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Review Requests: ON
385 Public Reviews Given
391 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Overall impression, likes, suggestions, positive closing. I am honored to do reviews upon request, usually on the first day 2023 Quill Winner
I'm good at...
...emphasizing positive things in addition to at least one suggestion2023 Quill Winner
Favorite Genres
Biography, short stories, all styles of poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark because I am not fond of voluntarily being scared.
Favorite Item Types
True stories and experiences
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that scares me
I will not review...
I will review anything. I have reviewed books, however, they take a lot of time, the turnaround is longer than 3 days.
Public Reviews
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Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Stik’s on a Boat!
I was browsing tonight and happened upon your story “Adrift in the Aftermath”. I just finished reading it. Here is my review.

Overall Impression: Reliving the true-to-life scenarios from the pandemic was okay for me. I felt for Felicia’s concerns. It was hard not to be invested in the events I watched play out on the news during the protests.

What I liked: I liked the dialogue because it was dynamic and moved your story forward. Felicia and Adrian have an easygoing communication style. You can tell that he knows how to read her like a book. He knows her strengths. He is fine with her plans. I particularly liked the banter about Daisy and Lulu/Lucifer in the opening.

One sentence is missing a word. “That made Adrian ? his phone down." Possibly Adrian put or set or threw his phone down? The layout, technical aspects of grammar, and spelling are top-notch. I do not know what, Song: "Underground" by MISSIO refers to.

I was intrigued by your Have Something To Say…? item in your portfolio. Coincidentally, I did have something to say tonight. I asked another member here who put fresh eyes on my concern. It worked wonders to bring down my blood pressure!
Congratulations on being a member of WDC for over 21 years. That is an outstanding accomplishment. Thank you for creating your story around those dark moments in our history. Knowing it could happen again at the least provocation is worrisome.

Write on!

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Review of Cosmic Serenade  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ryan S,

Welcome to WDC! I am thrilled to see you writing within your first week here. The main focus here is reviewing each other’s work. The feedback makes us aware of what works and things that can be done to enhance our writing. There are scores of other pursuits in our realm including groups, contests, and online access to the WDC free writing classes. I call it the reading, writing, and reviewing happening
place to be. The link to your poem was on the right navigation panel. It says “READING A NEWBIE”. There you see constantly updated links to all genres of work by new members.

Overall impression: Your title spoke to me. I was curious to know what kind of cosmic song you would be singing. The word that came to my mind after reading the last line was exquisite. You are an amazing wordsmith. I loved every word as written then paired together times two. A heady experience for one, such as myself, who adores the English language.

What I liked: The aesthetics. Addressing the object of your affections as “your gaze…your aura…your mind’. The cadence as the words flowed from one expansive word to the next was one I knew well. It is like tapping your shoe in time to the music. My eyes bounce off one, with anticipation as they land on the next descriptive nouns, verbs, and adjectives. Just when I think no finer word could exist, a new one appears. It is a clean piece without any errors detected...

Bravo for your outstanding work! I can’t sing your praises enough. You have encouraged me to use more grand language in my own writing.

Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hi Espinado,

I saw your story "Going for a Last Drive" displayed on the right navigation panel under ‘By Online Authors'. I was in the mood for a good short story. That is exactly what I received!

Overall: I was enchanted by the story. It had a storybook kind of opening. I almost expected it to start with 'Once upon a time'. The picture you painted was clear. I could see the scenes, hear, and smell the ocean. I would love to see all those shelved dolls. I was engaged with your characters, mom and son. At the time I was reading, however, I was not sure of the relationship. They could easily have been a couple.

Things I liked: Would saying I liked every word be too over the top? Well, I did. You had just the right number of words in all the right places to weave your story based on real life. I truly thought I was riding along in the back seat. Making a reader feel a part of the story takes amazing skill. I am familiar with that drive which made it even more appealing.

I noticed one typographical word written as pasted when you meant passed. They passed a small shop. When you referred to the driver door, I think you meant driver's door.

Thank you so much for writing this story. It is one I have saved to read again. The ending was a surprise in a good way. I did not want the story to end. It was satisfying to have closure with the appearance of the urn. There is a little catch in my throat while I write this.

Congratulations on a story well told. Looking forward to more of your writing!

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Review of Remember  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I was led here by an author who mentioned your contest. I thought as long as I was here, I would read something of yours. I picked your recently modified poem "Remember".

Genre: Pensee- a pensee poem is a five-line, non-rhyming patterned poem. You met all requirements.

Structure: 5 lines. The syllable sequence is noted below the poem. Your syllable sequence is correct.

Content: The purpose of a pensee poem is to express a deep thought. Your poem focuses on the deep feelings within a relationship. It meets the purpose of the genre.

Interpretation: The poem tells a story about a life together that is joyous. Using the word our to describe the way you were. It was our past, our world, and our lives. They had similar beliefs, goals, and dreams. It describes a fresh and new relationship. No matter how the relationship stands now, the narrator needs to know the partner admits the beginning was awesome. It was "perfect" and "so right" at the beginning. There was just us, the two of you. The relationship has ended. The narrator needs closure.

What I like: I like poetry that simply tells a story, a thought, or a feeling. There are no clever metaphors or double entendre. The purpose is to convey deep thought clearly in very few words. You chose your words just the way I appreciate them, simple and straightforward.

What would I like: I am greedy and wanted another stanza in the middle to know more of the back story that sparked the deep thought. Most notably, I want to know if it is biographical.

Mechanics: No errors

Congratulations on the success of your poem. It gave me pause to think about a relationship of mine. Now I shall go read about your contest. Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Sonali,

I saw ruwth's link to your story here. I am honored to review "Some Things Just Don't Matter". There are times like this when I come to the end of a story and like it so much my heart swells with joy. It is almost euphoric. I am feeling that now. The little girl's journey as an artist is pleasantly compelling. Great work!

The opening hook for me was easy because I feel the same way she does. There are so many things that are made into big mountains when they don't matter at all. The broken bridge was easy to imagine. You showed us by the way she walked and danced around it. I imagined it was wood that was getting weaker with time.

The dialogue. inserted at precisely the right times, informed us of what stage the little girl was. Further, the character of her father became clear listening to his rhetoric. I don't know if you based it on the old adage " it doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game."

Kudos to you for the excellent way you framed the story. I felt they lived far from town. Perhaps the man thought he could take advantage of you, not schooled in city ways. The twist with his charitable contribution and art school for her was unexpected. I love a good twist I don't see coming

This is a solid five-star plus story. Congratulations on a unique idea and the excellent story that came out of it.

Bravo and write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review of How I met her....  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Boat2*    Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" *Boat2*


Hello Yuuta,

Welcome to WDC. I found your story listed in the Read a Newbie list on the right side of your screen. I am reviewing your first piece "How I Met Her...". Thank you for sharing how your girlfriend became your girlfriend. You say of your relationship, "It wasn't anything special". Each start to a relationship is unique. By the last period, it is clear this is a personal story of how you unknowingly found out someone you already knew is your special person.

You did a GREAT JOB telling your love story! Writing in the first person made it personal. At the start being with her was a vague possibility. You are more engaged as your story moves on. Each time something more about her is revealed, I see it as one more step to becoming a couple. Meeting a girl’s family is the step that often. makes or breaks a relationship. Yours was a thumbs up complete with Grandma’s scrumptious cookies.

One area you may want to look at is your paragraphs. They are very long. I was engaged in the story. I admit, though, I was waiting for a new paragraph where I could pause to catch my breath. It would be fun to see some dialogue between you and your friends and between you and your girlfriend.

Bravo for joining WDC and writing your first story on the same day last week. It is not often I have the privilege to hear a man’s look at starting a relationship.

Job well done!

Write on! I will be reading.
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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Sonali,

I saw your note on the WdC Support new commissioned badge post yesterday. I like the name Sonali so decided to visit your portfolio. I ended up reading this fabulous post. It was originally created in 2011 and revised in 2022. What I liked about doing this review is the fresh eyes I put on the autographs you shared. I was intrigued by the simple fact you received these. I savored looking at each one yesterday. I came back this morning and looked a second time.

What I liked: I think the cover art is awesome. You gave credit to the creator. Nice job! The way they were mounted on the page looked symmetrical. My eyes were pleased, and my mind more pleased. Reading them as a slide show gave me a feeling of connection to them. It was like I was thumbing through a family photo album. For most of your captions, you typed what the famous person wrote. The collection and how it is presented is first-rate. It was very deserving of The Mod Blitz Awardicon. I felt compelled to look further into the people and their work. In doing that, I would select Ruskin Bond, the prolific writer native of India.

What I want to see: Several of the letters do not have the text typed out. They are hard to read including a nicely typed letter from Joan Aiken. The photo of it is faint. I was not able to read it. A nice extra would be to have the month and year they were signed.

Thank you for sharing your great collection of autographs by prominent writers and cartoonists. Individually, each one has contributed to the archives of great communicators. I am still trying to pick a favorite. If you are able to modify the entry again with some of the additional edits, please let me know. Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review of I Wonder  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sunshine, Lollipops,

Welcome! Congratulations on joining our WdC community. There are many things to see and do here. Writing two pieces already is terrific. The number one focus is writing and reviewing. Your first entry poem caught my attention. "I wonder" had my mind moving on to see what you were wondering about.

The title fit the poem like a glove. It invited me to read because I was curious. A gifted poet will apply an appropriate well thought out title.
I read the poem slowly the first time. I was just so curious what you wondered about. The opening strong simile had my mind jump briefly to the incident long ago when a young child fell into a well. It was a touch-and-go situation with national attention. You quantified the setting as "dangerous and careless." I felt a red flag telling me something was seriously wrong. I had a bit of fear swishing around in my throat.
Your apology came next. It made me feel relief,that a solution had been found.

Your participation was explained. You declared the extent of your efforts. Each word in the poem was necessary and made sense.

The pièce de résistance, the last line, made me want to shout yes! The other half needed to be held accountable. It was a cathartic moment.

You have a distinct beginning, middle, and end. Your strength is selecting expressive words that painted a vivid picture.

I was moved by the pièce de résistance in the last sentence. The person involved must share responsibility for jointly creating a problem. Your point of view never wavered. In the end, your point was clear and concise. It left doubt in my mind about what happened and how it ended.

Great job! I loved it! Your poetry style is pleasing. I had confidence each of the eleven lines would fully reveal everything the reader needed to know. I rate this five stars. I am sending along gift points as well to show my appreciation.

Write on!

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Artful Flower,
I am happy to review your non-fiction story about your job. You have asked how it can be fixed as you want to work on it some more. I can tell you right off the bat I like the title. The work supposedly gave the promise of some kind of conflict between what your job is and how you view it. I went with the idea you did not like.

Things I liked:
Details of what your job responsibilities are by showing us not just telling us. That is one of the key marks of a good story.

Descriptions of the people you worked with. It sounded like there was not one you felt worthy of your respect.

The way you quantified the dogs as "incompatible" where some were better but still incompatible conveyed a reason to dislike the job.

Strengths: Descriptive words, the right form at your job location, a defined beginning, middle, and end. Expressing the labor-intensive job sounded dangerous. Using chronological order made it easy to follow you through your typical day. I felt relieved for you when you were set free at the end of your workday.

What to fix: There are compound sentences that could be split into two. Each half is important. When separated they will have equal impact.

One example:
"I had already decided what I wanted to tackle first and after everything I've seen so far, there was no time to waste." Stop at the word first. Begin with the next part starting with after. Both are important to understand your day.

In a few places you used the tense past particle like "I had already decided". You don't need had. You want active words to move the story forward. In this case, just remove the word had. I think it gives the action pop out at you.

The changes will make it more pleasing to the audience. Reading a sentence that is too long makes me forget the first part of the sentence. For me the quote "People don't quit jobs. They quit people." Your story is the perfect example of that saying.

I enjoyed reading about your job. I think it is therapeutic for you to write about a problem or decision you need to make. You definitely should not be miserable at a job. You may want to take on two jobs, each with lighter duties. This is a critical piece that I am glad to hear you will expound on. All the pros and cons need to be exposed to make an informed choice. Good luck with that process.

Continue writing. You are good at it!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review of Tingle Town  
Review by tracker
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Leslie Loo,

Thank you for asking me to review "Tingle Town". You asked for a very detailed review. You came to the right person! With that in mind, I took three pages of notes.

Your story is the most original I have read in a very long time. I was interested to know what Tingle Town was all about. The title, "Tingle Town" could be confused with "Tinsel Town" which is a nickname for Hollywood, California. I appreciated your explanation of the acronym AMSR. I hadn't heard of the phenomenon. You warned me about the word count standing at seven thousand. You also said the story is unfinished.

You have all the elements of a short story. You hooked me with the story title and the explanation of the sensory response. I was curious to find out how the characters felt about the sounds that were annoying. I felt like Serenity and Dart were well-developed characters. It is evident they are direct opposites. The tension between them was an important story element. You used several other minor characters, Serenity's friends, who were essential to moving the story forward.

There are some things for you to review. One example is the phrase "She never seen so many girls". You could phrase it, she had never seen, or she never saw. You are doing exactly the right thing to ask for the review. Mine are a fresh pair of eyes that can catch things that your proofreading did not catch. It helps to read your work out loud.

Congratulations on this wonderful original fiction story. The idea of the whispering people in a quiet town where everyone spoke in quiet whispers was brilliant. WdC has many gifted authors. I include you in that illustrious group. I have taken the liberty to my suggestions. I will follow up to attach that to an email. The rating of four stars would move up to five stars after you do the updates. I have no idea about the ending. Thanks for your review request. It was my honor and a privilege to write your review. Please feel free to ask me any questions or clarifications you may have.

Write on!

Thank you for the generous GPs,
tracker

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Review of Security System  
Review by tracker
Rated: E | (4.0)
ize:4}Hello OldGuyThinker,

Welcome back to WdC! Our site is alive with many more diverse activities since you were here. I saw your story on the Read a Newbie sidebar. I am happy I did. Your story about Jimmy's home burglary, albeit a failed one, was a lot of fun to read.

Your story description is what hooked me. I was curious to see who and why the home was being watched. I felt Jimmy's anticipation as he easily accessed the home. Unexpectedly crashing into the China cabinet set up the comedy of errors. I vividly pictured Jimmy flailing in the dark, unfamiliar house. His confidence was unwavering until he was thrown flat on his back.

I took the liberty to note several mechanical items I noticed. To use or not to use a comma? That is the question. Your sentence "He stepped out quickly and closed the door behind him, limped down the steps and hobbled off around the corner" needs a comma between the words steps and the word and. They are three separate actions and they need a comma after each one to separate them. China in "china cabinet" is capitalized. Jimmy appropriately uses words like comin' for coming and barkin' for barking. You would want to go back and add the missing apostrophes.

In the sentence: "...old spaghetti sauce from a Friday dinner plate which had been left in the kitchen sink", which needs to be changed to that. A plate is an inanimate object. The corrections will make your piece even more appealing.

The ending took me in a different direction than I expected. The family returning home was unaware there had been an intruder at all. The kids finding Jimmy's bounty from his last heist was poetic justice. I did not see that coming! Naming the culprit the special house fairy was classic!

I was impressed and liked your story very much. Keep up the great work!

Write on!

tracker


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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi PB Curtis,

I am reviewing "This Too Shall Pass".

The first thing that jumped out at me was the title in red and the final line in blue. I thought your use of color was a nice aesthetic. I was hooked to determine what would pass.

Looking before reading, I noticed a free-form style, one I like to read. I think writing poetry within the parameters of rules stifles expression in one regard. On the other hand, there is a time for one or the other format.

Your topic, depression, hit right between the eyes. Specific words like "horrid nightmare", for example, escalate the image of a nightmare to a new level. Your use of simile is outstanding. "My eyes are sore, as if hooks are yanking down on my lower lids". I felt the hooks and the pained soul behind them. Your metaphor "jump like a noose" had the same impact.

Throughout the number of awful things going on, I was encouraged by the hopeful outcome that the nightmare will pass.

I am living a similar nightmare. You expressed the raw elements in a straightforward manner. I liked that because it allowed you to express your questions about when and how the illness could be sent to remission. Today is the first day I noticed the glasses icon "Read & Review" link. I was happy it was your portfolio because you have a wide range of work from poetry, to comedy, to short stories. I will remain here for a while to browse and read.

Bravo! There is always supposed to be some improvement a reviewer points out. I found none to suggest. I would not change a single letter. I hope your cheeks have returned to peach for a very long time.

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Review by tracker
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Schunjo,

What a delightful review of food and drink in Korea. Despite your reticence, every one of the seven hundred and fifty words was worth the read.

I liked the flow from one food item to the next. Grouped together kept me focused on the progressively unappetizing fare. I don't have a clue what anyone thinks is delicious eating any skin other than potato skins. Your descriptions are noteworthy. One example is "...snails so small you pick them up with your 2 fingers and try to suck them out of their often less than a fingernail-sized shell." This gave me a vivid image, albeit a vivid video, in my mind as I read it. The line about the handsome boyfriend's mother made me laugh out loud. How clever! You carried that phrase throughout the piece which kept it light. I had not heard anything stated like that in those words. That was the best part because I love learning new phrases. It is memorable and will stay with me which is one thing I desire in reading a story.

The drinks you mentioned sounded rather good. An avocado, by the way, is technically a fruit. Anything containing ice would help cool you down from the hot weather they are having there. I liked and did not like the ending. You hit the word count. I was so sad it had to end. For me, it was like reading a page-turner of a novel condensed within the confines of the contest. I would love for you to continue writing about other differences you see between this trip and the one in 1996. A friend told me people selling Avon products have a distinctive bike they ride and an identifying clothes outfit. Do you remember seeing someone like that?

The topic you are studying is fascinating. Is there a process in place to address the obvious excessive future strain on the healthcare system? Your introduction to this new to me topic motivated me to look further into the status of Korea's aging population. The United States has already been confronted with an aging population due to the Baby Boomer generation aging, retiring, and living longer. It puts a strain on the healthcare system and other resources. What will you do with the material you have studied?

Kudos for an enjoyable read. I hope you take me up on the suggestion to write more about your experiences. It gives a first-hand account of food, drink, and culture in an important country.


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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Coco (aka Leo),

Congratulations on sharing your thoughts about happiness. What is happiness is a huge question. I think your story was clear, concise, and incredibly well-written.

Your writing style is conversational, and so well organized it was easy to follow. You used examples throughout which gave a picture of what you have been thinking about. Using the emoji to evaluate your day was an excellent hook to keep me interested to read more. Showing up throughout your story, the happy face takes on a hugely pivotal role in your daily happiness assessments.

Your storytelling built up very effectively to a conclusion that could have gone either way. I felt triumphant when your final sentences contained optimism that your happy face day could happen more frequently.

I liked the way you wrote a few sentences with a thought, then moved to a new paragraph with the next thought. It helped me digest each topic you brought up. Your mother's advice felt more real using dialogue. Reading exactly what she said told me what you had to think about. The peace and hope you expressed in closing with the examples of all you feel grateful for was uplifting.

I see you have more entries that I plan to read as time permits. When a writer writes a piece as well as you have written yours, it leaves me wanting to read more of what you recorded here.

Pat yourself on the back for a job well done. I am thankful I saw your entry on the Newbie list of entries the site lists on the right panel of the home page. Enjoy your day. Hoping for you to select many of those happy emojis.

tracker


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Review of Nonna's Story  
Review by tracker
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Bikerider,
I stopped in to check for a recent piece you may have written. Instead, I found this one based strictly on the title. I am a grandmother, therefore drawn to the stories about my peers. There was a huge red banner declaring this piece a contest winner. I could have surmised this, based on the following observations.

Your story is wonderfully original. Opening with Italian is not an every-story occurrence. It conjured up an image of the outline of the country. Particularly vivid is the boot-shaped south. The parents of my former brother-in-law immigrated from the "old country". He spoke briefly about his Nonna, as there was a mystery surrounding her elder life.

Throughout, I was taken on the journey of the protagonist to find out the true story of his grandmother. Knowing that the build-up to the end was suspenseful. Your use of clear adjectives and adverbs moved the story along at a good pace. The conversation with his aunt would reveal Nonna's story.

This is one of my favorite stories since become a WDC member in 2016. I feel it because of the excellent writing style which kept me engaged the entire time. I am late to the party reading this piece, yet I am so fortunate and privileged to have dropped by to check for the latest entry of yours. Nonna's story will remain in my mind forever.


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Review by tracker
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Inkheart,

Welcome to writing dot com. You will see WDC used to abbreviate it. Thank you for this
wonderful and wonderfully well-written short story. I am honored to be the first one to review your first story.

All the elements of a good story are here. The plot is clear in the opening line. Your protagonist has moved to a place where he would rather not be. The setting is "Such a teeny tiny place". Your characters are believable. The antagonist is clearly someone who does not like Jordan, as demonstrated by his restraint from hitting Jordan. The conflict gives us the opportunity to watch as it escalates to a peak. The story is told from the new boy in town's point of view. Telling the story in the first person was effective. I felt like I was the boy's shadow as he narrated the story. You noted at the top, before starting the story, that it was being told from the point of view (POV) of the new boy in town.

You may want to look at a couple of things. The words "most whiniest" is not strictly grammatically correct. Using it may be done for special effects, but the effect sounds sounded too childish for Jordan's character. I would leave out most and just go with the whiniest. Your transitions are smooth without needing to say what comes next. So, I would leave out the "After that" transition words in your final paragraph. They are not necessary.

I liked "The New Boy in Town" very much. It meets all the criteria for a story. It was suspenseful. While reading I was wondering how the mom felt about what was transpiring. You resolved that when you had her give the money to Jordan to go into town. You can be proud of this piece. I would love to see you use a similar style and format with new stories. Congratulations on your first story submitted.

You probably have a lot of questions about navigating around the site. At the extreme top of the page, you will see Writing.Com 101. Click on it to find the answers to any questions you have. I am more than happy to help you.

Have a good day!
tracker


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello jdennis,

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review "A Life Fully Lived". I commend you on writing a beautiful story about Mrs. Johnson. Your story is a sustained sprinkling of unique word combinations. The canvas is painted with images of a new day winking and then blossoming. and later dandelion seeds explode. No one can argue life is whizzing. What a fun word whizzing is.

As you describe her attributes, I picture Mrs. Johnson. I see her wrinkles fold. Her kindness and goodness touch the lives of people. Mrs. Johnson is a memorable character. Early on, I am invested in her life and her legacy. She evoked deep feelings I had for a person in my own life.

I had a few thoughts. I struggled to make it through the long second sentence. I didn't have time to pause and process the words. My mind became overloaded with the number of images. I suggest breaking the long sentence into two or three shorter sentences.

I would take another look at the title. It gives away the ending. I would go with something more indirect. Set it in the present tense. The life fully lived, past tense, makes the end a foregone conclusion.

Overall, your story is woven with swirling and beautifully crafted images. Your expressiveness is beyond compare. Thanks again for your short story. It is a joy to read.

tracker


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by tracker
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello and nice to meet you Mandy Writes!

Thank you for your request to review Diary of an Emotional Divorce. I understand you are not looking for specific feedback. You just want to know what I think about the piece and any suggestions you think might help. I am happy to do that.

I am always curious to read personal nonfiction. My overall feeling is bravo for writing down what is on your mind. Using the diary format to record events of the day and your reactions to them is brilliant. Because you are clear and concise, you can refer back to see what happened in a particular situation. You may remember reacting, but until you read your side of it, you may forget the emotions you felt at the time. I can see patterns of behavior in what you have shared thus far. Emotions run high and low in a day.I noticed your one line overall thought of the day. It comes across as an effective way to sum things up.

One idea I thought of was to keep a list of pros and cons, or good and bad, comparisons on each event. That would be a way to pin down the triggers that get his ire up. It can also point out to you what disappoints you or gets you feeling resentful and unloved. You could use the list to come up with solutions or compromises to get your needs met.

Continue to be frank and honest. You are doing yourself a huge favor by keeping this detailed record. I will watch for anything further you share. In my opinion, you have invested all of yourself in the relationship. Wanting at least some of that in return is not too much to ask.

Thank you again for requesting this review. If you have any questions or concerns about my review, please reply.

Regards,
tracker


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of ACCIDENTAL HERO  
Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
I liked this. The idea of moving almost off the grid is appealing and plausible. I will be watching for the continuation for sure!
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Review of Dear Me  
Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fabulous way to make a commitmemt. To no one other than you. I liked the way you wove your thirty year history. A truth sayer, not a woe is me tale. Your piece gives me a lot of food for thinking about what things I do to sabotage my writing. I look forward to more writing from you LorettaL.
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