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 The Good Life. |
| I asked ChatGPT to rewrite the book of Genesis in Gen Z. Here's what it came up with. Genesis, Gen Z edition (abridged): --- Genesis 1 – 2: The Vibe Check God: “Let there be light.” Boom. Light mode unlocked. Separates sky from water, land from sea, day from night. Basically organizes the whole place like a Minecraft world. Plants, animals, stars — all spawning in. Finally makes humans, Adam & Eve, gives them admin rights. --- Genesis 3: The First L Snake slides in like: “Yo Eve, wanna taste that forbidden fruit?” Eve: “Bet.” Adam: “Aight, me too.” God finds out: “Y’all really ate my one rule? Out of the garden. No WiFi for you.” Humanity = nerfed. --- Genesis 4: Family Drama Cain & Abel, Adam and Eve’s kids. Abel’s offering = valid. Cain’s = mid. Cain gets salty, cancels Abel permanently. God: “Where’s your bro?” Cain: “Idk, not my problem.” God: “It is tho. Now you’re cursed. Enjoy exile.” --- Genesis 6 – 9: Noah’s Ark: Survival Mode Earth = toxic community, full of griefers. God hits reset, but saves Noah & fam. Noah: “Say less.” Builds giant boat. Animals 2 by 2, vibes cramped. Flood wipes everything. Rainbow = God’s promise patch note: “No more world wipes.” --- Genesis 11: Tower of Babel Everyone: “Let’s build a clout tower to heaven.” God: “Nah, too OP.” Mixes up their languages. Suddenly nobody can squad up. --- Genesis 12 – 25: Abraham Arc God: “Abraham, I’ll make you the OG influencer of nations.” Abraham: “Bet.” Adventures, promises, and awkward lies about his wife being his “sister.” God finally gives him a kid (Isaac) even though he’s 100. God tests him: “Sacrifice Isaac.” Abraham: “Uh… okay?” God: “Chill, just testing. Keep your kid.” --- Genesis 27 – 36: Jacob the Trickster Jacob scams his bro Esau out of blessings & birthright = ultimate sibling beef. Dreams of a ladder with angels like some trippy TikTok filter. Marries Rachel & Leah (family drama maxed out). Has 12 sons — squad becomes the future tribes of Israel. --- Genesis 37 – 50: Joseph the Glow-Up Joseph = dad’s fave, gets drip coat. Bros: “We’re over this favoritism.” Sell him to traders. Joseph ends up in Egypt, goes from jail to prime minister because he can read dreams like spoilers. Famine hits, bros come begging for food. Joseph: “Plot twist, I’m your bro.” Whole family moves to Egypt. Season finale. --- That’s Genesis in Gen Z: memes, drama, betrayal, survival, redemption — basically an ancient Netflix series. |
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