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My thoughts about things. |
| A place to put my thoughts about various stuff. |
| We are four days into 2026. How could that possibly be? I remember thinking that 2027 is way far away into the future and now it is on the horizon. I always feel rushed these days. No matter what it is I am doing, I feel that I am not doing it fast enough. I started realizing this about a year ago. When it occurred to me, I had the immediate thought of - why? Why am I rushing and silently berating myself because I'm not getting things done faster? There are a few reasons. None of them are appropriate and they certainly aren't beneficial to my health. Outside influence. Others that drive themselves and it is simply expected that everyone else should, too. Never enough time. Many days go by in a blink, it seems. Poor time management. Getting caught up in the feelings and losing focus, priorities get skewed. Fatigue. I cannot honestly recall a time when I didn't feel tired. Though I am realizing the physical aspect is a manifestation of emotional and mental stress, mostly. Negative self-outlook. If you haven't finished it by now, when will you ever? Hurry, hurry, hurry! Sadness. Times have passed that will never be again. Times are coming that the same will happen. All of this is to say that I do now realize I need to slow down to hurry up, so to speak. I need to set boundaries, get more organized, look deeper, process things (not hide from them), and begin to evaluate myself and my role in the world. As I do those things and slow down to do them, my hope is that I will unlock new (and old) feelings, skills and abilities that will help carry me through my present and future challenges in a healthier and more satisfying way. |
| I say this every year, but how can it already be Christmas again? 2025 has felt like a roller coaster. I could sit here and worry about what 2026 is going to bring, but the truth is that whatever it brings, we will handle it. We always do. Life isn't easy, but it's not supposed to be. I remind myself that some of the best growth we see in ourselves is during the challenging times, not the relaxed ones. For now, I will enjoy the company of my family, cook good food, and reminisce about the ones who aren't here with us any longer. Merry Christmas    |
Instead of trying to come up with random things to blog about for a while, since it is driving me a little crazy and detrimental to blogging, I am going to use some help from Blog Harbor. Much thanks to Jeff  for the forum and prompts!Blog Harbor Prompt #24 - Who's your favorite fictional character and why? I thought this one might take me longer to decide, but as soon as I started thinking about the topic, it didn't take long at all. As it happens, my favorite fictional character is based upon a real person, but I stick with the fact that it's the fictional character that is my focus with no offense meant towards the actual person. Helen North Beardsley Yours, Mine and Ours (1968) Played by Lucille Ball I love the original version of this movie. It has always been a favorite, but as I've gotten older and have a family of my own, it stands out as the number one for me. I think it is because of the time period and the military part of it. The period seems like a simpler time, though I know that isn't really the case. No time is simple. The military aspect relates to my own marriage. Helen is my favorite character because of her resilience, capacity for love, and she's not perfect. I can't imagine being in that situation with that many kids, let alone back in that time frame. One of my constant works in progress is worrying about money. The amount it would take for a family that size makes my stomach hurt. I can understand her ability to keep it all together and the need to reconnect with another marriage. Kids depend on us, but we depend on them as well. Some of our best strength comes from having the responsibility of taking care of our children. It's not a choice (or shouldn't be). I've found things I didn't know about myself until I had to face them as a mother. Keeping it all together for them carries us forward. To be that young with that many kids, it almost feels like there would be no doubt as to getting married again. Needing the companionship, love and support from a spouse to help get through the days and years. It is a bonus that they fell in love with one another. In many stories, the main characters are either too perfect or too flawed. I felt that Helen had the appropriate balance. She was a role model for her kids, but we also saw her vulnerabilities. The girls helping her get the dress ready to go on her date with Frank. Fear of telling him about how many kids she has. When Phillip says he won't be good ever again because he doesn't want to die young like his dad. How she reacts with the Sister about Phillip having to use his legal name.  All in all, I just love the character. I can feel her strength and frustration and relate to her vulnerabilities. It was a Christmas movie for me at first, but now I watch it all year round. I did do some research and found out some interesting details about the real story versus the movie. (It was also a book prior to the movie. It was written by the real Helen North Beardsely.) As always, there were discrepancies between the book and the movie, but I still just love the movie version. An interesting and heartwarming detail that will stick with me (there are some that are sad) is that Lucille Ball met the real family and stayed in touch with them. She treated all of them with a trip to Disneyland. I'm thankful to have this as one of my favorite movies and have Helen's character to relate to when times are tough. |
| 'Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, Not even a mouse. Hmmm... thank goodness it is not yet Christmas Eve. It feels as though Christmas comes and goes faster each year. I know time doesn't speed up. It's me that gets busy through the year or holds too tightly to day-to-day life that makes it feel as though everything goes faster. As a kid it felt like the days stretched out and it took forever to get to Christmas morning. Now, it is here and gone in a blink. Throughout all of my life - even as a kid - I was the one stirring. The mice might have been asleep (outside in the barn, thankfully not in our house!), but I have had insomnia for as long as I can remember. It seems to run in the family because my dad had it as well. As a kid, it was the things that go bump in the night that kept me awake mostly. There were some nights I vividly recall tucking the covers around everything except my mouth (so I could breathe cool air) and just waiting out the night until morning would arrive. If only I could have had coffee in the morning, but it's frowned upon for kindergarteners to partake. Something about stunting your growth and heaven knows I'm already short. In my childhood home, my room was what used to be the attic and the only way down into the rest of the house was via a set of stairs that led directly into my mom and dad's bedroom. I know - poor mom and dad... and poor kids, right? Well, we did fine with it, somehow. No therapy bills for us. Seriously, I don't remember ever hearing anything inappropriate as a kid. Mom and dad were crafty about finding alone time elsewhere. The thing about this was that I knew not to go downstairs after bedtime because it might wake my parents. We all knew that dad had a hard time sleeping, so disturbing him would be rude and uncaring. Also, my mom got up at 400am to get ready for work, so again - not cool to wake her up. That meant I was pretty much stuck laying awake in my bed. There wasn't an option to get up and do anything because the noise would echo in the quiet old farmhouse. Now, most kids would likely have gotten a flashlight and read books. For some odd reason, this never occurred to me. I really, really wish it had. Maybe because we could never find a flashlight when we needed one anyway. Regardless, what I ended up doing was daydreaming, only at night. It was probably the start of when I would have random storylines pop up and run through my mind. They kept me busy and some of them even helped lull me to sleep for a time. I still do it now. It led to wanting to put those stories down somewhere.When I was young, I remember thinking I couldn't wait until I had my own place where I could just get up and write any time I wanted. Somehow, that has never come to be, even though I have had my own place for 26 years.  I never lived alone, so initially it was not wanting to wake my husband. Then, it was not wanting to wake the kids. Now, it is not wanting to wake the dogs. I know. Oh, for heaven's sake! But I console myself with the fact that a lot of my ideas do still pop into my head during my day/night dreaming.Insomnia hasn't ever really bothered me until these recent years. I could tell that it was beginning to affect my ability to concentrate during the day. With my dad having developed Alzheimer's before he passed away, I am keenly aware of trying my best to get good sleep now. Good sleep is essential to letting your body heal. It may be that hampering our body's ability to wash away the stresses of the day from our brains contributes to developing dementia. I don't know if it is an accurate conclusion, but I can see and appreciate the correlation between continuous mind fog and cognitive decline. So, I began looking into how to help myself sleep better. (Minus the glaringly obvious fact that not getting up every night for 30 minutes between 100am and 200am to take the puppy out for a break would probably help my cause.)  Eventually she will sleep through the night.  Please let it be sooner rather than later!One of the first things I did was evaluate my medicine. It hadn't occurred to me that the meds I am taking to help me feel better (high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.) could be causing some sleeplessness. Indeed, I did find that one of my medicines can result in lower melatonin. So, I started taking a tiny bit of melatonin occasionally and I have had positive results.  Go me!The next thing was how to help myself get to sleep when I am struggling. I don't know about anyone else, but most of my problem is that I can be dead tired and as soon as I get comfortable in bed, I am wide awake.  Why? Because apparently my brain thinks that is the best time in the world to solve every single problem I have ever had in the world. Seriously? Thanks, brain.  Here is a little trick I have been doing that has been helping. I think of a word and then think of words that begin with each letter of that word. When you get to the last letter, you use that word as your new word. Eventually, you fall asleep in the middle of it. It has really worked for me, I am glad to say. So... DIPLOMAT Double Important Photograph Laundromat Opulent Material Automatic Thermometer THERMOMETER Terminal Heliosphere And so on and so forth... It's such a simple thing to do but works for me when counting the proverbial sheep does not and never did. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a technique that works for me involves words.  Although, I love math and numbers, too. It's just the sheep never worked.So, here I am hoping that maybe one day, I will be able to just get up and write when I can't sleep. That maybe the dogs will stay snoozing and not expect breakfast at 200am... I'm looking at the chocolate labrador whose tongue and tummy run her life.  Or maybe, I just enjoy the fact that even if I am spelling out words or dreaming up more stories, I am still lying in bed next to my husband during those times. I am more in love with him today than twenty-seven years ago when we got married, so I will take every second I can get to be next to him.  Here's wishing all of us a good night's slumber during this time of the year!    |
| We have a new puppy. We got her six weeks ago when she was 9 weeks old. She's a golden retriever and every bit as adorable as they always are. She has doubled in size and is just shy of four months now. She gets along great with our four-year-old chocolate labrador, though there was a lot of ear biting in the beginning. We tell our lab that she has it coming, since she did that to our other lab when we got her. Our family had said absolutely no more pets. We lost our ten-year-old lab on September 1st. He was the last surviving member of a set of pets we had gotten when our daughters were young. It was time for him, due to health issues, and I am glad that he isn't in pain any longer but letting him go was unspeakably hard and the end of an era for us in a way. Our household carried on with our one lab and two kitties, but it was so quiet. That kind of quiet that isn't there because of an absence of sound, but because of an absence of a family member. I still expect to see him ambling around a corner or hear him snoring from my husband's office. He drove me crazy because he never wanted to come in from outside, no matter the temperature and he was the only labrador I ever met that was picky about his food. But he was also so damn sweet and like a rock for our family. Even at 105 pounds, he still thought he was a lap dog for my husband. My husband is a strong man, physically, mentally and emotionally, but losing this best friend was devastating. It came amidst a set of health issues for him, as well. The void left by that big ball of fur and love was like a crater. How could a decade with him have already passed? It seemed like just yesterday we were bringing him and his brother home at five weeks old. So little that they each fit in one of my husband's hands. His brother, my best buddy, passed four years ago suddenly. That's why we have our chocolate bundle of chaos. We got her because our remaining lab wasn't eating after losing his brother. It was so hard to get her and yet so easy. She helped our lab and the rest of us heal. It took months for me to be able to snuggle her without hurting so badly for the one I had lost. But now, she is this huge part of my heart. She drives me batty and heals my heart again and again for the ones we've lost. So, six weeks ago, I broached the 'forbidden subject'. Let's get another puppy. With tears in all of our eyes, we came to the same understanding. We did need another addition to the family. And we found her. All golden fur and big brown eyes, fluffy butt and long tail that whips and wags without understanding of where or what it will knock over or smack. She is currently in her crate beside me. Sleeping, kicking and rolling this way and that, her big bunny back feet propped up against the wall of the crate. She is amazing. Just as amazing as every one of our other pets. She is smart and sassy and giving our chocolate lab all the attention that she has ever wanted. She endures the puppy nibbles and bites with an astonishing patience and always wants to be near her. It's still getting up at least once in the middle of the night to do bathroom breaks and listening to the nose-whistle protests as we approach naptime in her crate, but it's slowly getting easier. And though I repeat to myself that this is a crazy time to be taking this on when I'm approaching 50 and need more sleep, not less... I can't imagine life without her. It is in no way, shape or form easy, but it is so very worth it. Here's to having another bundle of fur to warm all of our hearts. |
| Hello again, WDC. I have missed these pages and people. Life is still not what I would consider even close to normal, but then again what isn't normal is becoming so commonplace as to be the new normal, I guess. The only thing that stays the same is change. I've said that phrase for as long as I can remember to help myself get through life. To remember that we are meant to grow and only do so through both joy and sorrow. Change doesn't care if you like it or hate it. It just is. For a while now, I have been hating it. Still, it doesn't care. When I think back about other difficult times, I realize that in the moment, they were everything. As if the world could end tomorrow based upon what was currently happening... but it didn't then... and I'm fairly certain it won't now. So, here is to waking up this morning and being given the chance to do something, anything. That in itself is a beautiful gift and not one that everyone receives. Let all of us who got it today do the best we can with it. And hopefully we all get it again tomorrow. |
Blog Harbor - Prompt #2 (January 2025) ▶︎ PLEASE NOTE. I am not a financial advisor and do not claim to be one. The following ideas/thoughts are based upon my life experience, which I understand can be vastly different from anyone else. These tidbits of advice are only meant as suggestions for possible options to help wrangle anyone's finances. Use what you can, leave what you don't want, and find your own path to hopefully less stress! Wise tips on spending and saving can benefit everyone. From those who need to be frugal to make the paychecks stretch to those who have an abundance at the end of the month, good spending and saving habits are crucial to keep the money where it needs to be and hopefully grow it for the future. As a child, my family struggled at times to make the dollars stretch. Mom and dad always made sure we were healthy and fed. God bless them for their sacrifices so that us kids could enjoy our childhood and grow up valuing more than just material things. As an adult, my family has had times where I had to divvy the money up between just enough groceries and gas to get us through to the next paycheck. The stress has ebbed and flowed over the years as the needs of our children, and the family as a whole, have changed. My husband and I have made it a point to talk to our kids about finances and hopefully give them a good foundation of knowledge. I think it is important for parents to do this for their children. Not everyone gets that information passed down to them. Or worse, they get bad examples and horrible advice on how to handle finances. No matter your past circumstances and knowledge, it is never too late to start learning and establishing good financial habits. Spending and Savings  Know how much money you have to work with each month. (Total household income.) Create an organized list of your weekly/monthly/annual expenses. Organize it in a way that makes sense to YOU. (A budget.) Your expenses list should include:  Frequency of payment (weekly, monthly, quarterly, annually) Due date for payment and how often (Monday each week, 15th of the month, December each year) Overall total due that is periodically updated (if this is a credit card balance, medical debt, or a loan.) Keep a running ledger of your bills and payments. (If electronic, password protection is essential. If hard copy, put it in a safe place. The best thing is to keep a copy of each in some form and regularly update them.) Record the payment confirmation numbers with each payment you make and/or print a receipt of payment. (Hard copy or digital.) If you pay off a loan or credit card, make a distinction that you did. (PIF - paid in full) As you pay off a balance, take that payment amount and add it to the payment for another balance. Part of your expenses (budget) should include funds that you contribute to each week/month: Retirement fund An emergency fund An items/services needed fund An items/services wanted fundThe goal is to: Stay organized Be persistent Be reasonable and flexible Keep on top of things to reduce stressThis is an order of expenses that can be used to ensure you maintain a healthy lifestyle: 1. Rent/Mortgage 2. Car payment and gas money or bus fare (transportation expenses) 3. Utilities 4. Medicine (if any is needed regularly) 5. Food 6. Savings funds (Retirement, emergency, needed, wanted) 7. Entertainment (Short term and long term) When you get your paycheck, you allocate your money in this order. If something isn't working, you have to adjust some of these items to make it work. Any amount of money put in a savings fund counts! Even if it is only a dollar each week, that's more than zero! You can always increase it in the future. SAVE FOR RETIREMENT. Let me repeat that... SAVE FOR RETIREMENT. From your very first job, start saving for retirement. Even if it is a lemonade stand, babysitting, or delivering newspapers (oh, wait, do they still have those? )Remember that putting money towards retirement is paying YOU. It is ensuring that one day you can kick back and hopefully relax! Who better to benefit from your years of work than yourself?? Break your fun money down into two categories: instant and long term. The key is to try and find balance. Plan ahead and have little and big events on the horizon. Do something little each day/week/month. Do the big stuff once or twice a year. Be flexible. If you have to pull money from one account to cover something, then just buckle down and start building it up again. That's why it's there! Don't beat yourself up over accidents or mistakes. If everyone is healthy and safe at the end of the day, then you did a good job.  Be reasonable! Yes, I know that television that is as big as the side of your house looks awesome! But do you really need it RIGHT NOW? Work out how much to put away each week/month and have a date in the future to get it... you never know, it will probably be cheaper and maybe on sale! Be persistent. Make it a ritual to sit down with your choice of beverage and/or snack and get the bills done. Period. It reduces stress to know where your money is and how it is being used. The last thing I will say for everyone is this: believe in yourself! If you aren't where you want to be in life right now, then start making plans that will get you there. There's no time like the present! I truly believe that the most important and best things in life don't cost money: family, friends, laughter, love, sunshine and snow to name a few. BUT life does inherently cost money. So, figure out what kind of life you want and then go after a career that will support it! Best of luck to everyone in the realm of spending and savings! If it happens, know that you are not alone in your stress and frustration. And that you have absolutely got this. |
| Tick tock Goes the clock Counting down the minutes Asleep at eight Or stay up late It really makes no difference Sure and steady Before you’re ready The New Year will be here Regrets earned Lessons learned Leave the past in last year Start fresh Take time to rest New adventures to begin Enjoy each moment Before you know it 2025 will come to an end Here's a heartfelt good-bye to 2024 and all the best wishes for everyone in 2025. May your inkwells never run dry, and your muses always have coffee! Happy writing! |
| Why is it that sometimes we have to get to the 'bottom of the barrel', the 'end of our rope', or 'lost in the forest', (insert whatever saying you use/know here), before we finally discover inspiration? I truthfully get tired of what my family and I term the 'Rocky moment' in books and/or movies. The scene where our protagonist gets knocked down, kicked in the teeth, beaten half to death, run over by a bus, dropped off a cliff, and thrown into a volcano... then somehow miraculously makes a comeback and wins the fight/battle/competition, etc. It may seem that I exaggerated just a bit up there  , but there are some stories that feel like that is how they are told.  Then, it seems nearly impossible that they should be making the comeback. It stretches the boundaries of our belief that they could have actually have been triumphant.At worst, it makes us doubt the character. What were they just being a baby? That broken leg and busted collarbone didn't hurt them so bad if they got back up and kicked the other guy's butt, right? In fact, if you had just gotten your stuff together and kicked their butt sooner, you wouldn't have that busted collarbone! or Look, we understand that you lost your job, dog, car, and your home, but wouldn't that make you realize that you should make up with your wife/girlfriend (or husband/boyfriend) faster after that stupid fight you had? In the midst of all that upset, did you really need to punish her (or him) and yourself for so long... or could you have thought - damn, I should appreciate the good I have and go make up with them faster? When we lose faith in a character, it pulls us out of the story. It makes them two-dimensional again. As Tony Stark said - he IS Iron Man. And he was for me... right up until the third movie. Then, I wanted to pause the movie and maybe have a talk with him... or the screenwriter. Or maybe both. There is such a thing as taking it a step too far, when the reader or watcher wishes they could reverse time and not pick up the sequel. (Transformers 3, I'm looking at you, too. I didn't even watch anymore after that one. And I firmly prefer to pretend anything after 2 never happened.) At best, it makes us doubt the author. Why in the world would THAT be the best outcome, right? Well, in my estimation, I can give the author another chance. They are one individual writing many stories about many characters. One book/movie may be fantastic. Another one might suck. Sometimes, it feels more like a crapshoot on any given day. (Hey, that's a feeling I get myself when trying to write, too.) I can forgive doubting the author because they have every chance of redeeming themselves in another story with another character. Maybe the last cruddy one was because they ticked off their muse towards the ending. Or they were tired of writing the story and just wanted it to be done. Or they needed it done fast, so they could get the paycheck. Regardless, I'm willing to give the author another chance. Most of the time, at least. But the character? Nope. Once the man behind the screen is revealed, it's darned near impossible to convince me otherwise. So, inspiration... yep, that's what I made the topic of this post. And the title. Why does it take us nearly giving up (or giving up) to find our inspiration finally? I don't know to be honest, but I have a few theories. It's magic. Like two magnets of the polarity, the harder you search for inspiration, the further it runs away from you. Stop beating your head against that writer's block and go do something else. Then, when you come back, seemingly miraculously - there it is!! Sitting right on the page where you had been looking for it all along. Sheesh.  What a silly goose you were, right?It's compounding frustration skewing your perspective. Can't see the forest for the trees, can you? Well, that's because this tree isn't the right one. And that tree sounds stupid. That other tree couldn't possibility exist in this universe. You've already looked at the tree behind you. The tree in front of you is too far away. The tree to your left should be on your right and vice versa. Why are you even looking at trees? You should be looking for lamp posts. Or zebras. Or a turkey sandwich. How did you get in the desert? It's self-doubt that is making it impossible to see what is actually very real and possible. This is never going to happen. Why did I even start this in the first place? There are a million other things I should be doing right now that would be more productive. Why can't I do this faster/better/longer/shorter, etc? I've never finished one, why should I think I ever can? All the stories about all the things have already been told. Even if I get it done, no one will like it. No one will like me. It will never sell. Why am I wasting my - and more importantly - everyone else's time on this? So, finally we give up. We walk away. Put it away. Forget (or try at least) about it. Tell ourselves, we - are - done. And life goes on. We eat, sleep, go to work, take care of our homes, talk to friends, spend time with family... we live. Then, one day... BAM! Inspiration strikes. Bolt of lightning to the head. Or heart. Or feet or maybe the earlobe. To each their own. And you are overjoyed! And dismayed! Because it hit at a time where you are not able to do the thing you have been wanting to do! Writing while driving is frowned upon. Belting out those awesome lyrics in the middle of the office could get you fired. Stepping out of surgery to finally run that marathon likely isn't the best reasoning. Painting your masterpiece on the side of the house you are trying to sell isn't a very good marketing tactic. But! It happened, so you hold on to that feeling and covet it, nurture it - bookmark the elusive thing because, oh my gosh, is it hard to find. You bide your time and then... write, sing, play the instrument, run the marathon, paint the masterpiece... you do what you were meant to do. Because you've been knocked down, kicked around, thrown off a cliff, and lost your way in the forest... only to find that every tree is the right tree, depending upon how you look at it, and there are so many of them. All there for your choosing. Anytime you want. And if you choose the wrong one, then pick another. If you get lost again, don't fear it because you will find your way. You find a way to believe in yourself because - you should. You are worth believing in. You can do this. And if you stumble, it's ok. Just keep getting back up. You realize that somewhere, sometime, for someone - you are that person's inspiration. You. Have your Rocky moment... or moments. They are frustrating and sometimes, yes, they feel ridiculous. They are undoubtedly not the favorite part of your life story, but they are a very real part of your story. A very integral part of your growth and progress. Finding your inspiration, sharing your journey... that inspires others to not give up, to continue searching for their own. |
| I'm sitting here trying to come up with a great blog post when the truth is that I don't have one. It's not that I don't feel inspired. I still have lots of ideas floating around in my head. It's just that right now, I feel really tired. Everyone in the family is sick, except me. The house feels off, quiet and subdued. It's a necessary setting for everyone to get well and that's ok. Maybe, it's that I feel like we are hibernating and waiting to come back out again. So, that's what I'll do for now, I think. Just hibernate. Let those ideas percolate. Let our bodies rest and rejuvenate. All of the hustle and bustle can wait. |
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