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Review Requests: ON
371 Public Reviews Given
377 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Overall impression, likes, suggestions, positive closing. I am honored to do reviews upon request, usually on the first day 2023 Quill Winner
I'm good at...
...emphasizing positive things in addition to at least one suggestion2023 Quill Winner
Favorite Genres
Biography, short stories, all styles of poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark because I am not fond of voluntarily being scared.
Favorite Item Types
True stories and experiences
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that scares me
I will not review...
I will review anything. I have reviewed books, however, they take a lot of time, the turnaround is longer than 3 days.
Public Reviews
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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Hope,

I found your tribute to your Nana on the read and review page. Thank you for the privilege to review “Trixie Timney; much loved.”

Overall Impression: This is a loving tribute to an incredible woman. Her devotion to her husband and family was unwavering. Her baking talent was epic. She took the time to give you attention as well as impart wisdom and be an excellent role model.

High points for me: You have a killer opening sentence. I was hooked and engaged right away. Each memory is written personally as if I were right there with you both. The thoughts in parentheses fill in wonderful details that the reader would not know otherwise.

Suggestion: I felt the great opening sentence should not stand alone. It could be combined with the next paragraph. I had to pause between a part of the story that interrupted the flow.

Congratulations on yet another super piece. I noticed you are a newbie with four and a half and five stars on your work which sets the bar high reviewing your work. Your genre selections are perfect. The piece is flawless. I rate your story a solid five stars. My one suggestion is just my opinion that you can decide if you want to change. I have made a note to come back and read more of your writing. You said in your biography that you are creative and hopeful. Both came through in your excellent writing. You are a gifted writer!

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, L.A.Saxe,

I saw your review request on “The Hub” for “The Old-Fashioned Way”. It is my privilege to review your story. I will answer your question if this writing style suits a longer piece.

Overall impression: The plot is original and unique with a believable main character. Your opening sentence is a strong hook. You had me engaged, wanting to read on.

Highlights for me: The clever way Humpty Dumpty was important to the plot. In addition, I could hear and imagine the action. Examples are his wand that “Crackled and fizzed," and “Molten brickwork became normal.”

Suggestions: Combine the sentence ending “recommenced’ with the next two sentences in one paragraph. That will improve the flow. After "charcoal," is "then he thought." I would remove then.

Bravo! The story kept my interest. I was pulling for Dilby. The answer to your question is a resounding yes. Please continue using your style to write short and even longer stories. The suggestions are only my opinion. For that reason, I have rated your story five stars.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Yipsey Quibble,

I found your story on the Breast Cancer Review Challenge page. I am pleased to review your free-form poem.

You covered a lot of the emotions one goes through when you have breast cancer. I liked the way you said "The story of Knowing and Trusting God." Believing in a Higher Power sustains and supports you during your breast cancer journey. You mention you were "Chosen" which I wholeheartedly agree with. I am a breast cancer survivor. I liked the aesthetics achieved by centering the poem. Each quatrain has a line above and below it which gives a feeling of safety and security. There are no issues with the mechanics.

The only suggestion I have is to keep on writing uplifting poems. The images your words paint, like "love and adoration," feel good. Thank you for sharing your insight and good writing.

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Review of Depression  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am experiencing year forty-six with this affliction. You nailed it in twenty-five words. I am copying this and taping it on my laptop! Thanks for writing this. It has immense meaning to me.

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jatog the Green,

I found your portfolio from a link at the bottom of a book entry I was writing in my portfolio. I was interested in the title "Maternal Spirit." I am privileged to give you my thoughts. These are solely my own opinions and I hope will be useful to you.

I liked everything about your poem. You were true to your form. The rhyming was terrific. I liked the words you chose. They gave me an image of your encounter. I had the same experience with my late sister. I was excited to read about what happened. Have you shared your visit from your mom with anyone? I have and the people tended not to believe me. I am happy that it gave you peace. She gave you a huge gift by visiting you. You are a talented poet. Keep writing and expressing yourself. Poetry suits you.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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Review of Big Billy  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Legerdemaim,

I found your story on Read & Review. I am pleased to give you this review. It is solely my opinion. I hope it is useful to you.

This was a sweet, wonderful story told with a lot of dialogue. The story moved along well with the escalation of the antagonists. I was relieved the story had a happy ending. The way you wrote it, with growing tension, kept me guessing whether it would end in heartache or not. That is a sign of excellent writing skills.

Only one word had me pause. In this line, "He even took coffee down to the police car in the morning, never responding to the picketer's taunts." The picketers are plural so I believe the word should be picketers". One other thing is in this sentence, "His daughter had a hard time dealing with his wife's death." Referring to her mother as his wife sounded awkward. I entertained the possibility that referring to her as his wife indicated that she might be Meghan's stepmother. It is not wrong but I would prefer it to say she had a hard time dealing with her mother's death.

Read & Review can select items like this that were written a long time ago. I think that is neat that the work you did then is still actively being read. Regardless of the suggestions I made, I am rating it five stars for creativity and terrific dialogue. Congratulations on a story where the good guys win. Especially Big Billy.

Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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Review of Susan Smiled  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jacky,

I found your poem on Read & Review. I am pleased to give you this review. It is my opinion alone. I hope you find it helpful.

Overall I really liked the idea and plot for your free-form poem. I was spurred to keep reading from the first line's hook which forewarned of possible police intervention. I liked the way your narrative sounds conversational as if you were showing me something that happened to Susan while she was shopping with her mother. You did not describe them specifically so my image was of an older crotchety person whose daughter would be embarrassed as her mom complained. I can picture her all-knowing smile at the end.

There are a couple of places I think you may want to look at. One phrase is "...insisted she had come and..." I would add the word to, so it reads "...insisted she had to come and..." The other is after the mother says "...thank you very much,
"off she walked." This is an action unto itself. You could put a period after the quote then "Off she walked." or you could add the word "and" so it would be "...thank you very much," and off she walked.

I loved the twist at the end. That had both humor and sadness that she acted the way she did. A scenario that countless sons and daughters go through with their parents. Nice writing!

Write On!
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Maãlík,

I found your poem on the Read & Review page. I am privileged to give you this review. The views expressed here are my own. I hope you find it useful.

My first impression is it was easy to see with the double spacing. I liked that. It was free form and told a story that was someone was looking inward at how they feel about some negative things like failure. You did a great job describing with emphasis like "I’m a warrior with the spirit of a Spartan warrior." I could picture your feelings.

One thing that halted my reading was the period at the end of every line. It made it feel choppy. It would help to use commas and periods at regular intervals. I looked at your other pieces and this is your technique. I could get accustomed to it.

Congratulations on posting so many new pieces. A topic like this one is something a lot of us probably think but don't talk about. In that way it was thought-provoking. I was left wanting to read more.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi SandraLynnSlitherin',

I saw a note from you in the newsfeed. I think your Halloween handle is neat. I stopped in to look around. I saw this piece had no reviews. You said in your port notes you like to have your work reviewed, so here is my review of "Jumper Dies in a Spa Spill."

What avid reader could resist the story title? A short hook and I was engaged. I read it savoring the descriptions of an ordinary spa visit that became extraordinary. I could picture you holding onto your towel whilst the other was "flapping at the end of a pumping arm I willed my other limbs to launch us up in the air and over the still slick floor." Each of the numerous visuals was a treat. Some of my favorites are succumbing to gravity, an unblinking stare, and a bone-jarring whump.

I admired your skill in writing in the first person. I think that is the hardest voice to write in.

I noticed the word week in the sentence "I'm as week as a kitten" should be weak.

Congratulations on your excellent, unique, and original story. I enjoyed it immensely. I did not take off the rating for the blip in one sentence. If there were a rating of 10 you would have earned the highest rating! Bravo!

Write on!
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Review of First Grade  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jay,
Your story "First Grade" appeared when I chose Read & Review. It is a wonderful chapter from the novel you wrote. I had the exact experience in 8th grade as Quest. I don't remember the exam as much as I remember the drive home. I saw that trees had separate leaves and the blurs of red, yellow, and green were traffic lights. I was amazed at the definition of colors. I liked the way you wrote for children. They learned more than they expected with the lesson in Spanish and the process of getting their eyes examined. It was a twist when it was revealed the teacher was a raccoon. All the groundwork you set up for the revival meeting. I feel that was the biggest intent of the story to bring children to know the son of God. I was engaged in the story from the opening hook to the final word. ONe minor typographical error is after the sentence "Are you serious? Do you really meant it." I think meant should be mean. You used the letter "O" in several places which I thought should be Oh. For me, I wear tri-focals and the small text size made it a little hard going.

Thank you for this entertaining, yet very educational and informative chapter of your novel for NaNoWriMo several years ago. I enjoyed the read!

Write On!

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Review of Dead End  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello fyn,
Your poem came up on the Read & Review tab. I am fortunate it did! I enjoyed "Dead End" immensely. Every word is carefully selected to paint a picture of the Dead End road. The implication at the end is a wake-up call for so many who give up on life just because they are aged. My favorite line is "Cardinals call-- scarlet wings on snowy branches." It is my favorite bird and the perfect image representing life existing in winter. I did catch one typo in the first line of the fourth stanza. "Dad" should be dead. Thank you for this terrific thought-provoking piece. It has my mind reflecting back upon it already. That is what a writer wants. A fabulous read.

Write On!

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Mia,

First, Welcome to Writing.com! We call it WDC for short. We are so glad you found us! You say that you want to improve your writing skills. This is the perfect place to do that. Reviewing each other’s work is the main thing we do. We can help each other improve by reading what you wrote and telling you what we think about it. I found your story “The one that doesn’t exist” on the Please Review list. I understand you said this is your first piece and you want some feedback on it. Also, you say English is not your first language. I have read it and will give you my impressions. This is only my opinion. Keep the things that are useful to you.

This is a sad personal love story. The way you wrote it had me involved in what happened. You did a good job writing it like a good short story with an opening, body, and conclusion. You wrote it in the order that it happened so it was easy for me to follow. You explained who the characters are, including how your ex-boyfriend’s relationship made it hard to go ahead with this man you loved and wanted. All of that was terrific writing so congratulations!

The style of your writing is easy to read because it tells the story with everything we need to know. Who, what, where, when, and how are all answered. I feel sad for the way it turned out for you. I feel like I would also do it all over again. In life, there are couples where one person is hopelessly in love and the other one is not. I feel bad for you being the one loving and him not loving you back.

Your English is excellent. Every word is spelled correctly, and your grammar has no errors at all. Fabulous writing. I like what you wrote and encourage you to keep writing. In addition to writing, there are many other activities including groups you can join that may interest you. A couple of my groups are listed below.

Keep writing!
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Review of Complex Numbers  
for entry "Amethyst" 
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, Waltz in the Lonesome October,

I love the name Amethyst, but alas, I would call her Amy. Would that count? Great true story. What I liked best about the story was the notion that something marketed as a precious stone is pretty common, albeit infused with "the occasional iron atom in the crystal lattice." I have one amethyst ring. I bought it to match a cute purple outfit. But, I digress. Your story is unique. I am sure there are stories out there about naming your child Amethyst, but if so I never ever in a million years heard or would hear of one. The narrative is well done with your ending pointing to the beginning. It is complete.

Suggestion: I am puzzled by the description of your story "Not for the faint of art". Does that refer to people who love the artistic value of the color purple? It seems like a pun but I am not sure it is on the mark for the average reader like me.

Congratulations on a neat story told flawlessly. It encourages me to read more of your work. I was left wanting more which is what an author likes. Writing something without anyone reading is not fun. You need not worry. I enjoyed reading and commenting.

Write on!
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Review of Memory Calls  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I noticed your story Memory Calls in the Drama newsletter today. I thought a dark drama would be fitting on Friday the 13th.

Overall Impression: The story did not disappoint. It was a shining example of a heart-thumping dramatic last walk of Gaston. I liked the action verbs and complete descriptions of the terrain. I felt I was on this treacherous trek with him.

What I liked: I had a reaction to the drama every writer wants to achieve. My heart beat a little faster and I felt like I was going to fall on the way down and up. The story used word prompts in a creative way. It was just the right length to build up to the precipice of the story both literally and figuratively.

Suggestion: At one point you transition to a new paragraph using the word “then.” It seemed out of place compared to the other active transitions like “Gaston crouched.” I would delete the word “then” leaving “He was standing at the top.”

Bravo on another compelling story. The plot is Intriguing! I loved the fact I could paint a picture of Gaston as you showed him as a character without telling me anything about what he looked like. As an audience member, I was pleased and satisfied with the story and left wanting more. This would make a fabulous opening to a novel for November’s NaNoWriMo.

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Review of Memory Calls  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I noticed this story in the current Drama newsletter. I am reviewing "Memory Calls" written for the Writer's Cramp.

Overall Impression: Your story is everything the genres you selected promised. The sojourn built to its conclusion rising to the pinnacle of the story. My heart was bitterly pounding with fear by the end.

What I liked: The best part of the story is the way you weaved words which set the form. Gaston's narrative of comparing his current walk to those of "clear, aquamarine waters rippling on white sand" is one example of imagery. I felt like I was on the trek to the precipice with Gaston.

One place I took pause at the transition word "Then." Your transitions before and after were more active like "Gaston crouched," which moved the plot forward. I would suggest removing the word "then" and leaving the sentence starting with "He was standing."

Your story has all the elements of a suspenseful drama, that is dark and emotional. To be honest I am still reeling at the final action I was not expecting. Great story writing, Beholden. I look forward to reading another story of yours in this genre.

Write on!
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Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
I was checking out the Senior Center Forum and noticed your entry. The title said it would be about the Universe then you added "For lack of better words." That motivated me to read on.

The Universe is indeed "huge, and it’s mind-boggling." It is hard to imagine what is out there. You focus on the destruction of our own planet. I liked the way you compared the Universe to "a mother's womb."
Your writing is sincere. Your thoughts are well-organized, clear, and concise.

One suggestion I would make is the sentence that starts with "That is what I think." It is redundant because the entire essay written by you would be what you think. That could be removed from the sentence.

Thanks for writing about a topic that is important to every person in the world. I would love to see a follow-up piece with the alarming statistics about the destruction of our planet.

Write On!

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Review of Long Distance  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Soup,

What a heartfelt and emotional sonnet. I liked everything about it. The rhyme pattern, the pace, and the choice of words are wonderful. My favorite lines are "Your voice is everything I so adore And lifts me from my mind's darkest ruptures." The imagery is fabulous.

One suggestion: One line I had to stop at was "Yet you still make time for me". I don't think you need that sentence in there at all. It doesn't seem to fit. I like the three stanzas of four lines each. The final two lines are the peak leaving me satisfied that your love is everything to you.

Welcome to WDC. I am glad to see you and all the work you have posted already. You write eloquently. You are one to watch for sure! The main focus here is to review each other's work. This is just my opinion. Take what seems relevant to your heart and discard the rest. You are valued here. After reading your work, I am left wanting more. As time permits, I will be reading your other works. There are many places to explore on our site. Keep on writing! You are a natural.

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello ZEROkum1015,

Welcome to our writing community! It is wonderful to see you writing your novel here. The main focus of the site is to read and review each other’s work to help us create the most effective story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION: The title of your novel is a good one, especially with the word swordsman. It prepares the reader for what is to come. The action/adventure genre fits perfectly. I was kept in suspense and left wanting to read more. Good job here.

WHAT I LIKED: I appreciated the way you laid out your text where the larger gaps between paragraphs made it easy for me to read. The extensive use of dialogue was an excellent choice to direct the action and move the plot along. You have a natural style of speaking for the characters. I have a suspicion you have a grandfather because the relationship between Takeshi and his grandfather is genuine. Including how his grandfather died is important as that is the memory he will be carrying with him going forward. You have great transitions telling us when he was walking, talking, and showing us the movement from one scene to the next. It is a very engaging story.

AREAS TO WORK ON: In editing, there were a few things to bring to your attention. The use of the lowercase “ I” was used a lot where it should be capitalized. The word targeting is spelled with one t. The sentence that has” making its way” should show its, not it’s.

This is a good story. I felt the action, felt sorry for the grandfather dying, and looked at the Academy through Takeshi’s eyes anticipating what would happen when he got inside. Great work! Continue writing and I will be reading. The opinions in this review are from my perspective. Take what you feel resonates with you. Welcome again. Your aspirations to be a writer are proven by the work I have seen so far. Way to go!

Write On!

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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shepard,

I am writing this final review after reviewing all pages in your Tarot Project from 00 through XXI. “A Children’s Book of Tarot” introduces young people to Tarot cards through illustrations and poetry. I would have loved to have such a book.

My overall impressions: This was a massive undertaking. Having the talent to draw and write poetry is admirable. I felt I was viewing a professional’s artwork and a poet who understood the meaning of each card. In the first cards, there were occasional suggestions and/or corrections to the poems. The poems seemed more polished as I reviewed your project in order. It means more going in sequence because the complete deck of Tarot spans a life’s journey.

Illustrations: I like the cards that are lighter in terms of color and content. The intricate ones are the best. Your attention to detail is appreciated. The Empress is a good example. She and The High Priestess I believe are my favorites. The fool’s face on 00 is seen again in the Judgment card. He has a smile that gives me a sense of completion or closure and a successful journey. Each card is memorable. The Death card was a stark representation of not necessarily a mortal death, but the end of something that really mattered to a person.

Poems: I think the poems were well thought out. The words were active so you had to have an emotional reaction to them. Each one matched the traditional meanings both standing up and reversed. The punctuation or lack thereof makes a difference in how the poem is read. The meaning can be different with periods, commas, and other punctuation. It tells the reader how to phrase the words thereby understanding the intended meaning.
It was a privilege to read and review your deck of children’s tarot cards. If I had it to do over, I would have continued to review pages within just a day or two from each other the way the reviews started.

My first review was done on August 10, 2023. At the onset, I wrote, “Let the quest begin!” Now that it is completed, I look forward to hearing your feedback about my reviews.
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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shepard,

Now I am reviewing Tarot Project number 19-The Sun. Nearing the end of the deck of cards now I am looking forward to the last few cards. Each one has been new and fresh to me. I wondered if the sun would be bright yellow or perhaps orange. It looks to be gold. Sunlight is as precious as gold.

Illustration: The golden sunbeams are wonderful. The picture is one of strength without needing to make an effect of a blazing bright hot uns. The women, one robust and healthy, the other obviously spending too much time in the dark, symbolize the day and night of the sun. I like the geometric shape. The blue color of calmness matched the tenor of your poem.

Poem: This poem just sang its heart out. The rhyme was exact, the words right on. The contrast of night and day was delivered well. I liked that comparing warmth versus wickedness. No faults or errors to talk about.

Nice job, once again! Your talent shows through the first through present illustrations. I am not sure what order you painted in, but they are all matching what the card depicts.

tracker
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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello,
I found your story in Please Review. The title Terabytes and Graphene interested me.

Overall Impression: I liked your short story very much. It had a twist to it I did not expect. It is well-written with lots of dialogue. The relationship between the characters came out in their discussion. The end leaves the plot open to go anywhere in future chapters.

What I liked: I really appreciated the story being told in the present tense. That, in my opinion, is challenging. Again, it made your story appealing, and the conversation between Krim and Amber. I especially liked using the larger font. My favorite descriptive phrase was the blood that formed “as if it were yeast rising into bread.”

Issues: The word fascinating is misspelled. Possibly a typographical error that needs to be corrected.

Congratulations on the first chapter of your book. It hooked me, keeping my attention throughout the piece. I engaged with your protagonist Krim. The premise is believable. Please let me know when you post additional chapters. I would like to see what develops.

Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Zen,

I saw a note from you on Newsfeed and came to your port to look around. I was looking for a piece that had not been reviewed before. I was hooked by the title Description or Teaser? and stopped to read it. I am glad I did.

Overall impression: This piece is an excellent example of what an educational self-help article should look like. It is written like a story which is extremely appealing. Like a story, you provided a few examples of blurbs within the story. Those samples illustrated the points of using a description or a teaser in a blurb.

What I liked: I like the narrative. It has a terrific conversational tone that spirited me onto the next paragraph and the one following. Using the first person made it memorable. Storytelling throughout the ages was used for passing down personal experiences. Your short blurb was appropriate because it tells the reader what was in it for them. I will pass your story to my granddaughter who is in the process of editing a couple of her grandfather’s works.

Suggestion: I am concerned about the designated third genre. The category “other” does not tell the audience anything about the work. As you know, members often limit their reading to genres they are interested in. I would recommend you find a third more specific category. The one I like is career. The skill can be used in a work setting, giving presentations, for example. You need to get your audience excited about your content.

Great work! I would be enthusiastic to listen to you present a how-to instruction like this on a social platform like YouTube. I am taking college classes now where videos are frequently used to reinforce a theory. At the end, a book’s plot could be given then the audience would make up blurbs. Sharing a few of them would tell you if they were following the instructions you gave. Well done!

Write On!

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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173
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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am continuing to review your book of tarot cards for children. Number 18 is The Moon.

Illustration: The picture you created of the moon absolutely took my breath away when I saw it. The shade of blue is gorgeous. I was relieved it wasn’t made of green cheese. I feel like I am looking through crystal clear glass that is inviting. The detail is exquisite. It reminds me of a clear, brisk winter’s day. You captured the essence of the meaning of the Tarot card The Moon.

Poem: The poem is a finished, finite arrangement of words that flow together beautifully. I liked the rhyme and the choice of words. In particular, I liked the words “fleeting charms” for the upright side of the card. For the reverse “Blocks Moon’s cunning net gives a human emotion to an inanimate object. It gave me a good description of the thought behind the card.

Suggestion: I reread the third line in the second stanza several times. It felt a little off when I read it the first time. “a ruse which full enforced succeeded”. I hear an extra syllable. I think you could substitute the word succeeds for succeeded to make it eight syllables.

I think this card is superb. As the cards of been added one by one, each has been as good or better than the last. Congratulations!
Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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174
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Review of The Wolf Speaks  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your story this morning when I was reading your newsfeed post. I noticed it has been reviewed. My thoughts for you here are my personal opinions. Please take what resonates with you and discard the rest.

Overall impression: The Wolf Speaks is an imaginative story. The anthropomorphized wolf is an endearing character as he helps the lost orphan to a better life.

What I liked: The construction of your story is excellent. I liked the first sentence hooking me into the world of the forest. I liked the balance of dialogue and narrative. Good character development stimulated my imagination with your specific descriptions like “Glowing crystal blue eyes.” Another one was the large wolf who was “grizzled with age.” I envisioned these animals as well as the elderly lady who wore “a blue calico dress, with pure white hair in a neat bun.”

Suggestion: I paused reading twice. One time at “scenic overlook” and the second time at “forever home.” Both are modern phrases I doubt existed in the post-Gold Rush timeframe. I thought of replacing the “scenic overlook” with something as we stopped at a precipice looking down far below. The “forever home” could be replaced with something like the warm, loving home where I would live out my days.

I adore this story. It contains an excellent hook, a wonderful creative plot, and memorable characters. You are a gifted writer in the way you put together a believable story that had me completely engaged. I appreciate you showing me, not telling me. the story. It was a pleasure to read.
Great job, Amethyst Angel. I will be back to read more of your work.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

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175
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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
We are up to the seventeenth card in your deck of Tarot cards for children. I will review the illustration first and then the poem. As always, these are my opinions. You are free to take what you resonate with and dismiss the rest.

Illustration: This is a wonderful depiction of the card called The Star. It is in the Major Arcana appearing after the Broken Tower. The stars appear as symbols of faith and hope. I like the way the night sky has several stars. The young girl is beautiful. She appears to be calm with no signs of undue stress or insecurity.

Poem: The poem has consistent rhyming lines. The descriptive characteristics of comfort, love, and mercy equate to the hope represented by the star. I liked that there didn’t need to be contractions to fit words in the meter. My favorite line is the first, “Sweet daughter of the midnight sky.”

Suggestion: The story describes one star. Maybe one of the stars, possibly the one in the upper right that would be shining down on her, could be brighter.

At this stage of the fool’s journey, it was important for hope to show up. The recent ruins and despair were the fool’s burden. To get him focused on moving ahead, he needed a positive outlook that was the Star representing hope and faith. This card is very pleasing to look at. The poem paints a clear picture of the meaning of this Tarot card.

Thank you for writing the solid poem and drawing that match the situation the fool finds himself in. You are a gifted artist and poet.

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