Choconut's (purplesunday) Reviews

Choconut

Review Requests: OFF

2,046 Public Reviews Given

2,065 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.

I'm good at...

I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.

Favorite Genres

Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.

Least Favorite Genres

Steampunk, sci-fi, fantasy.

Favorite Item Types

Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories. Mysteries. Thrillers.

Least Favorite Item Types

Chapters from the middle of books.

1

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#4752681

Review of Wicked Witch Was Framed!!!

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi shadowfire

,

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I am reviewing this item, "Wicked Witch Was Framed!!!"

in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

. Please remember, any opinions stated are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked

Oh, this made me chuckle. The alternative (or, maybe, true) story of The Wizard of Oz. I love how you state your case, and say that it is proof that Dorothy was the real evil one in the story, and the Wicked Witches of the East and the West were harmless, mild-mannered witches. And, you know what? You make some good points. Dorothy did kill both the witches, and she did steal the Ruby Slippers and broomstick from them. You may be onto something with your theory.

I would love to know your thoughts on the friends Dorothy takes with her to Oz. Are the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion equally evil? Because, they don't seem so bad. I mean, the Lion is scared of his own shadow. Say Boo! to him, and he would probably cry.

What I love the most about this piece is your passion. I can believe you feel strongly that Dorothy was an Evil Girl, and you argue your point with humour and conviction. I love the last sentence: "P.S. If you see any falling houses around, with dead people underneath, and missing shoes from their dead bodies, it is a clear sign that the evil girl is back! :)" That made me laugh, and I'll be sure to take heed keep an eye out.

Suggestions

I would love to see this as an actual story, rather than an essay-style piece. You could write it from the witch's point of view, or even from Dorothy's point of view, but showing her evil thoughts. Just rewrite the story. That would be really fun to read (and to write). You could even change it up a little, maybe have some kind of law person trying to catch Dorothy and her friends. Lots of possibilities.

Parting Comments

I enjoyed reading this piece. You write with a lot of humour, and I love your alternate take on the famous story of Dorothy and friends as they journey towards Oz. Nice work.

Choconut

Plaque for being Angel Army's Reviewer of the Month in April 2024.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

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#4752509

Review of Panic In The Ballroom

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Teargen

,

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I am reviewing your poem, "Panic In The Ballroom"

, in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

.

What I liked

I read your title and brief description, and I took in the cute picture of the black and white piglets, but it can't have translated into a solid fact in my mind. Because when I got to the part where the piglets invaded the dance floor, it took my breath away. I laughed so much! I was expecting a warm, romantic poem about dancing with the person you love. Oh, and I'm so happy it wasn't that. That image of, "a swarm of black / and white piglets / stormed in." is fabulous. I can imagine the panic that ensued.

You make great use of some poetic devices in this poem. Enjambment in this line is my favourite: "contented faces. Love was" I always admire this device when it is used well because I am terrible at figuring out how to use it. And this is a great example of how it's done. Also, the rhyme you use sparingly works really well. "Piglets squealed / some coupes kneeled" As well as adding to the comic effect, this helps give the poem a great pace, and in this instance, it shows your reader how the actions occurred quickly, too quick to stop the damage done.

Suggestions

There is just one place I wasn't sure about: " ...Love was / was energy, energy was / love." There seems to be an extra was here. I would take out the second one. Actually, if it were me, I would change it to, " ...Love was / energy / energy was / love." Just to slow it down a bit before the stampede of the piglets.

Parting Comments

This is a most enjoyable poem. I'm glad I spotted it in your portfolio. This gave me a proper laugh-out-loud, and on a grey UK morning, that is very welcome!

Happy account anniversary!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

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#4752323

Review of Et ex Laboratory Inferos

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi FalaKaye

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I am reviewing your short story, "Et ex Laboratory Inferos"

in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

.

What I liked

I really like the way you slowly reveal the important aspects of this story. Gradually, you show us the dangerous situation that Orlaith is in. The tunnels, Orlaith's medicine, Dean's uniform ... these all leave your reader questioning the world this story is set in. By the end, I'm still not sure. I feel like there could be a much longer story about this, using this scene as the beginning. I would love to know what the laboratory is doing tests or experiments on, and what happens to those who open the red door.

I was really intrigued by the backstory between Orlaith and Dean. At first, I thought they were friends. But, then, Dean had a gun placed in Orlaith's back. But he seemed really remorseful about it. From the dialogue between, I think they have maybe been friends for a long time, but Dean has actually been working for the enemy (whoever that may be). Orlaith has come to understand that, but Dean seems to really like her. I think he may be a little in love with her. But his loyalties lie with the organization. He defends them for every ill they have done. I would love to know more about that. It's a great premise.

Suggestions

I wondered whether this story is written from a prompt. As you have bolded the first sentence, I'm guessing that is the prompt. It would be nice if you could put a link, maybe in a dropnote, for your readers to read. In terms of grammatical issues, I have a few suggestions which I have put in a dropnote.
Grammar Suggestions ▼

Parting Comments

This is an interesting story. It's very creative, and I love the imagination you have used. I'm intrigued to know what world this is set in and what will happen to Orlaith and Dean.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

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#4752106

Review of Memories of Past

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi LegendaryMask❤️

,

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

This review is in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

. Please remember, any opinions expressed are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked

The love that is threaded through your memories is absolutely beautiful to read. It sounds like you had a wonderful childhood in many respects. Although your family didn't have a lot of items worth money, the love and togetherness you had made up for that.

You reminded me of my mother's family as I read this. Mum was the fifth of ten children, which meant her parents had twenty-eight grandchildren. (Although, they actually passed away before I and two of my cousins were born.) Still, that was a lot of Christmas presents to make. Mum's memories of Christmases sounded very similar to yours. I love the lesson your mom taught you about gifts being made with love and given with love, and how that was what was important about them. Not how much they cost.

Isn't it great to have family and friends who are willing to help out in times of need? It sounds like you've had some tough times, but I hope things are a little easier for you now. Thank goodness for your generous friend.

Suggestions

I don't have any suggestions. This is a personal memory, and as such, I wouldn't want to change it at all. Plus, it is perfectly written.

Parting Comments

Thank you for sharing these Christmas memories. You have really reminded me of my Mum's family. Your memories, though not all happy, are interesting and, most importantly, filled with love.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

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#4751892

Review of Types of Cats

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi ElizabethHayes-DaughterofIAM

,

Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Mother's Day Raid!

Please remember these are purely my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked:

Well. I never knew there were so many breeds of cat. You don't hear them in the same way that you do dog breeds. I feel like I've been educated through doing this word search.

I liked the words you have included in this search, and it didn't take me too long to complete it. Rather fittingly, the word that took me an age to find was Feral. It did not want to be found. I think you have just the right amount of words to make this puzzle challenging, but not impossible.

I love the picture you have used for the cover of this word search. This cat looks a lot like my friend's cat, Ruby. She's a real sweetie.

Suggestions:

Being very picky (and more specific than I need to be), I would add one more cat breed to this list, and that is the Main Coon. My friend had a beautiful champagne-coloured Main Coon called Moet, and he was adorable.

Parting comments:

Thanks for providing this puzzle which combines two things I love: animals and puzzles. You have inspired me to create a word search now, but I think I will use breeds of dog.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

6

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#4751888

Review of Dr. Zhivago and the Cheesecake

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Nixie

,

Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Mother's Day Raid!

Please remember these are purely my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked:

I love the humour in this story. I smiled the whole way through, laughing out loud at many of your descriptions. Dr. Zhivago is one cool cat!. The picture you have used as the cover for this story is fab. I love those purple eyes. It is a great hook into this story. And, wow, what a story. Dr. Zhivago (who looked more like Spock than his namesake!) runs riot over this household. He is very much the star of the show. At the end, where he surveys his handiwork with pride, is so funny. It is the perfect ending.

I really like Cassandra's mom. I mean, sure, she's a little highly strung, but I felt for her. She is desperately trying to make her husband's birthday celebrations perfect, but this little kitty has other ideas. When the mother put the cheesecake on the side, I worried for that dessert. Dr. Zhivago would eat it given half the chance. And he did. That's funny. I once cat-sat for a beautiful tabby called Lupin. One night, the phone rang while I was eating a curry. I left it on the table to answer the phone, and when I returned, Lupin was half way through my food! I couldn't believe a cat would like curry. So, I can totally imagine this cat enjoying the cheesecake.

The scene of chaos unfolding near the end had me in stitches. I could see it playing out in my mind, and it reminded me of the kind of farce we see in "Fawlty Towers" or "Absolutely Fabulous." It is a very visual description. The scene begins with Mrs. Mortimer tripping on some streamers, and then, enter the doctor: "Dr. Zhivago came from nowhere and vaulted over the stricken woman." I love the image of the cat "vaulting" over her, like he is playing leapfrog. Brilliant!

Suggestions:

The only place where I stumbled slightly was, " ...to a position of glory—the delicate valance balanced ..." It took me a few reads to understand this. Perhaps, "to a position of glory on the delicate valance ..." would be clearer.

Parting comments:

I loved this story, Nixie. It's very entertaining. And, despite all of the chaos, I would love to have a cat like Dr. Zhivago. He sounds like he would keep anyone on their toes.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4751875

Review of Patching Up Pets

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi THANKFUL SONALI Now What?

,

Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Mother's Day Raid!

Please remember these are purely my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked:

The conversation between Fido and Rover was my favourite bit. I laughed when I read the various woofs exchanged between them, and I really could imagine the two dogs discussing the mean kitty who attacked Rover. When you went on to translate their conversation, it was exactly as I imagined. Dogs really do have friends among other dogs, so it made me smile to read this.

The kitten sounds ever so slightly evil. The part when she jumped on the main character's head and clawed at her scalp was horrible. You described it well, and I found myself cringing at the thought of it. Cats' claws hurt, even when they are only kneeding you in love.

I'm not sure I would be friends with Farzana. Firstly, she doesn't walk Fido when she planned to, doesn't even let the main character know she didn't do it. Then, she cares more about her kitten than her friend when the kitten attacks.

Suggestions:

I wondered why you have bolded certain words. Was this written for a specific prompt and contest? It would be good to know, and you could easily add a dropnote to the end of the story.

Parting comments:

This story is very enjoyable. I loved the interaction between the animals. You have captured their personalities really well. The last sentence, where Fido smirks at his owner's injuries, made me chuckle. Nice work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

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#4751670

Review of Wherever I Go

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Amethyst Angel🌸📝🪽

,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" . It is written for Week 20 of "I Write in 2024"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked: The plot is really clever. I have been wanting to write an entry for this contest myself, but I couldn't come up with anything. So, kudos, for writing such a great story.

This tale of friendship and ancient curses really hooked me from the start. The mention of the Mesopotamian heat put me right into the story world. You also describe the, "heat-hazed sky showing through as if beckoning into an alternate universe." which I think is fab. I could feel the oppressive, humid heat of the dry land the characters are walking through. And then, you give us a teaser by telling us the purpose of Ryan and Pete's journey: to find out what happened to Pete's wife Lettie when she disappeared while they were on a dig in this very location. I was eager to know what had happened to Lettie, but I never guessed the direction you would go. Pete did a deal with an evil spirit via a Ouija Board. He agreed to give the spirit his wife if he could learn the location of the biggest deal of his career. And he agreed.

Poor Pete. He didn't really intend to give his wife's life for a career high. But, really, he should have known not to mess with the spirits. I thought everyone knew that. You show Pete's remorse and guilt really well. In particular, at the end, when the evil statue wants to take Ryan's life. Pete insists he should give his life, instead, as it was all his fault. What a good friend he turned out to be. And, thanks to Ryan's determination that neither of them would die, they save their wives and everyone gets free. Nice ending. Pete being spat out onto the ground made me smile. I could picture that happening.

You have some lovely descriptions in this story. Especially those of the setting. I could picture myself standing in that blazing heat, being grateful for the, "deep shadow of a ruined wall." There must be a certain majesty to the ancient monuments. It must be a pretty surreal feeling to stand amongst them, and I really felt that in this story. Your description of the evil monument is great: " ...a four-armed creature with a goat's head, a fish body, enormous bulging eyes that seemed to follow them ..." It made me chuckle when I read that the eyes of the statues sometimes winked at them. How creepy.

Suggestions:

I have a few suggestions. Firstly, there are a couple of places where you have a comma at the end of a paragraph, before the speech in the following paragraph. For example, "After a moment of silence, Gina's voice crackled their radios to life," The speech that follows should be part of the same paragraph as it is Gina who is speaking. Then, Pete says he asked the Ouija Board to give him, " ...directions to the biggest archaeological discovery we've ever made." This is past tense, as though they have already made the discovery. It should be, " ...we'll ever make." Also, in one place, you say the four friends are "trudging stumblingly" which sounds a little over-complicated. Simply, "trudged" works perfectly. Or, even, "stumbled." The last place I would check out is when they are exiting the statue. "'Run!' Ryan grabbed her hand." It isn't clear whose hand because the last people you mention before this are Gina and Lettie. I would change it to, "Gina's hand."

Parting comments:

This story is not in the genre I normally read, but I have to say, I really enjoyed it. I liked the human aspect, particularly. I felt so sorry for Pete, and I can't describe how happy I was when all four friends made it out alive. Your descriptions of the setting also had me tightly gripped. I really enjoyed this. Nice work!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

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#4751664

Review of Magical Express Delivery Wagon

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi GERVIC 🐉 WDC Dragon Vale

,

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I am reviewing your shop, "Magical Express Delivery Wagon"

, in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember, these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked

Oh, wow. My senses are in overload after reading through your forum page. It is so visually attractive, the pastel colours and beautiful graphics really make this an item it is very hard to ignore. You are so creative. I've stopped by a few times in the past and bought things, but I don't think I've ever read the entire page so closely before. But this morning, I did. And, wow. You have put so much thought into it. I must make some purchases before I hop over to another item.

You have thought of everything for this shop. By that, I mean, you offer every single thing I can think of that we might want to buy for ourselves or others. Merit badges, awardicons, cNotes, reviews, images, trinkets. Okay; last time I say it: wow. And the combinations of different kinds of goodies is fab as well. And, while we're talking about the goodies, the designs on your merit badges are beautiful. I made a silent wish to win the lottery as I was reading this so that I could afford to buy one of everything! Maybe, one day ...

The theme of magic is carried through the whole of the shop. I love your banner with the magic carriage. The image of items being magically bestowed upon people is fab. Your baubles with different images for quick access to each type of delivery is a good idea. There is a lot of information, so it's good that you have links to take you straight to each section. You also have the packages themselves linked for quick access.

I love that you have a place where people can create their own packages. I don't think I've seen this on any other shop around the site. It is unique to this one.

Suggestions

I'm not sure if this is something you need to consider or not, but there is a lot of information on this page. Also, a lot of choice. Which I like. But, also, it makes my mind blow a little. As I read through it, I find myself wanting whatever I am reading, and then reading on and wanting the next package. And this continues, and it makes me not know what I want, trying to figure out what I can afford, and I know that in the past, I've been restricted by time and decided to makeup my mind later. And then I forgot to do it. However, there is nothing that you offer that I would want you to take out. So, I don't know.

Parting Comments

Gervic, you are one of the most creative people I know. Your presentation is always beautiful, faultless. And your ideas are engaging and bright. You truly are a valued member of this community.

Happy anniversary!

Choconut

Image #2153543 over display limit. -?-

10

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#4751476

Review of Synopsis-Bloodshed on the Setting Sun

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi very thankful

,

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked

It was your title which drew me to this item. I love it. Once I started to read your synopsis, I found myself wondering what would happen in the novel. The fact that brother had to fight against brother at the end — a battle between good and evil — is brilliant.

The Faerie Realm sounds as though it can be both beautiful and frightening. I never realised there is good and evil in that world. But, actually, it makes sense that there is. I wanted to know what the prophecy is that Tyler and Dylan must fulfil in order to save the good part of the Faerie Realm. I think it will be interesting to see them both progress in their quest. I wonder what obstacles, what evil entities, Tyler will face in his part of the quest. I know that blood will need to be spilled at the end, when Tyler and Dylan fight, and I'm sure it will be Dylan's, in the end.

To fulfil his part of the prophecy, Tyler must travel to Mississippi, and that intrigues me. I haven't read any of this genre before, so I am interested how you blend the world as we know it with the Faerie world. I also wonder what, or who, Tyler will find in Deacon, Mississippi.

Suggestions

I did wonder why Tyler and Dylan were sent through a portal to the Faerie Realm. I guess that would be answered if I read the book, so you don't really need to put it in the synopsis. However, for people like me, who are newbies to this genre, it would be nice to understand where, and why, this story began.

Parting Comments

As this is a synopsis of the whole book, you do a great job with packing in lots of information. You have piqued my interest and left me wanting to know more about this story. And that is exactly what a synopsis should do. So, thank you. Great work.

Happy WDC anniversary!

Choconut

Image #2153543 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

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#4750648

Review of Jumping Spiders

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Purple Princess

,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" . It is written for Week 19 of "I Write in 2024"

Disclaimer

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.

What I liked: I loved how Clara is very much like her Grammy. They are both unusual, but they are both similar, and they are proud of it.

Okay; I'll level with you: Spiders terrify me, and the thought of ones that can jump ... Oh, my goodness. My skin is crawling just thinking about it. However, my phobia did not stop me from enjoying the story. Because the spiders aren't the most important part of it. What I take from it is that everyone is different, we all like different things. Some may think we are odd, but it doesn't matter. We are who we are, and who we are is more than good enough.

It made me laugh when Sara commented that the children were frightened because they were "only five." Only five? If you gave me a box of jumping spiders, I think I would set a new record for running a mile!

This description of Clara's classmates is wonderful: She thinks they are, "a whirlwind of youthful energy." That's such a keen observation. This is contrasted with Sara's feelings of loneliness as she she thinks about her late husband. That is very moving. I love how well you have taken the prompt words and inserted them into your story. It's an imaginative direction to take it. I'll bet no one else chose that path.

Suggestions: Just a couple of minor suggestions. " ...she found herself without a daily companion to share her life with." I would take out with at the end of this sentence. You have already said without earlier in the sentence, so this isn't necessary. Also, there was a brief tense change here: "The sporadic visits from her daughter and granddaughter only underline her loneliness." Everything else has been written in the past tense, so I would keep this the same.

Parting comments: Despite the fact that you officially creeped me out, I actually enjoyed this story. It is a tale of the loneliness that getting older brings, and it shows how family can either help cover your loneliness, or add to it. I think Sara might get more visitors if her garden wasn't a haven for jumping spiders. Just saying.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

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#4750642

Review of Know When to Fold 'em

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi Rodryn

,

I am reviewing your short story, "Know When to Fold 'em"

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked: The ending was great. It was funny and I loved how Taggart got away with the money.

You have some great character descriptions, and you paint a wonderfully vivid picture if this group of people. For example, here you say that Taggart, "began combing the thick caterpillar mustache perched above thin lips." I love that. Instantly, we get a taster of what Taggart is like.

This description of the saloon bar where George and Taggart have their meting is a good one: "He pushed through the throngs of patrons, piano hammering out a rapid tune over the clamor of passionate conversation and clinking glasses, and stepped outside." And then. the door to the old Fleming Cattle & Co building, with the peephole and password to be able to get in really made me smile. When Taggart had to give up his pistol, and was frisked, I was nervous for him.

The poker game held my attention really well. Although I didn't know the first thing about the terms the men were using, it was easy to follow. I liked how intense and taut the situation was. Will was a livewire, and I worried about whether Taggart would get out okay. But, no need to worry. George stepped in to save the day (as was always planned).

Suggestions: When George entered the room, you say, "Ned leapt up," and it confused me a little because I didn't know who Ned was. I would mention his name earlier on in the story to avoid confusion.

I also have a few grammar/typo suggestions which I have put in a dropnote, so you can read them as you wish. Or not.
Grammar/Typo Suggestions ▼

Parting comments: This is an enjoyable story. I thought it clever how Taggart and George worked together to get away with the cash. Nice work.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

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#4750640

Review of Detroit and Terra

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi troyzien,

I am reviewing your short story, "Detroit and Terra"

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked: The excitement in this story is fabulous!

The first thing that stood out was the description of the, "large, hairy quadruped." That got my senses pinging. I couldn't wait to see what happened to the creature. Straight after this, you mention the "red eyes," and, again, I was waiting to find out what would go down here.

You did a great job with keeping the suspense pulled tight the whole way through. Even down to Terra's driving, which scared Professor Detroit half to death. It was all a fast-paced ride.

The part where Terra had to kill her mentor was really moving. But, by this point, I wasn't sure who I could trust. My head was kind of spinning at all the werewolves. Also, did the police officers not notice them? Or were they, too, monsters?

Suggestions: I was confused about Amy. Was she the woman who ran into the werewolf in her car? Because, if she was, what happened to her children? And, if she wasn't, then why was she there? In terms if grammar, you switched tense a few times, from past tense to present tense, so I would check that out if I were you. Also, I wasn't sure you had the right word here: "She snugly smiled ..." I wondered if you meant smugly instead?

Parting comments: I enjoyed reading your story. I don't have a lot of experience with this genre, but your story has convinced me to give it a go. Thank you.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

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#4750639

Review of Serial Assistant

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Damon Nomad

,

I am reviewing your short story, "Serial Assistant"

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked: I loved Darlene. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I thought she was fab.

Let's begin nearer the beginning, though, with your description of Detective Chase. After describing his expensive, designer clothes, you say, "He flashed his pearly white teeth as he ran a hand through his wavy blond hair." Everything about him seems kind of plastic, fake. I thought he would be the character who took over the story, at first. But I was wrong. In a fabulous way.

You injected little bits of Darlene into the story, just enough for your readers to twig that she was not what she appeared to be. I realised that she was the SFK's partner when Chase described the person they were looking for like this: "Smart, quiet type that operates under the radar. Neat and tidy but not a flashy dresser. Willing to slavishly take orders." I couldn't wait to get to the end of the story to discover whether or not I was right about Darlene because I almost never figure out the clues that are dropped. So, to find out I was right was very gratifying.

The end is wonderful. It made me smile, something like the Smiley Face Killer. I loved to see Darlene at her beachfront condo. She was very clever in how she got away with all the murders. I loved how she was applying for an identical job in her new location. She would start all over again, finding out everything the police had to give on the serial killer.

Suggestions: Just a few things I would change ... "'She keeps track of the schedule, takes notes, and keeps the files in order. He added ..." - You missed out the end quotation marks after order, and so it should be a small h in he. Also, "People are lined up to get in and lots of women." - I would place a comma after in because the sentence doesn't make sense as it is. "The three detective's mobile phones" - The apostrophe should be after the S. Lastly, some of your start-quotation marks are in a different format to the others. I would just check those if I were you.

Parting comments: This story is incredibly enjoyable. I love the genre and the characters you have created. Darlene is most definitely the star of this show.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4750638

Review of Twilight of the Gods

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Beholden

,

I am reviewing your short story, "Twilight of the Gods"

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked: The story really captured my imagination.

This is a very enjoyable story. The characters all had very distinct and memorable personalities, so, while it was John who took over the piece and became the hero of the story, the Duchess and the Old Duke were equally well painted. I love the Duchess's name: Jane de Saville Burnley Compton-Arden. That made me laugh. And the Old Duke is a great character, too. I love this: "Daily, it seemed that the Old Duke harumphed at some new aberration reported in the papers." I could picture him so clearly.

I did wonder why the villagers agreed to march up to the Manor House. What could the person on his soapbox have said that convinced them to do this? I wasn't sure when the story is set, so I'm not entirely sure of the social context. (I'll be honest; even if I did know when it was set, I would have to do a little research to learn of the social situation at the time.)

I love John. Whether it was because he was called John, and he was important to an old, female lady of nobility, I am not sure. But the relationship he had with the Duchess kind of reminded me of that between Queen Victoria and John Brown. This is a nice, easy relationship, and they both seem to have great regard for the other one. And John is brave. I love the way he stands up to the horde of people and persuades them to turn around, even making them feel guilty for marching.

Suggestions: I'm not sure how you would fit this into the story, but I would have liked to know what John said to be able to persuade the villagers to turn around. Also, to have known their reasons for marching. I note you say the old blacksmith closed his workshop. Is this a part of the Industrial Revolution, or am I way off with that?

Parting comments: I enjoyed this story a lot. You write compelling and sympathetic characters. Great work!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4750635

Review of The Truth About Thantia

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi PureSciFi

,

I am reviewing your short story, "The Truth About Thantia"

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked: Your imagination.

I have to admit to not knowing an awful lot about the SciFi genre, so I apologise if I show any ignorance in this review. Firstly, though, what struck me was how much like a 21st century press conference the meeting is. It reminded me of politicians campaigning, or giving Covid updates, in the way Thantia took questions from the Information Specialists (who seemed like journalists) on the floor. That really appealed to me. The way, also, Thantia was not honest, and was prepared to do anything to gain, or keep, power was very reminiscent of most politicians in this day and age. So, I liked the parallels with today's society.

I loved Vancent. When you first described him by saying he, " ...hovered near the next level up ..." I sat up and took notice. I wanted to know who he was, what he was, how come he could hover. It was a great hook to keep your reader wanting to find out more. I really liked the relationship he quickly built up with Karrena. I would quite like my own Helper sometimes!

The way Karenna and Vancent could communicate with thoughts is fab. Also, the use of Karrena's Palm Monitor made me smile. I wonder if this is the next step up from the tablets we use today?

Suggestions: "'Unfortunately, I disagree with you.' Doggan returned to looking at Karrena." I didn't realise Doggan had stopped looking at Karrena, so this threw me a little. Also, there were a few times where it wasn't clear who was speaking. For example, "I don’t see anything." This is between Thantia and Plaic. I think Thanktia says this, but in the next paragraph, you have her turning to face Plaic, and speaking. You didn't need to start a new paragraph, if it was Thantia speaking above. It confuses the speaking a little. In the following place, you switch tense briefly: "Just then Thantia enters that meeting room." The story is told in the past tense, so this switch jumps out. Finally, I don't understand the last paragraph. I've read it through a few times, but this doesn't make sense: "It hasn’t been Karrena who has been watching and listening to you." Who said that? And to whom? Is it Vancent speaking? To Thantia? or is it Doggan, Karrena's boss? I just didn't get it, I'm afraid.

Parting comments: This is an enjoyable story. Although I don't read a lot of science fiction, I was impressed with your imagination, and I very much felt a part of this world. Thank you for sharing.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4750633

Review of Tribute

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi debmiller1

,

I am reviewing your short story, "Tribute "

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked: The humour in this story is fab. It really made me laugh.

You have a great character study here, in terms of Daniel. Everything about him is spoiled child behaviour. He is desperate for attention, and he tells his stories about the Amazon to highlight how wonderful he is, but Cory keeps stealing the show. It made me laugh how Cory continued interrupting Daniel, despite the filthy looks his friend was giving him. Even how you say Daniel had a, "smile so intense his face hurt." That shows us instantly how Daniel is putting on a show, trying too hard because he wants people to fawn over him. He is indignant with rage by the end, and if I were Cory, I think I'd be sleeping with one eye open that night.

Your description of the setting is great. I imagine a sunny day, blue skies, the swimming pool and lawn chairs. It sounds like Heaven right now. The clothes people are wearing all make this place seem vibrant and buzzing with life.

Cory must be making Daniel look stupid on purpose, right? Either that, or he is the dumbest person ever. He must know what he is doing. Which makes it even funnier because he acts to innocently, as though he has no idea. I like that Cory has a crowd of people surrounding him by the end, with women lapping up every word he says. When he waved at Daniel, it was so funny.

Suggestions: A couple of things. "Daniel frowned at Cory who’s dazzling smile dropped instantly ..." It should be whose not who's. Then, in he same sentence, you have missed a space here, " ...from his faceand looked puzzled." Lastly, " ...but the cater is ready to server dinner." I think it should be caterer.

Parting comments: This is a funny story. Daniel is so jealous of Cory, and all Cory does is wind him up. It's brilliant. Very enjoyable.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4750632

Review of Admiral Robert Wennington

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi LightinMind

,

I am reviewing your short story, "Admiral Robert Wennington"

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked: The story and the history. I was gripped.

As I was reading this, I kept thinking I must ask you whether it is based on facts, or not. But you answered that for me at the end by supplying the background information. The story is really interesting.

I felt rather sorry for Suffolk. He seems like the only person who understands how important diplomacy is. Or, maybe, he is simply sore because Wennington, his subordinate, is blazing brightly for winning the Battle of Guernsey. That's possible.

I liked your description of the persons in the Royal Court. The king seems arrogant and bloodthirsty. I love how proud he is of his beautiful wife. The dislike for Richard of York at the beginning is great. The King has open hostility towards the Duke's words, dismisses him, and the Queen bristles. What a great way to show how dislikable he was. In terms of characters, the descriptions you give of Wennington are all great. From his clothes, to his pride in his victory.

Suggestions: I have a few grammar suggestions which I have put in a dropnote so you can read them as you wish, or not.
Grammar Suggestions ▼

Parting comments: I love reading and studying history, so this was always going to appeal to me. But, the added interest, for me, lay in Henry VI being a part of the story because when I researched my family history, I traced my family all the way back to Henry VI and beyond. So anything with him in it interests me. That aside, this is a very enjoyable, well-written story. Thanks for sharing.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4750631

Review of Emilia and Sepet - the story continues

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi J.R. PETE

,

I am reviewing your short story, "Emilia and Sepet - the story continues"

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked:

I have to confess to not having read many vampire stories before. Of the ones I have read, this one is the best. It is interesting and has an angle of jealousy that I really liked. In terms of a sidekick stealing the show, Emilia definitely took over and became the strongest character. The most likeable, also.

When Sepet called Emilia Justina, I really sat up and took notice. I couldn't wait to meet Justina. I knew she had to be someone important to Sepet. And she was. I wonder what his plans were for Emilia, now he was marrying Justina and replacing her. Or did he plan to keep both of them? You did mention that three centuries had passed between his wedding to Justina and the present. I guess that's a long time to stay faithful to one person!

I loved your description of the count as having "black eyes." That made me smile. I also think the description of only half the wedding guests drinking champagne, and the other half drinking a "Merlot-colored win" is brilliant.

Suggestions: My main suggestion is to watch your tenses. You switch between the past and present tense quite a lot, and it is quite off-putting. For example, in the first paragraph you say, "Emilia believes that the wedding feast wasn't intimate enough ..." It is present tense. Then, the next paragraph, you have, " ...the meal was far from expected, and only a third of the guests ate." Most of the story is past tense, but there are some switches. Additionally, I wondered why Emilia gave Justina her blood, when she had said she wanted to spare her from, "... despair, sorrow for a life lost, and eternal loneliness." Surely, turning her into a vampire — even if Emilia is the one who does it — will cause all of those things?

Parting comments: This is an enjoyable story. It has made me more interested reading more of thins genre, and I thank you for that.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4750630

Review of The Firemen

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Amethyst Angel🌸📝🪽

,

I am reviewing your short story, "The Firemen"

, as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

What I liked:

Firstly, I love the story. This bunch of guys who want to make it big and get a record deal. I love the band dynamics, and I imagine they are quite accurate as to how it really works in bands. Each of the characters are real and distinct. I really liked the way Dan eventually came around to sharing the vocals with Ryan. The scene with Ryan telling Dan how they needed him to sing as well himself was lovely.

Ryan very much took the lead in this story. It seemed he wrote songs, as well as Dan, and he had the voice of an angel. The complete opposite of Dan's grungy voice, their voices complemented each other perfectly.

I loved all the musical terms and sounds and images you give us in this story. This description is fantastic: "He hammered a maddened riff across the twin Toms and ended the run with clashes on both high hats ..." Love it! Other places I thought were excellent were: "The barn cat opened one eye to stare, unimpressed." I could picture that so well. If I wasn't already deep inside the story, that would have taken me there for sure. Also, this is fab: " ...pity party complete with confetti and tiny violins." This is when Dan realises he's been sulking about the missing the gig and Ryan doing a great job.

Suggestions: Just a minor comma point. " ...banging the door behind her and making the thick, hopefully soundproofing blanket we'd hung on it waggle." This threw me off a little. If you added a comma after soundproofing, it would be clearer.

Parting comments: I wanted to know whether they got the record contract. The gig was clearly important, and it was the focal point of the story, but you don't tell us whether or not they got it. You left me hanging, lol. Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed this story.

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4749525

Review of A Man's Hands

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi MoonChilde

,

Thank you for entering your poem into "A Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "A Man's Hands"

, in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: As I first read this, I was impressed with your use of imager. I really liked the theme of hard vs. soft, rough vs, gentle that runs through the poem. It is an interesting topic, and I can honestly say I haven't read a poem like it before.

Voice/Tone: You explore masculinity, and the expectation placed on men, by writing about their hands. Your narrative voice works really well. I love this conflict between the tough protector that men feel they should be and the tender, loving people they often feel that they are.

Mechanics: The rhythm in this poem is fantastic. I love free verse poetry, and this is a great example of that. It flows really nicely.

My Favourite Part: The imagery. You show so much in your descriptions of hands. I love the part where you say men's hands are rough, then switch to, " ...gentle enough ... Soft enough to wipe her tears." That touched me. It is a very tender and soft image.

Suggestions: If I'm honest, I would have liked a little more depth in the imagery. It is good, don't get me wrong. I just feel like I could have been more moved if you put a little more emotion into it. But that is a minor suggestion.

Thanks for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4749523

Review of Addiction

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Temperance Stone

,

Thank you for entering your poem into "A Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "Addiction"

, in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This poem is incredibly sad. My first thoughts as I read it were that you have some wonderful imagery. You do a fantastic job with describing the pain and relentlessness of addiction. However, there is some hope near the end where you write, "I always fight back."

Voice/Tone: Writing from the 1st Person perspective gives us a great insight into the mind of someone with addiction issues. You don't say what it is the narrator is addicted to, and so it works for all kinds of addiction: drugs, alcohol, food, love. And everything in between. A lot of people will relate to this. The narrator sounds slightly distant. I know others will disagree, but, for me, it puts a bit of a distance between me and the poem. However, it can be argued that it demonstrates the (almost) dissociation between the narrator and her life.

Mechanics: The abcb, defe, etc. rhyme scheme helps the poem to flow really nicely. Additionally, your rhythm is even, and you clearly have a good ear for it.

My Favourite Part: I like the personification of addiction. "She wages attack" is a fantastic way of making addiction feel like a living, breathing thing. Which, in many ways, it is. I love how you say addiction speaks softly, sings to you, makes you feel safe, and then — wham! — it attacks. In addition, you show how addiction feeds on your low self-esteem and undermines all of your good feelings about yourself. This is very well written.

Suggestions: The only thing I wasn't sure about was the first four lines beginning with I. It stuck out, to me. However, I think you are maybe trying to show how much addiction makes a person retreat into themselves and think only of their addiction. But, as I said, it stood out to me. Also, a minor point: "But addictions no quitter." There should be an apostrophe before the s in addictions.

This is a great poem. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4749522

Review of How To Make Gold

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Amethyst Angel🌸📝🪽

Thank you for entering your poem into "A Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "How To Make Gold"

, in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a great poem that made me laugh out loud in places. I love the humour in it. The way you tell a story through your poetry really appeals to me.

Voice/Tone: The narrative voice is warm and funny. The tone of the poem, while speaking of Sam's endeavours and his problems and triumphs, is light and not-too serious. It makes for a great, entertaining read.

Mechanics: This poem is not any set form, buy you do have a consistent rhyme scheme of abab, cdcd, etc. This rhyme helps to move the poem along at a great pace, and it also helps to set the light-hearted tone.

Rhythm: Mostly, the rhythm is good, but there are places where it is a little bumpy. I would suggest you just count the syllables and the stresses on each line. Read the poem out loud. That will help you to hear where the rhythm is off. I have a few suggestions, and I'll note them under the 'Suggestions' heading.

My Favourite Part: The humour is fab. I love the end, where you say Sam shared out his money "like beans." In terms of poetically, I like the first few lines the best. They have a perfect rhythm and rhyme, and they are smooth and fluid. This really hooked me. I was intrigued to see where Sam's story would take me.

Suggestions: Firstly, "Whom he knew" should be who. I will put my suggestions for meter in a dropnote for your convenience.
Suggestions for Rhythm / Meter ▼
I also have a question. I didn't understand, "Because gold to one person is dead." I'm not sure what it means.

Thanks for sharing your poem. I really enjoyed reading it.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4749517

Review of The calling of tomorrow

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Ashok Banerjee

,

Thank you for entering your poem into "A Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "The calling of tomorrow "

, in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I really like this poem. It may be short, but it really packs a punch. Your message is wonderful. I love that you say things have got to change, we have all got to do better for our children and their children. Tomorrow is coming, and in many ways, it isn't looking so great. But you ponder what you can do to help make a change, and I think your poem reflects the conscience of a lot of people.

Voice/Tone: Your clear voice makes a good impression. As I mentioned above, this poem may be short, but it is concise and poignant. I love the short lines. By having these, you focus the reader on what is important, on what you want them to know and understand.

Mechanics: I am a huge fan of free verse, and this is a great example of the form. I love how you start the poem by asking if other people hear the "calling of tomorrow," and end by saying you must do what you can to help, otherwise how can you hold your head up? I like that. Your use of free verse makes the poem even more stark and emotive. Your use of punctuation also helps to focus the reader.

My Favourite Part: The message. This little poem has a big impact. The clarity with which you see the world is wonderful.

Suggestions: I only have one suggestion. You use the word "future" in two successive sentences. Because they are close together, and because there are so few words in the poem, they stand out a little. I would change one of them. Maybe, instead of, "For future generations" you could write, "For younger generations"?

I enjoyed reading this poem. Good luck in the contest!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4749516

Review of Love's Dancing Petals

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Conorwriting

,

Thank you for entering your poem into "A Newbie Poetry Contest"

. I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "Love's Dancing Petals "

, in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I was surprised how much I enjoyed this poem. I say surprised because I'm not normally too fond of happy poetry. But there is something about this poem that just touches me. The sentiment you describe is sweet and genuine, and I admire how you have laid out your feelings for all to read.

Voice/Tone: I believe this poem is absolutely from the heart. The ending, especially, appeals to me: "the greatest gift, I've ever known, / to love you in your ways."

Mechanics: I don't know whether this is a set form of poetry, but it feels like it could be. There's definitely a rhyme structure (that works really well, by the way). It would be nice for your readers if you noted the form on your poem because there are a lot of poets out there who want learn about structured poetry.

Rhythm: On the whole, the rhythm is good. When I first read it, I wasn't sure about the longer lines. But after a few reads through, I can see that they really work. It has a good flow to it.

My Favourite Part: I really like the warmth in this poem. It feels as though you are smiling as you write it. It makes me smile, also. This line stands out, to me: "Upon a hill, a light breeze, a dimple in your cheeks" That mention of a dimple is the kind of keen observation we make of those we love. I'm not completely sure whether this is a romantic love. I thought it was at first, but the more I read it, the more I wonder whether is actually about a valued friend.

Suggestions: There is one place I think you have a typo: "though each sunset we are made" I think it should be through not though.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .