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I check for: *Butterflyb* How well the story is written           *Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers                    . *Butterflyo* Rating           *Butterflyr* Plot           *Butterflyv* Characterization           *Butterflyb*Dialogue           *Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters          
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76
76
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! a very interesting idea I liked how you succeeded in finishing two poems, using the following alphabet in the new word, and decorating them in different colors as a way to highlight them to show your power of words and that you succeeded in the challenge.

1. I liked the way how you described the first entry showing the bragging and the showoff part as talkative whispers, which is driving Emma crazy.

2. I liked the way how you showed demonic evidences in the academy, rationalizing the queries and how they put on their good faces as a mask during the examinations.

3. I liked the way how you showed that you completed the challenge not just in one entry but two and having them in the same item showing them as a two beast gotten down by writing and fulfilling the challenge.

Overall it is great two poems, I enjoyed reading it, good job, keep it up *Wink*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poems.

Thank you
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#1695090 by Not Available.

my signature thr sea horse
77
77
Review of heeeelp!  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! A very interesting story, I liked the idea of being kidnapped and being trapped needing some to pay ransom, making new friends to keep herself company, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the how you showed the darkness in there, and how some animals are trapped with the main character too in this awful place and not all of them friendly.

         2. I think it would be better to show the beginning of how all this started.

         3. Logic: How come she didn’t realize the snake until it was too late? There is a rat and not eaten yet by the snake nor having the rat realize that his predator is out there?

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

          1. Outline it

         2.Organize it (I think this story has a lot of details and events missing, it would be better to set a timeline to it, show more about the kidnapper and the ransom, instead of trying to bribe the people *Bigsmile* )

*Butterflyo* Rating

          well since there is violence from the snake’s part then I think this story should go to ASR or 13+

*Butterflyr* Plot

          1. I liked the idea of having the main character kidnapped and asking for help so that someone could pay the ransom to her out of there, she trying to convince whoever comes to pay her ransom promising some very attractive gifts, yet it all doesn’t work and she is stuck thee with very minimum light, a spider, a rat that listen to her and keep her company, and finally a snake who went all crazy on her and bit her making her bleed.

         2. I think it would be better if you showed the main character’s circumstances before getting herself kidnapped. Who are her kidnappers? Why was put in that place? What made her end up as a hostage? How much and what is the ransom?


*Butterflyv* Characterization

          I liked the way you showed the main character sad and trapped in her hostage place waiting for a ransom, yet no giving up hope and trying to make one forcing herself to think of a way out it could be by bribery, or any way trying to convince anyone she sees or hears or read her plea to pay her ransom to get herself free. She sounds a very sociable person talking to everyone, yet she is a kid, scared of spiders and crying for mummy when she is scared and alone, and trifled when that snake bit her.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I liked the way you showed her talking to the reader but I think you need to show her conversation with the rat, and her conversation with herself when she is scared from the spider and the snake.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

          I think you need to show her thoughts from being there is this dark place, trapped and alone only having animals and spiders to company her. Show her thoughts in italics how she thought of them and wondered about them thinking of their similar situation, which is being trapped together.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
 Invalid Item 
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#1695090 by Not Available.

my signature thr sea horse
78
78
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having two characters each having his/her own side of the story, but still there are things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the way you showed the difference between determination and giving up, or determination to give up.

         2. Use letters and not numbers ("15" should be "fifteen" just to be more professional)

         3. Logic why would Michelle want to go to the gas station shouldn't she be heading home or some place to rest?

         4. It would be more interesting if you showed the story instead of telling. (show what happened in the party, how her family tried to make her remember, the flashes and glimpses she had before and after remembering.)

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Proofread it

         2. Edit it I think you should write this story in the past tense not the third tense in the first paragraph ("on the dark road" i think it should be "in the dark", "The party she’d been at had gotten out of hand, and she had no desire to be there anymore. She’d have just as enjoyable of a time at home; after all, it was the last night she’d get to spend with her family before her brother went away to college." this part sound confusing it should be " she was in a party that got out of hand and decided to leave. It was the last night she got to spent with her family and brother before going to college.)


*Butterflyo* Rating

          I think the rating fits the content perfectly

*Butterflyr* Plot

         I liked the idea of having a woman leaving early from a party and getting hit by a drunk driver, then losing her memory and working hard to remember, on the other hand you showed the driver state during and after hitting the girl in a "hit and run act" and how both were tortured but in different way one was lead to life and the other to his death.


*Butterflyv* Characterization

          I liked the way you showed the characters Michelle as a fighter and very determined person, Sean as a coward person hiding from his mistakes and trying to forget through alcohol and driving drunk.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I think it would be better if you added some dialogues show the story through the conversations among the characters, show their features change when they react to people and situations.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

         I think it would be better to show the thoughts of Michelle and Sean in italics.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
 Reviewing stories NOW OPEN  (13+)
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#1680858 by Nada Philippe (a.k.a: R.H.N)

my signature thr sea horse
79
79
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of playing chess online and having to think of a handle or a username to enter with but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the way you described how it all started by the phone ringing and managing to control the balance on the ladder.

         2. I think it would be better to explain why not use “Big Daddy”

          3. I think it would be better to name the characters involved in the story it’s all about the username but still no name of the caller except that it’s the main character’s child.

*Butterflyo* Rating

          I think the rating fits the content perfectly.

*Butterflyr* Plot

          I liked the idea of showing how the name “Shark Daddy” got to be your username and how your child had hand in it.

*Butterflyv* Characterization

          I liked the way you showed the main character’s pride and showing it all over the internet and how his child helped him in forming the name and how it affected part of the main character’s life.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I liked the way you showed the dialogue in this story but I think it would be better to show the facial expressions and movements during the conversation.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

          I think it would be better to show the thoughts of the main character about the names and what were they thinking how did a name fit while other didn’t.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
my signature thr sea horse
80
80
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having an obsessed woman smearing spaghetti sauce from ceiling to floor, and having her husband annoyed about it, yet she promises him that everything will be alright when he comes back, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

         1. I liked the idea of having an obsession with spaghetti sauce for Amanda and having John go along with it.

         2. I think it would be better to explain the reason of the obsession and what caused it in the first place to ask for a Psychiatrist.

          3. Logic: slipping on slippery floors will definetly cause falling but skating it's hard to stumble since skating got more balance in it so it's hard to lose your balance while skating because there are always brakes so I think the word choice in here isn't that lucky.

*Butterflyo* Rating

         I think the rating fits the content perfectly, but maybe ASR rating would be better.

*Butterflyr* Plot

         I liked the way you showed how Amanda is obsessed with tomatoes and sauce and how her husband John is getting his on his nerves because of it, he stumbled twice to get out of the kitchen of course to her satisfaction but she promised him that by night the kitchen would be clean and shiny.

*Butterflyv* Characterization

         I liked the way you showed the characters having Amanda obsessed and somehow crazy but still determined to go on with her obsession but promising that she will fix everything by night. Having John a bit clumpsy and unable to handle his balance because of the tomato sauce but still determined to help Amanda even after his frustration.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I liked the way you made the dialogue tell the story but I think you need to be clear about who said what and why I got confused on who said that part ("I can’t take this one more day. Psychiatrist—Yep. Appointment time!") since John was the one who already spoken in the line before so to make it more clear I think you should let the sentence run on if it's the same person who is speaking I mean make it in the same line and don't start a new line as long as it's not a new person's sentence.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
my signature thr sea horse
81
81
Review of FRED AND COCO  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of showing how the two pets played with each other and enjoying themselves with chasing each other and taking away the toys and not letting the other touch them, but still I think there are few things you can do to make it better.

1. I liked the way you described Fred by being full of energy and going in each corner, but I think it would be better to show the toys part in the poem instead of having to explain it in a separated paragraph.

2. I liked the way you showed how one pet isn't enough and it that pets fills the house with joy and by time they become more or the same like family.

3. I liked the way you showed Coco and Fred playing around the gazebo and having Coco taking away the toys and keeping it all for herself and gets angry at him if he tries to take it from her.

Overall it is a very interesting poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Smile*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
my signature thr sea horse
82
82
Review of Before 8 November  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of love and romance starting and becoming a day to remember and know before anything else.

1. I liked the way you showed how the poet is attracted to the love of his love and how November 8 was the beginning of this love introduction between them, and how it turned to be the most known day in his/her life.

2. I liked the way you showed that the unseen time made the love to act like magnet attracting and bounding the two lovers together through words that went directly to the soul.

3. I liked the idea of having things about love happen to fast and too soon, because of some kind of anticipation making" storms blow the winds another day."

4. I liked the way how you showed that the moment being together was somehow stuck in time and will always be remembered and that they shouldn't be alone again but together forever, because this is what feels right for them.

Overall it is a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
83
83
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having a lover mourning her love and remembering all the times they had spent together and how she will always know that he was her perfect lover and that she will never forget him, but still there are few things you can do to make it better

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

         1. I liked the idea of remembering her love and making sure that no matter what she will never forget him because he was her perfect love and match.

          2. Show more of the history between the main character and her relationship with her love, it would be more interesting than just telling the readers how the main character loved her love and remembers him.

         3. Show glimpses of how her love died, and how they reached to that end.

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Outline it

         2. Organize it (show the time line and differentiate between her memories and the things that are happening at the mean time, set a time line to the events and tell the story of how they reached there and how he ended up dead.)

*Butterflyo* Rating

          since there is death and sorrow in this story then I think it would fit more to be a ASR (or 13+ if you are going to add the details of his death )

*Butterflyr* Plot

         1. I liked the idea of having a woman remembering her love and mourning at his memory showing how much the two of them fit together and that she will never forget him symbolizing that with the flowers.

         2. I think it would be better if you showed the main characters in love and how they were belonging to each other through their actions and situations, and then show the some kind of accident or disease the her love went through and then her memories in her thoughts struggling to adjust to what happened and then promising that she will never forget him.


*Butterflyv* Characterization

         I liked the way you showed the main character grieving and mourning her love showing how emotional, caring and loving for that person and how she can't let go of him that easy.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

         I think it would be better to show some situations where the main characters showed their real love through dialogues and movements of the characters and how the two of them reacted to each other through their movements and, facial expressions.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

          I think it would be better to show her memories and thoughts in italics to prevent confusion.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
84
84
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of showing the suffering of a late neighbor and how that affected the poet, even thought his neighbor Paul was suffering but he didn't stop there and kept on giving hope and smiling helping the people around him to understand his suffering and to understand life that it isn't always fair but no matter what we should live it with dignity and with pride.

1. I liked the way you showed how he suffered on the wheel chair, and how he tried to see and hear multiplying his efforts.

2. I think it would be better to show it from his point of view, his dreams, wishes, how he didn't make anyone feel his suffering because he hid it by his smiles and optimism.

3. I think it would be better to show how the people felt seeing him like this, was it pity or his smiles and hope that he spread all around him made the people forget and love him as he was.

4. show how close the two of you were, knowing what he saw and saying that he saw things and traveled more than the poet will ever will that makes Paul a very sociable person allowing the poet to see what was in his mind and eyes and how the poet felt that it's way more than his own experience.

Overall it is a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Smile*

Please note that this only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
my signature thr sea horse
85
85
Review of Writing  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Wow! this one of the most encouraging poems for writing I’ve ever read, I liked the idea of encouraging people to write, wither it was a poem, story, a theory or anything else just but it on paper and write it down, doesn't matter how good it is because it's going to improve with more writing, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

1. I liked how the poem fulfilled its message to encourage people to write whatever they want and not feel lazy about it, if they had an idea about something or anything they should put it on papers.

2. I think it would be better to change the "?" to be "!" because the poet isn't asking for a new idea of a story, he is actually saying to the reader you got an idea so write it down. (Splitting these into two sentences doesn't change the fact that the reader isn't asked about the idea the reader is only asked to write it down which makes it an order and not a question, as for "got an idea" the poet here isn't asking but confirming that the reader got something to write.

3. I think "write him up" should be "report him" instead because it's either putting someone's name on the list to be checked or to investigate with them or whatever, but reporting this person would give a deeper meaning which will have an effect immediately.

4. "wow, writing is a lot of work!" in here you kind of hinting that writing has to be improved and edited but you don't show it or tell it in the poem. You only clearing that there is a lot of writing to do but not a lot of improving that writing. so I think it would be better to show how to improve, edit and work on writing to make it better and not just to write it down on paper because writing doesn't end when the papers are filled, it needs to be perfect so that all kinds of reader would understand the writer and his message that he/she is sending.

Overall it is a great poem I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
my signature thr sea horse
86
86
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of showing the imagination as a childhood friend where the poet was so attached to it when he was a child but then when he grew up he realized that his friend disappeared and wonders where that childhood friend is, where did his imagination went? Is far, close or what? Anyway it doesn't matter because he is missing it and wants it back.

1. I liked the way you showed imagination as a friend that the poet left behind when he grew up, realizing that growing up gives him more things to think about that all concerns reality and not fiction.

2. I liked the way the poet was looking for his imagination wishing to go back to his childhood away from reality to this imaginary world where dragons fly and mermaid swim away from the real problems that he is facing and away from the troubles he sees to be free from responsibility and bring back a world that he can control.

3. I think it would be better to define growing up and show how that affected the poet's imagination and the difference of having the imaginary world and the real world.

4. I think it would be better if you showed imagination as a part of life coming back but as adulthood friend changing it's looks and features to fit the poet's age.

Overall it is a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Smile*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
my signature thr sea horse
87
87
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having a clown hiding his feelings after they were rejected by the woman he fell in love with, and making so many masks to keep on doing his work as a clown thinking that it is what he was meant to do, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the idea of showing the clown’s work and due to his work he has to disguise and neglect his feelings so that he can make people happy.

         2. Show and not tell (you kind of told the whole story instead of showing what happened in details you told the reader what he/she should observe from showing the story.)

         3. Logic: still having his masks while he is working as a waiter! (I think either he will get himself fired or work as a clown but not in the circus this time but in the restaurant as a part of a show that entertains the customers.

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Proofread it

         2. Edit it (there are few grammar and word choice mistakes like “his” instead of “her”, the each sentence in a new paragraph which was confusing. Avoid unnecessary repetition of the same word like “missed” in the same paragraph)

*Butterflyo* Rating

         Fits the content perfectly

*Butterflyr* Plot

         1. I liked the way you thought of the clown and how he is always sad thinking of this feeling as a natural one same for love but when it came to love he decided to stand up for it and tell it to the girl who he is in love with her but she rejects him and makes fun of him, so he decides to leave and work as waiter but he is still recognized as the clown and starts having his shows in the restaurant and getting scolded for not doing his job as a waiter right, then he goes back to the circus and hides himself again.

*Butterflyv* Characterization

         1. You told the main character’s feelings instead of having the reader read between the lines to understand the sorrow of the clown (which is still unknown why was the clown sad at the beginning of the story?)

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          1. I think it would be better to show the dialogues in your story instead of giving a brief explanation of what happened between the characters and how they talked to each other and what did say.

         2. Make each character’s line in a new paragraph.

3. Show the conversations between the characters along with their facial expressions, movements and emotions and how their voices sounded so that the reader could figure out their characters and their feelings toward each other.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

         well I would love to read the thoughts of the clown as if his mind is the one talking to the reader and to prevent confusion the main character’s thoughts should be in italics, instead of having the writer himself tell what the main character is thinking. (Show not tell.)

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
 Reviewing stories NOW OPEN  (13+)
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#1680858 by Nada Philippe (a.k.a: R.H.N)

my signature thr sea horse
88
88
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having a young man remembering the old times when he used to play with his friends on the lake and how things changed from colorful to colorless and now to a grayish color to adapt to the new kinds of corruption where right and wrong is relative, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the way you showed how concern the young man Ellis was and the way you showed how relieved was he when he reached to the lake where he got lots of memories that connects him with that place.

         2. I think it would be better if you skipped some of the details that aren’t necessary and went directly to the point (instead of telling the details starting of going to the lake and sitting there and eating and then the whole vision of the story moves to general and not concentrating on Ellis except at the end, show it from Ellis point of view and show how he saw it not just his surroundings) to make it more interesting.

         3. I think it would be better to show some flash backs of his childhood instead of telling some of his memories about his friends and the mothers who used to yell at them.

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Proofread it

         2. Edit it (I think you really need to work on the punctuation of this story, also there are few spelling mistakes like “pores” should be “pours”

*Butterflyo* Rating

         the rating fits the content perfectly.

*Butterflyr* Plot

         1. I liked the way you showed a young man trying to find his memories and going to the lake where some of the memories he got and needs to remember or maybe relive it. Then you showed him enjoying the view and eating and remembering how everything changed from colorful to colorless and then to that grayish color making him laughing to the world knowing that it might be better some day.

         2. I think you need to show real history of this lake and Ellis world to make the reader be able to relate to it and understand what’s going on.

*Butterflyv* Characterization

         I liked the way you showed Ellis’s character and how was he attached to his memories and his world yet he refused to see what’s happening and hid in his food and through eating to prevent from seeing what’s happening.

         2. I think it would be better if you showed him talking to himself or maybe an inner conversation and not just one or two sentences to enable the reader to know what happened to him in the past and the present to make him reach or go back to this lake.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

         I think it would be better to show the thoughts of the character using italics.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
 Reviewing stories NOW OPEN  (13+)
a forum to review stories all kinds and all ratings
#1680858 by Nada Philippe (a.k.a: R.H.N)

my signature thr sea horse
89
89
Review of Red strings  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having strings leading him to the ways and his options of what to choose to follow and what’s not, through his choices he chose to keep up till he find something to remember, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the way you showed a lost man asking those who pass by him and yet no answer and he keeps following yet he is scared of losing whatever the thing that is attaching him to his past and history.

         2. Logic : you did mentioned anything about why the strings exist, it felt like the reader is dealing with a puppet and not a real person.

         3. You showed the man’s actions but you told his thoughts as an observer to his character but I think it would be better to show his thoughts as being inside the character to be deeper.

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Proofread it

         2. Edit it (there are few mistakes like “I” instead of it and some words were repeated twice.)

*Butterflyo* Rating

          The rating fits the content perfectly

*Butterflyr* Plot

         1. I liked the idea of having a lost man trying to remember who and what he was, the only thing attaching him to his past or his memory is red strings that show him the options that he have either to leave the strings and follow a new destiny or go back and follow the string maybe then he would find peace and remember who he was, the strings have him options and lots of way to decide but he didn’t choose revenge, he chose his home and going to his wife.

         2. There are lots of things missing in this story like the memories he had about the two men arguing, and there was nothing about his wife except that he loved her (I think the other characters need to have more details to help the reader realize the rest of the characters and not feel that it was a monologue or a solo act.)


*Butterflyv* Characterization

         1.I liked the way you showed the main character, his confusions, his conversations made really sound like a lost man who wants to go home to the woman he really loves.

         2. You need to add more to the personalities of the other characters in the story.(maybe their backgrounds, their relationship with Arthur and how he met them and why was he affected by them and their arguments.)

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I liked the way you showed the dialogues in this story but I think it would be better to add more facial expressions, and movements of the characters during the conversation.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

         I think it would be better to make the thoughts of the main character in italics instead of telling them to the reader as an assumption of the observer who has the third point of view

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your story.

Thank you
 Reviewing stories NOW OPEN  (13+)
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#1680858 by Nada Philippe (a.k.a: R.H.N)

my signature thr sea horse
90
90
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
An interesting poem I liked the idea of showing the calling of a cab driver and what he passes through and what he sees till he reaches his destination, and how he deals with his passenger and how time matter to both the driver and the passenger but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

1. I liked the way you showed how the cab driver showing his day during the call before and after, wondering around grapping the wheel waiting to be called.

2. I think you should cut down the short cuts "CB" should be Citizens' Band radio to prevent confusions.

3. I think you should show the poem in the form of stanzas to separate the times and to show the difference of each part of the poem.

4. I think it would be better to show the facial expressions when it comes to time and how both the driver and the passenger were concerned about it, and how time plays a big role when it comes to roads and driving

Overall it is a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Smile*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to you use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you

 Reviewing stories NOW OPEN  (13+)
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#1680858 by Nada Philippe (a.k.a: R.H.N)

my signature thr sea horse
91
91
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Wow! a very interesting poem, I liked the idea of having the poet talking to someone who is in a world that is full of zombies and he is trying to show him how to survive, and to avoid a large amount of them so he starts giving him tips, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

1. I liked the way you showed the poem as some kind of a warning and safety tips for anyone who is dealing with zombies.

2. I think it would be better to show the real danger of how it feels when you are dealing with zombies, how did the zombies appear and why?

3. I think it would be better to show the civilization from the poet's point of view, because in this poem it only appears that the civilization is to cities that have no zombies in it.

4. being changed to a zombie is possible in the zombie world but you mentioned nothing about that in the poem, you only mentioned how to survive, the only way not to survive is when the person the poet trying to save is dead, which is somehow hard to happen because it's better to change him to another zombie which will leave his body still surviving.

Overall it is a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Smile*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to you use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you

 Reviewing stories NOW OPEN  (13+)
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#1680858 by Nada Philippe (a.k.a: R.H.N)

my signature thr sea horse
92
92
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
A very interesting essay where you state how you got your ideas f writing and how your experiences helped you to create your ideas, characters and stories but still I think there are few things you can do to make it better.

1. I liked the way you started in the introduction showing that your writing is influenced by what you watch, play and some experiences you got in life through people you know.

2. Being affected by what you see and watch is normal but to show some of examples of what you wrote I think you should connect them together like, what were the similar ideas, or actions, what did you take from reality or imagination and created other things with it. This part needs more details than just repeating what you said in the introduction over and over again.

3. In the second paragraph you showed how you thought of the characters while writing their personalities, but then you showed no examples from the stories you wrote, especially having stories about monsters and werewolves and so on would make you think differently than the characters of normal people. (This would be a good point to show.)

4. In the third paragraph you wrote that you don't revise your writings except for one story and you mentioned it's name and then said that you are a member in an online writing community and you ask some friends to review your work for you and that they help you, but also you said that you already know what needs to work on, which is not all scenes and showing not telling is the basic things, connecting the characters together and reading it from a critic's point of view is totally different than having a writer looking at his/her work as something they did. (as an advice look at it with a critic's eyes and forget that you are the one who wrote it, reread it and think how to find faults and mistakes in that piece to make it better.)

5. In the conclusion you repeated the part of the introduction about how people and your own experiences, movies and games helped you and you added that your teacher helped you in that too and that she is the one who encouraged you to write, I think it would be better if the conclusion was filled with ideas to improve your writings and how you are looking for improvements through your teacher, reviewers, and you yourself.

Overall it is a great essay, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your essay.

Thank you
 Reviewing stories NOW OPEN  (13+)
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#1680858 by Nada Philippe (a.k.a: R.H.N)

my signature thr sea horse
93
93
Review of Never Was  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the way you showed the vanishing of lives and how there will be sun rise but there will be no one there to enjoy it.

1. I liked the way you showed the end of the world where no one and nothing will be left on the earth, the trees will be gone same for its shade, and the people and animals and all living on earth won’t be heard and won’t fill this earth with their noises and crowd.

2. I think it would be better to mention the reasons and how the life on earth came to extinct along with describing the scene and the feeling of all forms of life extinction

3. I liked the way you showed that the earth and the galaxy will continue it’s round but there will be no one to enjoy it.

Overall it is a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.*Smile*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fir to your poem.

Thank you
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#1695090 by Not Available.

my signature thr sea horse
94
94
Review of I AM  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! a very interesting idea, I liked the way you showed love that inside the heart talking to the owner of the heart and trying to make him/her recognize the love inside and to show him/her that they are love or a part of it.

1. I liked the way you showed the deep love and how you described it as a sun and a blanket that gives the person its warmth, and he candle light that burns for people.

2. I liked the way you showed how the love surrounds the darkness to hide it and give the warm breeze just to make the person having it that they are in peace and to feel its warmth.

3. I liked the way you described the love as the person but stripped of pain and desires.

4. I liked the way you showed love trying to show itself to the person that is hiding it inside his/her heart to tell him/her that they are one and that it is the deepest part of his/her soul.

Overall it is a great idea, I enjoyed reading it. Good job keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your prose.

Thank you
 Invalid Item 
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#1695090 by Not Available.

my signature thr sea horse
Image #1466395 over display limit. -?-
95
95
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Wow! A very interesting essay I liked the way you combined the beauty of the trees, the willow and the storm with this sad story of how the branches will finally bow down to the storm and admit their defeat.

1. I liked the way you showed how you introduced the pain of being broken, and how it hurts to lose a limb, and then you make the picture more close by showing the trees falling because they cannot support the their own weight that is going to being accompanied by the ice weight too.

2. I think it would be better to describe more about the ice storm not just the ice, show how the trees swayed, how the branches danced and trembled before falling, and also describe the coldness the writer felt and how that affected the drought (it's like it was too dry for the trees to find water and now during the ice storm it's too cold and iced that they cannot get water too)

3. I liked the way you showed the fight between the willow and the storm and how it fought to the end, and went down with dignity and grace after a fair fight.

4. I think it would be better to work more on the conclusion to show the effects and influences of that storm after it passed, and how that affected the people there, and show the remains of the willow and the tree (maybe also show some hope by growing up new branches or showing some new plants and trees in the area)

Overall it is a great essay, I enjoyed reading it. Good job keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your essay.

Thank you
 Invalid Item 
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#1695090 by Not Available.

my signature thr sea horse
Image #1466395 over display limit. -?-
96
96
Review of Through the Storm  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having an old tale and adding to it some new twists and story of a new and young imagination, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the way you showed the change of times and events making the readers feel that they are in the magical world of the story.

         2. Connect between the changes to make the reader understand what was going on.

         3. Introduce the characters, show a glimpse of what was going on in the tale to allow those who know nothing about the tale to follow with your story.

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

         1. Outline it

         2. Organize it (set a timeline to the story to show the flow of events and show more about the introduction and the characters to help the reader understand what’s going on with the story.)

*Butterflyo* Rating

         I think the rating should go to ASR since there are many scenes and jumps that aren’t explained that easily.

*Butterflyr* Plot

         I liked the way you showed the magical world and how it started with a storm and ended up vanished into some other world away from the magical world of Oz.


*Butterflyv* Characterization

         I think you need to show more about the characterization, show how the characters, walk, talk, move and how they react with each other, show their body language and feelings.

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I think it would be better to add more facial expressions and the movements of the characters during the conversation.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

         I liked the way you showed the thoughts in italics to prevent confusion but I think it would be better to add more thoughts to show the flow of events in the main characters mind.

*Butterflyo*The idea and summary of how to improve

          organize the story, show more about the characters, show the movements in the dialogues and add more thoughts.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.*Smile*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fir to your story.

Thank you
 Invalid Item 
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#1695090 by Not Available.

my signature thr sea horse
Image #1546322 over display limit. -?-
97
97
Review of Decaying Beauty  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of showing the beauty within the decay and how the fall appear after the summer taking away all the beauty that the summer made, and giving it all a new type of beauty with different hues and colors.

1. I liked the way you showed the decay and what the fall brings to the nature, yet to the cycle of life and beauty to continue decay and fall must happen to preserve that beauty.

2. I liked the way you showed the rebirth of nature after the autumn and how that affects everything around it.

3. I liked the way you show the sadness and sorrow that happen when the summer fades away, yet in that same decay beauty dominates and appear in nature by different colors and sun warmth adding a different kind of glory and grace to nature.

Overall it is a great poem I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Smile*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
 Invalid Item 
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my signature thr sea horse
Image #1546322 over display limit. -?-
98
98
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! A very interesting poem, I liked the idea of having a mother expressing her feelings and emotions to her sons and telling them how much she loves and feels that she is blessed by having them.

1. I liked the way you showed how much the poet feels that her sons are very special people and they are considered a gift from God to her, and she is expressing her love to them.

2. I think it would be better if you showed some of the actions along with the emotions to help the people understand more about that bond between that particular mother and her two sons.

3. I liked the way you showed how the sons were always there through the fears and sadness of their mother to keep her company and ease her sorrow and make her happy.

Overall it is a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
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#1695090 by Not Available.

SP CHALLENGER SIG
99
99
Review of I Miss Buttons  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very interesting story, I liked the idea of having a little girl who doesn’t understand the meaning of death and having her parents helping her to understand what happens when creatures become unable to grow, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

*Butterflyb* How well the story is written

          1. I liked the idea of how you showed the way the little girl was thinking, and using her childish words to help the reader go inside the story and experience it as a little kid who doesn’t know the meaning of death and why does it happen.

         2. I think it would be better if you named the characters and showed the way the adults deal with such things not just by dealing with their kid but as a situation.

*Butterflyg* If it is easy to be understood for the readers

          I think that the story was very well understood and easy for the readers to understand (I didn’t find any mistakes that might confuse the readers)

*Butterflyo* Rating

         well it is written in a way that fits the rating but since there is death and being not so strong to survive then maybe you should move it to ASR or 13+

*Butterflyr* Plot

         I liked the way you showed how the mother was concerned about her little girl and wanted her to understand about death and give her some answers, and make her understand that it wasn’t her fault that her pet died and that he was just unable to grow anymore and he became weak so he died, the way you showed the cooperation between the parents was a great and how they dealt with the rest of the animals and how they treated their little girl with love and understanding.


*Butterflyv* Characterization

         1. I liked the way you showed the characters but it felt that they were all affected by the little girl’s way of talking, as if they were all the same person just taking different roles.

         2. I think it would be better if you showed how the parents cooperated with each other using their real names, showing how they walk, talk and deal with each other, then show how they helped their daughter to understand (it will help the readers to understand that they were people who understand each other and are able to understand their kid since it is all connected to each other.)

*Butterflyb*Dialogue

          I liked the way you showed the dialogues along with the facia expressions but I think it would be better to add the movements of the characters during the conversation to make it easier to the reader to understand their personalities and visualize them.

*Butterflyg*Thoughts of the characters

         I think it would be better to show the thoughts of the little girl in italics instead of just giving a brief idea about it.

*Butterflyo*The idea and summary of how to improve

          give names to the characters, show how the mother and the father cooperated with each other and understood each other, show more movements during the conversation, show the thoughts of the little girl.

Overall it is a great story, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up.*Smile*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fir to your story.

Thank you
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#1695090 by Not Available.

SP CHALLENGER SIG
100
100
Review of Disease Spreads.  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Wow! A very interesting poem I liked the idea of showing how the disease spreads through the ill body and weakens it, but still there are few things you can do to make it better.

1. I liked the idea of showing the disease perspective of how it thinks that the body is a gift and how it enjoys destroying it because from the disease's point of view it's considered to be food.

2. I think it would be better to show the poem from the disease's point as if the disease is the one talking and introducing itself showing how it feels and how it enjoys the suffering of the bodies and so on.

3. I liked the way you showed how the disease doesn't care about the body that it grows on but I think it would be better to show more about how it is possible to stop it and what happens if it was stopped or cured in one person how it survives to feed on another human being.

Overall it is a great poem, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, keep it up *Thumbsup*

Please note that this is only my opinion and you are free to use it the way you see fit to your poem.

Thank you
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