Seuzz 
A wonderful short story of adventure and sleuthing as our young detective unravels the mystery and puts the clues in sequence to glue the puzzle back together so that all of the players can see the picture. This is a story well written for a young audience that will definitely find great entertainment and excitement as they are transported to a small town where trouble has risen its ugly head.
I had a question about the reference to the girl with a "frame around her" I kept thinking that perhaps this was in reference to her physique, as in she had a beautiful figure, but then to me, described as a frame, it didn't feel right. Am I off track and this is referencing something else? I get that the frame complements the picture and together they are a package, and the metaphor isn't quite lost on me, but for some reason it took me explaining this out on screen to fully appreciate the metaphor. Perhaps I just needed to stop and grab some coffee. So let me do so before getting back to it.
So I sat here and debated over this back and forth now. Should I mention this, or am I out of my mind? My final conclusion is that it fits well within the context of the story. It is important when writing, that you are aware of your writing audience and are not talking down to them nor over their head. That mentioned, when we reached the sentence: "No one calls me -- " A little vomit came up the back of my throat. "That other name." , I had to pause. You are a writer who exhibits great talent and an eye for detail and fluid characterization. I thought, at first, that "vomit" was a little to plain and perhaps "bile" or "an eruption of bile threatening to spew" would fit more within the context of the story line. However, the more I contemplated, the more it made sense as it is. After all, our character is in shock and instantly angered, so an eloquent flow of words wouldn't come to mind, it would be more short, to the point and direct. I only include it in this review so that you could see my line of thought as I read through the story and perhaps see things as I do reading them as they unfold.
~those brick McMansion ...would McMansion be plural here? It is one of many so would it be McMansions? I really am not sure, but thought I would include it since it gave me pause.
I personally like how the action in the story is so on point. We are shown the action, therefore able to visualize ourselves there instead of being told about it. The movement as the bike shot, popped and banked puts the reader right there experiencing what is going on. Great job.
Found a small typo: Why do you think she's she'd do something like that to you?"
Now I know I have seen somewhere in your port or writing, a comment or two about the fluffy writing with all of the color and images spread throughout it. I like to personalize reviews using templates of the season or group and that is what I have used here. Not to draw away from the review, but to help me sort through it. Analyzing a piece of work and telling the author what I think of it isn't always easy, and breaking it down into small areas helps me to do that, thus the different leaves going down the page and at the same time notating that fall is here.
The following two paragraphs are small, and I feel they are actually one paragraph as it is all about the same serious of thought and action:
Before she could ask what I meant, I hung up. I had wanted to ask her about Sammy, and where he might be hanging out, but after the way she exploded when I put Melanie's name and Rob's name next to each other, I didn't want to risk putting Sammy's in there too.
Because I didn't get an A in Mr. Erhardt's basic chemistry class for nothing, you know. I learned which kind of combustible chemicals you can mix for fun, and which kind you keep in cool, dry, dark underground bunkers on separate continents.
I have a whole set paragraph that I tend to use in reviews where conjunctions are used to start sentences, however more and more this is becoming acceptable in writing. Perhaps it is time I change and come to accept it, however, I was always taught you do not start a sentence with "but", so I fear it will always be a thorn for me. I guess this could also come as part of the "writing for your audience" step in writing mechanics, though I don't agree. Here is my given response on conjunctions starting sentences:
Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but, or, and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These three words are coordinate conjunctions used to join sentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Avoid beginning a new sentence with a coordinating conjunction (for,and,nor,but,or,yet,so). Coordinating conjunctions should be used for connecting between items of the same class within a sentence. In formal or academic writing situations, in particular, they should not be used to introduce a new sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience.
Overall I felt this was very well written. I find that the author is one who far surpasses my writing capabilities and I almost feel silly pointing out small details that though perplexing to me, seem to fit well within the parameters of the storyline. I enjoyed reading this and did in fact do so about four times while waiting for some specialized sigs to attach to it. I highly recommend this piece for readers of all ages, even though I feel it would be most appreciated by the younger audience between about 10 and 17. Keep up the great work.
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Have you ever considered how placement on the paper could give depth and meaning to your writing? It is my belief that something as simple as where the poem is placed upon the page can add personification and help to bring the poem to life. In my view, aligning the poem to the left of the page can give the perception of conformity, unity, balance, as if all is right in the world, to where centering the poem, you get lines or verses that are offset and none begin or end in the same place, and this could represent chaos, anger, sadness and confusion. Aligning the poem to the right would then come to show change, from chaos came order, as the lines would be offset to start, but all end in the same place. In the end, poetry is to interpretation. What a poet writes and what a reader comprehends isn't always the same, and some people like to read too much into things when looking for hidden meaning and agendas. 
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A vivid piece that captures the emotions as one person is tragically taken away. The bond between Rachel and Lucas was severed and Lucas can not hide what this does to him. Though he tries to conceal his feelings, they escape as the devastation washes over him. 
For me, the ending of this short piece read as if the opening lines of a poem or a song, and I can't get them out of my mind. This is truly a piece of imagery that captures humor emotion in such a crucial point that the oceans of tears fall forth. 
This short story is set up from the start as it takes you on a roller coaster of emotion. You see the transition right away and that releases the torrent as soon as Amber utters that dreadful phrase. Amber is a key person in this piece as she is the one who delivers the tragic news. 
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