I especially endeared this write. The reason? It speaks of love and dreams of that very subjest coming to life. I have had dreams myself of a lover not yet to be, that later on turned into one! I related to the words, you made this suspenseful too, keeping the face unknown util the ending verses.
I think this gets a five for content, however, I noticed some errors that could be fixed to make this a masterpiece. For example, you rhyme in some of the lines, but not in most of them. You should choose the whole thing to be free verse. Also, you start some lines with the word "And". I believe if you deleted that word, it would flow much better. Other than that, I loved the content, and this gave me a warm feeling all over my body. You wrote of a subject I am highly interested in. Dreams!
Favorite Part:
"Hold me close and kiss me,and never let me go.
Turn around and I promise you,I'll never let you down.
Unbelievably inspirational story! I am happy to have read this as before I passed it up. You have a great way of retelling these horrific events and make the reader who has children think twice before letting them play out near the street. Great work!
Fav Part:
"Without Katie's help, Robert may have died that day but was given "a second chance" to live. Every time I saw Robert at school he would tell me to thank my sister for him because without her help he's sure he would have died in those leaves.''
I enjoyed the content of this poem, since I am a jersey native as well. Things for me seemed better there, so I did connect with this write. The whole poem was interesting to read, and the emotion is displayed well. I think the poem is great, and could be better by not using long sentences. If you made more lines, it would be more more effective. Overall it's a good solid poem with relevance.
Fav Part:
"Others will come but don't compare to the love of your life-so cliche
So many words left in my mind of untold truths-things I didnt ever say"
A great poetic piece you have here. I enjoyed this tremendously. It almost reflects the struggles I have endured in life. I felt the piercing emotion in every word but nonetheless, it held a huge significance. I kept reading on and on, so the interest level certainly exists. Great job!
Fav Part:
"Your helping hand is slashed open, but you still grab the one hanging from a cliff
You invited these to fill the emptiness that surrounds you, to keep you from your biggest enemy, yourself"
Beautiful poem. You speak so highly of this woman you hold in your regards. I was exaperated by how well you write these love poems. It seems you have the perfect muse to have helped you become the fabulous writer this poem portrays you are. Wonderful job.
"When she appears
They squabble for her endlessness
Temporary - - infinity"
Great story about two friends connecting and evolving into something much more in the moment. I had fun reading this and the suspense of it had me glued to the story. It had a sweet ending that could very well turn into another chapter, making the story even better. It's innocent moments like these, that when described in detail make a great nostalgic momento, even for a reader not involved. Great job.
Fav Part:
"However, I can’t help but think, is she just interested in me because she had no one else to go to. Was I the best of what was there is the small, unpopular dance floor? Was it real, or just some fun between friends? I felt something, it was strange. Like yeah this is great fun, but seriously why this sort of attention. Just for the sake of attention, or has our friendship developed into something more? "
This one is intelligent and well..beautiful. It's very evolved and jam packed with feeling. I enjoy these poems, something that teaches as well as bringing emotions to the surface. Great job. You deserve a five for this wonderful creative piece.
Fav Part:
"I am the one who stabbed you in the heart,
when you were only trying to help.
Life has a tendency to make you see things the other way around,
and I blamed you for all my discomfort and hate I had.''
Very honest and honesty cannot be beat when written in words. Keep it up!
This is so sad but is very well written. I really felt the pain you convey. This one is a bit more mysterious. I enjoy the fact that I don't really understand why you are thinking you are going to leave the world soon. Nonetheless, this deserves a five in my eyes. Piercing words that grab the reader. Great work!
Fav Part:
"
So i break down...and I cry,
Asking myself...
Where do I get wings to fly?"
Very loving message you send to the reader with this poem here. I enjoyed the honestly that was relayed through your words. It reminds me of the past in my own life. One erroe I did notice--the word "realy" is mispelled. Other than that, you have a great creation here. I will have to read more of your work.
Thanks for sharing.
Fav Part:
"If only you knew that my actions doesn't speak louder than my words,they are the same...
If only you knew that my happiness comes from helping others,and the music I listen to...''
Great spiritual piece you have written. Intelligently thought up, you describe your feelings with the screen as your canvas. I enjoyed reading this because it gave me hope and uplifted my spirit that God does and is listening to my innermost desires and prayers as well as yours. Thank you for sharing this creative work and good luck on the contest, Pat.
Fav Part:
"What do I see on the horizon?
Clouds approach, dark and ominous,
though beautiful to me!
My silent prayers do not fall on deaf ears!"
great write about being a supportive partner. I enjoyed the tenderness behind the words as well. All in all, I enjoyed reading this piece. Thanks for sharing.
Fav Part:
"You are safe
in my arms
So let the tears fall
And i will kiss them
as they fall down your face"
Good lesson you teach in this poem. I enjoyed the way you described the feelings that we have and why we have them. Very powerful for such a short write. Thank you for sharing.
Very wise poem that distinctly characterizes love and hate from eachother. The person that made you think of this is lucky. I enjoyed the way you painted a picture with words. I didn't notice any errors either.
Fav Part:
"Hate
Not the opposite of love
Rather the absence of love
Those who claim it...
are lacking the laughter and light "
Good synopsis you have on life. I enjoyed reading this and couldn't agree more on how you describe life. You have much wisdom to explain life in a metaphoric way such as you do. It would be better if you got rid of the plural nouns where it's singular. Just a suggestion. Thanks for sharing!
Fav Part:
"Don’t get exhausted. If you are tired, pause it! Just take a short break from the game. Minimize it and open other file from your brain and focus on it. Just to distract your mind for a moment. Life is a game, and playing games is to enjoy it."
Great write about inner-guidance sought in dream form. I enjoyed this very much. I love dream interpretation so I was pleased with the content within. The flow was easy and free, making this even more appealing. Thanks for sharing.
Fav Part:
"realization came then in an instant
as if it were the only light that shone in this darkness
it rolled of my lips as I whispered
giving it life"
Great inspiratinal write with a creative writing style. I enjoyed the fact that you speak highly of finding esteem in the individualistic ways to live life.
Fav Part:
"Fights we wage on the outside
Will mirror the battles within,
Past is often painful
The hurt we never resend"
Unbelievably creative write about August and all the magic the month contains. I enjoyed the way you formatted the poem in Alphabetical order. You also describe August happenings in greatly appreciated detail. This is certainly a five.
Fav Part:
"Fireflies and bonfires light up nights and
Green has never been so green. My
Hair curls wildly from the humidity.
I long for one last trip to the beach."
Interesting story you have here, right down to the girl's name and the guy's name. Although I like the girl's name alot. The way you write this story is interesting and it had me wanting to read on. Then as I approached the ending, a wave of mystery ran over me. how did the story end? I love how you left me hanging. Good work.
Fav Part:
"Gabriel the druggie girl knew that the cops followed him though. And she knew that he had her things because she had seen sticking out the corner of the plastic shopping bag as he walked away. And she decided she had to get back her very important things. "
Highly emotianal poem you have here. The words you used to describe your feelings of hurt and betrayel are well thought up and well put on screen. I enjoyed the anger you display and feel badly that you went through this.
Fav Part:
"I threw away the mattress
Now I sleep on the floor
If I knew you were going to walk out
I would have thrown out the door"
Good write about abuse, whether form self or another. The content is decriptive which keeps the reader inerested. Also the suspense of why this person has bruises and wounds is myserious and left to be suspenseful. Overall it was a good piece.
Fav Part:
"Opening my eyes to a world full of suffering and a depressing blanket that covers us.
Standing up...feeling my knees are weak,due to the worlds of sorrow i carry on my scarred shoulders"
Good short story about a girl who befriends someone who likes her and shows it too much. I liked the interactive beginning, although it didn't need that there to make sense. You have a great solid writing style and it shines in this particular piece.
Fav Part:
"I didn't even realize that she was always desolate, was I that blind? I mean I didn't even see her cry at all before, and even my uncaring friends did. What should I do? I attempted to just ignore her sobbing, but as I tried chewing down my lunch, I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. It was time to do the right thing. I marched right over to Jessica Roberts that day and became a real friend to her. Her best friend."
Good ending. I like happy conclusions and you did well in providing that. Keep it up.
Good poem to describe how one may feel like an outcast amognst others. I liked the usage of words and the flow was bnot not at all forced either. I also was pleased with the way you describe her as emotionally abnsent. I think everyone has felt this way in a crowd of people before.
Fav Part:
"she thinks of her friends
so far away but so very dear to her"
Great heartfelt poem here. I adored the content, however I did notice some spelling errors that could be fixed to give the piece a more refined edge. "Week" should be "Weak" and "Lusid is Lucid" etc. Other than that, wonderful job on this poem.
Fav Part:
"When you are away,
My breath is still.
My very soul,
It has no will."
Wonderful essay describing how Atheism is misconconstrued.This was actually just what I needed to see, and I was just thinking about this yesterday actually. I have been religious and a church-goer in the past out of curiosity for God. However, it didn't fill any void, only amplified tragedy for me. I didn't realize it until i realized I don;t have to formally worship God to be a good person. This signifies the same thinking. I love how honest you were here and backed it up with facts to grab the reader. This was highly persuasive and I loved how matter of factly you got your point across. Awesome job!
Fav Part:
"At first, the general consensus from the atheist community was that the hatred is based on the beliefs of atheists. As it turns out, based on personal research, most of hatred from other religious groups (particularly Christians in the United States) is based on a lack of understanding of how atheism works and why people become atheists, and in more extreme cases, ignorance and fanaticism."
This I find so true..same with your ending on cramming a certain religion down one's throat as I feel we have all been there, and it's not justified to belittle another based on religious value ever. That's not holy or pure, but evil rather.
Thank you for sharing. I hope to talk more about this. Keep it up!
Wonderful excerpt about a man who was lost in tragedy only to find the solace and peace of spirituality calm him and reassure his worry. It's not often I see a story so short make such an imprint. This had quite a bit of menaing and inspiration behind it. Thank you for sharing.
Fav Part:
"He turned to where she was laying, and realized that she was now, and forever gone. The strange man’s arms wrapped around the boy, and he felt himself gripping the stranger tightly. As the man loosened his grip on the boy he whispered into his ear.
“Tonight she dines with my Father, so that others will eat at his table also.
She loves you.”
And then the man was gone, and the boy gripped the charm tighter, now knowing that he would one day see her again."
The ending was the best. Keep it up!
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