hey, this was a good story on a couple of levels for me. one, because this story has a really close resemblance to someone i know in real life, and two, the story itself. you did a good job illustrating the emotions and the connection between the living and the lost that seems deeper than love here. it's a very profound feeling that seems to not really have a specific word but must be experienced, but you make it very convincing here and makes you glad that she found her way to happiness at the end. the moral is great also. thanksgiving should be everyday and a happy one
kenzie, it's an honor. this story was awesome. it is not a railing against the "pigs" of society and it doesn't degrade or demean anyone for not seeing the message that you have displayed here very well, but it asks with compassion and an appeal to our sense of chairty to look out for those less fortunate.
flowing writing, and a great message.good job and good luck in your future
whats up, yellow. great poem. the love and regret expressed make it easy to emphasize with this womans sadness mixed with the hope and optimism that should he ever wish it, she is waiting and always ready to return. tragic, sad, and a poem of deep and enduring love. keep up the great work
pretty cool poem, tim. it paints a picture of a very good relationship between two people that have found themselves in the state of love at it's best form. nice wording and flow. the title is catching and caps your poem pretty well. definitely liked the message. great job
wow, yellow. wow. that's an awesome poem. REALLY liked the reptition in the first and last lines of each verse and the combination of reptition and your soft-spoken words of choice made this poem feel DEEPLY intimate, affectionate, and full of raw emotion. "evermore" carries it's own force here. i thought the last line was killer. really, really impressed yellow. by all means, write on
well, well, look who decided to pony up some poetry. i'm glad you did, though. courage, love, determination, and faith. the strong scene you portrayed here described all of these things really well in that order. this poem helps me identify with the best and worse of human nature. very good poem, yellow. you have me thinking on another level now
thats an awesome and (a little ashamed to say it) envious lifestyle and mindset that you seem to have. you seem to be like a sun-hild or something, always bright and looking to exapnd into the sky. very impressed by all your achievements and your constant ability to move, and move, and move. writing can take you places, but places, i think, bring meaning and depth to your writing. experiencing things in a way that gives your writing passion and meaning.
i really admired this article and you as a person. best of luck
nice. the character is described with good depth and the emotions and psychological situation of his person come throughtclearly enough for you to feel sorry for them. also kind of moralistic in that it teaches you to look beneath the surface and teaches about compassion instead of rejection to those things and people we don't understand.
hmmm...not bad. your definitely put your point of view out there. it's not rhyming, but it has the deeper sense of meaning that it flows well from start to finish. i guess some people do live in this way, denying or avoiding the truth. in that way, yeah, it is a dangerous disease. hopefully not contagious.
not a bad story, amber. the character get's a pretty lucky break from a truly generous person after she has come about some very unfortunate circumstances. has a good sense of emotion to it. not overly detailed or worded, it's a nice, warm story of trial, compassion, and the pursuit of happiness.
nice work, amber
Suggestions:
had stirred up, had coated my throat you can remove the comma and the word 'had' from here. i think it sounds better without it
making it hard to breath. 'breath' should be 'breathe'
cared about being dirty but as my clothes comma after 'dirty'
I had done I rotten job fulfilling the second 'I' should be an 'a'
I tried to answer to tell her I was fine was I was to tired to talk. i think you should write this sentence like this...
I tried to answer, to tell her I was fine, but I was too tired to talk.
except for my horse, Mist who I had comma after 'Mist'
you know, this was pretty cool. the wording is somewhat simple and plain-seeming, yet they pain a very good picture and desribe a scene of surprising depth. i think like how you begin and end this poem coming around to the same question and expressing your thoughts through story. pretty cool. the flow switched here and there, but aside from that, it's an effective poem. nice job :)
awwww...i was hoping to find something i can trash and get some payback. turns out your a pretty good poet. this reads real open hearted and a bit of a bleeding heart as well as you lament for the world being the way it is. definitely hard to be a saint in the midst of sinners, and you show the pain you feel at the last verse. makes me believe your someone with alot of compassion and heart. great write and nice words
powerful wriitng. it's clear real emotion is behind it and it comes through full force. very good poem. you've definitely got something alot of people lack
wow...awesome story. definitely deserve the ribbon it got. very good opener and the two letters make an almost painful realization that on one letter would be written the tragic last words of men reaching out to a world that would never see them again. very cool story.
nice job, merry :)
Suggestions: very minute...
who it was and why there were here. 'there' should be 'they'
cool poem. the rhythm in this is a bit of a spell in itself, and the words flow very well. i liked the last line of the third verse. betrayal can be a scray thing, and it's definitely a wasted invetment, but this story doesn't dwell on a bad relationship but moves on with the sense of a lesson learned.
what's up aj. not a bad story. it has imagination in it- the characters coming across as clorful as the world you seemed to have created. more a magical tale that seems to offer the thrills steeped in popular superstitions. with a stoty of werewolves and fiaries, you can take in whatever direction you want. good luck aj :)
nice poem, yellow. a short but lifting read through what seems a happy memory. i'm thinking this poem is a perfect example that the little things done are remembered most when they pass.
okay, one more, lol..nice story. some really good imagery and symbolism here. it was like the actual story was taking place inside the mind of the character in the story. very peaceful and inspiring, it brings to mind the concepts of spirituality and death combined with your own artful imagination. the Angel of Tranquility played her part well.
whats up, winnie. it's an interesting story as i read it from the top, down. i'm kind of holding myself back from rushing to the end in anticipation because you know the devil's got something up his sleeve. at least, thats who i interpreted the old man to be. but all that happens is the guy apparanetly get his wish and it's happily ever after. i'm kind of disappointed because i was expecting a Faustian twist of some sort, but the writing is good and you tell a good story. you establihed character, mood, and motive pretty well. i just didn't like the wrap-up. also, the last two paragraphs are the same.
good story, but kinda open ending. enjoyed it, though.
lol...nice story, anna. just reading about her, she seems to be an annoying person to be around. so wrapped up in her own fantasy, she couldn't see the reality, i guess the wakeup she has coming is much needed. overall, good story, anna
pretty cute, anna. if you ask me, he should have shoved it down her throat...so don't ask. well-written, funny, and entertaining, it's a pretty good, feel-good read. the title definitely made me curious to read and well chosen.
whats up, writing maniac. liked this poem. very ponderous, making a person think inwardly on the meaning and choices in life. calming and somewhat spiritual as well. good poem, wm :)
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