~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

102

#4156553

Review of Looking

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"Looking"

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

Jen~

This is review #15 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I found this item because someone had mentioned that you had been here a short period of time and yet had been reviewing like crazy. I thought you were worth looking into, especially with a handle such as yours *winl*

I hope you find the review useful if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

This is a darker poem, and thus the darker ribbon I chose for it. I liked the rhythm and rhyme of the poem and had no problem finding the voice of the poem to tell me a story. To me, this is about depression and the struggle, once recognizing the problem is there, but unable to break free from the grip of it.

There are only two things about the poem that I personally would change, one would be the spacing between lines. When you upload something, this often happens. If you go back and edit, tighten it up so that there isn't room for the eye to wander in between lines. Keep the focus on the poem.

The other would be to add punctuation. Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider. For this poem in particular, I would consider centering it to show off the confusion and chaos.

Overall this is a terrific piece as it is. There are just a few minor adjustments I would make, as listed above, but doing both or none, doesn't detract from the poem itself. The words paint a great picture that is easy for the reader to interpret. Great imagery is cleverly created through the poem.

FORUM

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

103

#4156197

Review of Living Life to the Fullest

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"Living Life to the Fullest"

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

Nats

This is review #14 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I found this item by clicking on the Things To Do & Read tab on the left of the screen and selected Read a Newbie. This was one of the items on the page, and the title lured me in.

I hope you find the review useful if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

Reading your short static item of sixty-four words, I envisioned your writing as a poem. It had a voice that was screaming to me and here is what it said:
My vision:

Death doesn't announce itself
The heart will cease to beat,
leaving an empty shell,
whole but gone.
Live today as if no other,
as you see fit.
Your last breath unknown,
will leave you gasping for air,
as you struggle to hold on
to what remains.
Life's contemplation,
are you content?
Are you satisfied
with your accomplishments?

Your words:
We can die at anytime. Our hearts can just stop beating and you're left there. Empty. Whole. Gone. Live the life you want to when you want to. You never know when that breathe will leave you gasping for air, holding on, grasping, to what little remains. Contemplating life and deciding if you lived a content life. Are you satisfied with what you accomplished?

It is great when a piece of reading can have such a profound effect that it actually sparks creativity. Reading on your words I found myself asking of my own goals, dreams and accomplishments. It is true that unless we are blessed, or cursed, with divine sight, we don't know when we will draw our last breath so we must live in the minute.

To live in the minute we must first accept that worries of tomorrow shouldn't overshadow the moments of today.

This is a thought provoking piece that evoked great contemplation. I didn't notice any errors to comment upon. Great piece of writing, though I thought it could be expanded upon.

FORUM

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

104

#4155688

Review of A Very Unlikely Meeting

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]&"Invalid Item"

"A Very Unlikely Meeting"

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Kotaro

This is review #11 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

in support of PHOEBE.
I am stopping in your port today because it is your account anniversary today and I thought you could use some recognition. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

A story about a chance encounter at a meeting that has potential for blossoming into a relationship of great understanding and awareness. We learn a lot about Len from this brief story. He is a guy who exhibits great understanding and awareness. He isn't sexist and in facts speaks to equality of women to men in the story. He is generous and nervous and seems to connect well with Brigit.

There were two spots in the story that gave me pause. I think they both may be a spelling issue and that is a mild adjustment to make so doesn't detract from the story much. I will show what distracted me and then give one idea for an adjustment that I see makes it work. I could be totally off base though so it will be something you will have to look at and decide.

~ He winched, for this was the
~He winced, for this was the

~dish is chile with lots of beans.”
dish is chili with lots of beans.”

This was a fun story that I enjoyed reading. The characters were a great match for each other and seemed to really connect. The activity was one that was releasing and caused a stir in the air that brought relief and joy to all of the participants. I felt this was well written and made me smile.

FORUM

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

105

#4155633

Review of Weekly Goals

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]&"Invalid Item"

"Weekly Goals"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

The StoryMistress

This is review #8 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

in support of PHOEBE.
I am stopping in your port today because it is your birthday today and I thought you could use some recognition. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

Only two years old, this fun filled activity is self rewarding in the fact that it helps to motivated others to fulfill their goals and then monetarily rewards them as well. This is a great tool in helping others take control of their dreams and goals.

The crisp and bold colors used for the body of this activity are eye catching and appropriate for getting the job done. Nothing like hitting the bullseye on Friday when you report back that you have completed your goals.

This is a clever tool that gets people writing. Writing a list, and then following through with again checking off or announcing what was completed on that lists. If nothing else it keeps things forefront in the mind as to what needs to be done.

I found myself wondering what people chose to list and had to stop and go read many posts. It was amazing the variety of things that were listed, site related as well as personal.

This is well written and a great community tool. Thank you for sharing. I feel it is an asset to the site.

FORUM

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

106

#4155624

Review of Noticing Newbies

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]&"Invalid Item"

"Noticing Newbies"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

The StoryMistress

This is review #6 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today because it is your birthday this month and I thought you could use some recognition.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

The banner at the top of the page is bold and is in sync with some of the major Writing.Com staples. For instance, this is one of the main starting points and places to learn navigation. This is an important page and it shows in the layout. I particularly like the alternating colored suggestions for how to use this forum.

Not only are subcategories listed as to how to use the forum, but also there are tips included as well, and this is a major plus. Flowing down the page, Items of Interest are then showcased to give the newbie somewhere to go and take those baby steps out into the community.

This has been a major part of the community, this forum page, and the dedication many show to taking the time to welcome everyone as they step forth into these halls is forever documented in the many pages of comments and greetings members share with each other here.

As the mother of the site, it is only fitting that this vital page for new members begins in your port. The babies start here with mom where they are nurtured and then shown how to fly as they venture out to some of the suggestions given on this page.

The page is very clean and easy to read and follow. The navigation is all up to date and there were no noticeable grammar, spelling or punctuation errors.

FORUM

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

107

#4155578

Review of The Gazebo Journals

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"The Gazebo Journals"

dragonflyrose

This is review #4 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I have chosen this item of yours as one of my six. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

In sentence two there is a lot of movement, brought on by the breeze of twilight. The only thing I found wrong with that, was the image it created of a swaying skirt. To me swaying is to move back and forth. To do so over a figure that is lying still, didn't fit the image.

~}The long skirts tumbling over her legs where she lay swayed in the wind as well,
The long skirts tumbling over her legs where she lay rustled in the wind as well,

Read it over and see which rings true for you though, just my observation.

There were just a few areas where a word was either misspelled or left out, and I notated those areas below. Other than these, the grammar, spelling and punctuation all appeared to be in order.

~Your dinner will laid before
Your dinner will be laid before

...missing a word in the sentence.

~ - toque-in-cheek
not sure if this should be tongue in cheek

~- of the fortune, either way -
should this be or the fortune???

This is a well written piece that could serve well as an introduction to a novel. I hope to read more on these characters in the future. The scene is set, the characters revealed, no onward with the adventure.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

108

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14 days may be credited.

#4152818

Review of Walker to the Rescue

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"Walker to the Rescue"

J. A. Buxton

This is review #7 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I have chosen this item of yours as one of my six. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

It has been many moons since I last read anything on Walker and Samantha. Partially due to my lack of being around so much and working so hard, and last I knew I had caught up in the series. I am sure enough time has gone by that I will have to revisit your port to make sure I am up to date with the series. This wonderful reminder will play forward in my mind for quite some time. Thank you for the reminder and the smiles and laughter.

I think you did a wonderful job with the prompt. It didn't give too much away about the characters, but those of us who know the story, you shared just enough to remind us of who the two characters are.

I like that Walker's and Samantha's love shines through in this the same that it does in the story. This rings true to character for both of the individuals. They came to life again, right on screen and in your very own writing room. Have you recovered from the shock?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

109

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14 days may be credited.

#4151692

Review of The Book

for entry "Chapter 2 - A Warm Spring Day"

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"Chapter 2 - A Warm Spring Day"

RodneyGray

This is review #6 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I have chosen this item of yours as one of my six. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

As I read more into the story, I soon began to wonder if this was a metaphor for the world today, or if this was a fable, soon to be known and told in legend.

This is well written and I didn't notice any spelling, punctuation or grammar mistakes. Not to say they aren't there, but I myself read through without seeing any. I do wear

by the way, so they could need cleaning

The bold and large print make for easy reading of the story. I don't know that it is necessary though to include a word count at the beginning of each one.

I found myself wondering if this was a fairytale or if it were something more of a piece that makes you stop and take a closer look at society and how we are living today.

Well written and thought provoking.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

110

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14 days may be credited.

#4151686

Review of The Book

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"The Book"

RodneyGray

This is review #5 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I have chosen this item of yours as one of my six. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

An interesting tale that took hold quick as a wink and had me clamoring to see the rest. This was an great story that lured me in and had me reaching for that blanket to cozy up with as I took an adventure in a far away land.

~A cold wind carried a hint of dampness from the coast, pushed itself into your bones and yearned to be felt, seen and heard.
The cold wind carried a hint of dampness from the coast as it pushed itself into your bones, yearning to be felt, seen and heard.

I found the original sentence to ring half true. With the wording as it was, it appeared as if the author was trying to personify the wind, yet was failing to fully give it strength by some of the words of choice. To me, this altered state, gives more strength to the crispness of the wind.

Overall I found this to be a wonderful story full of great wit and character. Well written and a joy to read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

111

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#4151251

Review of God Knows and Sees All.

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"God Knows and Sees All."

jackneigut

This is review #1 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I have chosen this item of yours as one of my six. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

I found this to be a very spiritual piece that speaks of a religious tone and of a higher power. The more I read I found the reverence and love for family and faith was the theme of the story.

I found the extra spacing between paragraphs to be distracting and disruptive. The more added space, the more the eye tends to wander off to the other writing on the screen.

I imagine it is no easy task for a parent to lose a child. I say this, because it has never happened to me and having born no children of my own, I feel there is a connection missing, even though I love my stepchildren as if they were my own.

The fifth paragraph starts off with "He". I felt that it should not do so, other than if it were a part of the previous paragraph. I would substitute that for "God".

Overall this was a nice piece to read. Full of love and discovery, this is a journey of the soul that is laid to rest before us. Thank you for sharing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

112

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14 days may be credited.

#4101472

Review of Sisters

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Dear Graham Solo

,

This is review #6 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

How did I come across your piece?

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"

. Thanks for entering! This review is done in order to recognize your participation in the contest, as well as for me to read each entry and place my decision in with the others . We thank you for your continued support.

I hope you can gather some useful information from the review, even if it is just to find out whether or not I enjoyed reading your piece. Remember, I am but the reader, the story is yours and you alone can decide if anything should be altered. I can merely offer my advice and opinions on what I am reading. My intentions are pure, to never do harm, only offer my view.

Sisters

(ASR)
A girl finds out that her best friend isn’t what she appeared to be.
#2032416 by Graham Solo

My overall thoughts:

A twisted tale of devotion and loyalty, this is dark and has a plot that will give you the chills.

Well written, you don't suspect a thing, right up until the end. With misdirection this thriller takes us on a journey through friendship and the sacrifices that are sometimes made.

I didn't notice any spelling or technical errors to comment upon. This was well written and I enjoyed reading it all the way through. I was surprised at the end to see the result, it was not the direction I thought this was going.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

113

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14 days may be credited.

#4099917

Review of From Moonlight to Dawn

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Dear ApolloTemple

,

This is review #6 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

How did I come across your piece?

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"

. Thanks for entering! This review is done in order to recognize your participation in the contest, as well as for me to read each entry and place my decision in with the others . We thank you for your continued support.

I hope you can gather some useful information from the review, even if it is just to find out whether or not I enjoyed reading your piece. Remember, I am but the reader, the story is yours and you alone can decide if anything should be altered. I can merely offer my advice and opinions on what I am reading. My intentions are pure, to never do harm, only offer my view.

From Moonlight to Dawn

(18+)
Our strength has always been in our numbers.
#2032394 by ApolloTemple

My overall thoughts:

With the opening paragraph, I picture it more of a poem, and perhaps this is due to the first line being incomplete, and the next line rhyming with it.

When the soil is red,
and the moon
is highest in the sky.
Streams trickle
but the wanderers
do not wander by.

After this, the story pretty much eludes me. Maybe I got so wrapped up in the poem that I couldn't see the suspense thriller in this short and sweet little piece. With no space in between paragraphs it looks all jumbled on the page and to me was a big distraction (these eyes aren't what they used to be). That being said, I gather that a series of events leads to a mental snap and the many voices in the head of the main character come out to play and haunt him all at once. That is just my take on the story. Perhaps if it were made into a longer piece the details would sort themselves out more.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

114

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14 days may be credited.

#4099912

Review of To Catch a Child

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Dear Gregory A. Williams

,

This is review #5 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

How did I come across your piece?

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"

. Thanks for entering! This review is done in order to recognize your participation in the contest, as well as for me to read each entry and place my decision in with the others . We thank you for your continued support.

I hope you can gather some useful information from the review, even if it is just to find out whether or not I enjoyed reading your piece. Remember, I am but the reader, the story is yours and you alone can decide if anything should be altered. I can merely offer my advice and opinions on what I am reading. My intentions are pure, to never do harm, only offer my view.

To Catch a Child

(13+)
Never let your children get out of sight. You may regret it for the rest of your life.
#2031487 by Gregory A. Williams

My overall thoughts:

On the edge of my seat as I followed the action, I was lead down a path I least suspected. This is cleverly written with great care and precision.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

115

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14 days may be credited.

#4099664

Review of THAT THING!

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Dear Oldwarrior

,

This is review #2 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

How did I come across your piece?

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"

. Thanks for entering! This review is done in order to recognize your participation in the contest, as well as for me to read each entry and place my decision in with the others . We thank you for your continued support.

I hope you can gather some useful information from the review, even if it is just to find out whether or not I enjoyed reading your piece. Remember, I am but the reader, the story is yours and you alone can decide if anything should be altered. I can merely offer my advice and opinions on what I am reading. My intentions are pure, to never do harm, only offer my view.

STATIC

THAT THING!

(ASR)
1st Place Winner of Feb 2015 Official WDC "JOURNEY THROUGH GENRES" contest.
#2028956 by Oldwarrior

Thoughts and expectations from the title:

I wasn't sure what to make of the title, it was intriguing and drew me in. Was this going to be an object of distaste or perhaps something big and scary, I simply had to read on to determine.

Thoughts on emotion and imagery:

The story flows well as we feel the angst of the riders as they break free from the chains that were binding them and keeping them secure. As they find solace in the trees and bushes, THAT THING strikes and we find the mystery and suspense as the adrenaline rush takes over.

My overall thoughts:

A well written piece that I enjoyed reading. I liked how there was a logical explanation and it is fitting to the tale.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

116

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14 days may be credited.

#4099023

Review of "I'm in fear for my life"

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Dear R.A. Reader

,

This is review #1 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

How did I come across your piece?

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest"

. Thanks for entering! This review is done in order to recognize your participation in the contest, as well as for me to read each entry and place my decision in with the others . We thank you for your continued support.

I hope you can gather some useful information from the review, even if it is just to find out whether or not I enjoyed reading your piece. Remember, I am but the reader, the story is yours and you alone can decide if anything should be altered. I can merely offer my advice and opinions on what I am reading. My intentions are pure, to never do harm, only offer my view.

STATIC

"I'm in fear for my life"

(13+)
Loosely based on a true situation, a body is found close to the protagonist's home.
#2030165 by R.A. Reader

Thoughts and expectations from the title:

The title didn't really speak to me with this one. I had no clear idea as to what to expect. The title well represents the story without divulging any pertinent information to give away what is going on.

How do I feel about the main protagonist?

I like how I was able to associate on a personal level as this character. When an area is hit by tragedy or a body is discovered, your own imagination often wanders and puts a personal spin on it. I feel that the thought process the character had when she thinks about the bread and the door are spot on. Of course she is able to rationalize it away, due to the dog's presence and this too was spot on.

What impact do the secondary characters have?

The dog is the tool that enables the main character to take action. The dog lets her know that the threat is real, and not imagined.

The antagonists are the catalyst for the action of the story and are what builds the suspense. Not knowing their whereabouts, how many there are, and what they are doing, help to turn this into a suspense thriller.

Thoughts on the ending:

Disoriented and confused, Janine is arrested and lead away in handcuffs. If the story ends here, it helps to spark debate over gun rights, as well as home owner's rights. Regardless, Janine has just taken a life and now due process must start in order to clear her name. It must be proven that she did so in self defense and until that happens, she is under arrest.

I think this story is one that should be used to spark talk of gun safety and ownership as well as one that well illustrates the proper way to handle such a situation.

Are there any technical issues I want to query?

~The cell was on speaker now. so that Janine (instead of a period here, a comma should be in place)

My overall thoughts:

Overall a well written piece and a joy to read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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117

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14 days may be credited.

#4036692

Review of LINES

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"LINES"

Samberine Everose

This is review #13 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

A poetry on creativity that cascades down the page in a great format to show that there is weariness and discord due to the muse's voice. To me this represent all of those ideas that dance through our heads as we try to find sleep. That moment between rest and sleep that our minds won't shut down, and sometimes kick into creativity overload. This is the juncture that you know if you were to be writing these ideas that you couldn't get all of them completely out on paper before some of them become fleeting thoughts.

I like the format you have chosen. Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, I like to think that, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

Overall, this is a well written piece. The poem looks great centered on the page. There are no noticeable spelling, punctuation or grammar errors. The voice of the poem is clear and delivers a great tapestry for the reader's mind.

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

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118

#4036375

Review of A Kingdom Through the Hedgerow

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"A Kingdom Through the Hedgerow"

Kyle Curcio

This is review #10 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

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Is the grass greener on the other side? This is a rhyming poem that tells the tale of mice and the dream of what they can see across the field. They know there are obstacles that can inhibit them from reaching the destination, and so they stay where they are, but keep the dream alive.

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

Though a tale of mice, this is a thought provoking piece on dreams and whether we let them die, or we keep them alive and work on making the dream come true. Did the mice toil day after day digging tunnels and finding safe routes to make it to the other side, or did they just sit and stare across the field forever dreaming. It makes you think...

Poetry is to interpretation. My view may be different from yours, but I like the image this poem painted for me. It got my day off to a good start. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors, and I felt this was well written.

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

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119

#4034928

Review of THE BANE OF CHIEF TWO-TENTS

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"THE BANE OF CHIEF TWO-TENTS"

DRSmith

This is review #5 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

Not only are we given a great treat of a poem, but we are also shown an illustration that compliments the poem in such a way that you can't help but smile at the creation before you.

Though I am no form expert when it comes to poetry, I believe this is a limerick. At least that is how the voice of the poem is reading to me. Not knowing the format regulations and restrictions, I cannot comment upon them. I do know that the last two lines, aren't part of a four lined verse, but to me, those last two lines are what wraps up a poem. Whether or not this is part of the diagram for a limerick, it works for me regardless and completes the tale.

Verse two and three both begin with the word But. I don't think we need the first one, though the second one is imperative to the narrative. Eliminate the first use, then this I deduce, all will run well from here.

But with that last line, there's more to be done,
I pick the "pipe smokin" fool for this one.

Now that the end is here,
you have me rhyming, but sincere,
as this review comes to a close.

But remember this my friend,
I am with you to the end,
and love the pictures you add don't ya knows.

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

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120

#4034898

Review of To Those Who Have Left

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"To Those Who Have Left"

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Purple Cow

This is review #4 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today because it is your anniversary this month and I thought you could use some recognition.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

This was a very hard letter to read. Hard in the sense that it was filled with raw emotion and pain. The sadness I could feel bleeding through the cracks as the body was wracked with pain and fatigue brought tears to the eyes as I was able to visualize the situation.

One of the things that bothered me about this piece is that I had no idea what CFS was and had to stop and go look it up. After reading about the many different types, characteristics and diagnosis requirements based on clinical requirements, there is no wonder this was so hard to diagnose. Each doctor would be looking to find a different amount of symptoms to qualify for this prognosis. How frustrating for the patient.

Having an onset such as this at such an early age this story is told from the perspective of adolescence and the maturity of the situation isn't realized until much later. The voice of the poem shows maturation, yet much frustration with not only the dr's but everyone from doctors to friends and possibly even family.

This is a well written piece. The emotional struggle is hard to get through, but it showcases quite the journey of discovery and awareness. This also brings to light how the disease affects the inflicted, and showcases many of the internal suffering that those of us witnessing the event may often fail to see.

I liked that this links back to the contest entry. It allows us to better see any limitations or restrictions put on the writing. This is well written and I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors to comment upon.

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

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121

#4034883

Review of The One

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"The One"

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Mannequin

This is review #3 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today because it is your anniversary this month and I thought you could use some recognition.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

I had to read this through a few times, which I usually do anyway, but I just wasn't grasping what the poem was saying, until I went back and re-read the title and subtitle. I had somehow glossed over that part and so I was missing the larger picture.

I truly like the multiple messages being delivered in this poetic piece. Not only is there a second chance at life given, which opens the door for so many possibilities, but there is also the spiritual aspect of the poem too. That adds a whole new dimension to the poem.

My favorite part of the poem is the line, "in the mountains, under sun", to me this gives depth and perception to the poem. Reading this line gave me a sense of peace, of a being with purpose and new life breathed into that purpose. Through this line I was seeing life with clear lenses and appreciating the view that lay ahead.

The conclusive line, "beyond the mountains; that made the sun." though bringing the poem back to the mountains, I wasn't sure if the mountain then referred metaphorically to a higher being since the mountain created the sun, or if it was metaphorical for something else.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was peaceful and gave me hope. I didn't find any grammar, spelling, punctuation or editing errors to comment upon. This was well written and formatted. Great Job!

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

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122

#4034872

Review of You Need Those Cookies WHEN?

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"You Need Those Cookies WHEN?"

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Kenzie

This is review #2 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today because it is your anniversary this month and I thought you could use some recognition.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

I never did this with cookies, but when mom began making cakes and selling them, I started offering up her cakes as raffle surprises. She caught on quick too, pretty soon whenever I mentioned it, I was then the one who had to go home and bake the cake, which when I continued to volunteer her cakes, I also learned to decorate them as well. OH THE GOOD OL DAYS.

This short little piece not only added some great ammunition to the pantry, but also brought me back to the time of my youth and some of the fun my mom and I had in the kitchen due to these TIMELY announcements.

Though I was familiar with the cake box cookie recipe, (mom taught me this one) I was not familiar with the peanut butter one, and that will come in very handy in the days to come. The chip one, I found on my own elsewhere.

Thank you for sharing these wonderful tips. You did so in a nice and cozy way that brought back memories of my youth and I could actually smell the cookies in the oven just by reading this item.

Overall this is well written and a joy to read. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors to comment upon. The format used to distinguish the recipes from the rest of the item made it easy for later when the reader goes back to mark the recipe. Great JOb!

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123

#4034867

Review of Moon Doesn't Care About Size Chapter I

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (2.5)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"Moon Doesn't Care About Size Chapter I"

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Proky

This is review #1 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today because it is your anniversary this month and I thought you could use some recognition.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

One of the first thoughts upon beginning reading this, was that we the readers were in for one heck of a ride. A teleportation device opens up so many possibilities and I was excited to find out just where this adventure would take us.

Once I hit the second sentence, I could see that this was a rough draft and I knew that reading this was going to be challenging. From sentence two on, I found many grammar and punctuation errors to comment upon. My opinion from the looks of the story, is that this was written in another format and copied here, which lead to many of the technical issues. I feel that if you were to go back and read through this, you would see most of the major errors and be able to fix them without help due to a lot of them being spacing issues where you are in a sentence and then open space of two or more lines, and then the sentence continues.

Some editing notes for the first four sentences:
~I'm 36 years old and a brilliant scientist.
~ Six year ago, in 2028, I created a the very first teleportation device, (tighten up the spacing here)

that could transport a living tissue cells.
~Everyone started to support my research, (tighten up the spacing here)

i I became rich a and famous, buti I didn't like those things.

Many of these same above mentioned issues are located throughout the first part of the story. Once those are fixed, this would read a lot smoother.

This story has great potential. There are many small technical issues with grammar, spacing, and a few punctuation errors. Once cleaned up then work can begin on tightening and expanding the story. This is an interesting twist of science fiction and could garner a large following. I would be glad to come back and re-read, and re-review upon further editing.

I have found that reading an item three times helps with writing. Write it, then read it silently. Then read it out loud, adjust and fine tune the writing, then read it aloud again. Sometimes it takes another time or two of adjusting and reading but following this method helps to fine tune the story.

I look forward to returning and reading this again.

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

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124

#4033772

Review of High school Love

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"High school Love "

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

flowingwords

This is review #8 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I found this item by clicking on the Things To Do & Read tab on the left of the screen and selected Read a Newbie. This was one of the items on the page, and the title lured me in.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

To me this reads as if a poem cascading down the page. If I were to change anything, it would be the format to make this a poem.

YOU WROTE:
The fragrance I'll never forget . Soft and intoxicating at the same time. It made me crave you with insanity.If I ever smell it I'm brought back to days of you and I tangled up arms wrapped around one another. Fights of dominance with teasing and laughter. High school love so rich and explosive , promising one moment then disastrous , poisonous, and diminishing the next. Before you know it you're left with nothing but a beating less heart.

I SUGGEST:
The fragrance I'll never forget .
Soft and intoxicating at the same time.
It made me crave you with insanity.
If I ever smell it
I'm brought back to days
of you and I tangled up
arms wrapped around one another.
Fights of dominance
with teasing and laughter.
High school love
so rich and explosive ,
promising one moment
then disastrous ,
poisonous,
and diminishing the next.
Before you know it
you're left
with nothing
but a
beating less heart.

Just how I see this. Written as it is, there are some punctuation issues. No spacing between one sentence and the next in one instance. A comma not properly placed, it is far out from the sentence.

Overall the beauty of the piece is what had me giving it the higher rating. I see the poem trapped and struggling to emerge.

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#1408837 by ~WhoMe???~

Image #1642111 over display limit. -?-

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125

#4033761

Review of Poetry

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

[E]

"Poetry"

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

Calvin Lamb

This is review #6 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum "

You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum "

. Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I found this item by clicking on the Things To Do & Read tab on the left of the screen and selected Read a Newbie. This was one of the items on the page, and the title lured me in.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

A wonderful poem that is like describing the scent of a rose. This terrific piece paints a tapestry of imagery for the reader to visualize. The many colors and themes that whirl together to create this are the perfect combination.

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

Overall a great poem that I would love to find as a published piece one day. Super!

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