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151
Review of I am from...  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Kenneth

This is review #4 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum


*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today, because I found you in a new authors list. I was eager to see what you had in your port and this caught my eye.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
  I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. .

*Burstv* I liked not only the format used for this poem but also the message it delivers. This puts forth a great look at history and what was compared to what is, in the eyes of looking back. When looking back at what home once was, and now is, the view is changed, whether seeing through rose colored glasses or not.




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lonewolfmcq


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152
152
Review of I Weep  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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BlaqkShadow

This is review #3 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum


*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today, because I found you in a new authors list. I was eager to see what you had in your port and this caught my eye.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
  I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. .

*Burstv* Normally when reading poetry, when things are repeated, I simply can't find a way to like the poem, and offer up suggestions for changes. With this poem however, the repetitive words actually hammer home the message and help clear the smoke so that the interpretation is abundantly clear to the reader. A great poem. I do feel the chaos of the poem warrants a centered format, but that is truly up to the reader.





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lonewolfmcq


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153
153
Review of Fall  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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BlaqkShadow

This is review #2 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv*
I really enjoyed reading this poem. Right away it spoke to me and brought a visual that is haunting.

Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.



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Bee WhoMe???


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154
154
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Addy S.

This is review #1 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* I am reviewing this piece today, because I couldn't in good faith put a vote in for something I didn't leave a review for. What would be the point? Since I am to rank for the top 12 then I best get to reading and reviewing. I have my work cut out for me. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv* A cryptic tale of love and survival between two soulmates. This is a tale that has no specifics, and though it rings true for the original characters, it is vague enough to fit for any couple along the way.

*Burstp*There is a lot of extra spacing between paragraphs that detracts from this short story and allows the reader's eyes to wander on the page. I would suggest tightening it up to allow for better reading.

*Burstg* Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but, or, and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These three words are coordinate conjunctions used to join sentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Avoid beginning a new sentence with a coordinating conjunction (for,and,nor,but,or,yet,so). Coordinating conjunctions should be used for connecting between items of the same class within a sentence. In formal or academic writing situations, in particular, they should not be used to introduce a new sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience.

*Burstb*Overall this was a nice short story that I would have loved to have more details to draw the reader in.



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Bee WhoMe???


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155
155
Review of In Dreams  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

This is review #15 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* I am reviewing this piece today, because I couldn't in good faith put a vote in for something I didn't leave a review for. What would be the point? Since I am to rank for the top 12 then I best get to reading and reviewing. I have my work cut out for me. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv* Wow! Can a review be put together with one word? This is an intense piece of writing. Though I predicted right away where this was going, I had to follow the clues to see if I was correct. I had to train to do that by the way. One movie I watched in the past had me fulled right up until almost the end. I had to go back and re-watch it and look at the clues. This had a similar feel to it, and the action backed it up.


*Burstg* One small technical issue:
~ from the chilled glass


*Burstb*The contrast of bitterness and forgiveness at the end between the two characters shows the transformation that has taken place. This small token he wishes to bestow upon her before departing shows a lot about his character. I enjoyed reading this, even though it is such a sad tale, because of how well it is written. The actions of the characters and the scenery draw the reader in and wrap them in the moment. Great writing.



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Bee WhoMe???


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156
156
Review of Going to the Zoo  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Quick-Quill

This is review #13 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* I am reviewing this piece today, because I couldn't in good faith put a vote in for something I didn't leave a review for. What would be the point? Since I am to rank for the top 12 then I best get to reading and reviewing. I have my work cut out for me. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv* When I first started reading this, all I could think of was the movie from back in the 70's, Escape to Witch Mountain. That is, until I got further into the story. This is a unique twist that I truly enjoyed reading. I felt that it was a bit predictable in spots, but have been told I have a knack for picking things out.

*Burstp*One thing that takes away from this great story is the ink color. The lighter color was hard to read. It also made it more difficult to tell the thoughts in place of the actual talking. I kept wanting to comment about adding quotation marks, but these were thoughts and therefore should be italicized to show the difference, and I think they might be, but the color is blending that in so that it is hard to distinguish.

*Burstg* A few technical issues:
~ she thought back...(not capitalized and should be)

~If Miss Wurther is a social worker, why is she accepting money in an envelope, for the children? Is she more of the owner or operator of an orphanage? Would the Phillips' resort to bribery? However the point that they were being given the children, sight unseen, and without background checks or otherwise does show that something shady went down.

~ heavier then than when Pete...
Then vs. Than
Than is used only in comparisons, so if you're comparing something use than. If not, then you have to use then.

~Justin frowned to his sister,(red word is missing in sentence)

*Burstb*The stones are mentioned as if they are a big deal, but never brought up again. This was not only very disappointing, but also very misleading. This would be a good tool to use if expanding on the story and later telling how the stones relate back to the children as if to help show where they came from. However, as it stands it holds no relevance and is a distraction from the actual story.

*Burstv* Overall this was a cool little story. It held my attention twice. I read it once, then read it again to do the review. I think the biggest detraction for me was the color of the ink chosen to print this in, and I explained why above.

My favorite part was how their rooms were decorated just how they would have wanted them. It shows that there was more going on behind the scenes and leaves room to add on to the story later, without detracting from it as the stones do. In the end you are left wondering about the significance of the stones, but you understand how the rooms were like they were.



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157
157
Review of Voice Lessons  
for entry "Reunion
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Vine2*"Reunion*Vine1*



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Angels in my Ear

This is review #12 for "Simply Positive Review Forum


*Burstb* I am reviewing this piece today, because I couldn't in good faith put a vote in for something I didn't leave a review for. What would be the point? Since I am to rank for the top 12 then I best get to reading and reviewing. I have my work cut out for me. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv* One of the things that strikes me here is that writing is not only metaphorically referred to as your friend, but you also show how this relationship works. To me, this touched home in a personal way, even though this is your own personal experience. I was able to relate to it and find a commonality that begged me to read on.


*Burstp*Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but, or, and , creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. These three words are coordinate conjunctions used to join sentences or part of sentences that have the same grammatical status. Avoid beginning a new sentence with a coordinating conjunction (for,and,nor,but,or,yet,so). Coordinating conjunctions should be used for connecting between items of the same class within a sentence. In formal or academic writing situations, in particular, they should not be used to introduce a new sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have now come across two main circumstances where this happens repeatedly. The first is when the writer is putting to print exactly as they speak, and the other is with addressing or speaking to or for a younger audience. I would say the first instance applies with this particular piece.

*Burstg* Overall this was a nice read. The conjunction issue is one that bothers me in reading and I have a hard time reading items which hold this issue. Perhaps that is old school, or maybe that is just me. Personally, if this were free and clear of that issue, I would probably love it. I totally agree and can relate to the metaphorical friend being writing.

In essence, this is a good piece. Keep writing my friend. Your friend and mine is waiting for you.



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158
158
Review of Silence  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Valenchia

This is review #10 for "Simply Positive Review Forum


*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today, because I found you in a new authors list. I was eager to see what you had in your port and this caught my eye.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
  I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. .

*Burstv* A poetic verse of deep sorrow and sadness. This is the tale of a mother lost and a child seeking forgiveness. The words echo in the silence as she awaits a response.

*Burstp*In verse one, rather than the ... between words, I think it would hold more power if it were empty space, to better illustrate the silence and emptiness felt while at the graveside. You can do this by adding {s} a couple of times between words.

*Burstg*Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider.

*Burstb*Why leave comments as above and still leave a five star rating? This is a five star piece of work. My review, is merely my opinion of things that I feel can help or hinder the poem. Leaving my suggestions on a piece of writing that is already ready for print, are simply my opinions expressed out loud.

This is a well written piece with great sadness.



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159
159
Review of You Owe Me Money  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Valenchia

This is review #7 for "Simply Positive Review Forum


*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today, because I found you in a new authors list. I was eager to see what you had in your port and this caught my eye.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.
  I consider it an honor to have found your port and this great piece of writing. Thank you for taking the time to submit writing into your port. .

*Burstv* A title that sums up the writing with great accuracy and directness. We know write off that someone is in debt to another and this puts the reader in the right frame of mind for the reading.

*Burstp*I would have to say that the mechanics of the writing are spot on. I didn't see any technical issues to comment upon. The was well written.

*Burstg*I found myself wondering just where this was going. How was Abigail going to play her part in this story. I must admit I didn't see it coming. Quite the turn of events.

*Burstb*Overall this was well written and a joy to read. I saw nothing detracting from this short piece and read it with a smile on my face.



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160
160
for entry "Roman
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Escape Artist

This is review #6 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv* I can sum this up in one word...PERFECT. I was able to get a good idea of who Roman was and where he came from. He seems to be a good match for Merci and I look forward to seeing how their chemistry works together.

*Burstp*Okay, so maybe not one word. I too, like Roman, found myself wondering how on earth the Colonel managed to get Roman cleared to take the jet up. I mean, with all the safety checks and precautions in our airports as it is, why would the government allow this to happen? Perhaps Roman has kept in touch with superiors and somehow he is still in the loop. OR maybe something else later on will be revealed (***do you see the conspiracy theory starting here***)that this is foreshadowing, as if he has been under observance this whole time.

*Burstg*
~why or how does one hang pictures on a canvas tent without causing holes for the rain to seep through?

*Burstb*Moving forward I see Roman as an adventurer and lover of the outdoors. Like Merci, opinions of others don't effect who he is, but then again he is a charismatic person with the gift of gab.



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161
161
for entry "Invalid Entry
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Escape Artist

This is review #5 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

IF the reviews don't seem so in-depth, it is perhaps I have found them to be sound chapters and in a hurry to get on and read the next. Try not to read too much into them. I will tell you if there is something I find off or a bit odd. If it doesn't work, I will tell you that as well, after all, this review is my opinion on this chapter.


*Burstv* This was a very interesting chapter. Here the island is introduced and we see the tight knit security and observation it is under. We are introduced to a few new characters that will be playing vital roles in what is to come.

*Burstp*I didn't notice any technical issues to comment upon. This chapter was well written and a joy to read.

*Burstg*I truly enjoyed the sequence of where Lyle realizes what time it is. I too like to lay back down and push the envelope. The chain of events he experiences as reality slowly dawns on him and he realizes what time it truly is, was a flashback to many mornings I myself have faced. Another great way to draw the reader in.

*Burstb* Even the aboriginal natives would concede that there were coves and bays where no human had ever set foot.

Let's analyze this statement. Have the aboriginal natives ever left the island? Have they seen it from air, to know that other inlets existed, to know that they hadn't been explored? Have they had communication with the naval officers? I am imagining natives that have been tolerating the presence of this occupation, without actually acknowledging its authority over them.

*Burstv* I may have missed it, but I couldn't find what OD stood for. Is that officer on duty?

*Burstp*I love the ending. I am so excited to get on with the next chapter. This was the perfect way to end it. Great way to ensnare the reader.



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162
162
Review of Love Remembered  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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dougal4

This is review #4 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv* A loving poem of memory and senses that bring on a smile as one is transported back to that first encounter.

*Burstg*
~ Not many authors, or readers, give much thought to placement or alignment, when it comes to poetry. It is my thought that something as simple as where or how you place a poem on the page, can add to its imagery. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all the lines are askew, based upon the character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal feelings on the subject, and not all will agree with this. Though, it does give one something to consider. In this case I would use the centering method to represent the passage of time.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally, I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice, and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is the direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't, to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

*Burstb*Overall this is a good poem. I did find the repetition of words distracting and felt that some other way could have been used to portray the overwhelming feelings other than the word "so".



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163
163
for entry "The Watchers
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Escape Artist

This is review #2 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today because it has been ages it seems since I last did a review for you my friend. Where does the time go?

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

*Burstv* Seals fart? What an interesting piece of information that brought a smile to my face and a laugh to my lips. What a great way to engage the reader.

*Burstp* A few technical issues:
~on the islands island's shoreline.
~Seascooter Sea scooter...
~rocky shore. he He double checked...

*Burstg*
~ Blatchford is a hardened leader who has perhaps lived too long outside of the law. He has no fear for repercussion for his actions and sees threats to the island as a persona front on him.

His subordinate, Wilson on the other hand still has not his conscious intact and is struggling with the decisions he must make each day. I somehow feel he will be an integral part later on in helping a hero or heroine.

*Burstb*Overall another great chapter. This one sets the tone of the island and helps the reader to see a world cut off from all others. This isolation echos with secrecy and perhaps a little bit of imprisonment as well.



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Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)








created by legerdemain




Escape Artist

This is review #1 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

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*Burstv* It appears to me we are getting down to the dirt of the story. One of the first things that jumps out at me is the very clever title and image at the top of the page. I inspected it closely and the more I looked the bigger my smile got. This image was created with humor and yet a lot of thought went into it as well, in order to give it such an authentic appearance.

*Burstp*Paragraph two goes a long way displaying how age has come to take a toll on Sam. It gives great visual as to what ways aging can effect the body. I had to stop and laugh, yes, I can see that happening. What is it about ageing that allows our mouths to open more and spew about bodily functions? Is it that life has taken on a whole new meaning as we age and these functions we begin talking about become essential in declaring to the world we are still alive?

*Burstg*big brothers watchful eyes...should that be Big Brother's watchful eyes?

*Burstb*The description of Area51 as a termite hill brings up such a visual that makes the later blueprint easy to follow.

*Burstv*cactus-covered dessert inside the confines ...
I am not so sure I would want to try this type of dessert. It sounds a little poky to me. Unless this is something they eat in the desert *Wink*

*Burstp*The only troubling thing I had with this chapter was that the funeral is but briefly mentioned. There is doubt left as to why his friend would have taken his own life, but then it isn't mentioned again, either why there is doubt or anything else about the services. Other than this one part, I loved the rest of the chapter.



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Review of Would you rather?  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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created by legerdemain


Anicsim

This is review #6 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today because it has been ages it seems since I last did a review for you my friend. Where does the time go?


I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.

*Burstv* Three short questions before you get started writing...you fill in the blank.

I found these three questions to be quite thought provoking. Searching out exactly what the reader is looking for, this demands that the reader step up to the plate and outline just what they want to read. This is very thought provoking and could prove to be a good exercise in writing.



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#1935520 by fyn

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Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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created by legerdemain


Escape Artist

This is review #4 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

I am stopping in your port today because aside from the fact that I started reading this book a while back and have been reviewing it a chapter at a time for another group at my leisure, I have now come to owe you 6 reviews for auction packages that you have won. Did you think I forgot you?

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv*I sent you an email immediately after reading this chapter today during my meal break of 30 minutes. That was somewhere around 12am WDC time or shortly thereafter. I wish I could say that I took those last five hours to contemplate and think about what I had read, but truth be told, there were only a few things that stood out for me. Therefore, I must read this at least once more in order to review it.

*Burstp*I like how this begins with the location and describing the security and strength of the structure. This shows that much has been secreted here and that it has all been done away from prying eyes and under the cloak and dagger disguise.

*Burstg* Why did they call him The Great OZ? Was it because he had a way of fixing things or making things happen? IF so, perhaps that needs including here. Then again, maybe not.

*Burstb*Being from and traveling mostly in the North West of the United States, I was not familiar with the reference to Kudzu. After reading what Wikipedia had to say on the subject, I can see that the special ops units popping up after the events of 911 must be beyond belief and description using basic numbers. To me that is a very believable circumstance, one that can be and probably is, well documented.

*Burstv*There were a few small technical issues to point out:
~handful is one word not hand full.
~all for one and one for all (should this be in quotes or italicized?)
~why is Deep Ocean capitalized when the other terrains are not? Is that a clue?
~then the few who really knew how to (blue word omitted)
~preternatural abilities.
~ control of this his emotions...
~too high
too fast


*Burstp*Kohl pointed to the ceiling.New Evil?
I almost feel like the two small subtle hints are eluding to a new enemy. Maybe one as we have never known before. The hints are so brief that I missed this the first time around. Combined with the location, Area 51, this could be to say that Sam and his crew are about to encounter an enemy that will change the world as they know it.

*Burstg*Keeping the timeline in effect is key here. We discussed Merci's timeline a bit before, and I don't recall what year we came up with or how old she was, however, with Sam we could run into the same thing. With references to Sam being in the Nam war which started around 1945, and the events of 9/11/01, we need to figure Sam's age. If Sam was 18 at the start of the war, then that puts him 56 in the year 2001 and this story takes place at least 10 years after that. Which puts him at the very least 66. This is possible with the general being 70. What year is it?

*Burstb*Overall this is a great chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it each time. This was very informative and it moved the story along great. I look forward to the next chapter.



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#1935520 by fyn

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167
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Review of Remember When  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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created by legerdemain


BillieGail memory of Cheyenne

This is review #3 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* You have been selected as one of the lucky authors to be spotlighted by me for a review in conjunction with "Simply Positive Review Forum . Each week, the individual members pick six items to review, or more, for group credit.

This is the second of three reviews you have coming to you from
"♥♥Bear Hugs♥♥

I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Burstv* I like how this poem traverses time with the: I remember/ I felt/ I feel. It takes the poem and showcases how the love has lasted through the times. . This is very well written.

*Burstp*To me the centered format showcases that life may not have always been easy, but the love has remained through the good times and the bad.

*Burstg* This is a poem that not only showcases the love felt, but loops it in time so that the memory is infinite. A very clever piece that I enjoyed reading.



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#1935520 by fyn

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Review by ~WhoMe???~
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
created by legerdemain

this was a cute poem to me a voice of the poem was saying I can't help but to write a column no matter what I do in the motorhome where I'm at I rhyme.

which is almost as if jokingly playing around with the muse and saying nothing is coming to mind I must write and poetry is my choice.

~this was fun to read and very playful. The voice of the poem was easy to find as was the rhythm. Very well then


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169
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Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
created by legerdemain

☆This was a nice suspenseful short story. It kept me on the edge of my seat wondering just what was going on. I like how the use of misdirection dominated the short story.

☆there were a few technical errors that need addressing and they are as follows:

~filling my mine mind {\b}...
~in two different places within a sentence dialogue was used without placing the proper quotation marks around the dialog.

~ overall this was a cute story. I read this and sent this review from my cellphone.


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for entry "Dead Soldiers
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Showering Acts of Joy! leger creation






Escape Artist



*Waterdrop*You have been selected for review by me, due to a package gifted you in "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. I have volunteered to help fulfill this reviewing package. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Dropbl* After being six chapters into the story, do not ask me why I suddenly took a closer look at the image acting as the book jacket, but I did. The one thing I noticed right off is the misspelling of the word "receive". I before E except after C.

*Dropg* A new aspect of the story has come into play. Colonel Remy is someone who has a taste of the finer things, earned from a life of hard living at a high cost. A soul of tattered means, this man lives with his demons.

His decent into hard alcohol during this stint in the mountain allow his demons to surface as he recalls the past. He doesn't dwell on these images that haunt him, he remembers so as not to forget and repeat what had happened.

*Dropo*The red phone which finally rings is a hook for the reader. You know, once the phones are mentioned, that at some point it is going to ring, you are just unsure of what will be said from the other side. This keeps the reader engaged and waiting to see this piece of the puzzle revealed.

*Dropp* I found this to be a good introductory chapter as we learn quite a bit about Sam Remy. First of all the fact that he is in such a state that a new stain on a nice shirt isn't enough to rile him shows his current temperament.

*Dropr* Sam has a great memory for detail and it shows in this piece. This serves him well in his chosen profession.

*Dropg*My overall thoughts:*Dropg*
Overall this was a great chapter. I enjoyed reading it and am moving on to the next.




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#1935520 by fyn


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171
171
for entry "Invalid Entry
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Showering Acts of Joy! leger creation






Escape Artist



*Waterdrop*You have been selected for review by me, due to a package gifted you in "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. I have volunteered to help fulfill this reviewing package. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Dropbl*This is a very informative chapter. We learn several things, one of which, Merci is not only a sketch artist, but she is very good at it. This is a talent she has pretty much kept to herself until now. Her ability to capture still life with such detail will come in handy in the near future. I believe this talent will play a key role later on in the story.

Also we learn about Simene's knowledge of the obscure, such as his comments on the swift boats let us know. He is an encyclopedia of knowledge it seems. I believe there is more to this guy than we know and we will continue to learn as time goes on.

*Dropg* He stared in silent silence...
Also in this paragraph I had another question. Yes, Simene is smart and has a plethora of knowledge stored in his mental data banks. He probably uses more of his brain than you or I do as well, but HOW did he know that the Swift came from Inman's Island? That boat could have been from anywhere. What was special about that boat that pointed toward Inman's Island? It is believable that this happened, but what makes it believable? Where is the connection between the boat and the drawing. There has to be one minute detail that gives it away, something so obscure only someone like Simene would have detected it. Show this to the reader. Is it a leaf stuck to the boat that Merci captured in her drawing that is only native to that island? That is something Simene would know.

*Dropo* with growing curiously curiosity.
Also in this paragraph was another question. Would adrenaline heat the blood or cool it? Personally I always thought with adrenaline came energy and with energy came heat. Therefore "blood cooling" adrenaline didn't seem to fit, but "blood heating" adrenaline worked for me. Granted I am no expert in this field, but that is my presumption on this. Perhaps this is something to look up or research. Then again, maybe with Merci's pigmentation comes a cooling of blood as in VAMPIRE??? Just something I have been considering.

*Dropp* energetic connecting connection between...

*Dropr* The paragraph on fear really touched me. I have read it now six or seven times over the last few days. I have a fear, a very strong fear. I am no longer sure it is the fear of the dark, but of the images my mind conjures up when in the dark. So am I afraid of the dark, or the demons that reside in the dark (even if only in my imagination). Once, I tried to be rational about it. I told myself, I would walk, back to the house, not run. I had taken the dog out to let him do his business. When I got so far out in front of the house, I was on the edge of the darkness. I told myself I was alright as long as I was in the light. But then, I reminded myself of the movie with the woman that when the lights went out came and "Got you". She would bust light bulbs, this witch of a woman. At this point, I started to reason with myself...this is make believe, a television program. This evil is all in my head, my imagination. I will walk back to the house and walk inside as if all is well. By the time I got to the front door, I was so frozen with fear, I could not open the door. When someone else opened it because they heard me trying to get in, they said I was as white as a ghost. What I am trying to say, with so much wind behind my sails, is that you touched on it right to the point when you say "Fear is inherent in all life-forms, but in human's, it's especially disabling."
I like Merci's outlook on fear and her reasoning. It makes perfect sense to me, and I am going to try to incorporate it in my life. This character has now altered my life in a way that will improve it. Don't think I jest or am trying to flatter either. Imagine at times, especially after a demonic type movie has played, not being able to walk down the hall to your bedroom without turning all of the lights on as you go. A mere 25 feet and you can't do it without running if it is dark.

*Dropv* There is a visual aspect to the way the dialogue with the sisters is displayed that helps to add to the unusual experience. Because of the offset lines for each sister, I was able to detect the three different people speaking. This display made it easier to follow the conversation and understand who was saying what. Very clever indeed.

*Dropy* I think the title of this chapter is very appropriate. The fact that there was a lot of revealing between characters and it was like show and tell in grade school. These revelations are an integral piece of the puzzle and will lead to a better understanding in the future.

*Dropg*My overall thoughts:*Dropg*
Overall I think this is my favorite chapter thus far. Perhaps it is because it touched me on such a personal level. This conveys so much of how Merci's character came to be as she was molded as a child. This is very revealing and also is something someone like myself can use in every day life.

I look forward to this next chapter and will read on, though I am not sure when I will get to reviewing it. This one only took about three days after the initial read through. Don't give up on me, I will make it through the story. This is one book I don't want to put down. I do hope it is complete, because I would hate to wait for the next installment, though I feel it would be well worth it in the end (this is of course speaking as to the book being done and not 20 chapters later I find I am waiting for another chapter to be written. Though at the pace I am going now, you will probably out write my reading.)




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#1935520 by fyn


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172
172
Review of The Mountain  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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A rain puddle for groups!






The Run-on King PDG Member



*Waterdrop*You have been selected for review by me, due to a package gifted you in "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. I have volunteered to help fulfill this reviewing package. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Dropbl* One of the first things that grabs my attention about this short 240 word piece is that we are introduced to the fact that the two main characters are not human, by the show method and not the tell method. I liked the way this was done. What I am referring to here, is the fact that you show us by the swishing of the tail, the scratching and the petting comments. This is a good way to describe and introduce characters, by showing their movements and relationship to other items.

*Dropg* With a word count listed, I often find myself wondering if the item is linked to a prompt or a contest. When they are, I like to see a reference put in somewhere notating this so that the reader is aware of the limitations put on the writing. This however is my own personal preference. The problem with linking this is that if the contest is deleted then you often end up with invalid links which is messy. Personally, if it were me, I would add a page break, after the contest, then a note that this was written for a contest, the prompt was this with a word count limit of xx.

*Dropo*The second sentence of this short writing has no ending. There is no punctuation marker to indicate the sentence is over. I do believe a period is in order at this point. *Wink*

*Dropp* I like the twist of this story. I don't want to be a spoiler and give it away to anyone who might happen upon this review on the public page, but this does have a nice twist. The destination of Stormy is quite interesting and made me smile. I liked the final resting place this journey had. It put things right in my lap. (all puns intended)

*Dropr* The third paragraph where Stormy is talking, is kind of raw for me. As in it needs more work. Speaking of a mountain and the house in the same sentence, throws the reader off course. Now maybe I have been reading this at the wrong times, such as after consuming two "Dirty Shirley's", or late at night when I should be sleeping, but I have read this four times now, and am just figuring out what is going on. There is one sentence that I think throws the whole equilibrium of this short story off, and that is:

I was thinking of exploring the house some more.

I would eliminate that whole sentence there. I don't feel it is conducive to the story. I do see where it fits in with the story, if you are going for misdirection. OKAY so maybe I am torn here. Leave it, if you are going for misdirection... I will get back to you on this part. I now can't decide if I like this sentence or not.

*Dropv* She worked her way up to it carefully with one sentence later... She slow worked her way up to the softly colored mountain.

For the reader, this is redundant. Basically this is the same sentence, with some added color. I would alter the second sentence to reflect more aspects of the creature or the mountain.

You wrote:She worked her way up to it carefully. She did not want to attract attention to herself. She slow worked her way up to the softly colored mountain.

I suggest: With one step at a time, she slowly crept toward the mountain. Not wanting to attract attention to herself, she crouched low to the ground as she made her way stealthily to the bottom of it. Now if using this example you would then delete the next sentence, since she is now at the bottom, and continue on with the added color of the day sentence.

*Dropy* She switched swished her tail and crept closer.
Also if using my example above she is at the base of the mountain, I would alter this sentence to say, "She swished her tail and gracefully leaped onto the mountain in one fluid motion.


*Dropg*My overall thoughts:*Dropg*
It is often hard to tell a story in such a limited amount of space and time. You have cleverly taken us on a journey, introducing us to three characters. There were a few areas that I felt still needed work, but remember, I am but the reader, and by far no expert, only another reader/writer, offering my assistance and opinion. Use my suggestions at will as if they were your own. Discard what you don't like at will, no harm done.

I found the perspective of the main character to be quite insightful. The view from this level gives a new meaning to the world and it is nice to see things from a different point of view. You did this with grace, much as your character glides from the bedroom to the mountain, with GRACE. Bravo!




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#1935520 by fyn


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173
173
for entry "Simene
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Showering Acts of Joy! leger creation



*Vine2*"Simene*Vine1*



Escape Artist



*Waterdrop*You have been selected for review by me, due to a package gifted you in "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. I have volunteered to help fulfill this reviewing package. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Dropbl* For some reason I had Simene pegged just right. He is just as I imagined him. He is handy to have around and a good friend as well. I like the detail of characteristics for Simene.

*Dropg*Three things that do not fit for me if I am doing the math correctly:

~Emerging from her hardened shell after nearly twenty years of serene isolation was at best, uncomfortable.
~traveling like a gypsy with her father for seven wondrous years...
~Merci at Fifteen the title of the journal ...night of her fifteenth birthday. Recorded on July 20, 1998:
~after experiencing the strangest day since my father died nine years ago

If Merci's father died nine years prior to her 15th birthday, then Merci was only four when he died, and thus she could not have traveled with her father for 7 years. Now the question remains, at what age did Merci begin traveling with her father? If she did travel with him for 7 years, then what age was she when he passed away, and finally, how old is she now?

In chapter Waterwood, at 18 Merci loses her grandmother. Then she is 19 and seeing doctors. At which point a few paragraphs later it says that 15 years earlier she was with her uncle. Does that mean she was fishing with her uncle at age 4? This timeline is very important to the story and I need to understand it to know where she is in life as far as age. I picture her to be in her mid 20's at this point.

*Dropo*
~awesome dark and scary awesome
These are exactly the slang I imagine coming from Merci in her mid 20's. This is part of the character building that help me to see her.

*Dropbl* I am not sure what a swift boat is, but I am prompted to move on to find out.

*Dropg*My overall thoughts:*Dropg*
Overall this is a wonderful chapter. I was confused with the timeline and anxiously await clarification so that I may proceed further.




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#1935520 by fyn


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174
174
for entry "Invalid Entry
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Showering Acts of Joy! leger creation






Escape Artist



*Waterdrop*You have been selected for review by me, due to a package gifted you in "Showering Acts of Joy Garden. I have volunteered to help fulfill this reviewing package. I hope you find the review useful, if only to find out how well this particular item is received. Sit back and enjoy the feedback and attention. You deserve it.


*Dropbl* Surprise! I am back. I bet you thought I had given up or quit reading. I assure you that isn't the case. In fact, I have read this chapter twice now and am actually going back for a third. Yes, I will be reviewing each subsequent chapter, if only to help complete a reviewing package you have won and to tell you honestly how I feel about each chapter. I haven't missed one so far, and I am not about to start now.

*Dropg* One of the important aspects of this chapter is the description of the Wraith of Wing Point. I believe this character was briefly mentioned in one of the previous chapters, and now giving it full description is only fitting. I do wonder though if the title should be capitalized as I have done here. In the chapter it isn't so, but it IS the name of a creature, is it not?

*Dropo* I will be honest with you. At first, I totally glossed over the picture that adorns this chapter. I didn't even give it a second glance over. For this I apologize. Now I am no expert on the area, and I do live here. But if I had to take a guess, I would say that the picture you have chosen to place on this chapter, is in fact one from Bainbridge Island. If not, it is from one of the islands and does give a great skyline view of the Seattle area. This in and of itself is a great added bonus to the story.

*Dropp* One great aspect of storytelling and using actual places, is getting the setting down. You have mastered this, not only with the skyline and description of the area, but your attention to the details as with the Lilacs and the Rhododendrons. (a flower I am not real fond of by the way, though they seem to be quite popular here). Though I myself have only seen it once, there is a hummingbird that likes to come by and visit our area, and he loves the lilacs, Rhododendrons and also the Fuchsia, which I like to hang from the deck not too far from the hummingbird feeder.

*Dropr*Another great example of character building and telling the reader about your character, is in their eating habits. You know what they say, you are what you eat. Merci and her skim milk, Wheaties, and bananas, is one who is conscious of what she puts into her body. She isn't into the trending with the Almond Milk or the Coconut Milk as many are going all natural or Paleo dieting these days. From this breakfast I would determine that she is one to grab a peach or an apple rather than a bag of chips or a candy bar.

*Dropv* Merci and Mandela have a special relationship. She is definitely a cat person as opposed to a dog person. Her ability to read Mandela and pick up on what he wants and needs as well as his interactions with her show the special bond the two share.

*Dropy* I remember the days of bomb shelters and the duck under your desk drills at school. Those times seem long past now as does the threat that was associated with them. Many families built bomb shelters and I have seen various things done with some of them. I have seen some turned into houses, while others were turned into canning pantries and more. These hidden bunkers lay buried all over the United States, many of them un-blueprinted and secret. I wonder just how many there are and what treasures some of them hold secure still to this day?

*Waterdrop* We are learning a bit more about Simene and I look forward to his introduction in the next chapter. His characteristics are being built up before we meet him and I am anxious to get to know this new friend.

*Dropbl* I am not sure I quite got the last line. I didn't know that Seattle had an infamous liquid sunshine. I can only imagine this is the early sunshine we sometimes get that warms the area and helps to lift the fog, but doesn't last too long during the early spring, for by 3 or 4 in the afternoon the rain clouds have already moved in.

*Dropg*My overall thoughts:*Dropg*
Overall this is a great introductory chapter. I look forward to the next one and will be reading it shortly. This chapter was good for setting up scenery and showcasing the bond between Merci and Mandela as well as giving us the layout of the grounds around the house.




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2018 WDC Anthology Information  (E)
All you need to know to submit to the 2018 WdC Anthology- DEADLINE 7-31-18
#1935520 by fyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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175
Review of The WHOME Gallery  
Review by ~WhoMe???~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Tulipb**Tulipy**Tulipp**Tulipv* A Review For You in connection with "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]*Tulipb**Tulipy**Tulipp**Tulipv*





created by legerdemain


DRSmith

This is review #6 of 6 for "Simply Positive Review Forum

*Burstb* Truly an honor to have this residing in your port. The meaning behind it will forever burn as a kindled friendship between two strangers that found something common to bond them together. Your gift to me, this folder, always brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart.

I was shocked that I haven't reviewed this before, especially since I did reward it. How obtuse of me. I am finding that I can come here and click on a photo, and it takes me to a new story to read. Eventually I will get through all of them.

Thank you dear friend, for being you, and sharing a part of yourself with us here. This token here, is truly a gift that will be forever cherished.






STATIC
2018 WDC Anthology Information  (E)
All you need to know to submit to the 2018 WdC Anthology- DEADLINE 7-31-18
#1935520 by fyn

Image #1630870 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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