your design? Is this lady beyond your intellect, haughty and supercilious?
I have little or no problem with your word choices. I suggest that if you want your piece to have a more universal appeal you try...keeping it simple while speaking from your heart.
Overall a well written and well constructed poem.
Write on!!
Rose
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