Unbelievably powerful write about a dream of your dearest loved ones. These are not to be sad about, these are something to cherish, for if you smile at it, she will return to console you again. This was amazing, loving, mysterious, and heart-wrenching all at once. I saw no errors, I saw a beautiful tribute to the Women you have most adored, and that they will NEVER leave you, they are always there, and this is something to smile about! Great Work!
Fav Part:
"She says that it is her turn to hold me. Her heart tells mine how grateful she is for all that I have done for her and all that my sisters have done for her. This relieves me, for I have felt so guilty. Plagued that I should have, could have done so much more for her. "
This held personal signifigence for me. I felt your pain. Keep it up!
Unreal creative poem about how you are destructed within by a lover's alcoholism...I think this really struck a chord in me cause I lived through eight long years of being on the receivieng end of that. Until I walked out the door, I was never able to save. From what I know, nobody has to this day. Very sad, and so heart-felt. I love longer poems, they say alot, as this one did. You expressed the feeling impeccably. Thank you for sharing.
Fav Part:
"For you and I have histories entwined
A bond so rare and of a sensitive kind
Our lives full of blessings and awe awaiting
Right now if you chose are here for the taking
Please put and end to my anguish filled sorrow
And we will live to see a million tomorrows"
Such an innocent pleading. I know that too. Keep your chin up, and also Keep your writing up!
this was quite morbid yet I empathize with the reasoning you bargain with. I feel you should never choose death, as thats the easy way out. I thought this had alot of emotion, and could be much better if you made your "i's" in capital letters, and structured it a bit better. I did see a few spelling mistakes too. If you brushed this up, itt would be a greatly impactful piece. Please, I hope this is not what you really feel.
Fav Part:
"i once heard that it is better to have lived free and poor the to have lived rich and enslaved. so i must choose the only way i will be happy. death."
Other than the last word in this line, I feel you hit the nail on the head with truth here. Thanks for sharing! Welcome to WDC! Keep it up!
Very good scripting about your fiancee. In a short little poem, you managed to allow the reader to feel wwhat you do, and to be warmed by the tenderness you illustrate. No spelling errs, I think this is good just as it is! Thank you so much for sharing this with WDC! Welcome!
Fav Part:
"You’re the One that holds my heart,
Careful not to harm
You’re the One that makes me smile,
So full of charm"
Very mysterios write that could be taken several ways as to the actual "locked up" part. I loved how you constructed the poem, and I thought it was unique in the style of writing. I didn't see any grammar errors either! Good Job!
Fav Part:
"Hair an angry stream,
Striving and succeeding in
Freeing itself from its
Loose prison of wood and leather."
Very articulate structure made this a perfect read. Simple to follow, beautiful words to envision, and a great expression of love. Thank you so much for ahring this wonderful treasure!
Fav Part:
"Akemi,
Bright and beautiful
like the Sun, shining bright through
my darkened fall skies."
A sweet and innocent poem about a insecurity one sometimes feels in relationships. The Capitalization needs work, and I found the syllables a bit choppy, however, it was still sweet in spite. Welcome to WDC and thank you for sharing this.
Fav Part:
"everytime you touch me,
i get butterflies,
i dont get it,
you leave me
wanting more of you,"
I enjoyed your religious tribute to God. The message you send in the write is clear and concise to the reader. The piece was an easy read due to the smooth and consistent flow. Thank you for sharing this work with all of WDC.
Fav Part: "Dear God
I'm weary, weak and weeping.
These tears have been seeping
through these eyes I've kept away for so many years.'
I enjoyed this deep write which made me stop and think. I will have to admit I didn't get it on the first read so I went back and read it again. I can see the message now and I find it simply grand how you managed to slip it in there like that. Thank you for sharing this one with us all.
Fav Part: "Alight new trouble,
Burst the spiritual bubble,
The person again wobble,
A fearsomely topple,"
What a nice write about a very personal experience. I enjoyed the humor in your comment and suggestion for the evening. I can see why you got the answer you got. I am sure there will be many more to come in the future.
Fav Part: "I was expecting a night of intimate passion, and she says"
A very nice poem you have shared with us here. I enjoyed each quartet in the expression of you true feeling. I am sorry that you feel this way as I too can relate to this on a personal level. Thank you for this wonderful contribution to WDC.
Fav Part: "The others, they don't know
The battles he faces
With his own memories
Why won't they let him be?"
What a touching piece. I found through your writing that your emotions lie deep and your heart is filled with warmth desprate for attention. I enjoyed the vividness of the wording and use of vocabulary. I have often looked for a spiritual saviuor too and know how it can feel to be at that point. Thank you for sharing this with me.
Fav Part: "So I'll wear my sunglasses to hide my weathered behavior
And look northwest for some sort of spiritual savior,
But I'll tell you now, as time slows down,
You'll feel me in the moment"
Great write about love and acceptance. Obviously, the two go hand in hand. I really enjoyed how this spoke of confidence, even in older age. It does not matter how old and you have shown the beauty within all. Great hearted words, and a vibrance that I felt in the words you wrote.
Fav Part:
"I know imperfection.
Your eyes rake over me, capturing every flaw,
Your hands tremble,
Do you yearn to hold me? Or break me?"
Awesome write about love and how it makes you react. I really enjoyed the creativity here, and I thought the flow would be choppy, however, it was not at all. I feel this deserves a five for feeling, depth, and construction. Thank you for sharing!
Fav Part:
"When not in my presence-
when I take brief absence-
in your eyes come
tears."
What a wonderful write. I can see that we have very similar feelings on life and what we have been through. I enjoyed each and every quartet in your poem, but the one I have below really hit home. Thank you for sharing this masterpiece with me.
Fav Part: "Do you realize your luck?
You've had a good deal.
I drew the short straw...
So how does it feel?"
What an inspirational write. I can see the philosophy in the work and with some luck many will follow it. Enjoyable was the rhythmic pattern you chose here I think it fits the piece well. Thank you for sharing this write with all of WDC.
Fav Part: "A song I will make,
An instrument I will learn,
A way I will walk,
A new direction will I take,
And never again fake,
Be I nothing or more,"
I am sorry to hear of your depressing work environment. I enjoyed your descriptiveness which enables the reader to join you in your plight. I can see through your writing that you are a very emotional person like me.
Fav Part: "For you can only make a living
If you put away some pride;
Feel free to keep on giving -
The company's on your side!"
What a heart felt write. The reader is engulfed in emotion in this piece. I enjoyed your well thought out wording to make this a truly excellent literary contribution to a lost love. Thank you for sharing your special work with us all.
Fav Part: "She would notice and offer to share.
I would only accept if I were sure she was full,
Then go on to splurge on parts of her meal
As well as mine. "
I have enjoyed reading the first chapter of your book. I liked the action packed excitement you had in this chapter and I hope it continues on to the following chapters. I do not normally like military writes as I am more of a peaceful girl, but as of recent I have found more interest in them. Thank you for sharing your story and I will be back for chapter 2.
Fav Part: "“You son of a bitch!” Novo screamed as he tried to stand up and rush over to where Storm was sitting. Several guardsmen held him back as Joseph sat quietly and smiled at the reaction he had evicted."
I enjoyed your poem. It has an even and consistent flow which made for an easy read. I liked the thought felt meaning you put into your work. I can see the emotion you shared and your feelings for god. Thank you for sharing this special piece with me.
Fav Part: "And someone still is listening,
still climbing up this hill,
And keeping it."
Wow, I really enjoyed your patriotic and naturistic write. The reader can see your love for both your country and for nature expressed through you poem. I especially liked the form you chose. I have not written in this form and think I might have to give it a try. Thank you very much for sharing this piece with me.
Fav Part: "I admir’d the delicate leaf of a New England Maple,
Held it within my grasp,
And traced its frail veins with my fingertip,"
Very good poem that packs a punch and really stands out to the reader. The wording and the flow together really complimented eachother in this write, and made for a great creation about yearning for love. Welcome to WDC!!
Fav Part:
"I don’t know why I’m not yours
I want this love to run its course
I don’t know all, but I know this
Loving you is heartache’s bliss"
Very riveting write about what not to take for granted, what to improve, what to see in ourselves and others that matters, the heart and soul, not the materialism. Absolutely sad that he died at the end, but nonetheless, it was beautiful because he finally envisioned what really should have made him happy, and finally, he was.
Fav Part:
"You’re probably some hotshot young worker who got fired from his job. What you need to know is that other people have it harder than you. No matter how bad you are, there are people who would kill their firstborn just to be able to live a minute of your life."
Thank you for sharing, keep it up, and Welcome To WDC!
Even more beautiful love poetry from you! I keep stumbling upon these and it's a pleasure to see the emitional value they hold. You have a way with words that makes a poem come alive off paper. That is something to surely be poud of! I know I am. Thank you so much for sharing this piece abot the honesty of who you want to be accepted for. I am sure you will be.
Fav Part:
"But, if you take
A chance on me
You'll find much more
Than you ever dreamed
A raging fire
Burning endlessly
A patient heart
Waiting longingly"
The poem itself was very unique, but really was too general for me to make any great assessment about it or feel anything in reaction to it. I believe if you maybe put four more stanza's in and made it more deatailed, the reader would have a better idea of what you were trying to say. I really hope this helps. Welcome to WDC!
Fav Part:
"If only we could stay in the thrill of the chase "
Keep it up!
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