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 |   The only blog that will put hair on your chest... |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Turning from the Dark Side ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** < This is where I'll insert a cool new blog description. Someday. > |
| This morning in Scroll a friend of mine decided to type *belly dances*. I asserted that I could not watch on three counts: 1) I'm taken, and not by her 2) She's taken, and not be me 3) I'm a gentleman through and through Now surely I never deny myself the pleasure of watching a fine feminine form work her wiles. I am a man afterall. So in this case I was mostly joking, but during lunch I started thinking about it. I realized that lately I don't admire other women, I don't have the occasional fantasy or dream, and a flirtatious remark from a woman is more cause for embarrassment than a returned remark. It's not a matter of being loyal either; it's a simple disinterest in all women except for one. What's happening to me? |
It's been a couple days since I stole a survey from mood indigo  so I was due to steal another. 1. list five things that you don't care about.  Drug addicts Certain welfare moms who got there via bad choices (and now their poor kids have to suffer for it) Some of my not-so-immediate family members The "problems" of people who already have all of the few things I wish for Whether or not I wake up every morning2. what movie do you think was really stupid? The American Pie movies. They had some humor value, but they're ridiculously over the top and base their entire plot and humor on sheer shock value. 3. what song are you sick of hearing? "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. The bloody song is stuck in my head, and just when I stop internally humming it I hear it somewhere and the cycle begins anew. 4. what word annoys you? Hmmm... this is a tough one. I'll go with "gotta" even though I use it quite often myself. 5. what is the ugliest name? Bertha 6. your least favorite scented lotion? LOL, as if I would ever use any scented lotion. 7. least favorite flower? I haven't the foggiest idea. Do dandelions count? 8. describe a person you don't like. Well the first two people that come to mind are members of this site, and I doubt either of them read this blog. I could describe them both with no repercussions, because they both already know I despise them. However, they're not worth the effort. 9. [insert] What's the worst thing about this survey? I actually have to think to come up with some of these answers. 10. restaurant you hate? Angelina's. The meat on their subs taste like slimey plastic.  11. what do you hate about yourself? First and foremost that I've never lived anything remotely like people my age do. The result is loneliness and a feeling like I've lost the last 10 years of my life. From this derives the fear that it will always be that way for me. Well, fear or realism, as the case may be. 12. what do you hate about your parents? My father can be a deadbeat, when it comes to me anyway, and he will never really understand me. Then again, no one understands me. My mother coddled me and contributed to making me into the overly cautious, secluded, shy person I am today. 13. car that you think is ugly? The Honda Element and the Scion (whoever makes that). Cars shouldn't look like boxes. 14. religion that annoys you? Most all religions encompass include some hypocrisy, but none really annoy me. 15. if you had to wipe out an entire continent which would it be? Antarctica if I had to choose. Nowhere lives there to my knowledge. 16. if you had to kill seven people who would they be? The first seven child molestors I could find. They'd be tortured first. 17. the most boring book you ever read? "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen 18. teacher you hated? An eight grader english teacher. Wicked bitch. Self-titled "Dragon Lady." 'Nuff said. 19. a word you'll never say? For a friend I've already spelled out a word I'll never say. So go ask her what it is.  There's also another derogatory term for a female sex organ that I will never say out loud.20. ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend you hate the most? I've never had one. Hmmm, I wonder if no experience at all is better than a bad experience. 21. job you hated? High school job that involved working in a liquor store/deli. 22. do you hate... a. reading? No b. watching tv? No c. going to work? No d. going shopping? No e. eating? No f. talking on the phone? Generally yes, but I make an expection for someone special g. victorian tea parties? Never attended one but it sounds entirely too Jane Austen for my tastes h. the end times pamphlets? The what?  I need to get out more. i. tourists? Yes, they have made our small towns into traffic-jammed, overpriced, inhospitable hubbubs that no longer resemble home. j. going on fishing trips? No, unless I get seasick k. boys who skateboard over ramps? Quite often yes l. jazz guitar? I have no opinion m. acrylic nails? On me, yes! On someone else, I guess it depends. n. diedrich coffee? I'm not a coffee drinker. o. the crusades? No p. cannibals? Yes q. nazis? Yes r. ouiji boards? No s. corporate buildings? No t. jellyroll pens? Yet another thing I've never heard of. u. dog collars? Certainly not v. the play "oklahoma"? No, though I'm not a theatre enthusiast 23. what smell do you hate the most (besides crap)? Dog piss 24. what was the worst thing that happened to you today? I had a somewhat depressing conversation with someone special 25. in your entire life, what's the worst thing that's happened to you? Sometimes I think being born the first son 26. who is the ugliest person you know? I'm not giving names. 27. who is the most stupid person you know? Again, I won't give a name. 28. who is the biggest slob? My roommate during my college days. He would leave out plates and silverware so long that you could pick up the silverware and thus pick up the plate stuck to it too. 29. who is the biggest control freak? I haven't the foggiest idea. 30. who will not shut up? I won't name names dammit! 31. the biggest hypocrite? Like mood indigo said: "I think we all win this one, every last one of us. I can't think of anyone I know who practices exactly what he/she preaches." (edited for mistakes)32. who tells the most lies? Well I suppose if I knew the answer to that, he/she would be a poor liar. 33. who complains too much about their problems? Everyone on Writing.com, including myself 34. what is the meanest thing anyone's ever said to you? "Because you're safe." The most hurtful things come from the greatest intentions. 35. what's the meanest thing you've said to someone else? I'm not sure. You'd have to ask all the people that haven't been happy with something I said. 36. guy/girl you would not have sex with if you were the last two people on earth? Mood's right, who would want to have sex with their sibling? Otherwise, the answer is no one. I've no interest in dying a virgin.37. has anyone ever... a. spread rumors about you? Probably b. stolen something from you? Probably c. pulled some of your hair out? No d. toilet papered your house? No e. buried you in sand? No f. called you a bitch/asshole? Yes g. made you laugh when you were in the middle of drinking something, so it went up your nose? Yes h. ditched you? Not yet, but never had an opportunity i. stood you up? Not yet, but never had an opportunity j. completely ignored you when you were talking? My father does that all the time to me k. stared at you for a long time? No, people tend to look away pretty quickly. l. spit spitwads at you? Yes m. pushed you into a swimming pool? Yes n. forced you to go on a rollercoaster? No o. mooned you? Yes 38. what is the worst thing that could happen to you right now? Right at this minute? God could take another of my family members and leave me here. 39. how many times have you cried this week? Only hard once. May have cried a couple times though. 40. how many times did you cut yourself this week? None |
| I forgot to record this fortune Wednesday when I went to my favorite restaurant. Here it is: Your hard work will bring you the reward you deserve.  I sure hope so. |
| So I was with my parents today, and they were listening to country music, which I tend to avoid myself. However, a classic song played on the radio. Being a poker player it's naturally an anthem of mine. But beyond that it makes an excellent analogy between life and poker. As the lyrics say, the secret is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep. Well, I've found what I need to keep, and barring a lucky draw by my opponent Fate I can win the largest pot of them all. Kenny Rogers "The Gambler" On a warm summer’s evenin’ on a train bound for nowhere, I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep. So we took turns a starin’ out the window at the darkness ’til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak. He said, son, I’ve made a life out of readin’ people’s faces, And knowin’ what their cards were by the way they held their eyes. So if you don’t mind my sayin’, I can see you’re out of aces. For a taste of your whiskey I’ll give you some advice. So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow. Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light. And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression. Said, if you’re gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right. You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done. Now ev’ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin’ Is knowin’ what to throw away and knowing what to keep. ’cause ev’ry hand’s a winner and ev’ry hand’s a loser, And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep. So when he’d finished speakin’, he turned back towards the window, Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep. And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even. But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep. You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done. You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count you r money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done. |
| ... because I'm bored, missing my love, and because I know some people hate them. 1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?: My eyes I think. It's the only part of my face that I don't really have an issue with. 2. How much cash do you have on you?: $42, a rather low amount for me. Though I prefer using debit/credit cards to carrying cash. 3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?: Pest. 4. Favorite plant?: Lilac 5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell: My cellphone is in the car. It could be my love, my parents, or my brother's friend (who for some reason suddenly calls me more than he does my brother). 6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?: Whatever the default ringtone was. 7. What shirt are you wearing?: A grey collared shirt 8. Do you "label" yourself?: Doesn't everyone? 9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing?: Echo I think. 10. Bright or Dark Room?: Mostly bright. 11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?: That's several people and they all have their own merits. 12. Do you know what an 8-track is?: Vaguely. My parents used to have them when I was little. 13. What were you doing at midnight last night?: Sleeping and dreaming about someone. 14. What was your last text message you received on your cell: My cellphone won't send or receive text messages.  15. Do you ever click on Pop-ups or banners?: Well, technically the Writing.com IM system consists of pop-ups, so yes I do. 16. What's a saying that you say a lot?: I say "indeed" a lot. Apparently I also say "sure" and "yup" a lot too. The only multiple word phrase that comes to mind is "Ah, what the hell?!" Though lately I've said a lot of "aww, baby." 17. Why is there no 17? Everyone knows 17 is the worst number. You're old enough to start being responsible but not old enough to be an adult. 18. Last furry thing you touched?: My puppy Zeus, though there's another furry thing I'd rather be touching.  19. How many hours a week do you work?: I'm at work for 40 hours a week, and I actually work for about 30.  Some weeks though are many hours more because I'm salaried.20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?: Digital, baby 21. Favorite age you have been so far?: twenty-three 22. Your worst enemy?: A lack of self-confidence, fears/anxieties, and a tendency to put my logic in front of my desire 23. What is your current desktop picture?: I don't use one. Plain blue Windows background for me, thanks. 24. What was the last thing you said to someone?: "How is someone that can't throw any worse than Johnny Damon?" 25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to erase all of your regrets, what would you pick?: That depends. Does erasing your regrets mean erasing the things you regret or just erasing the emotion of regret? |
| Okay, so it's time to pay the piper. I'm going to gift to each person who gifted to me, and then I'm going to throw in some unbirthday gifts to close friends of mine too. To mood indigo , who gave me a truly precious gift, I give a crystal ball to see into the future. While she may twist reality to give me something that may or may not happen, I will allow her to see her certain future. She will gaze into the ball and be transported a decade into the future. There she will be leaving her successful career for maternity leave. She'll work on her writing, which has been acclaimed in various places, during her time off. There is a man in the background, and though his face may be hidden, he radiates nothing but love. I cannot see clearly but he does bear at least a resemblance to Marcus. Alas, this gift is not nearly enough, because as wise as she is she has no doubt already seen this future. And so then I can offer only that which I give out sparingly and isn't all that valuable to anyone but myself: my eternal friendship.To terryjroo I give peace of mind, so that she may stop blaming herself for that which is beyond her control. So that she may find happiness within herself on a permanent basis and remember that she and her son are worthy of everything she wants for them and that those things are still attainable. I would not give anything to scherpenisse either. Instead I would take away. I would take away the fears, insecurities, issues of trust, and blockades she has built around herself. I would take those away and she would open to the world, ready to welcome love and life and find all those things she craves. Free at last, she would let some wonderful, gorgeous Dutch man into her life, and she would realize what she's been missing out on when he makes her utterly happy. To Jaren is Avarielle I give that which she already has to spare. I go from person to person, to each of the people she has touched and helped, bundle up just a bit of the love from that experience, and give love to her in a much larger package. I would give to her all that she has given to the rest of us. It's only fitting that the person with so much love to give gets a lot of love back. She's deserves it more than most.I should save the serious gift for Mariposa 's real birthday too. However, hers is close anyway so I won't tease her unmercifully as some people are wont to do. To Mari I give a gentleman who will treat her and support her and pamper her as she deserves. A gentleman who will love her unconditionally and eternally as she's always hoped for. A man to father their children, always make her happy, and most importantly remind her that she deserves much more than what she's been given previously. From what I hear she may have already found him, so instead I'll just give her something to remove that dreadful Northerner accent. To book_worm I give eternal good cheer. Now the way I do this is quite clever. I actually manage to package some of her great sense of humor, convert it to a powder form, and release it in the water supply. Yes, that sounds like a Batman plot, but basically I will soon have the whole word carrying on with the same level of mirth as she does. The world shall be her playground, and that is a grand gift indeed, but not just to Wit but to the world even. And now to those I didn't hear from but that deserve a gift for enduring my friendship: Every day novusfemina infects the world with her patented sweetness. For her unbirthday I'm going to package up all the sweetness, compassion, support, and encouragement that she has given me, figure out how it all works, and give back some of my own. I'm going to give her that warm feeling that she gives to so many. With all that comes an eternal smile, not because we want her to be happy and cheery for us, but rather because we all want her to be happy and feel as good as we do whenever we talk to her. Hopefully somewhere along the way this gift will remind her that her friends are here for her just as much as she's here for us. For Midnight Dawn  I'm going to regift something. *gasp* I got self-confidence for my unbirthday, but Dawn deserves it more than I, and so that is what I shall give her. She can put it to much better use than I can. With confidence, her potential will be realized. She'll succeed in career and life, she'll continue to take her writing by leaps and bounds some of us can only dream of, and she'll snag the man that will remind her just how important she is. And she'll always remember she's a great mom.drakeborn... hmmmm, what can I get Den that won't turn into a debate? Actually it's really simple. I give my eyes and a wireless connection to my brain and soul. She can then take these eyes and stick them in her own head and see her as I see her, which is as a brilliant, talented, hilarious, gorgeous young woman who any man would be a sod to overlook, or she can hogtie some lucky guy, stick my eyes in his eye sockets, and download some sense into that resisting fellow. However, during the download remember to turn off the part that says "I think of you like my little sister."  Alas, now I have to get back to work. Do not fret, if you did not appear here, I have not forgotten you. I am merely waiting for this evening to send my gift. |
| I haven't blogged much lately and I'm overdue on my unbirthday gifts, so in the meantime I'm stealing another survey from mood indigo : 1. Does your dentist ask you questions with his/her fingers in your mouth? Not that I recall. 2. Do you get depressed in the winter? I'm only slightly more likely to be depressed in winter because I can't be outside doing some of the things I enjoy. Otherwise, depression is not season specific. 3. Have you ever given anyone a haircut? No, people are too attached to their ears. 4. What part of your body can you not stand people touching? I've never been touched so I don't know. Although I certainly freak out at the idea of guys patting each other's asses at ballgames etc. 5. What do you do with the cotton from pill bottles? Throw it away. 6. Do you believe in miss cleo? No more than I believe in any other psychic. 7. Do you swear in front of elderly people? Certain ones. Some elderly people talk like sailors afterall. 8. Do you swear in front of children? With the exception of a couple of my bratty cousins, I always avoid swearing in front of children. 9. What's the best thing about your best friend? I have a small handful of best friends, and they all offer different things. 10. What would you change about your body? Almost everything. 11. What do you like about your body? My big, strong, manly hands. 12. What's the most attractive physical feature in a person? The face, preferably topped off with nice hair. Incidentally I lack both. 13. Do you ever do things repeatedly that you know are not going to work? I'm more likely to miss opportunities because I avoid things that I think might not work. 14. Do you hang up on people when they call and you get mad? Once or twice. One to my aunt stands out, but she had it coming. 15. Any tattoos? Nope. 16. Do you like hot wax? Oh yes, I wax my back hair every week! 17. Do you like incense? I have no opinion of it. 18. Do you like the taste of blood? No 19. Biggest turn on? First I was going to steal mood indigo 's answer of intelligence. Then I realized Mariposa 's was much better and a much bigger turn on: love.20. What song is stuck in your head right now? "I Can't Hold Back" by Survivor because I like it and its meaning, and "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler because it's catchy and I can't get those damned lyrics out of my head! 21. If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason? Hmmm... I don't really know. One name, probably two, came to mind, but I'd rather torture them than kill them. I couldn't bring myself to kill anyone. Even the torture would be mild. 22. Person you wish you could be with right now? The same person I always wish I could be with at any given moment 23. What/who is next to you? What an utterly boring question. Next to me is my phone, papers, a binder on the billing process, my trusty post-it note pad, and my CD Coke can coaster. On either side of me are the cubicles for my supervisor and the network administrator. Like I said: boring. 24. Do you believe in love? Yes 25. Do you believe in heaven? That depends on your definition of heaven. 26. Do you believe in hell? Same as above 27. In the past twenty-four hours, have you... a. Flashed someone? No b. Mooned someone? No c. Tried to kill yourself? No d. Tried to kill someone else? No e. Told someone you hated them? No f. Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it? No g. Taken a shower? Yes h. Hugged someone? No i. Kissed someone? No j. Had sex? No k. Been drunk? No l. Been high? No m. Been in a fight? No n. Sang? Yes o. Danced? Do ridiculous moves in my kitchen with the intention of prompting laughter count? p. Made someone laugh? Yes, all the time q. Had someone else made you laugh? Yes r. Wished on a star? No 28. a is for age: soon to be 26 b is for booze: I don't drink, though I'm looking for someone to try with c is for career: "Programmer Analyst" d is for dad's name: Ernie... obviously e is for essential items to bring to a party: Watch, wallet, and keys f is for favorite song at the moment: I Can't Hold Back by Survivor g is for girlfriend: No names h is for hometown: New Marlborough, MA i is for instruments you play: I used to play the trombone when I was 10 years old j is for jam or jelly you like: jam? meh k is for kids: I wish l is for living arrangements: with parents for now m is for mom's name: Linda n is for name of your best friend: I have more than one o is for overnight hospital stays: January 2004 with a broken sternum p is for phobias: looking like a fool, the unknown, heights q is for quote you like: "Nice guys finish last" -Leo Durocher during his time managing the Dodgers. That quote is so true, now if only I could stop being the nice guy all the time. I need to take my aggressive baseball and poker mentalities to my life I think. r is for relationship that lasted the longest: This is practically nonexistent, so let's see if I can shoot for forever on my first try. s is for sexual position: I'm interested in anything, but the first time will need to be something that will let me see into her eyes. t is for time you wake up: 5 AM during the week, as last as possible on the weekends u is for unique trait: Despite having virtually no relationship experience, I'm a hopeless romantic. If you don't think that's possible, just ask the woman I love. Oh that's right, no one knows her. v is for favorite vegetable: Lettuce, hands down. Take that! w is for worst trait: Being held back by my own fear x is for x-rays: I've had just about everything x-rayed at one time or another y is for yummy food you make: um... toast? No, actually I can burn that. Anyway, that's what cash, plastic, and frozen pizzas are for! Although a certain young woman is planning on teaching me. I hope she's a good teacher. z is for zodiac sign: Saggitarius. How fitting is it that I'm a brutish mythological creature with the body of a horse? 29. Firsts job: stock boy type job at a liquor store screen name: akaerb on AIM funeral: my "uncle" Peter (he never married my Aunt but we all thought of him as an uncle) pet: Kid, my cat piercing: None thanks tattoo: Nope credit card: Discover, I still use it, best card I've ever had french kiss: I've never been kissed, french or otherwise enemy: Joe from kindergarten; he led one gang on the playground, and I led the other. I'm a born leader... among the nerd population. favorite musician: I don't recall. I didn't listen to music by choice until I was 19. 30. Lasts car ride: To work this morning kiss: Do this survey have to keep reminding me? movie watched: "Labyrinth" beverage drank: water food consumed: brick oven pizza phone call: my love showered: 5 AM this morning cd played: a self-compiled CD of mostly pirated songs website visited: Here obviously 31. single or taken? Taken, hopefully forever 32. sex? Male? Or if you asking how much etc the answer is not nearly enough, and by that I mean never. 33. siblings? brother 19, and a sister 18 34. hair color? black 35. eye color? blue 36. shoe size? 15 extra wide, and before you ask, it is just a myth 37. height? 6'1" - 6'2" depending on the source 38. wearing? red collared shirt and slacks a color I can't describe 39. drinking? nothing at the moment |
| That's actually impossible for me, because I never actually get to sleep because I'm too busy crying. And yes, that's how I spent last night. For anyone who read my last blog entry, you can figure out why. A little bit of me cried because I'm afraid I've lost her. Afraid I'm back to where I started after bringing her so close. But mostly I cried because I can't stand to hurt her. Her unhappiness tears me apart. And now I can't talk to her. I can't make it right. I can't make her feel better again. I can't stand seeing her like this, and I hate myself for bringing it about. The past couple weeks my sole purpose has been to bring her happiness, and instead I have brought her pain. Yesterday I made her feel so good and made her so happy, and then I ruined it all last night because I'm a fool that lacks patience and tact. I erased everything I had done for her, and worst of all I had made her unhappy. A long while ago I mused in this blog about how one can tell if he/she is in love. A man much wiser than myself gave the best answer. He said that you would know true love because you would sacrifice everything for it. Family, friends, work, home, everthing would become second to her. She would consume your every thought and your life goal would be to please her at the cost of your own well-being if necessary. He was absolutely right, and that's how I know this is true love. And while someone else might cry because he pushed true love back a little, maybe even back to the beginning or worse, I cry instead because I can't stand to see her unhappy. If I knew what it would take to make amends, to bring that joy and love back to her, I would do it, no matter the cost. I pray she gives me that chance. |
| I promised a plethora of gifts for my loyal friends and readers today, but to be frank I'm simply not in the mood. What started as one of the greatest days of my life, as most have been of late, ended as one of the worst. Once again I inadvertedly sabotaged my own happiness, and more importantly the happiness of the woman I love. Will I ever learn? I worked so hard to get to this point. I have invested every piece of myself in this amazing and beautiful and perfect thing I've discovered. I've chiseled away at a wall that I want so desperately to tear down so that I can give myself wholly to what lies on the other side. And then tonight, with a few words about how hard it is and how much it hurts me to break this wall, I managed to resurrect the entire damned thing. What can I do now? What can I do back at square one? Why can she not believe me? Why can she not trust me? Take that leap of faith in me? Why can she not just give in to what our hearts want for each other? *sigh* But she cannot, and I am a fool to be so impatient. I am selfish to ask for that. Now my love for her, my selfish love, has set me back to the very beginning, or worse. And there is nothing I can do about it. Never have I wanted something so much in my life. No other time would I risk everything for it. And now I fear it is lost to me. Despite this, I'm not ready to give up. I can never give up. This is too damned important. This is the meaning of life, perfection, the one thing I want above all others, the woman who I would give up everything for. So I must persist. If the wall has been rebuilt, I'll tear it down again. And again. And again. For as long as it takes until I reach the other side. All for one simple reason: I love her. |
I put all these little challenges here in my blog, but the other day Mariposa challenged me (so what else is knew). I had commented on "Invalid Item"  so she challenged me to write my own life goals. Ask and ye shall receive:
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| Where are all the 20-somethings that read my blog? Lately I've been getting nostalgic about being a kid growing up in the 80's. Didn't the 80's have the best things? I had to make a little list. Some things on the list I had forgotten about but noticed them in other 20-something journals et al. The 80's had the best Saturday morning cartoons and kid shows, bar none. We had Muppet Babies, GI Joe, Transformers, Care Bears, Dungeons & Dragons, Fraggle Rock, He-Man, Voltron, Thundercats, Inspector Gadget (who hasn't wanted a go-go-gadget something?!), the early days of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and so many more! And on primetime we had the Muppet Show. We had the best movies back then. Star Wars. 'Nuff said. But we had plenty more too. "Back to the Future" and "Indiana Jones" anyone? Not to mention some obscure classics like "Labyrinth" and the "The Neverending Story." Who can forget the toys?! Star Wars and Transformers, He-Man and GI Joe. The girls had My Little Pony and Rainbow Brite I think. Toys were so much better. They had cool little features that let you do new things but still required your imagination. The Yoda Dagobah playset was a prime example, with its little foam quicksand where you could have Luke struggle to stay afloat for hours on end. And what about Legos and Playmobile?! You can't beat those! Oh yeah, and I saw mention of Garbage Pail Kid cards in someone else's port. How about those brightly colored plastic lunchpails so many of us had for school? They came with decals all over one side and matching thermoses. I had He-Man, Trasformers, and Star Wars to name a few. The childhood rituals were better. We only had cartoons on Saturday morning, so watching them was the highlight of the week. Scrambling out of bed early enough to try and catch Captain Kangeroo or that guy that showed kids how to draw (I think my mom still has that drawing I did of a Kiwi ... the bird that is), eating Cap'n Crunch, and watching cartoons until noontime. We saw the advent of the best cereals: Crunchberries, Lucky Charms, and any sugarcoated particles that left our milk a pool of sludge. How about comics and comic strips? "Calvin and Hobbes" and "Garfield" will always have a place on my shelf. What little boy didn't want to be Calvin? Hell, he's been immortalized pissing on redneck truck decals everywhere. Okay, there's a quick list. Let's hear from everyone who was a small child in the 80s. What were your favorite childhood things from the 80's? Luckily my readership is mostly (or all) female so I'll hopefully get some answers that I may not have known as a boy of the 80's. |
| Okay, so the Writing.com birthday festivities are winding now, and I'm feeling sort of cruddy so I need a pick me up. Time for another good little blog game. This one might even inspire you to write in your own journals. A while back I said how I'd spend a day with each (at the time) of my regular readers. That seemed to be fun. I'd like to do something similar, but I'm too lazy to write it all out myself. Therefore, I pose the following question to you, dear readers: If it were my birthday and you could give me anything imaginable, where time, money, and reality are no object, what would it be and why? I'll award GPs to anyone that offers up an answer that involves more than a single sentence, and the best response will earn the gift-giver a special prize. I'll leave this one open for the remainder of the week. You don't even have to be a regular reader here, anyone is welcome and encouraged to participate. You can post your reply right in here or post it elsewhere and link to it here. You might even discover that you could use this idea to write about what you would give to all your friends/acquaintances. Funny, heartfelt, personal, amusing, nonsensical, etc are all viable gifting themes. The winner will be the one that elicits the most pronounced reaction from me. So gimme, gimme, gimme! |
| In any relationship I think there needs to be some kind of physical attraction. The question then becomes when is love enough? When is love so unconditional that it truly makes no difference at all what your partner looks like? You'll get different answers from different people. Attractive people will tell you some attraction is needed but true love attracts you and makes the simple truth of nature's physical attraction not nearly as important. It's easy for attractive people to say this. Even if the one they love may not be the exact type they go for, the person is still attractive enough that many other people will love to have him/her on a physical level. They come to believe that true love has blinded them and they've picked out the best candidate with disregard to physical appeal. However, their perceptions are warped. They think true love won out because they didn't end up with someone who they find most attractive, ie their "type," but the fact is the person that was chosen would likely be considered attractive by anyone around. In other words, it's easy for attractive people to make that assertion because they're never really tested. The rest of us know better. We know love is never really enough. If it was, most of the ugly people would be with someone because we've been forced to develop wonderful personalities over the years. But it doesn't work that way. In fact, some ugly people do find companions, usually other ugly people, but the majority are as likely to win at craps than at the game of love. This of course leads one to wonder about unconditional love. Does it really exist? Again, some people would make the argument that "Well, I settled for someone who isn't my type because I love him/her so much." But what if that person is still regarded as attractive? Does that really test the limit of unconditional love? Clearly if you do eliminate someone based on physical appearance it's not unconditional love, but does accepting them if they're not certainly ugly by society's standard really prove unconditional love? Honestly, I wonder if unconditional love can even exist. At some point biology has to play a factor. Survival of the fittest and all that jazz. Most people try not to think about it and just assume they will one day meet someone so special that it won't even matter. But I think it does matter, it always matters. And that's why I'm preparing my heart for the almost inevitable breaking. We can't all have the love of our lives and have it returned to us. Nature dictates that can't happen. So I'm just going to hold out a bit of hope that maybe love can be truly unconditional and that I've found it with this woman I would give up everything for. I'm not going to hold my breath though. |
I noticed that Mariposa  is no longer advertising her engagement. Well, it's just not as interesting without a mysterious engagement to speculate about, so I'm going to advertise my engagement. The questions becomes who am I engaged to? Or what am I engaged in? GP prizes to whoever can give the most accurate answer and whoever can give the most entertaining/clever/amusing answer.Hehehe, I love these little games. |
| This morning on the way into work I tried to make a call on my cellphone. And yes, you can imagine there's only one person I'd be calling at 6 AM. The same person I call every morning on the way into work. Anyway, my call was redirected to a recording saying the service was disconnected due to an unpaid bill. I nearly blew a gasket. Ever since I joined a family plan with my father and sister back in the spring of this year I've paid every single cellphone bill. So basically I've paid several hundred dollars the last few months so they can use their phones. I even paid $250+ on their bill before I joined their plan. I eventually stopped paying because I had little use for the phone, and I didn't care if they lost their service. The month I didn't pay they didn't pay either. A month later I found the best reason ever to use a cellphone, and they still hadn't paid. Since they owed hundreds of dollars for the previous few months, they agreed to pay the next bill. And of course they didn't. So I just logged on to cingular.com and paid another $287 so I could call... someone extremely important to me this afternoon. When will I learn my lesson? When will I realize any financial venture with my family is a disaster waiting to happen? I'm sick of supporting their deadbeat habits. If I have to support someone, I want it to be a family of my own. Or even just someone I'm spending my life with. |
| For those of you who haven't noticed, I'm in the habit of asking questions of late. For some reason my belief in God, fate, predestination, and various other things is starting to return. All of these things lead to questions and lead to thinking about lots of things. That of course leads to even more questions. Do you ever get the sense that maybe God doesn't want you to be happy? That every time you start to find happiness, He topples a whole truckload of confusion, angst, misery, disbelief, and grief on you? You ever feel like He's given you an ultimatum? Be content in the fact you'll never achieve your dreams or risk complete and utter misery for a potentially slim chance at happiness? So why does He do it? Why does he want some of us to spend our lives in misery because of things out of our control? Now people that really believe in God and believe He loves us, would say he's simply preparing us for something, making us stronger or some such. I disagree. In this world some people are happy, almost always happy in fact. They get everything they ever want with almost no effort. On the other hand, some people live in misery forever. If not for bad luck, they wouldn't have any luck. And how many more would there by if some didn't take their own lives? So then if God is loving and benevolent, why do some people, often good, decent people that strive to be better people, live in misery forever? A friend told me last night the Hindus would say I must have been a real bastard in a past life and so it's bad karma. Maybe that's it. How fair is that? And if I'm trying to attone for that by being a good person but I never get rewarded for it, what does that teach me? It teaches me that there's no point. That maybe I should became a bastard like my predecessor. Maybe he was miserable too, but he at least just took whatever he wanted. Maybe that's what I should do. But of course I won't, because I really am a good person and I could never hurt other people for my own benefit. So how long can I go on with God testing me? How many hurtles do I have to jump? How many times do I have to fall flat on my face before I can't get up anymore? How many dreams do I have to abandon? Actually I only have one dream, and I'd trade everything good that I have to attain it. And yet, ultimately, no matter what I do, no matter how good a person I am, it's a dream I can never fulfill. Every time I get closer, He throws up a bigger and better wall to try to climb. And if I climb that wall and end up on the other side, I may be stuck there in a different, possibly worse, misery forever, with no way to climb back. |
| So I've been reading this blog/journal whenever it's updated, and I have no idea why. Well, no, I do know why, but it's certainly not for entertainment value. The owner doesn't know I read it, and that's probably a good thing. Anyway, it's completely boring. It's page upon page of "so today I worked these hours, I got home and I did this, then I met friends and did this, now I need to clean this, I met this person and we talked... blah blah blah." Nowhere in that journal is there anything interesting or insightful. it's just a blow-by-blow description of the owner's day. How utterly dull. I wonder if this person is this dull in real life. Or even this dull regarding other Writing.com activities. I may have to ask and find out. Now, before any of you jump to conclusions, I'd bet a week's salary the person in question does not read this blog. Therefore, don't anyone think I'm referring to you. Likewise, I'm not referring to the blog you had similar complaints about, mood. So how come people journal these things? Why do they write down their daily activities? Is it really the most interesting things in their lives? Don't they have any original or intriquing thoughts? Don't they ponder things? Are they simply mindless drones? How do people this uninteresting even acquire friends and lovers? |
| Yes, I had Chinese again last night. I suspect it will the last visit in a long while. Sometimes I get fixated on a nice new restaurant I discover. But I have to stop now. Frankly, the food isn't good for me. (Who was the wizard who said, "I know! Let's take nice healthy rice, put pork in it and fry it!") I have to get back on track. Besides, the fortune cookies are getting boring. Last night I got two fortune cookies, apparently because I'm now a preferred customer. Both included obvious fortunes that don't predict my future one way or the other. You have an active mind and a keen imagination. Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.The first goes without saying. The second one should in theory too, but I consider myself to have good judgment and lately fortune is rather far away. |
| This is the philosophical question for the day. We're led to believe that each person is unique, each way people interact is unique, each relationship is unique. How do we know? What is it that's unique? If we do the same things, share the same emotions, how are we unique? Of all the people in the world there's not another like me? Is that even possible? What about love? If two unique people love one another, their love should be unique right? But is it? Have they loved before? How is it any different from case to case? How do we know if the uniqueness is good or bad? How do we know what uniqueness we really want? If someone tells you you're special somehow, special to them perhaps, how do you know it's true? Aren't other people special to them too? So maybe you are all special in different ways. But what if you're not? What if they feel the same way about you as someone else, or someone they knew before. Are you really special then? Those are all rhetorical questions, though you're welcome to answer, and they clearly could spark lots of philosophical debate. Here's a more direct question to answer though. For any of you who have fallen in and out of love, is each instance unique? And if not, why did you go for the same thing again? But if so, what makes you think one is better than the other, or what makes one last where another does not? |
| I is a tired teddy bear drenched in testosterone. 'Nuff said. |
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