This is an interesting poem,
You do a great job of expressing emotion in it,
You can really feel what the person is feeling.
This poem gets a reaction out of the reader,
It makes them cringe at the idea of some of it,
but that's what makes it great, it draws the readers in
waiting to see what you have to say next.
Thank you for sharing this and best of luck writing.
This is a great piece.
I admire your sense of humor in this.
You bring life to a piece that could be boring.
I love it, I was hooked from beginning to end with this .
I've never been a person who was into comic books or video games,
but this piece makes reading about it interesting.
Thank you for sharing this, it was a great read and I enjoyed it very much!
This is a nice poem, you have a great use of similes and metaphors.
I also like how you post what each stanza is directed to.
It helps the reader develop a better understanding of what each line can mean.
you do have a great use of imagery I especially like the line.
"As powerful as the moon's gravitational sway"
It's a very emotionally heavy line.
Thank you for sharing this and good luck writing.
I like the basis for this cause yes everyone is afraid of change
and the feelings it can cause.
I noticed you used and a lot and had a lot of run on sentences,
That can easily be fixed and make the piece much easier to read.
I also noticed that your forgot to put a space after the period of your first sentence and the start of the second.
And I probably worded that horribly so I'll just show you.
"be the same person anymore.I'm scared for this,"
It should look like "be the same person anymore. I'm scared for this,"
I also believe that "so you sitting there waiting for something"
should be "so your sitting there waiting for something"
Other then that this is a nice piece and with a few improvements it could be a great piece
Thank you for sharing this and keep on writing!
This is an incredible and intense story.
I am so sorry for your losses.
You can tell that this was written from the heart, and
holds a lot of meaning to you.
I enjoyed reading it, I really connected with it and got lost in the reading
that's how intense it was too me.
I noticed one spelling error
"They boy was content to look over his fathers shoulder"
I think you meant "The boy"
Other then that this story was truly great.
Thank you for sharing this.
This was a nice poem of reflection, I like that not every line had a rhyme, it make it flow more naturally.
Even though it has a sad basis, in the end he accepts his fate.
Your imagery is nice, you can really get inside his head and see his fears and the people around him as well.
I must say I love your use of the word "fusty" not many people use that word but I like it.
Overall this is a strong poem, with lots of depth.
Thank you for sharing!
These are just my opinion's you don't have to listen to any of them.
I read this story not sure what I was getting into.
The plot has a good premise, but I think you need to go into more details on the characters,
why is she obsessed? Who is she really? To me the characters just seem a little underdeveloped,
with a few quick added details it could make the story a lot better.
Again the story has a real good idea too it, cause most people's worst fear is that someone is obsessed with them.
Good idea for a story. The ending was sad though, I think you should expand on that though too, why over such a little thing is she killing herself? The character seems so down on herself why? What was her life like?
I also noticed quiet a few spelling errors, if you have a Microsoft word program you should run this through spell check, but in case you don't I'll point some out.
" just as she was in highschool and she was incredibly fit from playing sport"
High school should be two words not one.
"theres never a wonder in my mind why all the guys fall for her..shes so..beautiful"
Theres needs an ' or you can just break it down to there is or there's
"I have been hideing in the shadows and giveing myself lame excuses as to why I had to do it the next day. So here I go."
Hiding and giving.
Those are just a few I caught in the second paragraph, you should really just proof read this and watch your tenses.
This story has a lot of potential I hope you clean it up and I'll be more then happy to re-read it.
Thanks for sharing!
Even though this is very short, it is a very powerful poem.
I like how you compare people to sheep, its a nice metaphor.
This poem as you said is very inspirational.
We are all different, but in the end we all share common feelings and fears.
Thanks for sharing, it was a nice read.
This is really nice, and really deep,
people take life for granted and then you read this and it just moves you,
it's beautifully written, and is very honest with how the person feels.
The only thing the stuck out to me was the line
"the air at a stand till"
I think you meant stand still.
Anyway I enjoyed reading this thank you for sharing.
I love this, how your express your reason for writing in such a poetic way.
I feel like if someone who does have confidence in their writing, read this, that they may giving writing another shot.
Very inspirational. And perfect word choice, the images you created in such few words were amazing.
Thank you for sharing this! Makes me want to grab a pen and start writing.
Wow, this is really good.
You have an amazing ability for imagery
and this flows wonderfully, there's really not much to say about this
it's pretty much wonderful, you have quiet a way with words.
I enjoyed reading this piece very much, and I should also add that I love the title.
The writing style of this is what drew me in, I love pieces written in this style.
It's a kick in the face of how much homelessness really takes a toll on people.
You are very straight forward with your thoughts, and opinions,
I couldn't imagine being homeless and after reading this I feel so bad for all the poor souls that really are.
Again, just an inspirational eye opening piece.
I must say I love this.
I am a complete sucker for anything Cinderella related or Disney related.
You're rhyming is very on cue, they don't sound to forced, and for this being such a long poem that is surprising.
You do a great job at keeping the flow going, not to mention you told the story very well.
I love poems that tell a story, especially one as detailed as yours.
I hope you continue to write, because you are very goood!
I like this, it's very brutally honest about how that person feels,
you convey the emotions in this really well, you almost feel what the person feels.
I really got into this poem, it had a nice flow that was easy to follow,
the rhyming is nice and not constant which i enjoyed.
overall I really loved this poem, you have a talent for writing them.
I'll be sure to read some of your other things too
thanks for sharing this!
I've never really been a fan of stories that are realistic fiction, but I liked yours
You have an amazing plot with lost of twist and turns, I also love how you express the emotions of the characters really well
Like when Elizabeth gets mad at her father, you did a really good job at showing her anger.
I like where your story is going.
I might suggest to go more in depth on who Elizabeth really is, but I'm sure you will touch more on that in future chapters.
I noticed a few spelling errors, but I'm not great at catching spelling or grammar mistakes.
Anyway, good luck with this story, I'll be sure to read more of it, it is very interesting!
This is a nice short piece, it's sometimes hard to wrap up a story in such
few words, but you do a nice job at that.
The character is well developed, you gave him a problem and then a solution
which is what any short piece should have.
I didn't notice to many errors, just some things that might sound better reworded,
but that's completely up to you. I'll just make some suggestions.
"Tired of struggling in the clubs of his hometown of L.A"
The use of three of's kind of makes this sound awkward to me
maybe rephrase it to "tired of struggling at the clubs in his hometown of L.A"
Also to me "it wasn't fresh and new." Might sound better "it wasn't fresh or new"
That's just my opinion though.
Awh this is really cute, and very well written!
Your flow is perfect.
And you really express how you feel about your baby, and how special she makes you feel.
I like reading poems like this that have a complete happy vibe throughout it.
None the less I really enjoyed reading this it put a smile on my face.
And makes me excited for when I one day become a mommy as well.
Thanks you for sharing this!
I liked this overall, your words are very vivid, and I like that you start out with such straightforward lines,
but then get deeper and give those words and lines meaning.
The poem does have a negative vibe at first,but then you start getting into the new beginning
and there is hope again, I love poems or stories that lead to semi happy endings.
I enjoyed readings this you have a talent for poems, the flow was great as well.
Awh I like this,
it makes for a very cute children poem.
It put a smile on my face,
I love the rhymes and how you turned such a basic concept into
a really catchy poem, with lots of wonderful rhymes.
I think this poem would do really well in a children s book
it has meaning and is enjoyable.
I like this a lot, its a nice eye opener. Why are things how they are? What's the point of all this?
The piece is written well, there are a few open spots though, that could use fillers, but those are just easy things to fix
I liked your prospective on Pandora's Box. It is true, we as humans are the curious type and always have to find answers to the unanswered questions. Who knows why we are really here, but humans are never going to stop asking why.
This was a nice poem. You're rhyme scheme flowed nicely.
I just kind of thought this was a cute little poem, with a basic story line.
It was short, simple, and left the reader wanting more.
Your imagery and alliteration is nicely used.
Even though you repeat the stanzas it still isn't tooo repetitive.
Good poem, very cute.
Awh this a cute little story, about man and dog. I like how you keep the story light and not to serious.
It was a good read, you set the scene and explained the story really well.
I use to have a Great Pyrenees, lovely gigantic dogs with such a personality. I can't imagine what your dog looks like since its a pit bull mix.
Anyway I enjoyed this story and the moral at the end, good luck to you and your dog!
What I liked: You do an amazing job at describing every detail of this story. I love how you trigger all senses. You include how it smelled, how it looked, how it felt. Not many short stories do a good job at incorporating all the senses, but with yours it just comes out almost naturally. You also have a good flow to it keep the story at a good place up until the very end. That's another thing I enjoyed the ending, how the table is cleaned and the blood is gone very nice job.
I didn't see anything wrong with it, it had a good pace, good character development, and a wonderful plot to it.
Nicely done!
I really love your poetry, you have such a way with words, you're so good at telling a story while at the same time not making to rhymes sound forced at all. I love how this ended, yes it's sad, but at the same time its happy. You do a great job at making the reader feel many different emotions in one little piece. Again I love this poem!
What I liked: I like this, I like how it ends, it gives hope in away. How it says "Never to worry what path grace all paths go...To same place" That's my favorite line in this poem.
What I didn't quiet like: I really liked all of this poem, it has a good spiritual meaning to it.
I really enjoyed it, keep up the good work.
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