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148 Public Reviews Given
186 Total Reviews Given
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1
1
Review of Trepanation  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ah, but those words ARE poetic...all words have the ability to form great poesy.


Your poem is a breath of fresh tear gas (to use another "non-poetic" word).

Vertigo, tremor, sleep disturbance,
Renal difficulty, hives, wheezing,
Hangover effect, ringing in ears, acid reflux,

This is an onslaught of pure, carnal beauty. Of course, most won't see it as beauty, but as the adage goes "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Marvelous work, Niamh. You made my day.

M.
2
2
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Chloe,

You have some great images going on in this poem.
As for suggestions, I kinda like the poem a little better without the ending couplet--the next to last line doesn't really work for me.

Best wishes,

M.
3
3
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hah! It does sound like you've had some fun with this one--it's great. Especially the first line...a real attention-grabber.

I'm really diggin' the lines:

"white tips/kissing his pulse"

Excellent imagery. Keep it up!

Happiness always,

M.
4
4
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Bob,

Hmmm...this piece has me puzzled. It is your title which is a bit misleading, and perhaps, a misnomer.

Life is not a work of art, right?

But you go against this in the first paragraph with:

Because life, like art, is a rare gift

I like the analogy, but it conflicts with your title. And speaking of which, you do not explain how art could or couldn't relate to life.

Granted, you do bring up good points I'm sure the world on a whole will agree with, but I'm not really seeing your point in relation to life and it not being an art. Maybe you can elaborate on this? As it stands now it's not very engaging, and--I'll be honest--you use the word "life" a little too much.

I would suggest incorporating SOMETHING about art as a contrast to life and how we choose to live it.


Happiness always,

M.
5
5
Review of Salmacis  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

|Ah, never thought I'd see a poem about Hermaphrodite--the true and unadulterated *Wink*. I enjoyed your sense of what's infrequently written about--it adds a mark of uniqueness.

As for the poem, it's good. If I remember the myth correctly, Salmacis (the nymph) and Hermaphroditus intermesh, making them "Hermaphrodite". You capture the myth well, but one has to wonder about paraphrasing--it's not very original. Still, it is a lot to be said in the form of poetry.

You have a clear way of posing this story in poetic terms, and it flows nicely.

The only thing I'd watch out for is common rhymes.
Example:

"heart, start"

Happiness always,

--Matina
6
6
Review of Walk  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

This is a good poem. Right from the start you hold this reader with your tight wording, imagery, and engaging situation.

I do not have any suggestions for improvement--it's all well-written. I especially enjoyed the last stanza.
Keep it up!

Happiness always,

M.
7
7
Review of Hatred  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Joshua,

Wow...who would of thought something so hateful could have been thought up during a music lecture! Maybe that's the place I should be writing instead of the library which definitely has lost its "hate rage" status as of late--what a pity.

I like how you lay it all out, and you give a proper warning beforehand--I've had the same happen many times where people would disregard the rating, then tell me my work is "vulgar" (to use a word as outdated as my grandfather's hair talc)...hello? I rated it XGC for a reason! Anywho, you've got me rantin' like a ravin' lunatic.

Onward ho...

Your poem. Ah, yes, that's the topic of discussion. It's pretty hot. What one would consider feeling when full of hatred, so your images are definitely right-on.


Stanza One:

I enjoy the short lines of this poem. Anything more would kill the meaning. Sometimes less is more; this is a good example.

"Callouse" should be "callous"

Good rhyme, by the way. I like how you rhyme "malice" and "callous"--they're definitely not typical or simplistic.


Stanza Two:

A little weak on the imagery, but you get your point across.

Stanza Three:

You already mention it "tears" families, but then you mention it "rips" them apart--same difference. It's a bit redundant.

Stanza Four:

Cliche`, cliche`, cliche`. The first line makes me want to cringe. It's not original to say "black as the night" because it's been used way too many times.


Stanza Five:

Mmmmm, yum. This last stanza makes me want to go out and get a nice, juicy steak. *Smile* I like it. Your flow is consistent, and you paint a lovely picture of Hatred.

Overall, I enjoyed the read--there are just a couple areas I'd consider working on, but they're minor.

Happiness always,

M.
8
8
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Jennifer,

Likes:

This is a good attempt at a Shakespearean sonnet. You have definitely followed all of the rules like the shift into sestet, the rhyme is good--yet a bit simplistic, and the flow is pretty solid.

Dislikes:

This is just a personal opinion, but when you write in an older English and do not follow everything accordingly, it ends up sounding forced or unnatural. If you walk around all day talking like this, maybe it would work and it would be convincing, but it just comes across as a bit pretentious.

Aside, I noticed you used "and" many times (five times to be exact) in this poem. I would suggest omitting a couple because they're redundant.

Other than that, I enjoyed.


Happiness always,

M.
9
9
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Adalia,


Welcome to WDC *Wink*


This is a good poem--it explains a thought process in the creation of art, both written and visual. There's also a great passion in this work, and I can feel how deeply you admire and celebrate the works, struggles, and triumphs of an artist.

Suggestions:

Well, it's fine to tell the reader what to feel when reading about artistic endeavors, but I find this poem leaves much to be desired in the form of tangible imagery.

For example:

we see with our eyes
colors, shapes, designs.

Right from the beginning you throw in a bunch of words that do not have substance--the reader cannot grasp these images...let the reader see and feel what you are talking about, like so:

We see with our eyes
onyx wisps of paint and ink,
a rotating motion of circles and pheres that tango into a moire effect; a ripple intense with flow.


Okay, so it's a bad example, but you can see these images in a new light so they're not ordinary. Whereas your opener kind of falls flat and gives the artist's work a dull impression.


Other than that, this is a good poem with much potential.

Happiness always,

M.
10
10
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Fernanda,

Isn't there a poem(s) like this? I remember reading two on the perspective of Penelope when I was in college.

This is an okay poem, a bit too dramatic, but then again Homer is quite dramatic himself--so it works.
As for originality, I'm not so sure.

It'd be interesting to see this in a different timeframe or perspective, though. Maybe make a modern day version of Penelope? She'd probably think he's run off with one of the Sirens *Wink*. Shame on him!

Happiness always,

Matina
11
11
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Greeneyedpoet,

Not bad for a villanelle! I agree with you that this is a hard form to master (and Plath and Dylan Thomas make it look much too easy), but you have some solid lines here, and I like your ending anaphora--it goes together well.

Suggestions:

There are some parts, however, that may need work.
For example:

Fireflies, with passion, burn up too soon, though,

This line sounds odd to me. Probably because it sounds like you're trying too hard to make the rhyme work, and it ends up sounding forced and unnatural.
There are also too many commas in this line. I would consider omitting two to help the flow.

The way is shown with the fierce light of day.

This line breaks the flow, also. I would suggest omitting a "the" from this line.

Their light are long gone but their worn path, they

And this line makes absolutely no sense to me. It sounds like there should be much more because you have thrown "but" into this line, but you stop it short and do not proceed with the thought onto the next line.

Overall, this is a good villanelle, but it does need a little work. I want to commend you for trying this very hard form. You do it with clarity, emotion, and I love the ending couplet.

Good job.

Happiness always,

M.
12
12
Review of Shadenfreude  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Opaque,

This is quite the story...I like it. As for your questions after the story, here goes...


"did you feel at all sick afterwards?"

Nope, but then again I've grown accustomed to the "sick" side of things--at this point it's normal.

'turned off?"

Quite the opposite. I was thankful to find such a piece this late at night--a real treat.

"Or Anxious"

No sweaty palms here.

"Or did it make you excited"

Explain "excited". Not in the sex-fiend sort of excitement of discovering porn kind of way...more of a "yay, something different!" kind of way.

"Or want to laugh"

Yeah, a chuckle did escape me.

"How was the story?"

It was good. There were a couple rocky parts in the beginning of your story, but it smoothed out towards the middle. Also, I would suggest avoiding cliches (eg. "screamed at the top of his voice"), and there are some parts where you do a lot of telling, but do not show.

Aside, you make good use of verbs, and I don't think the words in blue make this a difficult read--it only enhances it.

Other than that, I enjoyed the read. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this.

Happiness always,

M.
13
13
Review of Galaxy  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Musicgirlie,

I just love poems about our galaxy.

This is a good poem. I like the rhythm you start out with in the first stanza--it's very fluid.

The third stanza may need a little work, though. It doesn't have a flow to it, and it clashes with the previous stanzas.

Other than that, I enjoyed the read.

Thanks for sharing!

Happiness always,

M.
14
14
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Moi,

Hmmm...you do touch base on a lot of issues about one's "blindness". It's easier to ignore the truth, than to be active in discovering the truth--it's also too time-consuming.

On a larger scale, you briefly bring up the Immigration Bill, and what it would do to foreigners (both pros and cons), which is good, but I would like to know more about the issue--instead this is more like a commentary or an editorial because you are placing your biased views in here, whereas an essay is more about factual information--this piece is a bit more "theatrical", and heavy on opinion.

Aside, I do agree with you about many issues, and this piece is well-written, but I'll be honest...

I walked into this essay with very little knowledge, and I've come out of it the same.


Happiness always,

M.
15
15
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello R.

Oh, this is fun--I love the title, it had me giggling madly.

Your poem is also very good, and I like the philosophical goofiness of it (if that makes any sense!).

I have no comments for improvement--this is a well thought-out piece, and I like it all *Wink*.

Happiness always,

M.

PS--thanks for putting a big, old grin on my face.
16
16
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Phrase,

I happened upon this poem in the Review Request Page,
and I'd like to review it.

Firstly, I LOVE the title--it's very unique, stands out, and enhances the content of your poem. Great job!

As for the caption, I'm questioning the "tact" part. Usually we associate tact as a good quality...why would the wicked be concerned about tact? Wouldn't they do the opposite? So, I'm not sure I follow this, and perhaps it's a bit misleading or contradictory without intention.

Aside, I love your opening line--very good use of repetition and it sounds great.

Stanza 1:

As I said, I love the first line; the rest is kind of dry, though. It's kind of like reading Heidegger, or any other philosopher who doesn't "flower" his words.
Another problem is that it doesn't sound natural, it's almost theatrical in diction, and kinda puts a sour taste in ones mouth--of course, this is just my take on it.

The content, although very peppered, is also questionable, or doesn't make sense to me. Not that it has to, but in your poem it sounds like you want to make sense, or at least share your take on "thingliness" as a beast of oneself in relation to what one may consume, or become if one consumes--that's my take on it...but anyway, back to the questionable content...

So self-defining they’re like walls
You can run through
But can’t disown

Not sure I follow this one--I understand the wall is a simile for the thing that's self-defining, but where does it lead to in relation to something you can't disown? I think it's the simile of the wall that works against your statement.

Stanza 2:

Good flow to this one, and it's less verbose...well, except for the ending, which, if read aloud, sounds off meter with the previous lines. You have a good rhythm in the beginning, then you use too many words in the end, making it longer than it should be in order to keep the meter consistent.

Also, I would suggest omitting unnecessary words like "and which"...although, I do see why you added it (to keep with the rhyme scheme/flow)... but it's just a suggestion. Without these words weighing down the piece, it would be more enjoyable.

Overall, this poem does need work...especially with the wordiness, and with the flow towards the end of this piece.

Other than that, I enjoyed the read.

Happiness always,

M.
17
17
Review of Scullville  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

Great poem! It's hard to find an abstract poem around here that actually IS abstract. I guess that's what makes it all the more enjoyable, because it is a rarity *Wink*

I think you do a great job with description, it's not verbose, and it's short--which for me is hard to pull off, so I always appreciate a well-executed, short poem.

Excellent job with this one. I enjoyed the read.
Keep it up!


Happiness always,

M.
18
18
Review of Strange Occasions  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello person-who-changes-her-name-every-second *Wink*.

I thought I'd take a look in your port, and I happened upon this strange gem. I like the stream-of-consciousness feel to this poem. I also like the fact that I do not get everything, or pick up on a lot in this poem--it's a great thing! I guess most people will scratch their heads and go "umm, okay, this makes no sense", and then slap on a nice 3.0, or something. But I like the mystery to this poem, and what really matters is how you bring this poem to fruition without being too concerned about clarity, or deep meaning--it is what it is, and I think it's something special--definitely unique. I like your voice. *Smile* Keep it up!

Happiness always,

M.
19
19
Review of The Styx  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Calliope,

Interesting poem. I like the title, and I do have a feeling this is somewhat stygian, is it not? When one makes their final descent where they forget everything (as in Lethe), and you're calling out to them to tell them to come back, move away from the river of darkness, and welcome you in happiness. Maybe not, still, I like the allusion.

Suggestions:

Everything looks well-written, and I'm sure this was just a typo:

"I watch the dark clouds [settles] over your soul."

No need for the "s" in "settles"

Other than that, I enjoyed the read--good job! By the way, welcome to Writing.com!

Happiness always,

M.
20
20
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Craig,

I think the one-sided conversational nature of this piece works well, because it would be boring otherwise...like...there once was a man who ate cornbread...zzzzz. Starting to sound like a limerick here!

Anywho, I'd like to give this a thorough review with suggestions/comments.
Please disregard where you see fit *Smile*


Stanza One:

Good opener. I'm wondering what "they" are that look so real. For this, you have my attention.

Stanza Two:

LOL...probably because nobody wants them! A good laugh *Wink*.

Stanza Three:

"alot" should be [a lot].

I notice your punctuation is off...but I'm gathering you only want to use the comma and question mark, so all the rest should follow.

Stanza Four:

There needs to be two question marks in this paragraph. Also, this last line sounds funny.

Did [you] only have what you were[?]

In addition, I'm not sure I follow this stanza. On your way out, do you mean out of the restaurant? Or, in the figurative on your way "out" as in life is about to end? Probably the latter, now that I look at it again.

Stanza Five:

Good stanza, although I was a little confused at first because you switch around a lot from first, second, to third. To make this a little clearer, I'd suggest mentioning "him" a little earlier like:

I went to his auction once

or something along those lines.

Stanza Six:

Not sure I understand this. They wanted his books and him? It seems they would place value on the books, or his possessions rather than him. So, I'm not really seeing where this is going. I know you're trying to make a point, but it's a thin one--there's really no meat to it.

Stanza Seven:

I like your balance of emotion, and your conversational tone, but you lost me on this bit of philosophy. Like I said, it doesn't do much for me because it's a bit simplistic. That's not to say it's bad, but it doesn't hold my attention for very long. I'd work on building up your message, and make sure it ties in good with the scenarios. Hope this helps a little.


Happiness always,

M.





21
21
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello NoWayJo,

This is a great poem! I loved every word of it, and it was comical, yet serious (given those times).
Well, I don't know if old Ginsey would be interested in your boobs, he was gay, wasn't he? But that's not the point--great poem. Keep it up *Smile*.

Happiness always,

M.
22
22
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! This is an excellent piece of prose--so visceral, I love it!

You definitely have a way with words, and the conjuring up of unpleasant images makes this a TRUE delight. It's all good in my opinion!
Keep writing and I'll keep reading *Smile*.

Happiness always,

M
23
23
Review of Balsamic Moon  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ridinghood,

I notice you entered the Abstract Poetry contest!
This is a great poem.

I love the repetition of words, and you really do a wonderful job with abstract imagery--I particularly enjoyed the title. Makes me want to eat now *Wink*.

I wish you luck with the contest(s)!

Happiness always,

M.
24
24
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Chon,

Welcome to Writing.com!


Your caption caught my attention, and I'd like to share my thoughts with you. *Smile*

Firstly, I admire your dedication and determination--you keep on this path and there's a good chance your dream will become a reality.

Suggestions:

In paragraph two, you talk about writing about candles, but you express how you move on because you do not know how to do this kind of writing.

This is a little unclear to me. Do you mean you did not know how to write non-fiction, or that you didn't have enough information to write about candles?
If it's the latter, why not research? I've been up against difficult subjects (ones that I've known very little about), and a way to make it look thorough is with a lot of research. Maybe you did this? If so, I would mention it in this paragraph to clarify exactly what you mean.

Paragraph Three:

I think all writers start at this level. The true test is to break away from the personal just a little bit, but also maintain it. Some famous poet said (the name escapes me) the best way of writing emotion is to reflect on it, never write during the pinnacle of the emotion--it would lead to crappy writing, in essence. :P I know this to be true after years of writing based solely on emotion.

Paragraph Four:

Excellent to hear you have had a story published--certainly no small feat. *Smile*

I'd like to hear more about your struggles in the beginning. It seems there's definitely more that could be said about your schooling endeavours, and your work ethics. I'd add more here also.

Paragraph Five:

Very good.

Paragraph Six:

Many can relate. It's great to know you've overcome so much (from what I can tell), and you want to give yourself to others so they do not feel alone in their struggles--this is a very selfless reason; I admire that.

Paragraph Seven:

You mention two ladies in this paragraph. Are they relatives? Friends? I think they need some sort of title.

Patience is key--can I borrow some off of you? LOL.


Overall:

This is a good essay. I guess the only suggestion I can give is to expand on this a little. Explain what you went through, the steps you are taking now, and what you hope to do after you have your book published.
What can we learn from your experience? You have a wealth of knowledge, do share it *Smile*.

Happiness always,

M.
25
25
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Robert,

Interesting collection of reference books you have here--sounds a bit nerdish, I know, but I can relate. I have this reference book fetish, and every time I see a good book (like the mammoth Disease dictionary I picked up for only five bucks--3,000 plus pages!), I just have to get it.

As for your list, I have heard of some of those books, but I've never been compelled to follow guides of good writing, unless I plan on making something generic-sounding...but "Writing the Killer Treatment" sounds pretty fun!

Suggestions:

It may be easier to make a list of these items, then explain them. As I look at your essay, it's hard to pick out the books you mention. Maybe you can highlight them, or list them like so:

1. Guide to Good Writing, Random house (year)

----any points you want to make about this book

2. Public Transportation and Land Use Policy (publisher/year)

etc., etc.

Other than that, I enjoyed your picks, and I will be checking most of them out.

Happiness always,

M.
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