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625 Public Reviews Given
697 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Death's Mistress  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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very nice flow and feeling more poetic than many other poems i read. the story seems to almot drift from start to finish, through a tale of loss and pain. i liked the form and the uneven flow. the deep and dark sentiment also works very well. you've got a bit of a dark heart, stella, but your work shines from the effort. nice job :)

*NoteW* Suggestions/Corrections: good again. thanks for posting
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Review of Prison Chains  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (4.5)
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hey stella :) the poem is pretty gritty. beautfully written, but the sentiment...i guess there's just too many dimensions to love. the poem is very good though. i liked the concept of trial, even in the knowledge of failure. hope, even in defeat. it's a tragic thing when love is not returned and i think you've done a good job expressing that here. nice pen, stella. welcome to the site.
- mAIKo

*NoteW* Suggestions/Corrections: no mistakes found. beautifully written and certainly sincere, the poem is a great first impression.

nice, stella :)
178
178
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (5.0)
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rob, that was the best story i've read in a while since i been on the site. the title was catchy from the start. reading this story was really fun. felt like i was ten years old or something. the adventure was thrilling and engaging, and most of all, i liked Daedick's awift thought and cleverness. this is a really good story, Daedick. i'd have read it to my kids, if i had any. awesome work man. your a great writer

*NoteW* Suggestions/Corrections: little things and easily fixed. other than that, the story was well-wriitten

Princess Whitney Midashand from the kingdom of Sabra
typo...i think you meant 'Sabra' to be 'Sabara"

Though years passed after the end of the war, and no one came to rescue Princess Whitney.
i think you can drop the 'and' from after the comma. the sentence will read better

nice work, rob. glad to have you here :)
179
179
Review of Mametz Wood  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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wow...while the opening sentence was a bit off-etting, i thought the rest of the story had really good vision. the whole thing played out in my mind smoothly and was pretty entertaining. nice work, vickery. i felt like i just 'watched' this story instead od read it.

*NoteW* Suggestions/Corrections: just a couple easy fixes...

The sky was flashing with the fireworks of war.
hmmm...the last line of the opening paragraph was really good, but this opening one, with the words 'fireworks of war', seem to make war feel silly or not as serious as you might want the reader to believe. maybe change 'fireworks' to 'fires'

themselves to the ground, where their bodies
no comma needed here


”Remember…Positive Mental Attitude.”*Bigsmile*
180
180
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (4.0)
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what's up, carol. funny thing, i had just woke up from a dream and now i read aout one :) i read the story once and then read it again as if it were one of those supernatural shows decribing a dream sequence. it works pretty well. the dream is abstract...a puzzle. enough is mentioned to build curiosity while not giving any conclusion. my main curiosity was what was the wren defending against. nice story, though.

later Carol :)

”Remember…Positive Mental Attitude.”*Bigsmile*
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Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (4.0)
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the poem does have a very tranquil feel to it. soft-spoken and well-written, this piece could sing a woman to sleep, lol. very smooth, beeline. i'm envious...there's some good depth to your writing. keep it coming *Smile*
182
182
Review of Cold Eyes  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*NoteB* Impressions: very nice story. was chilling and suspenseful and had me guessing. my mind being bent on towards sci-fi and the like, i thouhght he was possessed or something. you created a good, terrifying atmosphere in this.

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections:no mistakes...good job

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: nice story, steph. really gave a bit of a shutter at some parts :)
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183
Review of Her Beauty  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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*NoteB* Impressions: hmmm...this was a bit challenging because i was not exactly sure what 'her beauty was. you kind of hint at it in the end. i',m thinking maybe she was a donor. but some of the other lines don't seem to describe this exactly. so i'm kind of left wondering, in this beautifully constructed poem- very sentimental and seemingly full of compassion and wonder- what was 'the beauty' she has given.

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: the subject. i know the metaphor, but not what it relates to. i'll definitely re-rate if you can explain, but for the moment, i am wondering and very curious. this must be karma coming back...

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: i thought this was constructed very well. its different, but it has a very nice feel and cadence. gentle as silk when you read it. let me know what was on your mind, p-ink
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Review of She's So Cute  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*NoteB* Impressions: pretty good poem. ormless and flowing, i liked the motherly, loving sentiment going throughout and it was artsy, no less. feels like you put a lot of enthusiasm into this. nice poem, dutch. this is a great tribute to your daughter. the reptition also works well here. when you say 'she's so cute' so much, you almost have to smile for the person described.

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: none...liked everything, especially the style of presentation. pretty cool without feeling overdone. it's nice to see creativity

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: thanks for posting dutch. you msut be a pretty warm-hearted person.

take care and feel free to post anytime *Smile*
185
185
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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*NoteB* Impressions: lol...i think you had a very good thought here, but the story kind of spreads it a bit thick. the sun-powered nirvana is actually pretty interesting to the imagination, while at the same time being a bit too unbelievable. the last line was killer though *Wink*

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: no mistakes...good job :)

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: kinda wondering what put you in this state of mind, but it's all good. i'll keep reading though...

later, carol *Smile*
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186
Review of When You Cried  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*NoteB* Impressions: nice...short and sad, but nice. has the same longing sentiment of painful memories as your other work and always make me wonder what happened to create this poem.

nice D *Smile*

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: maybe you could use center-font to make it a bit more presentable, like you would for a haiku. other than that, no mistakes seen.

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: even though they are a bit sad, theres an emotional gravity to your work. it's easy to get sucked in and wonder on all the how's and when's that go with your work. like an emotional diary of sorts. at least for me. either way, nice poem, D

keep 'em coming *Smile*
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Review of Pineapples  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*NoteB* Impressions: hmmm...i'm trying to think of a way you could have made the poem artsy without having used the yellow color. while i can see what you were aiming for, it's a bit hard on the eyes. but i liked the poem. very intimate, very sad, and you create a great atmosphere with your wording. it's not hard at all to share in the deep emotion moving through this work

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: though the emotion works well, i had some questions here and there...

just curious, but what exactly is happening here. i can picture the two sitting down somewhere, the woman eating pinapples from the guy, but why? in the thrid verse, you mention that she will lose him. is he going to die? is he leaving her? she also mentions it's her fault, but it doesn't say what she did.

i really liked the ending because it comes off very tragic. two people once in love who will never be the same again. very nice

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: very nice poem. except for my own curiosities about what was going on behind the writing, the content carries the reader through the characters emotional state.

well done, D *Bigsmile*
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Review of fly away  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*NoteB* Impressions: you know, helen, i think the sentiment in this poem is definitely gold. it seems to be pouring with the kind of emotional material that would make any poem as meaningful as the situtation you are trying to convey to the reader. i think the major problem here is overwording and lack of punctuation to control the flow, and that it doesn't seem to have a poetic structure. it reads like poetic prose.

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: in poetry, i've found that sometimes it's better to take words away then add them. try snipping away at some of the words that make the poem excessive, and use punctuation to control the cadence of the poem. below, i made suggestions that are PURELY suggestions and in now way meant to insult.

Fly away, fly away,
to a place that cannot see a trace of love.

Broken heart, broken heart, fly away...

You grow your wings from the tears that I shed,
so fly away.

If >I< could I would fly,
fly away into the sky.

Away >from< him, away from you,
my broken heart...

broken in two.

Even now
>I< feel his touch,
warm and sweet
as white clouds caress my feet. << subbed some words here to make it flow better...forgive me that *Pthb*

So fly away, my broken heart
fly so high love cannot reach you

and on your wings
carry me away.

with the above, i just gave it a form to emphasize the way the poem is read. by dividing the words, you can better express how you want your poem to sound, and by using punctuation, you can control the pacing even further. however, you definitely might have been looking for the poetic-prose type of writing. again, the examples i give are merely ways to represent my suggestions...

Fly away, fly away, to a place that cannot see a trace of love.

Broken heart, broken heart, fly away. You grow your wings from the tears that I shed,

so fly away. If I could I would fly, fly away into the sky. Away form him, away from

you, my broken heart. Broken in two.

Even now I feel his touch, warm and sweet, as the clouds caress my feet. the wording in this line seemed a bit off

So fly away my broken heart, fly so high love cannot reach you, and on your wings carry me away.

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: forgive all the revisions, but i wasn't sure exactly what you were going for and tried to represent both ways. i thought the poems content waas very good. besides some punctuation mistakes an not capping your "I", it was a decent poem.

nice job, helen. looking forward to reading more from ya *Smile*
189
189
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*NoteB* Impressions: hey, helen. welcome to WDC. i'm new here also...sort of, lol

from what i read, it seems like your just starting poetry. your poem reads very nonchalantly, almost seeming to try to mimick the form of poetry. in effect, it's a good poem, though. sounds palyful when i read it to myself.

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: seems to start and stop with little to engage the reader in between but then again, the poems perhaps unintentional humor carries it forward...


*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: in the end, pretty nice poem. short, quirky, and to the point. sometimes, it can be an art forgotten by many

nice job, helen. hope to read some more of your work later *Bigsmile*
190
190
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (5.0)
is the whole haiku saying "mermaid melody, beautiful wish"

it's pretty nice if it is. puts a picture to mind and the poems simplicity seems to add to it all. nice work, becca. i think your a much better poet than me. how do come up with these really affectionate poems all the time? keep up the great work. you shine in everything you do. LOVE YA, WONDERWOMAN *Bigsmile*
191
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Review of Miles Away  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*NoteB* Impressions: cool poem, sweetheart. you've made a very good and well-written poem that gets right down to whats going on in your heart. your writing is one of the clearer windows into your soul, and i'm glad i see myself there. very nice, shonend

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: none...well written

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: i hope you continue to grow better and better with your writing. you've got a great talent
192
192
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*NoteB* Impressions: wow...that was a really sweet haiku, cherry. especially liked the last two lines. your trying to make me red-eyed over here. great poem and thanks the world again for you, you the amazing center of my life

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: none...abolutely amazing

*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: your a far better poet than me
193
193
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*NoteB* Impressions: welcome to WDC cherry *Bigsmile* very nice poem. while their are a few grammar mistakes, the heart and emotions in your poem come through effortlessly, enabling the reader to easily emphathize with character. well-done and great start

*NoteB* Suggestions/Corrections: very good. nearly perfect save for two errors :)

You gave the world t o me,
the 't o' should be 'to'

Your love light up my...
World and take all my cares.
i think the wording of these lines is a bit shaky. 'light' should be 'lights'. the first line is easily fixed by placing the word 'World' from the second line to the end of the first. the second line will need to be reworded to fit the poems cadence. it miay look something like this...

Your love lights up my World...
and take all my cares away. << away is only a suggestion here...


*NoteB* Parting Thoughts: other than those minor mistakes, a very good and heartfelt poem. the person you met must be a very lucky guy. and handsome *Wink* good job, cherry. hope to read more from you in the future.
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