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625 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Me...  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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well...first, welcome to WDC. i see you've taken the liberty of introducing yourself. i don't think i've seen anything like it. you seemed very open and very honest about yourself and at the same time, still a complete mystery. i thought it was well-written and well-formed. exceptional. looking forward to seeing what you got.

later liza :)

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127
127
Review of Ticket for Two  
Review by mugen shiyo
Rated: E | (4.0)
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pretty nice poem, hannah. the poem started out pretty cool as well. almost sounded musical or lyrical in a way. nice imagination also...kind of a trippy relationship

nice poem, hannah

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128
128
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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nice, lol. didn't expect that one. the flow is pretty good and the leprechaun part was pretty funny. i can't think of anything else to say but great poem. kinda brings in the holiday spirit :)

have a good one, magoo :)

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129
129
Review of Blue Fire  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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hey anu :) good beginning. this read like a very strong, very sincere opening into the mindset of this troubled character. lot's of good expressions and the free flow is smooth throughout. dark, but honest, if this was about you, this is a great example of ink that reflects its author. nice work, anu :)

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130
130
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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lol...this was pretty cool. short, and comical, everyone of them. i liked the middle one the best. defintely something new and interesting like a series of shorts. nice, tom. nice sense of humor :)

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131
131
Review of The Sinking Sun  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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hey sarah :) the story seems to be a bit fast-paced. besides the girl turning into the wolf, nothing else is really revealed besides that she moves from somwhere to somewhere in the mountains for some reason, and comes across something with red eyes and they bite each other, and then it seems to stop abruptly. i'm not sure if this incomplete. if it is, i'll come back and change it real quick.

the concept wasn't that bad though. an unknown somebody i drawn to mysterious circumstances. the mystery makes me a bit curious, though vampires and wolves are really being beaten in, but you might yet offer a better perspective we haven't seen before.

keep at it sarah :)

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132
132
Review of A Weaker Vessel  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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hmmm...short but it has good meaning. the metaphor of the vase without flowers as an empty person was good as well. makes you feel really sorry for the character.

nice poem, chelsea. :)

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133
133
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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nice poem, CR. i liked the rhythm and the repitition was good. i thought the last line of the last full verse was a syllable too long, but otherwise a good poem. title was also catchy *Smile*

good job, CR

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134
134
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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hah...a big bad wolf writing something as soft as this. who'da thought. either way, its a good tribute to a good friend. when she reads it, she will see it for exactly that and appreciate you for it. i thought the rhythm kind of changed in some verses, but the intent comes through well.

good poem, and take it easy *Smile*

*Note2* Suggestions:

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135
135
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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WOW...the ending line was AWESOME. i found this to be a powerful view into a person going through their own personal torment. it's very dak and brings out the hell this person is going through with good effect. what i liked most was all the wording that really re-enforced this environment of despair...engulfing, pain, hollowness, soul, deafening, shouting, essence, wailing, ugly...they really paint the picture

nice work, laura. you've got a dark heart

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136
136
Review of Soular Eclipse  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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nice poem, laura. the visual was pretty good and the words definitely convey the emotions and pain of the person in the poem. reading this once, the title sounds even better. nice job.

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137
137
Review of Missing You  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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pretty nice poem. the poem makes the emotion and the image presented come across clearly. i thought the last verse was the best, summing up what seems to be the pain of a woman living in a love thats passed beyond reaching. at least physical touch. nice poem, karen :)

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138
138
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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wow...beautifully written. very poetic, though i admit i'm not really great at deciphering all the meaning of it. like i'm not sure what the graves, and slave, and beginnings of all part was referring to, and i'm not sure what the poem is talking about exactly- whether violets or a man. it has a really nice flow to it, though. very poetic feeling. it'd be cool if u could explain the other parts. overall, nice poem, saphy :)

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139
139
Review of Cliffs Edge  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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pretty nice poem. very sad and sentimental. i had the image of a woman standing on a cliff in the midst of twilight, and it also reminded me of a place in Japan called "Suicide Cliff". nice article. very emotional

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140
140
Review of Meddlesome Minds  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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hey karen. pretty cool story about a bunch of frienemies. a real nasty lot, except for Fanny. you did well with the convo, the interaction, Fanny's hy, naive nature, and the internal workings of the other two woman as the story unfolded. thought this was a pretty interesting story and actually a bit informative in it's own way. i think you have an eye for socialilty (yeah, i know thats not a word, lol) between people. nice work, karen. :)

*Note2* Suggestions: i don't want to appear like a comma nazi, but it seemed the only thing i found wrong was comma's. other than that, a good write. perfect construction...

We sat around the old coffee table mugs in our hands
comma after 'table'

Fanny giggling with mirth brushed the errant lock of
comma after 'Fanny' and 'mirth'

Derrick her boyfriend for all of two months figured
comma after 'Derrick' and 'boyfriend'

Derrick said this and so on.
comma after 'this'

mean I know she’s truly smitten but please spare me
comma after 'smitten'

fact that Fanny as revolting as she looks to me has received very
comma after 'Fanny' and 'me'

Rachel probably the most attractive one among the three of us was in
comma after 'Rachel' and 'us'


and married to Vicky her husband for all of 3 years
comma after 'Vicky' and 'husband'

last time she used public transport.
'transport' should be 'transportation'

failed relationships in the past not to mention left a trail
comma after 'past'

Rachel suddenly realizing where I was going
comma after 'Rachel'

Thanks, I can always count on you’ll.”
'>you'll< should be >you<

console or offer any more words of wisdom which
comma after 'wisdom'

Come to think of it she hardly speaks of him at all except
comma after 'it'
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141
141
Review of The Toll  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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hmmm...the sentiment is clear, but the way you present it is a bit shaky. the first two verses flow pretty well, but the thrid one has an abrupt and different rhythm to it from the rest of the poem, as well as the last line. but the words do get the meaning across. your faults are the reasons for your suffering, and you are asking for forgiveness. don't know the severity of the fault, but it seems karma has come around here.

keep at it rayvyn :)

*Note2* Suggestions: given with the best intentions

Feelings are still hurt
the wording is a bit strange here. try something else like...'And feelings still hurt'

I lost my heart and
You lost your head
i think the line break can come a little sooner in the first line here...

I lost my heart
And you lost your head

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142
142
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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hey rayvyn...this is a pretty good poem. you tell it straight and without any hanging fat around it. very good and very self-reflective, it makes me wonder about my own position on things. this poem and the right person can produce so life-changing results. nice write, rayvyn. it seems plain, but i think it has a very pointed view from a natural thinker

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143
143
Review of Bay of miracles  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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hmmm...i can see what you were trying to do, describing a scene of some significance or importance, but the poem- with all respect- seems to have no purpose. the title is very catchy, but there's no follow through. i'm wondering what were the miracles in the water. it seems the poem opens and ends without expressing the subject. i can definitely see where you were going and i like the scene the situation describes. i just think it could be presented better. keep at it, RIP :)

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144
144
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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kinda cool, RIP. you defineitely were able to both make a scene and decribe it with just dialogue in just the first two lines and i like the ending alot. kinda tensing and a bit unexpected. kinda wish i knew more about the story, but with 500 word, you can't be choosey. very cool. welcome to the site :) be looking for more from ya

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145
145
Review of Bound By Love  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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wow...really liked the form. by itself, the poem has a powerful sentiment of love, lost, regret, and memories, but the picture puts the finishing touches on it. the form was also really cool. i liked the repition and how the ending words conceptualize the three different stages of life in the charcter described in the verses above. pretty cool, shi. nice to read from you again :)

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146
146
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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lol...hey shishad. your absolutely right. anyone suffering from half-of these must be living on will-power alone. very nice, and what i thought with-no-disrespect to be humorous in it's own way. definitely a list ot things to avoid when i get old. thanks for writing it. was fun to read :)

*Note2* Suggestions: scorpio's endure unlike any other. tough is an understatement for them

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147
147
Review of Whisper  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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pretty nice poem. very earnest and the words definitely hold alot of remorse and regret inside them. very short, but it it leaves an inpression. sorry for your loss. nice write, chelsea :)

*Note2* Suggestions:

I promise you will not forgotten be.
i think it will sound better with 'be' and 'forgotten' switched around

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148
148
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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wow, helen. i could almost call you sadistic. you make the reader get all emotionally attached to the characters, epathetic in their happiness for the birth of a new born child. the words are really loving and flowery and then it comes to cut at the end with that brutal decision. really got me when i read it. no, i couldn't say what i would do, now or then. very nice piece, dj. awesome work. :)

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149
149
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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very nice. you sum up a wealth of knowledge, virtue, and give a very uplifting write in these few but well-articulated words. also, it reminds me of my girlfriend, who is all these things and a little more. seriously....very nice write. short, simple, to-the-point, and word-for-word, very effective. nice job saheli :)

*Note2* Suggestions: not sure if you noticed, but there's a HUGE amount of space at the bottom of this article. otherwise, pretty awesome

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150
150
Review of Heatstroke  
Review by mugen shiyo
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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hey steph. pretty decent story. the most i liked about it was how it goes from the boring monotany of one situation to the apacolyptic environment of the next. also had good, flowing narration from beginning to end. nice write, steph. keep the good stuff coming :)

*Note2* Suggestions: proof-reading can be tedious after getting your ideas out, but it's necessary. give your work a looking-over before submitting. belive me, i used to be terrible at this *Bigsmile*

a barely there breeze and a chatterbox
'barely there' should be 'barely-there'

Colours twirled in dizzying spiral.
i think you meant either 'in >a< dizzying spiral' or 'in dizzying >spirals<'

remains of a long gone city; I was coming down with heatstroke.
i think a comma would be more appropriate than the semi-colon is

frantically to the lower entrance to the city
the second 'to' after 'entrance' should be 'of'

I passed out, suffocated or was blanketed by
this will read better with the word 'was' removed from here

The fiery lava was close, I could
i think you forgot the word 'so' after 'was'



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