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Review Requests: ON
394 Public Reviews Given
400 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Overall impression, likes, suggestions, positive closing. I am honored to do reviews upon request, usually on the first day 2023 Quill Winner
I'm good at...
...emphasizing positive things in addition to at least one suggestion2023 Quill Winner
Favorite Genres
Biography, short stories, all styles of poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark because I am not fond of voluntarily being scared.
Favorite Item Types
True stories and experiences
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that scares me
I will not review...
I will review anything. I have reviewed books, however, they take a lot of time, the turnaround is longer than 3 days.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ruwth,

Thank you for telling me about your story, "A Horsewoman In My Dreams..." I read your story and have a few thoughts. I hope they are useful.

True stories are one of my favorites. It sounds like your foster experience was okay with foster sisters who cared about you enough to help you when you got into difficulty. Each interaction with a horse was fun to read. My first time on a horse was in Yosemite National Park. After a tame ride of a couple of hours, my legs were sore for a week!

The presentation of your story was pleasant with a nice soothing font color and easy to read text size. I also liked the paragraphs formed with a few sentences in each one. The last sentence confused me somewhat. Stating you were a horsewoman in your dreams made the experiences you wrote about not clear if they were real or just in your dreams. Thank you for the extra treat of the trinket to collect.

Write on!
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2
2
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Anya,
First, welcome to WdC, the way we abbreviate our site address. Your first entry appeared in items written by people new to the site. I read "Partial Confession" and related to the frustrating event of being unable to fall sleep with something lying heavily on your mind or heart. You noted the genre is poetry, free verse the style. The genre choices are to make your item visible to readers looking to read works in their favorite genre. They direct newsletter editors to select specific types of items to recommend as editor's picks. You may choose 3 altogether. I suggest adding "personal: and "psychological." My favorite line starts with "My mind begins to start a track race..." Nice metaphor. Congratulations on your first entry. If you have any questions about how to do things, just ask.

Write on!
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Made by Hanna
3
3
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello and thank you for this wonderfully relaxing story. It felt like a good day to email the boss saying you needed to take the rest of the day off! A good excuse is to say it is for "personal" reasons. These opinions I provide are mine alone all of which I hope will be useful to you.

The album by the Moody Blues covered music from dawn until night. They gave a unique sound. Your descriptions were full of imagery, like a "Kite flying day." It was left to my imagination to picture the breeze watching the "Powder puffs" in the sky. Good job creating a framework of peace and tranquility.

One area you may want to look at is in this sentence: "This too shall pass my father always told every time I got into trouble." There needs to be an object of the telling. Otherwise you could say "Father always said every time..."

I enjoyed reading your story. Keep up the great work!

Write on!
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4
4
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


Hello Victoria,

Congratulations on your 22nd WDC Anniversary. That is amazing! Here is an anniversary review of "Diana: One Woman for the World." The opinions I express are mine alone. I hope they resonate with you.

Overall impression: I loved Princess Diana. I read Morton's book, magazine articles, and anything else I could find. I find the monarchy unrivaled by anything out there. I related to your essay. I was watching television at the late hour's announcement and hours thereafter with story after story about her life and more relevant to me, the things she was able to accomplish because of her position in the Royal family. My overall impression is the piece is well done. You used chronology which made one thought move effortlessly to the next. The narrative was fact-giving for the most part.

I was thinking about the genre opinion. I did not see opinions. Rather, I saw the piece as relaying true facts, not how you felt about them. The final words explained your lasting impression of one who died too young. You might want to expand a little on "Diana had many charities," and "And she loved to dress." I understood what you meant, but would have liked to know a ew o the charities she supported. She liked to dress in fine clothes.

Thanks for this reminder of the tragedy that affected people around the world.

Write on!
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5
5
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie

Hello Leslie Loo,

Thank you for your review request. I noticed your second WDC anniversary was just a few days ago. Congratulations! It is a wonderful place to hang out. I read and will review "The Land of Mirrors: Part 1" giving you my views. They are my opinions alone which I hope you find useful.

Overall impression: I immediately look at the genres to prepare the type of story I read. I was engaged from the introduction of the main character's name alone. The hook is the most important part of the story. The plot had a unique way of crossing into another dimension. I relate as I have a friend whose job is like Cash's. She also complained about swollen feet from standing her whole shift.

I liked part one of your series a lot. It has all the elements of a great story beginning with the opening hook. The dialogue was well-balanced to give the reader more information about things as they happened. Freezing time, while she is in the magical place, was a clever technique. The ending left me wanting more; the ultimate sign of a great story.

Here are a couple of things to work on. The text size is small and hard to read. I recommend size 4. The story would have more punch by restructuring sentences to be more active. For example, "The coldness in the room engulfed her, making her wish she’d brought a jacket" could be, "Cash shivered, chastising herself for failing to grab her jacket to ward off the typical chill in the store." You mentioned the store was vacant followed by "hardly anyone entered the dressing room." If the store was vacant, no one would be in the rooms.
Let me know if you make revisions so I may read it again. I was honored to review your story and thank you for the generous gift points. I see opportunities to set your serial above the rest, so have rated it 4.5 stars. It was fun to read. Again, Happy 2nd Anniversary!

Write on!
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6
6
Review of My First Poem  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello MayDay,

I came back to look around your portfolio. As a member of the disABILITY Writers Group, I want to read and review for you. I picked your poem "My First Poem." Here are some thoughts I have to share. They are just one person's opinions which I hope that you will find useful.

Overall impression: I like biographical pieces so the genre "personal" appealed to me. I liked the rhyme of the first two lines. Those opening two lines engaged my attention. The distress you were feeling is something I can relate to. Aesthetically, the poem looked okay. It may look more appealing centering it. I am sorry you felt so down you wanted to run from the unsetting part of your life. Sleep deprivation may bring out negative feelings.

I liked your poem. I see you have an interactive piece. Time permitting, I will come back and read it. I have fan'd you as a friend.

Write on!
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7
7
Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie
Hello Finder101,

Happy 1st WdC Anniversary. Nice to meet you. In honor of your special day, I am reviewing your poem 50th High School Reunion. These are my opinions alone, which I hope will resonate well with you.

Overall Impression: Presentation is as important for me as the poem itself. I was thrilled at the large font. Those of us with eye problems keep silent at the tiny default prompt. The bold test was icing on the cake. I checked right away to ascertain it was a true story. Only then did I begin to read.

What I liked: Beyond the beautiful presentation, the message was universal for what I imagine it is like for all of us who have had a 50th reunion. Your free verse poem pointed out right up top that things are a matter of perspective. I liked the visual of the "saggy bulldog face."

The mechanics of your poem are perfect. The ease of reading was in your storytelling. Writing in the first person works well, allowing the reader to feel your strong feeling of what could have been.

Congratulations on your anniversary and kudos to you for a poem I related to. (Class of 1966}.

Write on!

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8
8
Review of Curiosity  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hello Zeke,

In recognition of your 17th WdC Anniversary, I am reviewing your poem "Curiosity." The description of the poem caught my attention. I am by nature as curious, or even more so than my favorite pet cat. I also want to return the favor of your reviews of my work. It is long overdue.

Overall Impression: The presentation of your poem with the bold letters and large font appealed to me because those things made it easy to read. The poem itself centered on the page was nice and symmetrical, another impressive way to pique my interest. The end rhymes were consistent and well thought out.

What I liked: Besides the things I already mentioned, the thing I liked is how your poem made me feel. Often I would like life to present itself with no problems. Even good things take effort. Your words, "Would it be boring with nothing much to share?" beckons an answer no. My thought is everything in moderation. I don't want boring, as much as I don't want chaos.

The flow could be better in the first stanza where I stumble on the word "Un-obscured" where I had to define in my head that it meant to be clear without and hitches.

Great job on a universal message for mankind to spend their time on earth engaged in things, people, or activities. Thank you for the hundreds of reviews you do for us. Happy Anniversary to you. Enjoy your day!
Write on!

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9
9
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*


Hi Angi,
Nice to meet you under wonderful circumstances, your request for a review of "Dream Jumper Prologue." I will tell you first that I read it twice. Once yesterday and again this evening. I will tell you why a little further in my review. These are solely my opinions and I hope they will be useful.

Overall impression: Your writing style is professional and relatable providing all the elements of a great story. I related because I kept a dream journal for a couple of years. Your hook is solid. Asking a question is sure to engage your audience. Writing in the first person is the hardest tense, yet you seem to have accomplished it effortlessly.

What I liked: I liked the hook. I was all in from the start. I like that because that is when I began to absorb the tidbits of information provided. There was so much information I decided to sleep on it. (No pun intended). Since you didn’t describe her, I could compare her views and behavior to people I know in real life.

A few phrases stood out. One is “As soon as their head hits their memory foam pillow.” I own one of those pillows. That line is closely followed with, “It’s simply good night moon for them.” I read that book to children and grandchildren. Close to the end is, “I remember every microscopic detail” which seems ordinary, yet, in this case, it is the exact word to describe how you remember your dreams.

There are no mechanical issues which pleases me. It makes for a great reading experience. One suggestion is to make the text size a little larger. People like me, awaiting cataract surgery, have a difficult time reading smaller print.

Thank you for choosing me to review the prologue to your book. Reading and reviewing each other’s work is the focus of WdC. You are a gifted writer. I can envision this book being published. Keep writing great stories like this one. I feel privileged to read and review your prologue.

Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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10
10
Review of James James  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Beholden,

As agreed, I am reviewing your first and favorite story “James James.” I have thoughts about your story to share. I hope they are useful and resonate with you.

Overall impression: Your writing style mirrors A.A. Milne’s. Details flourish, increasing the effectiveness of reading your story to young children. You used the role reversal where James is in charge of his mom which is right on!

Your story will resonate with children who are not happy being told what to do. That audience alone is huge. Jennifer already has the beat on ways to manipulate people. Starting with her blue eyes, she was already a rare little girl. The conversational rhetoric was a pleasure to read.

Your expository writing style, combined with the narrator staying consistent throughout, kept the opening, plot, and closing believable. Active dialogue moved the players forward to an ending made humorous by the image of a crushed flower bed. The closing is satisfying, yet leaves the door open for a follow-up story. The description that stuck with me the most was the one big blue eye staring back at James through the fence. I have blue eyes and thus, my imagination moved her up in status, giving her character more attention than I may otherwise have given.

It helped that I am a Milne fan, as are a minimum of 50 million people alone who have purchased “Winnie-the-Pooh.” I have sent you via email a copy of Milne’s signature. That would beg the question when “James James” is sent to prospective publishers, how will your signature appear?

Thank you for your story. I was invested from the first descriptive hook, likening James to be a stickler for neat and tidy, to the final alleged trampling of one flower bed. I was held captive and captivated.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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11
11
Review of Old T.V Shows  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Intuey,

I took the TV quiz and got 100%. It was moderately easy. It made me feel good to be familiar with the shows and choose the right answer. The answers were well thought out. Some of the shows are similar, like "Bewitched" and "I Dream of Jeannie." I liked the multiple-choice format. The entire piece is mechanically flawless. The presentation is great with the size and spacing of the questions and neat boxes to check. It looks so professional that I would guess you have done this before. If you have not, this is a great one. I see you do everything with excellence. This is evident in the cover art you selected which is a console-style TV which was the kind people owned at the time these shows were broadcast.

One suggestion is about using 'other' as a genre. Exchange it for one where members can find this TV quiz. "Community" would be a good choice.

Congratulations on the great job you did creating this quiz! I give it five stars!

Write on!
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12
12
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello thea marie,

For the first time in all these years at WdC, I clicked on Browse By Type and your "My Top Three Pet Peeves" appeared with other choices. The cover art on the page called attention to it. I read it nodding my head. I then looked at the one review of three stars with shock. There are no mechanical errors, the piece is written well, and the message is clear and concise. What more could a reader ask for? I needed this to be offset with a perfect five stars because it is worthy of that rating.

Overall impression: I gave a clue in my previous sentence. Pet peeves are personal, yet in most cases universal. The narrative is in the first person and should be read and respected that way. The background information at the beginning prepares the reader for what was the origin of your pet peeves.

I could name my top three which are lying, cheating, and being unkind. I dare say we all have pet peeves. Being judgmental is not helpful or constructive. You own your feelings. I respect and indeed admire someone with strong feelings.

There are no flaws whatsoever. I understand your warning below, though I would not deem it proper to download your work without your permission. I have reliable antivirus protection. The one thing I would recommend is to increase the font size for easier reading. For me, I have cataracts, which are scheduled to be removed in three weeks, causing difficulty reading small print.

I say bravo! I not only enjoyed the read but was motivated by your words to rethink my thoughts about pet peeves. I thank you for that.

Write on!
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13
13
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi xxdarkredxx,

Welcome to Writing.com which we refer to as WdC for short. Your story Edith's diary
(June 11, 1961) was an editor's pick in the Noticing Newbies newsletter I just received. Congratulations on being selected by the Editor. I read your story and am providing you with this review. My opinions are just the opinion of one person. I hope they are useful to you.

Overall impression: I was so certain there was an Edith Vanderbilt, that I did a Google search. Your story was realistic, plausible, and has such a great style. You described all of the characters, so I could picture them in my mind. I was engaged and lost in the story, which is often hard to have your readers do. You have all the elements of a very good short story here.

The hook's first sentence was terrific. I related to my journal at the same age. Your imagination coupled with your attention to detail made the story complete. Mechanically your piece has no detectable errors. Great job! One suggestion is to increase the text size so it is easier to read. The final sentence is another paragraph so double-space it.

Kudos to you on a story well-written. The idea is original and I liked each character. I have a suspicion you have written a lot and look forward to your future writings.

Write on!
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14
14
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ruwth,

What an entry! You spoke well as the voice of John, the Apostle. Anyone doing a bible study would benefit from this as a resource. Anyone reading it could also be blessed. I liked the way you touched on His miracles. His relationship with the living Christ gave credence to every word. I was happy to refresh my bible knowledge. Your excellent knowledge of the Word is something I know you don't take for granted. The possibility is there to publish this. In my view it could be included in the study of John, his letters, and his close relationship with Jesus. Thank you for writing it. I absorbed the story. It does not have any mechanical issues. The only improvement would be to get it published and shared with many more people.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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15
15
Review of Butterfly Blue  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie

Hello Ana Star,

Congratulations on your 18th WdC Anniversary. In honor of it, I am reviewing your short story Butterfly Blue. My opinions are solely from me, one person's views. I hope they are useful for you.

Overall impression: I was hooked as early as the title due to blue is my favorite color and my love of watching butterflies. If that did not do it, your first short sentence introduced the characters and frame all of which engaged me. The personification was natural and the dialogue flowed easily. I related to the experience of making friends.

Your story is edited to perfection which makes for an enjoyable reading experience. I had to strain to read the small text size and absence of paragraph breaks. I suggest, to improve its readability, increasing the font size to 4 and double spacing.

You are a gifted storyteller. You skillfully created a memorable modern-day fable. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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16
16
for entry "~ Basic Training ~" 
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*

Hi ruwth,

I followed your portfolio's highlighted entry listing items you would like reviewed. I selected Basic Training. I have some thoughts about it that I hope you will find helpful.

Overall impression: Biographical stories are a favorite of mine. I liked the way it was presented with each one named and underlined in bold. I was happy to see I was getting eight stories in one entry. The paragraphs were nicely double-spaced. The narrative was easy to read and follow your experiences at basic training.

You showed just enough detail for me to picture the scenes. With that, I could imagine myself on guard duty, or laying in the bunk with a bible under my pillow with you. Your descriptions contained a lot of facts, for example, rules and more rules. I think you felt conflicted, but your faith kept you on track. Your emotions were in check, you did what was required, and you further volunteered for extra duty as an Academic Monitor. Writing scripture in your Air Force guidebook was brilliant.

A couple of mechanics I noticed. Under Outstanding Academic Monitor, the first sentence, "Well, I another thing I can't remember" the first I should be removed. In the sentence, "Another woman in my flight that all of us adored" the word that should be changed to who or whom.

I enjoyed reading about your time in basic training. You are a gifted storyteller which had the effect of making me feel I was right in the action. Thank you for these stories and especially, thank you for your service.

Write on!
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17
17
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hello Vicki Lynne,

Congratulations on your 21st WdC Anniversary. In honor of your anniversary, I am giving you this review of your poem for your grand-niece, Brittany. I have a few thoughts which I hope will resonate with you. They are solely my views which I hope will give you one person's impression of your poem.

Overall impression: Your free verse poem to Brittany is filled with love referring to her as "my dear child." As a great-aunt myself, your piece was relatable. I liked you taking the occasion of her graduation to give her advice, rather than just a congratulations greeting card.

You talked to her about her having personal dreams. Advising that she alone was responsible for success or failure would assist her in life. It was grown-up advice, with a helpful life lesson. Delivering her sound advice just as she was heading out on her own was perfect timing.

I noticed the rhyming words ended after the fifth stanza moving into free verse. That came unexpectedly causing me to go back a few previous lines to see if anything prepared us.

Congrats again on your anniversary. It was a privilege to read and review your piece. I would be interested to know if Brittany took your advice.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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18
18
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Maryann,

Congratulations on your 22nd WdC Anniversary. I first met you when joining Super Power Reviewers. In honor of your big day, I am doing an anniversary review of "A Milky Way Wonder." Yes, I am affiliating it with SPR.

Overall impression: Your presentation is awesome. What fun to see the animated swirl of stars. The blue text and alternate font style make this piece memorable. Your poem matched the excellence of your presentation.

I enjoyed the swing of the rhythm while eagerly reading the active verbs, whirl & twirl, flutter & flit, and majestic spray of the Milky Way. The imagery was a heady experience. I did not count syllables or look closely at the poetic elements. When I like a piece, I like it for the overall impression and how it makes me feel. How did it make me feel? Dizzy from the movement which felt great.

I read it out loud and think it may be fun to experiment with removing some extra filler words. It may give it even more pop! "They twinkle, they dance, they flutter about" could be "Twinkling, fluttering all about." Another could be from "Like glitter and wondrous magic throughout" to "Glittering, wondrous magical route." Just a thought. For me, I stuttered, just a smidge, when I bumped into the word and. This is one of your favorites, best not to fix something that is not broken.

It is only my opinion. It is clear as it stands now is right on target. The five-star reviews reflect that. I will add my five stars to it. You have a wonderfully full lively portfolio. I enjoyed looking around with so many items to choose from. Thanks for your out of this world poem and for all you do for our great community!

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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19
19
Review of The Stroll  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi,

Your story, "The Stroll" was recommended on Newsfeed. That is how I came to review your work. These are my thoughts alone that I hope you find useful.

Overall Impression: I was immediately pleased with the presentation. Using a larger font is wonderful, as it helps old eyes avoid getting strained. The genres almost put me off. I review everything, but "dark" is ominous. I did not need to worry after starting your story.

Pushing a stroller was one of my favorite things I have done, so I could relate to your tale from the first sentence. I liked the way you left much to my imagination. For example, we don't know what anyone specifically looks like. You are an excellent storyteller. You moved the story along naturally while raising the anticipation of how it would end.

The entire piece is mechanically sound. That makes the reading so much more enjoyable for me.

I am grateful for the recommendation. This is the first visit to your portfolio and the story you have created. As time permits, I want to return to look around. Keep on writing.

Write on!
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20
20
Review of SMOKEY'S LESSON  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jim,

Your note about how hammocks played a big role in SMOKEY'S LESSON prompted me to come read the story. I have a few thoughts that are solely the view of one person I hope you find useful.

Overall impression: Very impressed with the way it looked. You used a nice large font which helps me read easily. Using shorter paragraphs helped me process each action as it unfolded. It would be easy to develop your characters, or friends named Jim since you knew and interacted with them.

I am particular about the description and genres. I like them to prepare me for the story. Yours are right on! Your presentation is appealing, particularly for those of us with vision challenges. Schwartzenberger is a memorable character. Somehow I imagined him as a big man. He had a good experience swinging himself into and climbing out of a hammock. I think the Hammock Haters Club would make an exception for him.

There are no mechanical problems that enhance reading your tale. Great job!

Congratulations on writing this piece. It has to be a good feeling to be a published author. I recall reading other stories on previous visits to your port. Keep up the entertaining true stories. They are my favorite kind to read.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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21
21
Review of Gloria's Glory  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi SandraLynn,

In honor of your 10th anniversary, I selected "Gloria's Glory" to review because it has not been rated yet. The opinions expressed here are solely my own. I hope they will be helpful.

Overall impression: The story was original. I liked the character who more by their actions than their words, were developed for me to picture the action as it happened. You built up the suspense in that I had no guess what was in the bag. Good job meeting all the elements of a good short story.

One strong suggestion for you is to double space and increase the font size. It was difficult for me to read it. One word, "aint" is spelled ain't.

I enjoyed reading about Gloria's birthday surprise. It was funny and had a big finish! Great writing! I look forward to reading some more of your work.

Write on!
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22
22
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ruwth,

I saw your Newsfeed invitation to review your "Three Things That Worked." I have a few thoughts that I hope will be useful to you. They are the opinions of just one person.

Overall impression: The layout of your piece is appealing to the eye. I like nice short paragraphs with enough depth that keep my interest. From your hook to the end, I was engaged. It was another life-changing moment for me. The three things resonated.

These three things that worked for you are important to me because there are many times when being quiet would have been a better option. In customer service
offices you will often see little mirrors where the person is supposed to smile while talking to a customer. Can they see the smile in your voice? I related to the reason to smile.

It is always a plus to read a piece with no mechanical errors. Kudos to you for that.

Thank you for writing about three things that have helped you. I can see how adopting the changes will help me in my life. Great writing with terrific content, ruwth.

Write on!
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23
23
Review of Kynance  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart* Positive Hearts Group Review *Heart*


Hi Beholden,

I came across this personal experience titled "Kynance." I am fond of personal trips to learn about places around the work. I am giving a review I hope you will find useful. Take what is relevant to you.

Overall impression: I was first drawn to the photo. The title name and description prepared me to see a beautiful seaside. Your descriptions are ideal. You tell us what they are, but leave just enough to the imagination. Starting with a "gravelly and steep" path, it sounded precarious. "A jumbled mass of rocks" was another picture.

The narrative is framed in what sounds like a one-of-a-kind beach and cove area. The walk sounds a little precarious. I wanted to know what kind of shoes/sandals were you wearing the first time you walked. With a little bit of creative thinking, I filled in details about the people on the beach and sounds I may have heard.

There is a different word structure in the second sentence, "I have stood on its westernmost point." In the United States, we say 'I stood.' You may want to exchange 'Contest Entry' to another genre to increase exposure with a third way to find your piece. There is nothing awry mechanically.

For the first time after reading and reviewing here, my fingers went to my search engine. I found out that the walk in, on the southwest side, is 2.9 miles. Swimming is allowed but can be dangerous. Your lovely cove is listed number one in a list of the top thirty-five beautiful places in the United Kingdom.

I liked that you covered the entire walk to stand at the mouth of the caves. Thank you for taking this reader to a magical place. I enjoyed reading it as well as reading about it afterward.

Write on!
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24
24
Review by tracker
Rated: E | (4.5)

*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*

Hello Bex,

I accessed your poem, "Pretty Princess" on the Community Read A Newbie link. I saw the title and wanted to read more about this royal person. The views I express are solely the opinions of one person. Take what is useful to you.

Overall impression: The title drew my attention. The appearance looks inviting with double spacing making my reading experience great. The first line engaged me. I wanted to find out if it was forever, which I was rooting for. Nice job!

Take a look at the line "for there were nothing before" Were should be was, I believe. No other issues mechanically.

I felt your passion without much information. I also could picture the pretty princess who had a pretty house, dress, and hair. It provided all the imagery I needed to imagine in my mind how you would be attracted to this person.

I enjoyed reading your poem. I took the liberty to read your two other poems. You move the reader to care about what happens which is the sign of a good storyteller. Congratulations. We look forward to more writing.

Write on!
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25
25
Review of The Dance  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello KingsSideCastle,

Thank you for reviewing my rainbow pot of gold image and the gift points. I looked around your portfolio for my favorite genre which is non-fiction biographical. "The Dance" fits the bill. I have a few thoughts which I hope will be useful to you. They are just one person's opinion so use what resonates with you.

Mechanically I find no corrections needed.

Overall Impression: Music prompts are wonderful to dig up memories from our teens. Your memory story was told so very well. It was clear, the story flowed, and the end was one I did not anticipate. I liked the last line where I felt better that it was, in fact, a good experience for you.

Your storytelling ability is highly developed. I was engaged by the song you had to inspire you. Admitting you at first were not sure where you heard it showed a certain amount of vulnerability which I respect. I know exactly where I was when I first heard it. Your experience is relatable. For the writer, it is the best thing to hear your story worked.

There are a couple of suggestions you might consider. First, and foremost, is to increase the font size. You wrote it seven years ago. At that time it may have been the norm to leave it at the default setting. It will increase the appeal.


A second suggestion is taking advantage of choosing two more genres. Replace "other" since it doesn't tell you about the piece. When you edit, you can look over the genre list that is aligned with your content.

Congratulations on a well-organized and easy-to-follow true story. I switched on the tune to listen to while I wrote this review. It evoked a fond personal memory for me which was a very pleasant experience. Great writing! Keep them coming.

Write on!
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