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 |  Chaos is that voice at the end of the day that says, "Bet you didn't see that coming." |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order" ~Douglas Hostadter I imagine that chaos and order are like those Russian nesting dolls, and they fit together to some infinitesimally minute level at which we must just give up ever grasping what lies at the core. Still . . . if I had to bet, my money would be on chaos. "Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish." ~Chuck Palahniuk I know that place well . . . every wrong, stupid, and foolish acre of it! I used to think it was a dead end, or worse, a complete navigational failure, but sometimes that place was exactly were I needed to be. So what does any of this have to do with me, my blog, or the entries that will follow? I don't know, but pull up a chair. I'll invite some chaos, and we'll see what happens. "It's a cruel and random world, but the chaos is all so beautiful." — Hiromu Arakawa |
| In a completely precedented turn of events, the State of PA has came to a screeching halt as of July and all the freaking work we put into having all of our service authorized and "payment ready" was a big old waste of time because the Treasury isn't cutting any checks until a balanced budget is passed. This has happened every damn year during Ed Rendell's administration. Back in 2007 it led to a temporary furlough of state employees. I ranted about it in my old blog with the entry "Invalid Entry"  . This year they haven't gone so far as to furlough anyone. The state workers are still working. They just aren't being paid! They are also prohibited from using any vacation time until after a budget is passed. Rendell has this budget dance down to a science. He has used these tactics to increase spending by 40% over the last 6 years. The budget bill that is currently being debated consists in a 1.2 billion dollar deficit. Since we are mandated to have a balanced budget, the ongoing debate seems like a bunch of bullshit. I wish someone would ask me how to balance the damned budget because I have lots of ideas starting with privatizing the state liquor stores, and moving quickly into meaningful medicaid reform. In any case, our contract at work is up for renewal on September 1st, and there is very little chance we'll have a contract in place in a timely manner. The county commissioners will not approve any increase in spending until they know what will be in the governor's budget. Topping it all off, I need a new printer and a new monitor at work, but the IT department has suspended all purchasing because of the cash flow embargo. So basically I can't even print out a picture of Ed Rendell to attach to my dart board. Ed, your time as governor is winding to an end and all I can say is good riddance! |
| I'm thinking about creating a photo essay of "What I did this Summer" from the perspective of my feet. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Today my feet were relaxing in the pool with the boy-child, and my brother and his family. My brother was experimenting with the underwater settings on my camera and took this picture of me. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'm not sure what the lighting trick is that makes my hair look green in the underwater photos  , but in any case, we had a good time. I needed the pick-me-up today because I have dog issues. My dog is diabetic and needs insulin shots twice daily to regulate his blood sugar. Tony usually does this, but with Tony in Boston, it is up to me. My dog is big and strong, and he doesn't always tolerate his shots well. He has decided to rebel against the injections in Tony's absence and he is making my life hell in the process. He pulls away from me mid-injection, and then he won't me near him again. As a result, he is getting about half the insulin he requires, and I'm getting approximately half the sleep I require. His high blood sugar means that he is chronically thirsty and must be taken out to pee every 3 hours. It is like having a newborn again! I feel terribly guilty about it because his health is iffy already and having sustained high blood sugar levels will only compound his existing problems. This morning I was determined to get a full dose of insulin into the dog. I got him to come, and to sit in front of me facing away so I could inject him in the shoulder. I had already stuck him and was pushing the insulin when he decided he'd had enough. I felt him start to pull away and I was sitting in a chair so I wrapped my leg up around his chest to stop him. It only stopped him for a moment. Then, he jerked harder and pulled me off the chair and on to the floor. By this time, the syringe was loose and uncapped, and the dog and I were somehow tangled. He was frantic to get away. I was frantic to avoid getting stuck with an insulin syringe. Fortunately, only minor injuries were sustained. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight either. In other news, Tony finally spoke to a recruiter who was knowledgeable enough to give him some good information about the Navy Reserves. Turns out that the just recently gave psychologists the designation of being in "critical demand" and authorized incentive pay and bonuses that are well in excess of my expectations. That is the good news. The downside to all of this is that serving one's country means just that, and in a time of war it means the near certainty that he will be activated and deployed. The recruiter pointed out to Tony that the last medical officer of his who'd been deployed was deployed to San Diego. I laughed at that. There is no way Tony and I have the sort of luck that involves being deployed to San Diego.  In any case, the recruited warned Tony that this will not be a quick process and it could take up to six months to process everything. We'll just have to wait and see where all this leads. |
| One could argue that my Adult, Animal, Relationships research didn't have a large enough sample size to have any statistical validity. However, I read magazines, and so I know there is a strong precedence for using correlative and anecdotal "data" to supplement rigorous scientific methodology in support of a pet hypothesis. And since this poll dealt specifically with pets, all the better! I am referring, of course, to my poll "Invalid Item" .So, I have reached my conclusion, but because I'm extremely tired, my already shaky grasp of grammar has loosened. And, as it turns out, sentence structure is very important.! For example, if I were to say, "A woman is less likely to have sex in the presence of a dog than a man." There is a certain ambiguity. "A man is more likely to have sex in the presence of a dog than a woman."  It is probably easier to just say "Men don't really give a shit," and it covers a lot more ground. Unexpectedly, I did find a strong correlation between people who don't own dogs and those who are impatient. In fact, the only other group that displayed comparable levels of impatience were those who can't get laid. From this data, I can extrapolate that owning a dog leads to improved patience which enhances your chances of getting some action (just not in front of dog). Isn't science amazing. |
| I am the only one home. I'm almost never alone in my house, but Tony is on his way to Boston, Katie is off with the boyfriend, and my son is with his Grandma. When Katie left I felt a strange surge of excitement. I have the house to myself! I can do stuff and not get caught! Emotionally, I think I'm still 14, and I could be this whole other person if no one was watching. Which is probably why I'm closely supervised most of the time. Speaking of being watched . . . my hamster dream brought up an interesting side conversation, and now I'm curious . . . so curious that I created a poll (Actually I haven't yet, but that's going to be my next step) to answer my burning question . . . Most of those choices are based on actual responses I've already heard, so if your answer isn't a choice, let me know and I'll add it . . . maybe.  The most fun part of making a poll like this is selecting the genres. Adult : Animal : Relationships . . . yeah that works! |
| One night last week, after my son went to bed, I heard him yelling something about the hamster getting out of her cage. "It's okay though," he called down the hall, "She's safe. I saved her." "TONY!!!" Tony went back to the boy's room and Zack had trapped the hamster under her exercise ball. He says that she was in her cage, and the next thing he knew, she wasn't. He saw her sitting on the dresser and quickly trapped her. So that was pretty much a non-event, but let's fast-forward to Sunday night. I had this strange dream. In the dream, I woke up in the middle of the night, woke Tony up, and without giving too much information, we had sex. There's nothing like a little dream sex to spice things up, but then it got weird. We had no sooner exhausted ourselves in the throws of passion when I glanced over and saw the hamster sitting on the dresser. It was just sitting there watching us! Shit. I was just about to tell Tony about the hamster when suddenly my daughter sits up in the bed (Yes . . . the same bed) and says "Is that the hamster?" And just like that, my son pops up on the other side of the bed and says "Where? I'll save her!" It all went so wrong, so fast. |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I hope a picture is still worth a thousand words. I have a lot of pictures, but not a lot of words. I had intended to be better about blogging, but I've been otherwise occupied and enjoying the summer . . . at least the brief glimpses of it I can catch between thunderstorms. Tony will be going to Boston on Wednesday and won't be back until Sunday. I wish I was going with him, but it is only 19 more days until we go to the beach, and going away twice in such a short stretch would cause me to stress out rather than relax. I've got the relaxation thing down pretty well as you can tell from the picture. I was out in the yard playing with the dog, and was lying on my back watching the clouds and the sky. I wanted to take a picture of the daisies, but I was too lazy to get up, so I pulled one down with my toes. Sadly, my foot is almost as white as the daisy. |
| I think that the concept of "fusion" has gone awry. There is nothing wrong with the concept of taking two solid styles of music, or cooking, or what have you and blending them in a way that enhances the best qualities of each. Culinary fusion has created some wonderful dishes. I'm all for combining things in fresh and exciting ways, but fusion is not the same as juxtaposing any two "somethings." The world of fitness has embraced fusion: Dancing + Exercise = Jazzercise Swimming + Aerobics = Aqua Aerobics Yoga + Pilates = Yogilates Cardio + Ballet = Cardio Barre Cardio + Weight training = Cardio Sculpt Now I bring this up only to make the point that it is possible to go astray in the search for the next big thing. Enter "Polga," (Pole dancing + Yoga = Polga) an exercise that combines traditional yoga poses with the challenging and dynamic movements of pole dancing. http://www.filmbaby.com/films/3892 If that doesn't float your boat you can try out the "Hot & Stick-e Hip Hop Yoga." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrVvCmvsKcQ But what I'm really excited about is the new collaboration between Reebok and Cirque du Soleil to bring the "Jukari Fit To Fly" workout to a fitness center near you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_7p6-4fr68&feature=related Who does these workouts? I'm guessing they are the same people I see out walking over-priced Labradoodles and Puggles. Maybe not though . . . maybe it is just a way to destigmatize household stripper poles and sex swings. Maybe the time has finally come for broader minds and narrower asses. |
| Who would have thought yesterday's entry would have been so prophetic? After watching the "official" fireworks it was time to set off our own fireworks. My friends brought quite a few this year. The jewel in the home fireworks crown was "The Hummer." It was a Humvee looking thing about the size of a shoe box that shot fireworks out the rear as it rolled forward on wheels that really spin. The realistic spinning action of the wheels was a big selling point, but it turned out to be not such a good thing. The Hummer started down the driveway, but soon veered off course. It went off road into the flower bed along the drive and collided with a day lily. The fireworks continued to spray out the back and soon the mulch in the flower bed caught fire. It was pretty spectacular. Good thing we had all that beer handy to put the fire out.  Tonight we went over to Katie's boyfriends house. His parents invited us over for a bonfire, and we were able to watch more fireworks from their fields. The boyfriend Max, and Katie are both 14, but Max drives on the property. He has an old beater truck that he drives to do work for his dad. Since we had to ride out to the field in 4x4 vehicles, Max drove us. It was really strange sitting in the backseat of a vehicle with Tony while Max drove and Katie rode shotgun. A taste of things to come. We stayed out past my bedtime, so I need to post this and call it a night because I have to work tomorrow. |
| My mother is taking both of my kids up to Scranton to watch a baseball game and fireworks. I'm going to enjoy the childless evening with friends and fireworks and . . . if I can talk anyone into it . . . BADMINTON! But I leave you with the following public service announcement . . . ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Although the beer does sometimes come in handy for dousing small fires. Just use your best judgment. What could possibly go wrong. |
| Alright, I've got a blue thing happening over there on the calendar and I'm not ready to let it go just yet so here I am . . . again. Some of you who have been reading my blogs for awhile know that I love to play games. Unfortunately Tony won't play games with me because I'm über competitive and he feel emasculated by my awesome game playing prowess. Since I was the youngest of three, I had a hard time finding anyone to play Chute and Ladders or Hi-Ho-Cherrio. Instead, my older brother decided to teach me how to play Risk when I was in Kindergarten. I was okay with that because I always got the pink troops. One time I managed to occupy the Kamchatka peninsula for the better part of an afternoon before I was quite literally wiped off the map. When I got a little older my brother taught me to play Backgammon. I wish he'd teach me again because I can't remember. When my mother and grandmother got tired of Go Fish and Crazy Eights, they decided to teach me Rummy 500. This was one of the most useful things my grandmother ever taught me because later in college I would end up working nights with people who also played Rummy and that's pretty much what we did all night. For all my love of playing games, there are some strange gaps in game repertoire. For instance, I've never, ever played a game of Checkers let alone Chess. My family was also big into Pinochle, but I never learned to play that either because I was the fifth wheel. And since I can't draw at all, I hated the whole Pictionary craze. So in the interest of keeping the month blue, these are a few of my favorite games: 1. Yahtzee! -- You have to respect the classics 2. Apples to Apples -- A fun game to play when everyone has been drinking 3. Scattergories -- People watch Nascar for the crashes; they play Scattergories for the the arguments 4. Wise and Otherwise -- Fun with the right group. It is also more fun if I'm winning. I like to win. 5. Encore! -- We play this when the power goes out. Also fun to play with drinking/drunken people partly because they are so easily beaten. |
| Wednesday is my night to run. Some of you may remember that a several months ago I decided to take a more proactive approach to life. It has been a process, but when I go for my Wednesday night run, I feel like I'm really getting somewhere - which is impressive considering that I'm running on a treadmill. Over the past few years I fell into a habit of accommodating everyone else to my own detriment, and it took a significant toll. I could see the issues, but I couldn't seem to connect the dots and DO anything about it. Back in March, right around the start of spring, I was suddenly ready to take action. I really can't explain the shift, but there it was. I started being more selfish about my time . . . spending more time with my friends, hiking on the weekends, and the like. I rearranged my priorities, and that, in turn, led to Tony shifting his priorities. So on Wednesday nights, I come home from work and jump on the treadmill. I could run outside, but then I'd have to deal with the weather. I know it is wimpy, but I like running underneath the A/C vent. Tony teaches his class on Wednesdays, but not until seven. It's plenty of time for me to get in a good hour on the treadmill while he cooks dinner. (Not that I run for the entire hour, I run intervals and walk in between.) Running is never going to be my favorite pastime. I do it because I like how I feel AFTER. More and more though, I'm enjoying the during because it is time when I can think my own thoughts, listen to my own tunes, and do something just for me . . . all the while knowing that Tony is up in the kitchen making dinner. Life is good. |
| Do you know what I could really go for right now? A phallic sandwich would really hit the spot, but where can I find a phallic sandwich? Fortunately television has all the answers, and Quiznos has the slender but meaty, foot-long torpedo. I'm curious about the marketing concept behind Quiznos ad campaign for the "Toasty Torpedo." Here is a link in case you've missed it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LQpRQh2KSQ There is one school of thought that anything that catches attention and generates a buzz is good advertising. Okay . . . I was going to follow that up with "There is another school of thought . . . ," but is there another school of thought? Probably not. |
| I have internet again! It took awhile, and there was the issue of a misplaced work order. These things seem to be the norm for me. We had a problem with the lawn mower too. We took it in to be serviced and they lost our lawn mower. I've been known to mislay my iPod, my cell phone, and the mate to just about every shoe I own, but I've never managed to lose a lawn mower. It turned out to be a good thing though because when they lose your lawn mower, they give you a new one. So now I'm contemplating what else I have that needs to be serviced in the Bermuda triangle. I could really use a new grill. While I was disconnected from the world, I found out why the auto industry is struggling so much. I mean, aside from the obvious reasons. My employer is a quasi-governmental human services agency. Every June we have some unspent "categorical" money that must be spent by June 30th. Not only must the money be spent, but we must be in receipt of any items purchased. "Categorical" money is tricky because it can only be spent in very specific ways. The agency likes to use the "categorical" money to purchase new vehicles for our fleet of agency cars. So, a month ago the agency sent out bid requests to every dealership in the tri-county area that sells American made cars. The County Commissioners insist that tax payer money can only be spent on American made cars. So we sent our request for bids. We were specifically looking for mid-sized sedans. We only had two responses. TWO! I was floored. Why? Why won't they sell us cars? The two bids we received were for a Chevy Equinox (NOT a mid-size sedan by any stretch) and two Dodge Chargers. Some people are speculating that the local dealerships have cut back inventory to the point that they couldn't guarantee deliver by June 30th. I'm not sure I buy that explanation. On the radio everyone sounds so eager to sell cars . . . bordering on desperate. In reality, I guess it just seems like a little too much effort to respond to a letter. So tomorrow is the last day of the fiscal year and it is the final deadline for having everything good-to-go as we switch over to payment through the Treasury. This year, instead of making allocations to the counties, PA is going to sit on the whole pot of money (and all the interest it accrues) and insist that all payments be made directly through the State Treasury. The roll-out of this process is in it's third year. Last year was a practice year and it was disastrous. Billing was denied left and right because of glitchy computer coding, and now that the Governors budget has cut all technical support to the bone, we're going to be doing this for real. What could possibly go wrong? On that note, I need to go to bed so I can be well rested for big last minute push tomorrow.  |
| I'm frantically busy at work. On the plus side, the days go quickly, but on the downside, I'm losing it. You would be too if you had to spend your day wading through the crap I've read. Actual writing samples - with names changed of course: "He has supervision in his lower eyes." "Jane when eating a food with bones will often eat the bone and needs to be watched when eating such foods." "John does not have sensory to the sun. He must have sun screen applied with assistance." "John's pregnancy was normal. He was one week late." "Jane would like to increase her productivity at work so that I can earn more money." ...Is that how it works? I feel better now that I've shared my pain. |
| Sunday evening, Tony and I were playing badminton in the backyard. I returned volley with a two-handed back hand that sent the shuttlecock sailing just beyond the reach of his forehand. Tony’s feet never moved, but he threw the racket – ineffectively – into the flight path of the shuttlecock. “Okay,” he said, “I guess I’m getting tired.” “Are you ready to stop?” Tony glanced at his watch, “No, let’s go another 10 minutes. Then we’ll have played for an hour.” “You’ve gotta be kidding me. You’re timing this?” “Yeah.” “But we’re just playing a game!” He shrugged, “If you don’t have an objective, then how do you know when to stop?” “It’s a game! You stop when you feel like it . . . When it stops being fun.” “That’s quitting.”  I swear, sometimes when Tony and I have these conversations, I have to wonder how I ended up married to him. It just seems like a very inflexible approach to life. I wonder though if I might be better off if I took the time to set out my objectives. It might have some advantages, but I tend to constantly negotiate my goals with myself. My theory is that if I have a clear objective, I will stop when I reach that point. In the absence of a clear objective, I can push myself a little further or compromise and stop sooner. In either case, I can not fail. So I’m curious, do you set hard and fast objectives for yourself or do you prefer to take aim at a moving, fail-proof target? |
| Things are really hopping in the Burg. It's that time of year when every weekend is an event. Last weekend was a race weekend. They estimate that we had 100,000 visitors for the first race of the Nascar season at Pocono raceway. I absolutely hate race weekends because there are 100,000 wannabe race car drivers on th road, and they are all from out of town and don't know where the hell they are going. I'll take the bad with the good though because there's other stuff happening too. Two weeks ago there was the annual Mental Health Awareness Walk which, due to some passing showers, turned into the Mental Health Awareness Fun Run and Wet T-Shirt Contest. That's always a crowd pleaser. But best of all . . . this weekend is the Greek Festival! The local Greek Orthodox Church hosts their festival twice a year. It is always a good time. A bunch of us at work just got back from stuffing our faces with Greek food, and now I think I'll curl up under my desk for a little nap. What a nice way to start the long Flag Day weekend. |
Okay, so this is a delayed response to Z.˚rz   's blog entry about inappropriate laughter, but I wanted to chime in on the topic just so I'd have an excuse for blogging this little anecdote. While Tony was suffering the pain of his kidney stones, he made two trips to the ER. During the first trip they diagnoses him. A day later, when I took him back to the ER, they weren't in any hurry to see him again. Apparently no one dies from kidney stones; they just wish they would. After being triaged we realized we were in for a very long wait. About two hours in we started to toy with the idea of embellishing the original complaint. "Maybe you should tell them you've had an erection lasting more that four hours. I hear priapism qualifies as a medical emergency." He didn't think he could sell it. About ten minutes later a man flopped into a seat in the waiting area. He had a large stew pot on his lap and a greenish tinge to his skin. Now, it is pretty likely that the pot was a make-shift emesis basin just in case he yaked, but why was it upside-down? I leaned into Tony and whispered in his ear, "Priapism?" Tony laughed, "An hour ago he could have gotten away with a saucepan." It must have been priapism because he got seen long before Tony. I know because we were watching to see if he needed to hold onto that pot when he stood. So is it inappropriate to laugh at people in the ER? Today is the last day of school for my kids. Next year the boy-child will be a fifth grader and the girl-child will be a freshman! |
| I went home briefly at lunchtime to check on the kids. They are down to half-days now at school. As soon as I walked into the house Zack announced "Before you say anything, there's a reason I'm not wearing pants." I'm telling you, that kid really knows how to open a conversation. I haven't had a blog writing challenge in a really long time, but I think that Zack quote is ripe with possibilities so I'm going to put up some GPs here and award random quantities to any and all participants. The challenge is simple. Use the line "Before you say anything, there's a reason I'm not wearing pants," or any reasonable variation of the line in a piece of flash fiction or poetry and I'll make with the GPs. It might take a little while for me to get back to you on this given my internet limitations, but trust me . . . I'm good for it.  Life is funny. Not too long ago, I was feeling that my blogging had run its course and I was simply out of things to say. Now that I'm without internet, I suddenly have a million thoughts racing through my head. In any case, the "Friends of the Library" are having their annual used book sale this week, and I'm just trying to get through the day so I can go over and check things out. A good read makes everything better. Work continues to be chaotic, and there is a huge disinsentive to working hard. I'm pretty much sharing the workload with one other person. When I get to the bottom of my pile, I get a new pile of work. The quicker I get to the bottom, the quicker I get more work, but if I could curb my work ethic, and start slacking a bit, I'm sure Ellen would get to the bottom of her pile first . . . and then she would be the one getting the next pile of work! I need to cultivate my inner-slacker. Any thoughts on how to do that? Maybe I should start by losing the pants. |
| I've reached the bottom of my big ol' pile-o'work, and I'm waiting for a refill. I thought I'd drop in for a quick update. My internet issues at home are still unresolved. We have DSL, and the problem is in the phone line, and apparently it takes a long time to schedule service. My kid's had their last full day of school yesterday. They have a half day today, and three half days next week, and then the school year is officially over. The boy is a bit reserved about this because he's had a really great class for fourth grade. Still, he's looking forward to reverting to his feral state. Since we're under a looming deadline at work, the boss-man gave me permission to work on Flag Day. Ummm. . . No thank you! Flag Day is my very favorite holiday of the year because no one else has it off. No way I'm going to work on Flag Day . . . not even for extra pay (which isn't part of the deal because I'm salaried anyway). I have plans! Flag Day is on a Sunday this year so the observance is Monday June 15th. Well, the kids and I got season passes to a waterpark in our Christmas stockings, and we plan to spend the 15th celebrating the end of the school year at Camelbeach. What can I say? I  waterslides. Maybe if it rains I'll work that day and take the floating holiday, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a sunny day. |
| And in the middle of the day! I decided to pop in over my lunch hour just to say hi. I've been internet-less since Friday evenining, and we've been informed that it could be two weeks before we are back on-line at home. I'm gradually learning to adjust to being off-line. Turns out they have weather reports available on the radio too, and on TV they have a whole channel about the weather. Who knew? My daughter and I officially launched the "Monster" Badminton season on June 1st, and we've been occupying ourself quite nicely. We call it "Monster" badminton because we have a hugely oversized badminton set. It came with an enonormous shuttlecock as well, but we find the big rackets are especially effective when combined with the regular sized shuttlecock. Now that we've figured that out, we're getting good at the "Monster" Badminton - which, if I really think about it, could also be called adaptive badminton! It's June. My roses are blooming. I'm playing badminton barefoot in the backyard and my toe nails are blue. I couldn't find my polish so I borrowed from the girl-child. She has an eccentric collection of polish, and my toes are now a sparkly periwinkle. It must be summer! |
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