This is a wonderful first chapter. The chapter opens with a brief history of Phil. This takes all the reader's attention and focuses it on him and the chapter. They will read on to know more about Phil. This is a fabulous opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the chapter. You have set up your main characters and plot very well for your reader. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The chapter is well paced. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet it moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:
1)You have neglected to put each piece of dialogue in its own paragraph. You should remember to consistently do this keep your writing clear for your reader.
The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is tinged with longing and urgency. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering what Scootaloo will do about her candy bar craving. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a teenage girl who gets money to buy a candy bar in a very innovative way. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
This is a fantastic poem. The tone is filled with sorrow and hopelessness. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The poem is about someone who has lost hope and is facing their troubles all alone. I have always had someone to turn to and share my feelings with. I am hoping that the speaker will find this person in their lives. I read to the last word to see if this happens for the speaker. I loved this poem. The free verse works well in this poem, and you have handled it very well. There is a wonderful rhythm here. The poem flows extremely well. It is a pleasure to read, You have used punctuation and grammar consistently in this poem. There is nothing to distract the reader from their reading pleasure. Great job.
This is a wonderful story. The tone is tinged with anticipation. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering what Iris will find when she goes to visit Silas. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a woman who goes to visit her friend and finds a strange feel to his residence. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is filled with confusion and fear. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering why B395 is getting treatment. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a young boy receiving behavior modification treatments as he trains as a soldier. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is full of annoyance and surprise. It takes all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering if Thomas will try to ask out the girl he encounters in the elevator and what the consequences of that might me. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about three people who meet in an elevator after years of not seeing each other. It is told from the perspective of each of these people. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of tense. You have changed point of view during the story, but this was done very smoothly. Great job.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is formal. It suits the story and plot very well. The reader is wondering if the teenagers will find anything frightening in Midnight Manor. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a group of teenagers who visit an old theater to find out if there is any truth to the rumors of it being haunted. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. There is no dialogue but it is not needed here. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
I thought this might be a recipe, at first, and I love picking up new recipes. I was just as delighted to find out it was a short story. I had to begin to read to find out how mango and sticky rice figured into the story.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is formal. It suits the story and plot very well. The reader is wondering how much of a fight Miss Lim and Mrs. Manareeta will end up having. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a woman and her servant who conflict over how much a buffalo us used during farming the land. This conflict can be construed as happening because of the difference in the lifestyles of both women as well. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
I don't write it much, so I love enjoying the marvelous poems from the poets here on the site. This one caught my attention with its enigmatic title and tantalizing synopsis. It promised to be emotional and uplifting. I had to find out what was next.
This is a fantastic poem. The tone is formal. It suits the poem and subject matter very well. The poem is about a girl in Africa who strives for Actualization and finds her way in challenging circumstances. I have had a few Facebook friends who describe Africa as having a rather hard society, and I read to the last word to see how this girl would fare in chasing her hopes and dreams. I loved this poem. The free verse works well in this poem, and you have handled it very well. The reader can understand the frustration that the girl must have felt during her journey through life. The poem flows extremely well. It is a pleasure to read. You have used punctuation and grammar consistently in this poem. There is nothing to distract the reader from their reading pleasure. Great job.
This is a fantastic piece. The title is enigmatic and attention grabbing. It tells the reader very little about what the piece is actually about. They are intrigued and will begin to read to find out more. You introduce the topic with a brief description of conditions in the Philippines during the Pandemic. This takes all the reader's attention and focuses it completely on the topic and the piece. They will read to the final word. You have written about a lady who took her recovery from Coronal Virus on herself when the hospital was not able to treat her. You are conversant with your topic and easily make it comprehensible for your reader. The length is perfect. You completely develop your topic without belaboring the issue and making the piece tedious. You use a formal, organized style that is very appealing to the reader. Great job.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is a full of worry and fear. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering what will happen to the speaker and if they will be able to get help. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about someone who ends up accidentally hearing about a murder plot which puts their life in danger. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
This is a wonderful story. The tone is slightly sinister. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering what bloody battles Morocco has to tell about. They will read to the last word to find out. In this story, a young woman sees her family killed and vows revenge. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characterization is fully developed and believable. The story concentrates on Aicha, and she comes across as a real person. There is no dialogue but it is not needed here. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:
1)husband and children slaughter,-Should read "husband and children slaughtered."
The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
The title of this really told me nothing about what was actually in the chapter. I was completely engrossed just wondering what was to come next. I just had to read this chapter.
This is a wonderful chapter. The chapter opens with a bit of a mystery. The Manor starts emptying of people. Why is this happening here? The reader can't wait to find out. This is a fantastic opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the story. They are completely enthralled with the family's personal challenges. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The chapter is well paced. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet it moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. I did come across a couple of structural issues that need your attention:
1)You have neglected to either double space or indent between paragraphs. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader.
2)You have neglected to put each piece of dialogue in its own paragraph. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader.
The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.
I didn't know what to make of this chapter from the title. It tells very little about what the chapter actually contains. Now, I know that those that read the first part of the book would probably realize what might be going on. I was fascinated and just had to begin to read.
This is a fantastic chapter. The chapter opens with personal drama as Kal worries about Bel having nightmares. The reader believes that Bel must have some sort of personal problem, and is anxious to find out if Kal will be able to help. They will read on. This is a wonderful opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the chapter. They get completely involved as the discussion gets more and more personal. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The chapter is well paced. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet it moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.
This is a fantastic first chapter. The chapter opens with vivid description. This takes all the reader's attention and focuses it completely on the chapter. Tey will read on. The detail puts the reader all the way into the story. You have set up your plot and main characters very well for your reader. There is only one line of dialogue, and it is well done and realistic. The speaker's mother speaks likes a real person. The chapter is well pace. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet is moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going in the chapter. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is full of determination and nervousness. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering if the old mansion will have anything dangerous inside, or anyone. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a man who decides to explore a creepy, old house. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
This is a fantastic poem. The tone is formal. It suits the poem very well. The poem is about a sailor and an own that form a strong bond. I love poems which tell stories. I loved this poem and read to the last word. The free verse works well in this poem, and you have handled it very well. There is a wonderful rhythm in this poem. The poem flows extremely well. It is a pleasure to read. You have used punctuation and grammar consistently in this poem. There is nothing to distract the reader from their reading pleasure. Great job.
This is a fantastic poem. The tone is full of longing. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The poem is about someone who wishes they could write better poetry. I have wanted this for awhile. I am not very good at poetry. Prose is my strength. I loved this poem and read to the last word. The Fibonacci poetic form works well in this poem, and you have handled it very well. There is a wonderful rhythm here. The meter is consistent from line to line. The poem flows extremely well. It is a pleasure to read. You have not used punctuation in this poem, but it is not needed here. You have used grammar consistently in this poem. There is nothing to distract the reader from their reading pleasure. Great job.
This is a fantastic piece. The title is enigmatic and attention grabbing. The reader will be learning something about the site, but exactly what is unclear. They will begin to read immediately to find out more. You introduce the topic by voicing a question that most members have asked themselves at one point or another, including me: How can they gain exposure. This tells the reader exactly what they will be learning about and puts them at ease as they know they are not alone. They will read to the last word. You have written about how to gain exposure for yourself and your work on Writing.com. This a wonderful piece for any new person on the site and other older members who might still be struggling. The length is perfect. You completely develop your topic without belaboring the issue and making the piece tedious. You use a formal, but friendly style that is very appealing to the reader. Great job.
I love creepy stories. The title says that this will be unnerving and full of ghosts. I love stories like this. I want to start writing things like this. I was completely drawn to this story and had to start reading.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is formal. It suits the story and plot very well. The reader is wondering what Sarah will find in the old house. If ghosts are involved there could be anything going on. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a woman who decides to investigate a house thought to be haunted and find out its secrets. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characterization is fully developed and believable. The story concentrates on Sarah, and she comes across as a real person. There is no dialogue, but it is not needed here. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
The title of this story talks about a curse becoming a blessing. I have always believed that there can be blessings in disguise and that there is usually some good in most things that happen to you. The title really made me want to read this story.
This is a wonderful story. The tone is formal. It suits the story and plot very well. The reader is wondering if Prince Vatsa and Rishibala will end up getting married. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a Prince who has a curse put on him which, actually, makes him a better person. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:
1)You have neglected to either double space or indent between paragraphs. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader.
The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is filled with anticipation and confusion. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering when Garcia will arrive for his meeting with the speaker. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a man goes to a hotel to meet his friend and encounters two surprises. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
This is a fantastic poem. The tone is full of serenity. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The poem is about someone taking a relaxing walk through the woods and taking pictures of the woods and the animals that live in it. I would love to take my cell phone and do just this on a clear day. I loved this poem and read to the last word. The free verse works well in this poem, and you have handled it very well. There is a wonderful rhythm here. The poem flows extremely well. It is a pleasure to read. You have used punctuation and grammar consistently in this poem. There is nothing to distract the reader from their reading pleasure. Great job.
This is a wonderful essay. The title is enigmatic and attention grabbing. It tells the reader very little about what the essay is actually about. They are intrigued and will begin to read right away to find out more. You launch into the essay without introduction or preamble. This grabs all the reader's attention and focuses it completely focuses it on the topic and the essay. They will read to the final word. You have written about the visits to the United Kingdome of Abdu'l Baha in 1911 and 1912. You have done your research here. You are conversant with your topic and easily make it comprehensible for your reader. The length is perfect. You completely develop your topic without belaboring the issue and making essay tedious. I did come across a couple of structural issues that need your attention:
1) `Abdu’l-Bahá begin-"begin" should be "began".
2) He travel-Should read "He travelled."
You use a formal, organized style that is very appealing to the reader. Great job.
This is a fantastic story. The tone is full of excitement and terror. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering if there is something in the house that might hurt Callie and Cole. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a couple who, while on a road trip, come across a house that could be their dream house, it might be too creepy, though. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
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